Reclaiming the Sand

by A. Meredith Walters

  Flynn stared out the window for a while longer then nodded. “Okay,” he agreed, though he still sounded nervous.

  I opened the sliding doors and waited for Flynn before stepping outside. There was a strong breeze coming off the ocean and I felt the salt sticking to my skin. I licked my lips, tasting it on my mouth.

  “It’s cold,” Flynn said.

  “Do you want a sweater?” I asked him. He shook his head.

  “No, I’m okay.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the picture before us.

  “What do you think? Is it as horrible as last time?” I asked.

  Flynn shrugged his shoulders. “It smells just as bad. Like fish. It’s gross. And I don’t like how sticky my skin feels. I need to wash my hands,” he held his palms out like they were bothering him.

  I took one of them in mine and squeezed. “I think they feel just fine,” I told him.

  Flynn smiled but was still looking out at the ocean.

  “It’s pretty,” he said quietly.

  “It is,” I nodded.

  “I like being here with you. It makes me happy. Does it make you happy?” he asked, sounding worried.

  I turned him by his shoulders so that he was facing me. I lightly grasped his chin between my fingers and pulled his face so that he was finally looking at me. I rubbed my thumb along his lower lip.

  “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Thank you, Flynn, for bringing me here with you,” I said sincerely.

  Flynn’s shy smile caused my heart to twist in my chest. This strange emotion surging forth inside me that I knew without a doubt was love, made tears sting my eyes.

  We stood that way for a while; our hands clasped together, the breeze from the ocean swirling around us. I laid my head against his chest and felt the thud of his heart beneath my ear, lulling me with its steady comfort.

  Flynn’s hands pulled away from mine and then came up to press into my back as he held me. He so rarely put his arms around me that I soaked up the moment.

  “I love you, Flynn,” I told him, not expecting or even needing a response. And it didn’t hurt when I didn’t get one. I knew he loved me. His actions had always told me what I needed to hear.

  “I have something for you,” he said after a few minutes. I looked up at him to find his green eyes dancing.

  “You do?” I asked.

  He walked into the room and I followed, closing the doors behind me.

  Flynn dug into his bag and wrapped his hands around something small, concealing it with his fingers.

  He held his arm out, his hand closed in a fist around the mystery object.

  “Give me your hand,” Flynn said with a touch of his customary impatience.

  I did as I was told and he placed something in my palm.

  I looked down to find a miniature sand castle. I held it up to the light so I could see it better. It actually seemed to be made of sand. It glinted and sparkled as I moved it.

  “This is amazing,” I enthused.

  Flynn hung his head, not looking at me, but I could tell my appreciation of his artwork made him happy.

  “It’s so you can remember coming to the beach. All of those other sculptures were of places you’ve never been. You’ve been here now. You should have a sculpture of a place you’ve actually seen,” he said, a hint of joy in his voice.

  I curled my fingers around the tiny sand castle and held it over my heart. “Thank you, Flynn,” I said, my voice cracking and breaking.

  Flynn didn’t say anything more, but his soft smile remained on his face.

  -Ellie-

  We decided to get dinner at the hotel. I didn’t think Flynn would be up to going someplace different. Not when he was just finally settling into his new environment. Even though I was dying to eat at one of the little seafood shacks that dotted the beach, I knew concessions would have to be made.

  We left Murphy sleeping in the room and went down to the small bar. Flynn ordered a steak and I got clam chowder with a side of fries. The place was empty, and it was good for Flynn that we were the only customers.

  The bartender tried to make polite conversation but soon realized Flynn wasn’t up for chitchat. After Flynn reminded him that he should be working and not talking to people that are trying to eat, the bartender left us to our dinner.

  “He was just being nice, Flynn,” I said softly after the bartender left, his cheeks flushed in obvious embarrassment.

  Flynn wasn’t concerned in the least for the bartenders hurt feelings. “I’m hungry. I want to eat. I don’t want to talk to someone I don’t know.” He reached out to take a handful of my fries and looked at my face.

