by Koko Brown
Victoria held his fist and ran her fingers over his knuckles like she could wipe away the words. Then she reached back to get his other hand and looked at that one. “Where’s love? This one is blank.”
Russell opened his fist and splayed his fingers. “Look in between.”
She saw the letters for love etched on the insides of each finger. “Why did you put it there instead of the other hand?”
“Sometimes love is not easy to find or see.” Russell lowered his hand when he noticed how Victoria stared at him. “I thought I was deep back then. I think it’s stupid now.” He sat up taller.
“Actually, I think it’s very, very cool.” She held up her right index finger and turned it to the side, showing off a small heart near the bottom. “It’s my only tattoo, and it hurt like hell. I got it right when I graduated high school.”
“And what’s the meaning behind yours?” He held her hand and looked at the simple blue-lined heart with no color inside.
She shook her head. “No meaning.” She tried pulling her hand back.
Russell held her hand tighter. “Bullshit. You put a permanent piece of art on your body, and you want to tell me that there’s no meaning behind it?”
She got quiet, almost pensive, before she returned her stare. “It’s like you. Love is hard to find. But the heart means that I’m hopeful.”
“Did you not have it colored in because it means you’re open to anyone and everyone?” His heart pounded a steady rhythm until she answered.
“That and it hurt like hell to just get this little heart.” She laughed. “Tell me more.” Victoria removed her hand from his grasp and caressed his neck. “The eagle across your neck.”
“Isn’t it obvious? Freedom.” Once he made a friend on the inside, he had gotten him to do the work.
Victoria slid her fingers down his chest. “I see your mom’s name.” She circled the word Belle that he had displayed over his heart.
“That was tat number two. My mom hated it. She said if I wanted to show her how much I respected her then I would stop what I was doing for your father and get a real job. Kind of hard to do that when you don’t even finish high school.” Russell rested his hands on her thighs. “That’s okay, though. I got my GED while I was in.”
“That’s good.” She smiled sweetly. Then she scanned his torso and arms.
“What are you looking for?” He peered down at himself.
“Seeing if you have any woman’s name on you other than your mother, like an old girlfriend or something. Or maybe you got married.” She picked up his left hand. “Do you have a tattoo over your ring finger?”
Russell drew his hand back. “You think you’re cute, don’t you? No other woman’s name is on my body, and no wifey either. If I did have a wife, would you feel bad about everything you did with me?” He actually wanted to know if she regretted having sex with a felon more than anything else.
“If you were married, I would feel bad for her that she was with a liar. I would be angry with you that you would lie to me.” She pointed in his face. “Don’t ever lie to me.”
“I’m not married. No old girlfriends out there anywhere. And no kids. Promise.” He watched her shoulders slumped down.
Russell also noticed something else. When she pointed at him, her hand trembled. When he gazed up at her, she dropped her hand back down.
He took her hand and placed it over Belle’s name on his chest. “I won’t hurt you. Believe that. I may be a lot of things. I’ve never raised my hand to a woman.”
Victoria nodded. “I know. Actually, I don’t know that for sure. I suspected since you were so nice to me back then.” She dropped her gaze for a moment before she spoke. “I need to tell you something.”
Russell gripped her hips, feeling like she wanted to reveal something heavy and needed to be grounded somehow. “What?”
She shook her head. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“Okay.” He let the obvious follow-up question hang in between them.
Victoria held her hand up to his face again. Like before, Russell noticed it shaking.
“There’s something wrong with me.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I have a nerve problem.”
EIGHT
Victoria hadn’t meant to blurt out her issues. A wall between her and Russell had come down. Maybe it had to do with her admitting she could tell when he lied. Or maybe she felt more connected to him when he talked about his desires for a normal life. Or maybe, for once, she finally felt like she had someone with her who didn’t judge her, someone who she could talk to, someone who may be able to understand.
“I noticed something was off in me the summer before my senior year of high school.” Victoria could tell from Russell’s confused expression that she would need to explain her situation. “I would get little face twitches here and there, or my fingers would tremble on their own for no reason. I really didn’t think anything of it.” She shrugged. “Then it started getting worse. I finally told my mother. She took me to a doctor. Her doctor. The one she had been going to for the same problem.”
“So what is it? M.S.? Parkinson’s?” Russell leaned back in his chair as he observed her.
She shook her head. “Same symptoms, but not that. Essential tremors is what they call it, and it is hereditary.” She balled her hands and tucked her thumbs inside each fist. “I take medication for it. Sometimes it helps. I’ve had two surgeries.” She leaned forward. “Those weren’t fun. I have noticed that adrenaline will keep the shaking down sometimes, which is not the usual reaction for someone with my condition.”
Russell held her fists in his hands. “Your adrenaline revs up like when you’re defending yourself, for example.”
Victoria nodded. “Or fear.”
“Or sex.”
She remained quiet as she regarded him. She realized admitting a medical issue didn’t necessarily make her the hottest woman in the world. She needed to see how Russell would react to her now. Did he still find her attractive? Even if he didn’t, did he still want to fuck her? At this point, she needed the physical connection more than an emotional one.
