That Baby

by Jillian Dodd

  It's Chelsea's turn to laugh. "My nephew had one once while we were at his brother's hockey practice. Everything was going great. He was happily running his little cars across the bleachers. I was texting some hot guy when he tried to grab my phone and said he wanted to play with it. I calmly replied that it wasn't a toy; therefore, he couldn't play with it. He let out this screech like a hot poker got shoved through his arm. Then he rolled down two stairs, fell on the ground, and started pounding his head on the bottom bleacher. I was horrified!"

  "What did you do?"

  "I gave him my phone. He texted the hot guy the words snot and pusy. Deleted half my apps and then started playing an explicit song. The whole room filled with lyrics about eating dick for breakfast. I think having kids must be a humbling experience."

  "Particularly when you give birth," Lori says. "When we toured a birthing room, they told us there are sometimes up to five strangers--all medical professionals, mind you--watching you give birth!"

  "My sister says you go into some sort of birthing zone and don't give a shit who sees your vagina. You just want the baby out of you."

  "I'm going to heat up some more enchiladas," I say, getting up to do so then bringing them back on a pretty platter.

  "Wait!" Chelsea says, as I'm getting ready to serve them. "I have to take a picture of this. Line up our drinks too."

  I artfully arrange our food and beverages.

  "Perfect," she says, snapping away.

  "Does your sister take pictures of her food?" I ask.

  Chelsea laughs. "I think all she makes is macaroni and cheese. Although she uses gluten-free pasta and coconut milk."

  "I'm considering making my own baby food," Lori tells us. "I've heard it's much healthier."

  "Lately, I'm lucky if I have time to pick up the phone to call and order delivery," I say. "And it doesn't help that when Phillip's mom is here she makes the most amazing meals."

  "She is such a good cook," Lori agrees. "These enchiladas are amazing."

  "But I had visions of my husband coming home from work to find me in sexy lingerie, with an amazing dinner spread out in our perfectly decorated, candlelit dining room waiting for him."

  "I think that's what is funny about the nevers," Chelsea laughs. "You know even though we say we won't do that stuff, we totally will."

  April 15th

  A surprise.

  We go shopping and find Chelsea a dress that is perfect for a beach wedding, have lunch with the Macs, and then head over to the Diamonds.

  Lori knocks on the front door.

  "Oh, my goodness," Mrs. Diamond says, looking at Lori. "You've dropped."

  "Do you think?" Lori asks.

  "What's that mean?" I ask.

  "When you drop, it means you're carrying the baby lower. It's usually a sign of impending birth."

  "Oh, cool. So that's good!"

  "Yes! I'm so excited!"

  "Why don't you two go sit in the study," she says.

  Mr. Diamond comes in and gives us both hugs. Then he and Mrs. D give Lori and I souvenirs from their trip. Gorgeous soft intricately woven shawls from Greece.

  "What are those scratching noises?" I ask.

  Mr. Diamond smiles at me. "I have a house warming present for you." He turns to his wife. "Go get her."

  "Her?" I ask as a black blur tears into the room, jumps onto my lap, and licks my face.

  "You got a puppy? She's so cute!" I say, petting the little black Labrador Retriever. "Oh my gosh, look at her face!"

  "She's yours," Mr. Diamond says.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I bought her for you. I went out to a client's farm before we left on our trip, and I was remembering how I used to shoot skeet there with your dad. So he takes me inside and shows me his new puppies. All the puppies in the litter were male, except for her. The others were running around, biting each other, playing. She was looking at me with those big, adorable eyes. My client was sharing all their names and when he told me hers was Angel, I just knew you had to have her." He looks somber as he adds, "Yesterday was your dad's birthday. I can't believe it's been almost five years."

  Tears fill my eyes. "Her name is really Angel?"

  Mr. Diamond gives me a hug. "Yes. So what do you think? Do you want to keep her? Mary had a fit when I brought the puppy home today. Told me that I should have asked you first. It's peed on her carpet more times than it's gone outside. I told her she needed new carpet anyway. Doesn't matter now, though, she's in love with the puppy too. Angel can come stay at Grandpa's any time."

