These Days Series: After Tuesday | Forgotten Yesterday | Deciding Tomorrow

by Renee Ericson

  Without his arms around me, I feel naked as I stand in the doorway in a somewhat shocked state. I jump back into bed, hoping the weight of my blanket will alleviate the empty feeling. It doesn’t.

  Well, holy crap! How am I supposed to sleep now?

  Ten

  When Brent came to see me on Sunday evening, I was completely taken off-guard. Since Lexi was in on the whole thing, she, of course, insisted on more information about what was going on between Brent and me, but I didn’t know what else to tell her. Before last Friday, he didn’t even know me.

  While it feels like we’ve known each other longer, I can’t help but remind myself that this could be more along the lines of summer fun. Lexi tries to keep my negative thoughts away by reminding me that Brent literally went out of his way to come and see me last Sunday.

  Since then, he’s called me every day. Who does that? Lexi’s right. I’m psyching myself out by obsessing a little too much. However, our phone conversation on Thursday night makes me feel a little anxious.

  “So, you’re still up for tomorrow, right? No plans?” he asks.

  “No. I already told you that I’m pretty boring on the weekends.”

  “Well, I guess we’ll have to change that.”

  “Oh, really?” I joke.

  “Yeah.”

  “What did you have in mind, Mr. Cruise Director?”

  “Nuh-uh, I’m not telling you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Where’s the fun in that? You’ll just have to sweat it out,” he teases.

  I can almost picture him shaking his head.

  He adds, “Surprising you is fun. We can talk about it when you get back.”

  Although I’m a bit nervous, I think I like his surprises, so I’m game.

  Thank goodness camp has been a good distraction. These kids have been as ornery as ever, making the last few days linger at a snail’s pace. I guess that’s what happens when all I’ve been doing is waiting for the week to end.

  When Friday afternoon finally rolls around, Lexi and I say our good-byes to the kids and the staff. After I gather my things from my cabin, Lexi meets me at my door, so we can walk to the parking lot together.

  I’m starting to get butterflies in my stomach. I’m nervous about seeing Brent again for the first time in days. Even though I just talked to him last night, I still can’t convince myself that last weekend wasn’t just a dream. I even consider that my imagination made up my feelings. Thinking of the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” I wonder if I’m the only one experiencing this.

  “So, what are your plans for this evening? Do you know yet?” Lexi asks.

  “Nope,” I tell her between biting my nails. “He won’t tell me anything. Apparently, he likes to surprise me.”

  When we round the corner of the path, leading into the mouth of the parking lot, Lexi grabs my arm.

  As I look at her, she mouths, “Holy buckets.”

  Holy buckets? Who says that?

  I turn to where she’s staring to see Brent and Owen walking in our direction. When they reach us, Brent scoops me up, causing me to drop all my belongings, as he twirls me around in his arms.

  When he puts me down, he leans his head on mine, flashing those dimples. “Surprise.”

  He knows he’s got me. Sneaky, sneaky.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to call me when I got home.”

  “Yeah, but isn’t this better?”

  “Well, yeah, of course, it is.”

  He quickly kisses me innocently in front of Lexi and Owen. Calming myself but still left wanting more, I take a moment and look into his eyes. In an instant, I know that absence has made his heart grow fonder, too. Seeing it there in his eyes, my inhibitions drop. I kiss him back—this time, not so short and innocent.

  “So, can you give me a ride? I came here with Owen, and I don’t want to be a third wheel,” he pleads humorously, trying to cover his breathlessness. “We could go do something fun.”

  “Sure, what did you have in mind?” I squeeze him, not ready to let go.

  “Why don’t you surprise me?” he asks with an insistent look.

  “All right.”

  Brent grabs my things, and we wave good-bye to Lexi and Owen as we walk to my car.

  “I need to stop and get some food first.”

  “Sure,” Brent replies as he gets into the front seat.

  He seems at home in my tiny Gremlin, which takes me off-guard. I love that he doesn’t appear to harbor any prejudices. I hope he looks beyond my crappy car and small house and sees me for me. Of course, he doesn’t have a clue about my family’s extracurricular activities, but I don’t think I’d share that information with anyone, seeing how some of it’s illegal.

