The Third Throne: Angel of Death
Page 31
“I felt lonely and isolated. At least, that’s how I felt as Michelle,” she said.
Anjali went on to explain how she had lived as Michelle and explained why her memories of her former lives were still locked away. She told him about waking up in Hell and how Hades had almost bowed to her. She told him about being Lucifer’s happy pill, which intrigued him to no end. However, when she told him about Hades nearly taking her head, he looked murderous, until she told him how she had retaliated.
Alazar told her about Heaven and what his life was like before becoming a Predznak. He told her about the first time he had tempted someone and what the other Predznak were like. He detailed his exit from Hell and listed the reasons for his act of desperation.
Whenever the subject of Lucifer came up, he pressed her to know what Lucifer had done to her. She finally gave in and told him about Lucifer’s cruel side, including how he omitted major details constantly.
Alazar was furious. If Lucifer didn’t completely transform back into the Morningstar, then he was still capable of lashing out at her, if it suited his needs. “Why do you stay with Lucifer? Why do you put up with his treatment of you? Most of all, why do you wear Serena’s dress? I’m sure you know by now what it implies. Serena was Lucifer’s ultimate tormentor. Why wear the symbol of Lucifer’s merciless punisher?” he asked, trying to keep the panic from his voice. He wanted it all out in the open. He didn’t want to bind himself to her and then find out that she was really a monster.
Bind himself to her? Was that what he wanted? He needed a kick to the head. Maybe he needed to stop staring at her trusting smile before he did something that he would regret.
“I stay because I remind him that underneath it all, he’s still a good angel. He has a thankless job and suffers because God wills it. He asked Lucifer to punish the wicked and Lucifer does it without any kind of comfort. When he goes too far, I try to bring him back from the edge. As far as the dress is concerned, I keep it as a reminder of what can happen when you let power go to your head. The dress inspires fear, so I use it to keep the wolves at bay. The Fallen hate me and see me as yet another person they have to bow down to. They’ve seen my power in action, so I have a slight advantage, but as you know, the Fallen don’t exactly fear punishment or even death, depending on how crazed they are,” she shrugged as she pulled her hand away from him.
He knew that she had a part of God’s power inside of her, but he had never once considered how it would affect her or others near her. If Father’s power could strip the darkness from Lucifer, it could certainly balance out a creature that was created to unleash massive destruction. The problem was you never knew which side of the Destroyer you would get, the side that wanted to hold you and brush away your tears, or her dark side that wanted to beat you until you begged for mercy. Having seen both sides, he liked her softer side, yet he respected and feared her darker side. It certainly explained a lot about their previous encounters. The first time they fought, she must have held back, hoping that he would get his shit together and bind himself to her. Last night, she had shown him no mercy and had wanted him to beg for forgiveness for tempting her and causing her to unleash her unbridled power. She had been so angry with him; he believed that she would have actually crushed him.
“I understand the problem. Instead of putting Lucifer and everyone else in Hell in their place as the Destroyer, you’ve taken a submissive role in an effort to help Lucifer. You refuse to become a tyrant, so the Fallen don’t know how to act around you. They are used to being tormented by the Heads of Hell. No one in the history of time has ever been kind to them, or at least refrained from beating them. It seems you have too much compassion inside of you. You are so busy trying to help Lucifer that you have allowed yourself to be hurt by him. This is not your purpose, Anjali. Gabriel should have never allowed that deal to be made. You need to leave Hell at once and put it behind you,” Alazar pulled her close and kissed her forehead. He promised himself that he would take care of her and make sure that no one hurt her again.