  The puppy runs around in a circle, chasing a little ball. She's so adorable. I pick her up to snuggle her again and notice her pretty pink rhinestone collar.

  "What a pretty collar."

  "Did you see her name is on it?"

  I look under her pudgy little neck and see a princess crown dog tag with Angel engraved on it.

  It reminds me of the princess charm on my bracelet.

  "Does Phillip know about the dog? He's always wanted one."

  "Nope. I wanted to surprise you both."

  I set the puppy down to hug Mr. Diamond. "Thank you."

  "I went today and got everything you need. Kennel, food, leashes, collars, toys."

  "I don't know how all this is going to fit in my car," I say. "It's packed full of baby shower gifts."

  "Why don't you take my SUV?" Mr. D offers. "We'll be coming down to KC when the baby is born. We can switch back then."

  Mr. Diamond's SUV is a gorgeous black Mercedes version. "Uh, sure," I say. "That's really nice of you."

  "Why don't you play with Angel while I load everything?" he suggests.

  I sit back down on the floor. Angel bounds onto my lap and covers my face with rough tongue kisses.

  "You are so cute," I tell her, rubbing her ears. She jumps off me and runs across the room like a rocket, grabs a chew toy, and barrels back to me, her feet slipping on the hardwood.

  "She's going to be a bit of a handful," Mrs. D says.

  "Uh, yeah, but she's so damn cute. And I'm sure he named her Angel for a reason. She's probably a super good little puppy."

  Angel drops her chew toy in my lap, so I toss it down the hall for her. She takes off running again.

  "I'd recommend crate training her. That's what she's used to," Mrs. D explains. "And we've got a whole binder with all her shots and medical information. She's AKC breed and her parents are both Field Champions."

  "Awesome. Thank you," I say. "What do you think, Lori?" I ask, trying to involve her. She hasn't said anything about the puppy.

  "Cute," she says, but I get the feeling she doesn't really mean it.

  The puppy comes running back toward me with a different toy in her mouth. She jumps up on my lap, curls up in a ball, and goes to sleep. "She's so freaking adorable. I just love her."

  "All loaded up," Mr. D says. "Let's take Angel out back, run her around for a while, and hopefully she will sleep the whole way home."

  When Lori and I are almost home, she finally says, "I just don't understand why they would get you a dog but not their own son one. He was telling them at the Super Bowl party how much he wants a puppy."

  "I'm sure they would have gotten Danny a puppy if it weren't for the fact that his wife said, no way in hell. She also said that a baby would be enough to manage. They wouldn't want to upset his wife or cause trouble in his marriage."

  "Maybe I wouldn't have trouble if you weren't Little Miss Perfect."

  This pisses me off. It takes a lot to get me mad, but I've about had it. And if it weren't for the fact that I don't want to cause her to go into labor, I'd let her have it.

  "I have nothing to do with the state of your marriage, Lori. That's between you and Danny."

  "He's been acting all secretive lately. Barely talks to me. I haven't spoken to him since last night."

  "Well, he probably barely talks, because no matter what he says you think he's either wrong or dumb. And he probably doesn't want to hear you bitch about
him having a little fun last night. You want your husband to be faithful and love you then you have to treat him with love, trust, and respect back. It's not his fault you don't feel good. It's not your fault either. It's just the pregnancy you were dealt. Why don't you try dealing with it together instead of letting it tear you apart?"

  She doesn't reply.

  As I pull into our neighborhood, I call Phillip. "Hey, what are you doing right now?"

  "Waiting for my gorgeous wife to get home."

  "Is Danny there too?" I ask.

  "He is. We're watching ESPN and having a beer."

  "Awesome. You're not going to believe the surprise I'm bringing home."

  He lowers his voice. "Do I need to get rid of Danny?"

  "No, this is something he'll want to see too."

  "Baby stuff?"

  "Not exactly. See you in a few."