He put her hands on his chest. “I don’t notice the shaking when you touched me. You can find your strength in me.”
Victoria yanked her hands back. “I am strong. I don’t need to lean on anyone to know that.”
Russell captured her hands again. “Okay. Got it.”
“And I can’t keep touching you. What? You think I’m supposed to stay attached to your hip?” Victoria didn’t need anyone feeling sorry for her.
“Easy.” He didn’t speak until she reconnected her stare to his. “I can’t sit here and say that I understand what you’re going through. I don’t. Being in prison was bad enough. I can’t imagine not being able to control a part of my body.” He kissed her hands. “But I do understand the feeling of losing control, of being confined.” He tapped his temple. “I can go from zero to one hundred in a millisecond. The slightest thing triggers me. At least it did before I went in.”
“So what do you do? How to you keep yourself in check?” she asked.
“I found that I feel more powerful when I decide on my actions and I don’t just react, if that makes sense.”
“It does, except for one thing.” She held up her index finger. “Are you saying everything you’ve done with me has been a calculated move or a pure, physical reaction?”
He waited a beat before he answered, which worried Victoria. “Both.”
Victoria didn’t know if she should be excited or angered by his answer. Was he using her or was he really into her?
“Now you said certain things will calm down these tremors like sex. Is it the sex or the orgasm?” Russell cocked his head.
“Is there a difference?” She didn’t get his line of questioning here.
Russell lifted her dress around her waist.
“What are you doing?” Not that she wanted to stop another hot round of sex with him, but she didn’t think
he would want to do it now.
Without a word, he picked up her hand again, and held it up to his face. He licked her index and middle fingers, then brought it down to her panties. He pulled the seat of it aside.
“Get yourself off. Let me see you.”
“What?” Victoria felt the heat from her sex warming her hand that she let rest in front of her vagina. “You want me to masturbate? Here?”
“Now.” He nodded.
Victoria had never played with herself in front of anyone, and she had done a lot of freaky shit in her younger days. “I—”
“Don’t forget what I told you. You have the right to ask for what you want.” Russell stared at her as though daring her to demand what she craved.
The challenge accelerated her pulse. Victoria’s hand seemed to stop shaking as much as soon as she eased it closer to her vagina.
Before touching it, she stopped. “I want to see it.” If he wanted her to be demanding, she would be. She hoped, though, that he wouldn’t think that simply pulling out his penis would be her only request.
Russell didn’t ask for her to be specific. He undid his shorts, reached inside and pulled out his semi-hard dick. Victoria stood.
“Where are you going?” He sat up.
“I’m here.” She reached under her dress and removed her panties before climbing back on his lap.
Victoria rested her hand on his chest as she reached down and positioned her pussy over his cock.
She saw him starting to direct her otherwise, but she stopped him. “You’re not going inside. I just want to get you wet for when you jerk off in front of me.”
She slid her wet folds over his shaft, undulating her hips back and forth until she heard the sounds of her wet pussy coating his dick. Russell leaned his head back and held onto her waist while she continued covering him with her essence.
“Oh, God.” She stopped and raised her hips enough to get her fingers inside of her hot pussy. “Do it. Let me see it.”
Russell raised his head, grabbed his cock, and brought his hand up and down as he stared intently at her. To get a more stable base, she rested her feet on the floor and brought her face closer to his.
Before Russell had made this request, Victoria had only played with herself at home with her trusty vibrator. With Russell, she felt free and uninhibited.
Thinking about him and how he worked with her after her admission, she brushed the heel of her hand against her clitoris. “Shit.” She closed her eyes and nodded. “Oh, fuck.”
Below her stomach, she felt Russell pumping hard on his cock. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut.
“Thinking about me? Thinking about my pussy?” Victoria had never been one for dirty talking, but being with Russell made her do things outside of her comfort zone.
Russell nodded his head. “Come so I can lick that pussy.”
“Christ. Yes.” She found it difficult to regulate her breathing. “And then I want to feel you in me.”
Spasms attacked her body while the build up to an incredible orgasm smoldered in her sex. She curled her toes over the thin carpeted floor.
“I’m—I’m—” Victoria lowered her head to lick his tiny nipple before she finally came.
“That’s it. That’s it. Shit.”
Before Russell could explode, she climbed off his lap, and put her mouth over his tip in time to catch his massive load.
“Fuck! Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Incredible.” He continued stroking, slowly this time.
Victoria peered up at him. “That’s what I wanted to do earlier.” She smiled.
“Are you still shaking?” he asked and then licked his lips.
“Yes, but for a different reason.” She laughed.
Russell continued breathing hard. “Twelve years. Wasted. Fucking wasted.” He looked down at her.
“Don’t say that.” She rubbed her hands over his thighs. “Things happen for a reason. Maybe back then, we wouldn’t have been good for each other.”