“Gabriel told me that I never felt at home in Heaven. Believe it or not, there are times when I feel more at home in Hell. I’ve never told Lucifer this, but I think punishing the wicked helps me deal with the darkness inside of me. I enjoy punishing. I’m good at it. I’m afraid that if I spend too much time in the Mortal Realm, something will set me off and I will kill everyone without cause. You saw what happened in the tower. Yes, you pushed me too far, but it’s not the first time that’s happened. During a fight with Hades, I became so angry that I froze the Realm of Fire. I destroyed Lucifer’s tower when Hades tried to take my head. Last night when I battled the Rusalka, I lost control again. She had flooded the tower with her swamp water. When she drove her claws into my neck, I lost it and froze the water. My point is, Hell can be rebuilt if I demolish it, but Heaven and the Mortal Realm would never recover,” she said quietly as she put her head against his shoulder.
Alazar flinched. His vision quest showed him exactly how disastrous the fall of Heaven would be. “You’re right. Until you can control your power, it seems that Hell is the best place to be, but that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable and put up with Lucifer’s insanity. You need to learn to protect yourself,” Alazar said. He was afraid that Hell would do worse to her than it had done to him.
“Hades says we have to maintain the status quo and make sure everyone believes that Lucifer’s decision is final. We aren’t allowed to stand up to him, at least not in public. Even Hades takes a beating, when necessary, to show everyone that Lucifer reigns supreme,” she sighed.
“Hades is an ass, but I’ve seen what happens when Lucifer doesn’t have control of Hell. There were riots when we overruled his decisions and threw our combined weight around. There were prison breaks and Fallen uprisings. We too had to learn that lesson, except then we went too far and gave him too much power over us. You can’t let that happen to you too,” Alazar didn’t want to see Lucifer break her will as he did the Predznak. He could feel her nod her head, accepting his warning.
Sitting on the bed with her head against his shoulder eased the pain inside of him and made him wonder how he had gone so long without physical contact. It was ridiculous to punish himself and ignore his need for companionship. This was the happiest he had ever been.
Anjali sat up and looked into his eyes. “Alazar, why didn’t you give up and go back to Heaven when I didn’t come for you? Lucifer keeps telling me how Tabbris couldn’t handle ruling by his side and ran back to Heaven. I know there are Fallen Angels who have begged God to take them back into the fold. You could have argued your case to the Council. Gabriel, at the very least, should have considered it since he was the cause of the problem.”
He closed his eyes and thought about the reason. He shook his head and looked into her trusting eyes. “I can’t go home. It was a one-way trip. I don’t have an out clause. Father warned us that we had to be strong without Him. What He did was unprecedented. He gave control of His angels, His servants to someone else. The Fallen have to listen to Lucifer and do as he commands, but he doesn’t own them, possess them. They can always fight back against him, file complaints with the Council, if they don’t value their lives. If a Fallen returns to Heaven, he is restored to his former glory and Father forgives him, eventually. Technically, the Fallen don’t stop loving Father. The darkness just makes it harder for them to remember their love for him. The Predznak are different creatures. While we are still angels, once we make our vow to you, we are no longer bound to Father. Our lives, our love is given to another person, our Master. You. We still care about Father, but we must obey the Destroyer. Father can’t destroy anything; it’s something He hates to do. He’s capable, but He despises it. That’s why He created you. You can do what He cannot and in doing so, you need servants that won’t be swayed by Father’s pleas to end the destruction. He knew He would beg to avoid an Apocalypse or try to step in to end one. We need to be strong enough to follow the commands of our Master
, and not to listen to Father. We pledge our lives to you. We trust that you will know when it is time to fulfill Father’s will,” Alazar whispered.
Anjali was overwhelmed by his answer. She had no idea that once they had become a Predznak they could never step down from the position and go home to live with God. Gabriel had never told her that. If the Fallen truly wanted to leave Hell, they could. They weren’t stuck there forever, though the price of going home would be high. They would forever harbor the guilt of tormenting the souls.
She hugged him, humbled by his explanation. “Then why are you fighting me?” she breathed against his shoulder. She needed to understand what was keeping them apart.