  After I carefully maneuver Mr. D's car into the garage, I tell Lori, "Danny and Phillip are in the basement watching TV. I'm going to let Angel go potty in the backyard and then take her in the basement door. Go on in. We can have the boys unpack the car later. They'll be so excited to meet Angel."

  "That's kind of a dumb name for a dog," she says, cutting me to the bone. "I don't understand why Danny's dad thought it was so cute that he had to get it."

  "Because Angel was my dad's nickname for me."

  "Oh," she says. "Um, I'm just going to head home. Night."

  I don't bother to try to convince her to stay. If she wants to go home, she can go. I don't care right now.

  I let Angel run around the backyard. She's bounding through the grass, chasing her tail, sniffing the fence, and running up to give me kisses. After she finally decides to go to the bathroom, I pick her up and knock on the basement door.

  Phillip lets me in.

  "What the heck? Whose dog is that?" He grabs Angel out of my arms. "Look at this, Danny. Have you ever seen such an adorable face?"

  Danny pets the puppy and lets her lick his cheek. "Well, aren't you the cutest thing ever?" he says to her.

  "Look at her pretty little pink collar," Phillip says as the puppy chews on his hand. "I want to keep her."

  "That's good," I say. "Because she's ours. Boys, meet Angel."

  "Ours?" Phillip asks excitedly. "Where did you get her?"

  "She's a gift from Danny's dad. I have a carload of baby gifts and puppy gifts."

  Danny looks around. "Where's Lori?"

  "Uh, she went home." I try not to purse my lips.

  "What's wrong?"

  "I'm not sure, but I think she's mad that your dad gave me a dog and didn't get one for you."

  "Well, no shit. When I mentioned a dog, she said something like, over my dead body."

  "Yeah, she did," Phillip says. "I remember thinking the way she said it was really rude."

  Danny sighs. "Two more weeks, people. Two more weeks. Then we'll have the baby and everything can go back to normal."

  He rubs the puppy's ears and says to her, "I'll be back to see you tomorrow morning. You're a cutie." Then to me, "Do I need to unload your car tonight or can it wait until morning?"

  "It can wait until morning." I study him. "Are you still hungover?"

  He points to Phillip and laughs. "It's all his fault."

  Phillip laughs too. "We had fun though."

  "Yeah," Danny agrees. "It was a good night."

  Phillip and I play with the puppy until she collapses in my lap and goes to sleep.

  "So we have a new addition to the family," he says with a grin. He hasn't stopped smiling. "Did you choose the name Angel for her?"

  "No, remember how our dad's used to go out to that farm and shoot skeet?"

  "Yeah, I went with them sometimes."

  "That's where she was born. They had already named her Angel."

  "Your dad always called you Angel."

  "Mr. D said as soon as he heard her name, he knew he had to get her for us. Do you think it'll be okay if we take her to work with us?"

  "Of course. Everyone will love her," he says, softly petting her.

  "She's going to get all your attention now, isn't she?" I fake pout.

  Phillip laughs. "You just might have some competition."

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Dear Baby Mac,

  Your muscles are getting stronger and you have eyes, eyebrows, and eyelashes!

  And now you are being measured in inches instead of being compared to a fruit. (You're about 5 inches long!)

  And I think, maybe, possibly, I felt a little flutter.

  Honestly though, it was probably all the Mexican food I ate for lunch.

  I've been thinking a lot about your nursery. It will be in a pretty room with a big palladium window that overlooks the backyard and the lake. I think you will love it.

  We also started taking weekly pictures of my stomach, so we can chart both our growth. Right now, my stomach just looks kinda bloated, except I can't suck it in anymore.

  And, in some super exciting news, you have a sister.

  Well, a furry sister.

  We got a puppy!

  She's so cute! Her name is Angel, and I know the two of you will be best friends someday.

  April 18th

  Knows it all.

  Danny comes over after he and Lori get home from their birthing class.

  It's been four days since the shower and I haven't heard a word from Lori.

  And I'll be damned if I'm calling her.

  "Learn anything new?" Phillip asks Danny as they sit on the couch with their beers. Angel immediately jumps on Danny's lap and chews on his hand.