  “You don’t like it when I do that, do you?” he asked, his hand, filled with fries, hovering over my plate.

  “Not really. You have your own food,” I pointed out. Flynn opened his fist and dropped my fries back onto my plate.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled and returned to his steak.

  “It’s okay,” I said and then took a few of my fries and put them on his plate.

  “But I thought you didn’t want me to eat them?” he asked, confused, but picking one up and putting it in his mouth.

  “It’s okay if I give them to you, Flynn. Just don’t take them without asking,” I explained.

  He liked that explanation and he ended up eating all of my fries anyway.

  After we finished our dinner and Flynn had paid a still very put out bartender, we wandered into the lobby.

  Flynn seemed ready to head back to the room for the night. But I hated to waste the evening. I couldn’t go back up into the room without sticking my toes into the sand. I needed to feel it for myself. It was time to do a little pushing.

  “Flynn, I’d really like to go out to the beach,” I said, bracing myself for his refusal.

  Flynn was quiet, his hands shoved into his khakis. “Okay,” he said after a beat.

  “Okay?” I asked, hardly able to believe how easy that had been.

  His eyes met mine briefly before they skittered away again. “Yes. Let’s go to the beach. I know you want to see it. I want to make you happy.” I couldn’t stop my grin from spreading across my face. It stretched my cheeks so much it hurt.

  “Let’s go get Murphy, we can walk him at the same time,” I said, sounding like a little kid.

  We took the stairs instead of the elevator and hurried to our room to get the dog. I grabbed my coat and reminded Flynn to get a sweater knowing it would be cold and then we were heading back downstairs.

  I could barely contain my excitement as we crossed the street to the stairs that led down onto the beach. I sat down on the bench and quickly removed my shoes and socks.

  “Are you going to take your shoes off?” I asked Flynn.

  He hesitated and I reached out to take his hand. “It’ll be okay,” I coaxed and he bent down and untied his shoes and slipped them off his feet. His toes curled and he made a face as his bare feet made contact with the sand covered pavement.

  But he didn’t say anything, and I figured so far so good.

  “Are you ready?” I asked, holding my hand out for him. Murphy had already taken off down the steps and was running circles in the sand. Flynn watched his dog for a few minutes before putting his hand in mine.

  We walked down the steps and the second my feet hit the sand I giggled. Ellie McCallum actually freaking giggled!

  I set my shoes down by the steps and walked forward a few feet, digging my toes in the still warm sand.

  “Oh my god! This is unbelievable!” I gasped, bending down and burrowing my hands in the sand by my toes.

  I realized quickly that Flynn was being extremely quiet behind me. I turned around and found him only a foot from the bottom stair. His feet were in the sand but he was definitely agitated.

  “Flynn?”

  “Just, leave me alone. Please,” he said, shaking his head furiously. I opened my mouth to say something else but decided to give him his space. I didn’t move any
closer but I didn’t move away either. I sank down and sat down on the beach, watching Murphy burrow his nose in the sand and kick it up behind him as he raced to the shoreline.

  I don’t know how long I sat there, waiting for Flynn to compose himself. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. The light was slowly bleeding from the sky and the air was getting chillier, making me glad I remembered to bring my jacket.

  I felt Flynn beside me before I saw him. I looked up to find him gazing down at me, frowning.

  “You want to walk down to the water?” I asked, praying that he’d say yes. I wanted to experience this with him so badly. I didn’t want to pressure him but god; I wanted to have this one perfect moment with him.

  Flynn wiggled his toes. “I hate it. It’s getting stuck between my toes. It’s rough and itchy and I want to wash it off,” Flynn said, stringing his words together in a rush of panic.

  “Well, let’s go down to the ocean and wash them off,” I suggested. Maybe I was being selfish for pushing this, but I couldn’t help it. I needed him to do this with me.

  “Okay,” he said, giving me exactly what I wanted.