He pulled away and contemplated her. Why was he holding back? He was created to do this, yet he was still unable to pledge himself to her. “I’m afraid. I’ve seen the kind of master that Lucifer is. I’ve felt the bite of Serena’s whip, an angel that was once sweet and innocent. I’ve bled at the hands of Hades, who was so much like me that we had trouble being friends because we both wanted to be in charge. If Hell could make these good angels hurt one of their own in the most despicable ways, then what will it do to the Destroyer? I have felt your wrath and I am afraid of it. I’m afraid that you will hurt me as they did. Worse, I’m afraid that I will give myself over to you and you will become distant, leaving me cold and yearning for your affection. I wouldn’t recover from that. I have suffered so much pain without you, but if I have to endure worse by your hand, then I would rather walk away,” he gently pushed her away and got off the bed. “I don’t want to be fooled by your kind touch.”
He turned and looked at her over his shoulder. She had admitted her concerns about trying not to hurt him. It didn’t exactly alleviate his fears. Sitting there on the bed, she looked so small and innocent. He wanted to push aside his doubts and give himself over to her.
“I’m not Serena. I haven’t allowed the darkness of Hell to invade my mind. I already have darkness inside of me, so I’m not innocent like her. Hell doesn’t affect me the same way. I told you, I can’t guarantee what will happen if you disobey me. I would never intentionally withhold affection from you. The problem is I want you to come to me willingly, not because I can take away your pain, but because you know in your heart that you are ready to be my Angel of Death. I don’t want you telling me later that you made a mistake because you were overwhelmed by your emotions and regret joining with me. I don’t want your newly found emotions to be the only reason that you want to be bound to me,” Anjali pushed herself into the middle of the bed and crawled off the opposite side, putting the bed between them. “I took your hand because you were lost and upset. I did it because I wanted to be close to you, to comfort you, but I didn’t do it to lull your senses and tempt you to submit to me.”
Anjali rubbed her forehead, frustrated by Alazar’s appraisal of the situation. Maybe Alazar was too damaged to understand what she needed from him.
Alazar felt exposed. Every part of his body screamed to be near her, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t control himself around her. He couldn’t trust himself not to roll over and do anything she asked, while in her arms. There was no way that he could give her that kind of power over him. “Had I known it would be like this, I would have never volunteered,” he snapped.
He needed to get away from her. He needed to stamp out his emotions so that he wouldn’t feel the loss of her again.
“Then perhaps I am too late. Too much has happened in my absence. Lucifer and Serena have twisted you beyond the point of recognition. I’m sorry, Alazar,” she sighed. If he refused her, then he couldn’t be her Angel of Death, and she would have to put an end to him.
Alazar watched her face shut down as she walked around the corner of the bed and donned her dress. He knew immediately that they were back to fighting. He could never accept her as his Master.
“I agree. I think we should go back to maiming each other,” Alazar’s eyes darkened as he spoke. He slowly stalked her, trying to determine if she would run or fight.
“Good luck with that. If a Celestial Sword couldn’t kill me, and I kicked your ass when you tried to use your power against me, then I highly doubt you have the strength to kill me,” she countered, hoping to scare him.
Alazar was confused for a moment. “A Celestial Sword? What are you talking about?” he asked. When had she been attacked with a Celestial Sword and who had dared to use one on her?
“Aganon stabbed me through the back with one. I nearly died. Lucifer had to make me his blood servant to save my life. As you know, most things don’t survive a hit from a Celestial Sword,” Anjali moved closer and watched him carefully. If he dared to attack her, she would have no choice but to kill him and to do that she would have to become the Destroyer, in mind and body.
“Lucifer made you his blood servant? That bastard bound you to him?” he hissed.
Alazar grew cold as the truth permeated his frost-covered mind. He caused this. Maraquette mentioned that Aganon had failed to kill her, but she had never told him the details. He was the reason that the Destroyer was bound to Lucifer. He felt sick. How had things gone completely to shit? This was unacceptable. The Destroyer was never supposed to be bound to Lucifer. Sit next to him on a throne, sure, but her life was not supposed to be tied to his eternal enemy. All of his plans of killing Lucifer were dashed to pieces. He would never be rid of Lucifer, unless he was willing to part with his Master.