  We stop by a local sub shop where I order a giant sub with all the fixings. When I place my order, Brent looks at me incredulously, but then he quickly flashes those dimples as he puts his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into an embrace. Patiently, he sits with me, enjoying his drink while I eat. The whole time, he never takes his eyes away from mine. It’s weird that I don’t want to look away. It’s not a staring contest. It’s something else. We’re talking, but words aren’t necessary for this conversation.

  How is that possible? We’re just starting to get to know each other.

  When I’m done eating, I decide to take him to a place I have never been before. I don’t know why I choose it. It seems somewhat juvenile, but with him, I feel like doing things I don’t normally do. Are surprises contagious? Because I’m surprising myself, too.

  We pull into the parking lot of a large playground at one of the town parks. The place has swings, slides, and a large climbing structure outfitted with tubes, ropes, and bridges. It’s relatively deserted, so it looks like we’ll have the place to ourselves.

  I’ve always wanted to come here, but hanging out at the playground at my age makes no sense. Brent will probably think this whole thing is ridiculous. I guess there’s only one way to find out.

  Without looking in Brent’s direction, I turn off the ignition, open the door, and step out of the car. This is no time to question what I’m doing. Time to own it. When he steps out and looks at me over the roof of the car, I give him a mischievous look.

  “Race you to the swings,” I say quickly before bolting to the play area.

  He slams his door shut, and I hear him mumble something behind me before he chases after me.

  “Ruby!” He laughs. “Holy crap, slow down.”

  Making it to the swings before him, I grab the chains and jump my feet over the seat before plopping my butt down. Brent joins me, sitting in the swing next to me. He tries to keep a straight face, but then we both end up laughing. I feel like a kid—or an idiot.

  After we’ve both caught our breath, he says, “I haven’t been here in years.”

  “I’ve never been here at all.”

  “Really?”

  “Well, most teenagers don’t frequent playgrounds,” I respond.

  He stands up and holds out his hand in my direction. “C’mon, I’ll give you the tour then.”

  Brent leads me around every part of the play area with the enthusiasm of a kindergartener. This place has some sort of regression effect. We go down the slide together, ride the merry-go-round, play on the teeter-totter, race on the monkey bars, and chase one another through the tunnels. It’s not a typical date, that’s for sure. Wait. Is this a date? Who cares?

  Something’s happening, and it’s beyond my control. I feel different around him. When I’m with Brent, I feel a sense of comfort, and when he isn’t around, I feel nerves and longing. I want to be with him. I want to see him. I’m slowly accepting this, even if it’s ludicrous.

  After an hour of playing a flirtatious version of tag, I’m panting a little from the exertion of the chase, and we end up on the tire swing together. Facing each other as we sit inside the inner part of the tire, my legs intertwine with his. Neither one of us can seem to con
tain our laughter.

  “So, school starts in a week. Are you ready?” he asks.

  “I guess so. How about you?”

  “Yeah, but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about first.” He raises his eyebrows, his face becoming serious.

  I can feel my face fall, and for some reason, my hands begin to tremble. Why am I so nervous?

  Reaching for my hair, he plays with one of the highlighted ends hanging down my right shoulder. He clears his throat as he stares at the strands, lost in thought.

  “This is kind of weird for me to say, but I missed you while you were gone this week. I know we talked on the phone, but seeing you today…well, it just made me realize how much I’ve missed you.” Taking in a deep breath, he looks up into my eyes. “When we start school, I don’t know if I can handle you going out with anyone else.” He rolls his eyes. “Man, I sound like a psycho stalker. I didn’t mean it that way. What I’m trying to say is that I know we just started seeing each other, but I don’t want to see anyone else. I don’t know how you feel about something like that, but I—”

  Grabbing hold of his face, I plant an urgent kiss on his mouth, effectively cutting off his speech. I get the gist of what he’s saying, and I have to admit that I feel the same way. I’ve never imagined meeting someone out of the blue and feeling such a strong connection so quickly. Maybe that isn’t exactly what he’s feeling, but I feel the need to be close to him, and apparently, he wants to be close to me, too.

  Breaking our kiss, I giggle against his lips. “Brent Cromwell, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

  He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap, causing the swing to tilt on its side a little. “Yeah, I guess that was kind of lame.”

  “It wasn’t lame at all.”

  I kiss him gently on the mouth and then pull back to take in his face. My boyfriend’s beautiful face. Ugh, I hate titles like that, but I take comfort in knowing he’s mine.

  Leaning his head against mine, he whispers, “I really like you, Ruby. Where did you come from?”