  I jumped to my feet and thought about taking his hand but figured that wouldn’t go over too well right now. We walked in slow, measured steps to the lapping water. The closer we got, the louder it became. Flynn covered his ears with his hands.

  “It’s too loud,” he yelled, though he didn’t need to. I could hear him just fine.

  We kept walking until we reached where the water met the sand. Flynn hadn’t dropped his hands and Murphy was running circles around us in his excitement. I wanted to get closer but I knew this was as far as Flynn would be willing to go.

  A wave broke on the shore and water surged toward us, washing our feet. Flynn made a face but didn’t retreat.

  “It’s cold,” he said.

  I nodded. He was right. The ocean was really cold. But it was awesome.

  “I’m going to walk closer. You can stay here. You’ll still be able to see me,” I promised.

  Flynn clung to my hand. “Don’t go far. Promise,” he demanded.

  “I promise,” lifting his hand and kissing the back softly.

  I jogged to the water. I rolled up my jeans and waded in up to my shins. Murphy was barking at me from beside Flynn who looked ready to run away.

  I knew I should go back to him. But I couldn’t make myself. Not yet. A large wave crashed and I squealed as the water rushed forward, soaking the bottom of my pants.

  I was laughing hysterically by the time I pulled myself away from the ocean and returned to Flynn’s side.

  “You’re laughing,” he observed, watching my face.

  “I am. That was fun,” I said, unrolling my pants.

  “You’re happy,” he replied, his own smile reaching up to touch his eyes.

  “Yep. And so are you,” I said, pointing to his grinning face.

  He laughed, an awkward sound.

  “I am. You make me happy,” he said. He reached out and cupped his hand behind my neck, shocking the hell out of me.

  He yanked me forward with enough force to make me stumble. I laughed again.

  “What are you doing, Flynn?” I asked him; my heart thudded almost painfully in my chest. I had never seen this side of Flynn. He had never tried to take control of our physical interactions. That had always been left up to me.

  But he was taking control now.

  And it was hot.

  He didn’t give me a chance to say anything else. He smashed his mouth to mine with a bruising clash of teeth. I pulled back slightly. “A little softer, Flynn. I don’t want either of us breaking a tooth.”

  Not surprisingly, he didn’t pick up on my teasing, but he listened to my suggestion. His lips were gentle when they returned to mine and he kissed me with a passion that made my toes curl.

  The wind picked up and swept my hair in our face and Flynn batted it away but he never stopped kissing me. His hand continued to hold my face while the other came up to wrap around me.

  This was real. This was perfect.

  This was absolutely right.

  Flynn pulled away abruptly, his mouth tender and swollen. “I want to walk on the beach. Will you come with me?” he asked and my mind was still trying to play catch up from being overrun by my raging hormones.

  “Uh, sure,” I said, blinking in confusion.

  Flynn held my hand in his and called for Murphy, who was chewing on a piece of driftwood.

  After the unexpected display of affection, I wasn’t sure what to say. I ran my fingers along my lips. They still tingled from being pressed to his. I noticed that Flynn’s face was flushed and I could tell he was worked up. But I also knew that we had once again hit his invisible wall.

  We were only able to physically connect so much. But something told me he was trying to push himself for more. And that both thrilled and frightened me.

  We had been walking for twenty minutes when Flynn stopped suddenly.

  “What do you think those are for?” he asked, pointing to large boat with what looked like a crane on the end just off shore. It rumbled loudly as it scooped sand and deposited it closer to the break line.

  I watched the machinery at work for a while and then realized what it was doing.

  “I think it’s reclaiming the beach,” I told him.

  “It’s loud, can we walk a bit longer?” Flynn asked, covering his ears. I nodded and whistled for Murphy again as we quickly moved away from the boat.

  Once it was quieter, Flynn lowered his hands again.

  “It was making the beach bigger,” he stated.