“It was the only way to save me,” Anjali watched Alazar’s expression change from anger, to concern, to fear. He looked like he’d been punched in the gut.
“So you do belong to him. That’s why you stay in Hell. That’s why you wear the dress. You are bound to Lucifer and serve him. You do what Hades tells you to do and protect him because Lucifer commands it,” Alazar’s voice quivered, as he finally understood the reality of the situation. She had lied to him about everything.
“What are you talking about? I told you the truth about why I stay in Hell. I would never allow Lucifer to command you. I have told him as much. I made him swear to me to leave you alone. What’s the matter with you?” Anjali was confused by his mood swing. He suddenly looked like he was having a panic attack as his eyes darted around the room. He was sweating and pale.
He could never become Anjali’s angel for fear that Lucifer would use his blood bond with Anjali to take command of him and the other Predznak. He refused to be Lucifer’s servant. There was only one course of action left. If he killed Anjali, it might weaken Lucifer enough to finish him off forever. “I won’t be Lucifer’s lap dog,” he growled. He was still actively working with Maraquette to destroy her. He still had his ace in the hole, if all else failed.
Summoning his dagger, he lunged forward and struck out at Anjali’s neck, attempting to drive the cold metal into her flesh.
Anjali sidestepped the weapon and blocked his arm. She spun and grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed him into the wall next to the dresser. When he bounced off the wall and fell to the ground, she jumped on his chest and knelt down on his arms. She grabbed his right hand and knocked it against the floor until he dropped the weapon. Holding him down with her knees, she grabbed his hair with her left hand, and threw out her right hand, summoning his dagger. The blade was at his throat before he could speak.
She could hear the sound of objects crashing next to her, but ignored them, focusing on Alazar.
“There will be no more maiming or fighting. I could easily force you to submit to me right now, but I have no interest. I know you’re afraid and you don’t trust me, but you’re acting paranoid. Your emotions are all over the place and you don’t know what you want or what you need. You have to believe that I’m not trying to deceive you or offer you false happiness in exchange for being my servant. Find a way to get past your anger and agony and listen to me. Killing me isn’t the answer and neither is revenge,” she stopped and thought about what she said. Son of a bitch. She suddenly understood the problem.
/> She slowly released her hold on him and stepped away from him. She couldn’t hurt him, even if she wanted to. He wasn’t in his right mind.
Alazar gasped. “I’m going to cut your head off,” he bellowed as he popped up to his feet and grabbed her throat. He threw her down on the bed and snatched the wrist holding his dagger.
Anjali allowed her power to rise to the surface, and carefully pushed it beyond the barrier of her ring. “Alazar, get off me,” she spoke quietly but authoritatively.
Alazar felt her power and shivered. He complied immediately and released her. Suddenly, he felt like could breathe again, as if he had come up for air after being submerged. All of the static in his head immediately vanished. He breathed deeply as a feeling of peace overtook him. What the hell was he doing? Why had attacked her again?
Anjali stood up and put her hand gently on his cheek. “My poor Alazar, I’m so sorry. As the leader of the Predznak, you were tasked with taking care of the others in my absence. You were meant to lead them; instead, you had to deal with their darkness and their temptations. You tried to fill the void in their lives and ease their burdens, as I would have. I’m told that most of them couldn’t function without you on a daily basis. Your temptation weakened you to the point where you allowed Vengeance, Fear, Distrust, Illness, Desire, Anger, Agony, Deception, and Hunger to tempt you and cloud your mind. They did more than influence your decisions; they left their mark on you and they changed you. You said it yourself, you’re afraid to join with me. That sounds like something Tristan would say. Death doesn’t fear anything. Look inside yourself. Tell me I’m wrong. You no longer trust me. That’s Haydn talking, not you. You are confused and don’t know if you can be the Angel of Death. Doesn’t that sound like Solren? You need to purge these sins from your soul. As Death, you were created to be above them all. You are the final temptation. Remember what it means to be the Angel of Death and push the voices of the others out of your mind,” she implored him to see the problem and find a way to overcome it.