Russell had nothing to say. Instead he stood and pushed his seat back. Then he held Victoria’s shoulders and lifted her to her feet. With a not-so-gentle motion, he removed her sundress by pulling it over her head.
“What are you doing?” she asked as he made quick work of taking off her bra.
“Getting my dessert.” He picked her up and carried her to the bed.
Victoria should have stopped this behavior before it started. Now Russell had her imagining a full life with him, and that couldn’t happen. He wanted to leave the area. Her life would now be rooted there. Plus, she didn’t want to get him in any more trouble with Crush.
Her plan to use him as bait no longer worked for her. She wanted him around. She wanted him whole. She wanted Russell happy. Could she make him happy?
After Russell licked her intimately and had amazing sex with her for what seemed like hours, and after they worked up an appetite to devour more of their takeout dinner, Victoria fell asleep. This time, she went deep into her slumber. Usually, any small noises roused her. She couldn’t believe that even with Russell, she felt secure enough to sleep soundly.
This arrangement would all be ending soon. Russell had promised to take her back home. Then she would pay him, and he would be on his way. Or did he have to go? If he stayed, she would have to be honest with him, tell him the truth about why she wanted him to come with her.
While she thought of ways to talk to Russell in her sleep, Victoria thought she felt a hand on her arm. A tickling sensation went over her bare arm, across her shoulders and down her back. She curved her back in response and moaned.
Victoria rolled onto her back and fluttered her eyes open. When she could focus, she saw Russell running his fingertips over her body. His path now went up between her breasts, around each tit, over her now hardened nipples, then back down over her stomach.
He didn’t speak. He didn’t have to say a word as he continued teasing her. Victoria moaned when he got down to her legs. He dragged his fingertips over her lower belly, but never touched her labia or clit, even when she parted her thighs.
“What are you doing?” She blinked a few times to focus. “What are you doing to me?”
He still didn’t verbally answer. He brushed his lips over hers, teasing her with the tip of his tongue before he pressed his lips against hers fully. This one kiss felt like a new life opened up for her. She saw possibilities in him, in them. Russell handled her like in a way that came across as commanding yet delicate.
In response, she held the back of his head with one hand and rested her other hand on his shoulder.
Russell broke from the kiss long enough to drag his lips down the side of her face to her neck. He continued down to her nipple where he kissed the tip before twirling his tongue around it.
Victoria sucked air between her teeth and arched her back. She liked Russell taking control like this. When he loved on her one breast long enough for her to get to the crest of an orgasm, he moved over to the other one and drove her crazy again.
She knew Russell had reached for a condom when she heard crinkling plastic from the wrapper. He reached down and rolled it on himself before he nestled his body between her legs.
For a brief moment, he didn’t move. He didn’t enter her. He still didn’t speak. Russell stared into Victoria’s eyes, making a deep soul connection with Victoria that she almost became emotional. Why, with all of her drama and faults, would he still want to be there? Was it all for the money? It had to be.
Russell positioned himself at her pussy opening and slowly broke through her folds. No matter how long she lived or who else she would sleep with next, no one could compare to Russell Griffing and his incredible dick and style.
Once he fully seated himself inside her, he waited. Victoria heard him breathing hard. When she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders, she felt sweat covering his body. He said something but it got muffled in the pillow under her head.
Victoria assumed he moaned until he lifted his head as he
pulled back and thrust in her just as slowly and easily.
“Victoria.” He said her name while looking in her eyes.
She placed her hand against his cheek.
“Victoria.”
Now it seemed like Russell couldn’t stop saying her name. Or maybe he wanted to make up for the other times when he could have said it and didn’t. Or maybe he wanted her to remember how he sounded saying her name because he knew this would be it for them.
Russell made love to her like it would be the last thing he would do on earth. His effort, his determination, his care all came out until Victoria couldn’t hold back her feelings.
She felt her stomach tightening before her legs trembled. “Russell.” Victoria held on to him tighter and put her face by his ear. “Russell.” She curved her hips upward.
At that moment, she broke. The orgasm she wanted to hold off on erupted. It took no time after that for Russell to come.
He groaned as his body convulsed. When he settled and caught his breath, he peered down at her. Victoria finally saw something she hadn’t seen in years. Russell smiled.
“Good morning, Victoria.” He gave her a loving kiss.
Victoria framed his face with her hands. “That’s called making love.” She winked. “We made love.”
She let the word love hover between them, hoping he would pick up and run with it, maybe say something that she didn’t want to say it out loud. Besides admitting about her bad nerves, Victoria had to come to a conclusion about her reintroduction to an old crush, an old friend.
Even as tough as she saw herself and as she wanted to be, she loved Russell. She loved him enough to want to take care of him like she had done even as a teenager. In this instance, though, Victoria couldn’t admit that truth and risk getting rejected. She didn’t see Russell as an ex-con. She saw a man in need of freedom.
Too bad he still got hung up on labels. Felon. Billionaire. Past mistakes. Getting saddled down with a relationship would not be on is agenda.