  "Not really. We discussed birthing plans. Apparently, you're supposed to decide how you want the birthing process to go before you go into labor. Lori was Pre-Med, so she thinks she knows it all."

  "She didn't know how to breathe through her contractions when she had the preterm labor," I mention.

  "Maybe that's why her birthing plan is so detailed. She has a list of stuff to pack for the hospital. She's bringing in soothing music. I'm supposed to give her back massages. She wants to do it all natural--Ouch! This little puppy has sharp teeth!"

  "Oh, here." I hand him a chew toy. "She likes this."

  "Anyway, she read her plan--and I totally just condensed it for you guys--to the class. Afterwards, this guy takes me aside. He said they are on their second baby and that although I'm called the coach, the second the doctor comes in, I'll become a nobody. He told me women worship their OB-GYN. He said that I should remember three things. Don't look below her elbow, don't faint, and to keep a couple hundred dollar bills on me at all time. He said Lori's birth plan reminded him of his wife's first one. Apparently, she wanted a natural childbirth and waited too long to get an epidural. By the time she decided she wanted one, it was too late and she had to deliver naturally. He is convinced that if he could've slipped the anesthesiologist a couple hundred bucks he would have gotten it done--shit, Angel." He pulls his hand back quickly. "She keeps biting on both my hand and the toy. I think she likes my hand better."

  "Come here, Angel," Phillip says. "Let's go outside."

  He takes the dog out and just as they're coming back in, Lori comes stomping down the stairs.

  "Hey," Danny says to her, "I was just telling them about--"

  Lori's face is red with anger as she thrusts a piece of black fabric at Danny. "What the hell is this?" she yells.

  "I don't know. Stop waving it around so I can see it."

  "It's a fucking thong, Danny!"

  "Uh, okay?"

  "It was in your jacket pocket. Did you really cheat on me when I'm just a week away from having your baby?" She's hysterical. Crying. Screaming. "I can't believe you slept with a stripper! I knew this would happen!"

  "I didn't cheat on you!" Danny says, defending himself. "Seriously, Lori, you need to calm down."

  "Don't you dare tell me to calm down! I knew you were acting weird!" She throws the fabric at his head. Angel leaps up and snatches the thong out
of the air and takes off running.

  "Ohmigawd!" I yell. "Don't let her chew on that! Phillip! Get her!"

  While Phillip and I are chasing Angel, Danny yells at Lori. "You need to calm the fuck down."

  Angel is fast. Just when I think I have her cornered behind the bar, she darts through my hands.

  "Phillip! Get her, please. That's so nasty. I don't want that in her mouth!"

  Phillip dives across the floor and misses her.

  Lori screeches, "I want a divorce! I'll raise this baby on my own and you will never get to see it. Do you hear me? Never. Ever. You're not fit to be a husband or a father!"

  "Got her," Phillip yells, cornering Angel by the television. He grabs the dog and then attempts to get her to give up the thong. But Angel isn't having it. She's got her jaw clenched and is playing tug of war with him. "Angel. Give!" he says in a deep, stern voice. The puppy looks up at him, spits the thong onto the floor, and starts doing victory laps around the couch.

  "I didn't do anything! Some chick at the club put them in my pocket. I was drunk and forgot to take them out. Phillip, you remember that chick with the red hair and the silver glitter stars over her boobs?"

  "Uh, I think so," Phillip says.

  Lori waves her finger at Phillip. "I don't believe anything you say. Of course, you're going to lie for him."

  "I wouldn't lie about something like that, Lori," Phillip says. "The girl was suggestive but nothing happened. We were sitting next to each other all night. All night."

  "Maybe you cheated too," she accuses. "And you're both covering for each other. Really, I don't care anymore. Don't come home, Danny."

  "I'll come home if I want to. Lucky for you, I don't want to. You're being ridiculous. I'd never cheat on you."

  I pick Angel up and hug her. "Lori, you need to calm down."

  "Shut up, Jadyn. Just shut up!"

  Angel starts barking at Lori. I don't blame her. I want to bare my teeth and growl too.