  “Yeah, it seemed that way. You know how the beach erodes away after a while and those must put the sand back,”

  Flynn nodded. “The sea takes it away, until there’s nothing left. And the boat puts it back.”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I agreed. Flynn stopped walking and suddenly sat down on the sand. I joined him, followed by Murphy who tried to wiggle his way between us, resting his head on Flynn’s lap.

  Flynn placed his hand on Murphy’s large head and stared off into the distance at the machinery still dredging up the sand.

  “It’s important to put it back. If they don’t, the beach will disappear,” Flynn said, still watching the sand being reclaimed.

  “You’re right,” I said softly, my words floating out on the wind.

  We sat huddled together in the cooling air, watching as the boat returned the beach to where it belonged.

  I sat there, the waves crashing in their soothing symphony and realized I was like the sea eating away at the beach. I had taken and destroyed heedlessly. I had grabbed Flynn’s sand and carried it away, not caring about the consequences.

  And in the process I had washed away and lost myself.

  But Flynn had scooped me up and put me back where I belonged. He gave me my beach back.

  I wiped away the tears that were suddenly dripping down my face. I sniffled, trying not to draw attention to my blubbering.

  Of course Flynn noticed the one time I had counted on his obliviousness.

  “You’re crying. Are you sad?” he asked, frowning. He reached out and wiped the tears from my face, rubbing the wetness between his fingers as he tried to work out what was wrong with me.

  I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I’m not sad, Flynn. I’m just thankful. Thankful that you came into my life and changed me. I was such a miserable bitch before you came back.” I hung my head in shame.

  “Don’t cuss, Ellie,” Flynn scolded.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, my lips quirking upwards into a smile.

  “But I was. I was horrible. I treated you so badly, Flynn. How were able to forgive me? How can you stand to touch me after everything I’ve done?” I was crying in earnest now. The girl who never shed a tear was sobbing like a baby.

  Flynn didn’t put his arm around me. He didn’t comfort me as others would have tried to do. He simply watched me cry with a curious expression on
his face. Murphy lifted his nose and nudged my arm as though asking what was wrong.

  “Don’t cry. It makes me feel sad. Like I want to cry too,” Flynn said, his face pained.

  I tried to stop. I really did. But it was like a dam had broken and years of repressed tears came flooding out.

  “I’m so sorry, Flynn. For everything. For calling you names. For being your friend and then taking that friendship away because I was a coward. For not standing up for you when I should have. For not being stronger,” I babbled. I was a snotty mess. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, disgusted.

  Flynn didn’t respond to my apology. He continued to watch me as I cried myself out.

  “I know you’re sorry, Ellie,” he said when I had calmed down.

  “Huh?” I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly.

  “I know you’re sorry, Ellie. You weren’t very nice to me. You made me feel angry and sad and I cried a lot because of you. But now you make me smile. You laugh and I laugh and we have fun together. You want to be with me and I want to be with you. We belong together,” he said with complete conviction and an emotion I hadn’t heard in his voice before.

  “You think we belong together?” I asked weakly.

  Flynn nodded, dropping his eyes to his fingers that were tunneling through the sand. If I wasn’t such a mess, I’d be thrilled by this huge step for him. He wasn’t recoiling. He was purposefully touching the beach beneath him.

  “You make me feel good, Ellie. I make you laugh. We’re happy together. That’s all that matters.”

  And he was right. That was all that mattered. We had each other.

  I loved him. He had given me a life I never dreamed I could have. He had given me connection and belonging and acceptance.

  He had become my world.

  I leaned over and kissed his cheek and he ducked his head bashfully.

  “Can we go back to the hotel now? I want to get a shower. I’ve had enough sand,” Flynn stated, getting to his feet, rubbing his hands on his pants as he tried to get rid of the grains sticking to his palms.

  “Let’s go,” I said, getting to my feet.

  As I walked behind him, letting him lead us back to the stairs where we had left our shoes I knew that I would follow Flynn Hendrick anywhere.