  “Colorado,” I tell him, trying to bring humor to the moment.

  He’s ignoring my attempt at lightening the moment as he moves his hand to my face, stroking my cheek. “I bet they aren’t all like you.”

  “Maybe. They might be. We could check. Maybe there’s an app to gauge the awesomeness factor state by state because I know you’re obviously referring to my

  fabulosity—”

  “Shhhh.” Brushing his lips on mine, Brent silences my rambling.

  I barely manage a quick intake of breath before his lips seal to mine, locking us to one another. My fingertips graze the hair behind his ears as I pull his head closer to mine. Without any hesitation, my mouth opens and allows his tongue entry, deepening the kiss. His sure and strong hands trace down my spine, lingering and roaming along my lower back. One of his hands moves up the length of my arm and crosses over my shoulder before planting itself on the back of my neck.

  Releasing my lips, Brent adjusts his head, so his mouth meets the base of my neck, sending a fury of chills to my lower torso. The breathy touch of his mouth traces my neck, then my jaw, and finally, comes back to meet my lips where I can taste him once again as we breathe in one another.

  “I hate to do this, but I can’t stay out late tonight. We have a game early in the morning. You’ll come, right?” His voice trembles slightly, and then he begins to kiss me along my jaw.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there,” I say through my foggy thoughts. I lean back to gather myself a little. “Let’s get you home.”

  He lands a final kiss on my mouth, and then we disengage our bodies from one another, getting out of the tire swing. Smiling at one another, we walk hand in hand to the car.

  ***

  When I pull up to the front of his house, he invites me in, but I tell him I need to get home to see my dad before it gets too late. It’s not that I expect good ol’ dad to be home, but meeting his parents right now isn’t something I think I can handle quite yet. I tell him I’ll see him tomorrow at the field, and then he kisses me good night.

  ***

  I pull into my driveway to find a quiet house. This is odd for a Friday night. Dragon is meandering outside and greets me at my car door. I grab my things from the trunk before entering my house to find my dad parked on the couch watching TV.

  “Hey, Tuesday! Glad you’re home. I rented some movies and ordered a pizza,” my dad says as he walks in my direction, reaching for the bag of laundry in my hand.

  My back stiffens from shock. Where did this come from? When he gets closer, I don’t smell a trace of alcohol on his body. In fact, he looks rested and clean.

  “That sounds great. How was work?” I ask skeptically. Something’s off.

  “Good. Actually, it’s been good all week. Oh, before I forget, here’s some money for school,” he says, handing me some bills.

  “Thanks. I’m gonna go put my stuff in my room and start a load of laundry. I’ll be right back.”

  I walk away, wondering what’s gotten into my dad. We do talk to each other, but it’s been almost a year since I have seen him sober on a Friday night. I’m very suspicious, and I find it hard to believe he grew a conscience in a week.

  After I put my stuff away, I go back out to join my dad for the night in the living room. We watch a movie together in virtual silence. It’s not quality father-daughter bonding time, but right now, it’s the closest thing I get. A year ago, I might have jumped at this little sober moment as an opportunity to mend our relationship, but now, I’m treading lightly. I know this is only a blip on the radar, and blips never last.

  My dad eventually falls asleep on the couch around eleven o’clock. I send him to bed, and then Dragon and I follow. I climb into my bed for the first time in about a month. It’s been a typical party summer around here, but tonight, things are different, so the tent is unnecessary. My dad is home, and Uncle Jas has no guests. The house is mostly quiet with only the sounds of Dragon’s breathing filling the silence. The stillness is not comforting.

  Eleven

  In the morning, I head to the kitchen in hopes of finding at least some something in the fridge to tide me over before heading to the store. Since I spent most of the afternoon and evening with Brent, I didn’t have a chance to go yesterday.

  I open the fridge to find it stocked. Am I in the right house? There’s milk, eggs, and other actual food. I take out the carton of orange juice, and as I close the fridge door, I see a piece of paper hanging on the door with a magnet. The header on the flyer indicates it’s a schedule for addiction meetings at a church fifteen minutes down the road.

  Entering the kitchen, my dad clears his throat. “Hey, Tuesday.”

  I straighten to look at him, but he’s already noticed that I saw the flyer.

  “Morning,” I mutter, hoping not to bring on confrontation.

  “Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you about something,” he says, eyeing the paper on the fridge.

  Are we gonna talk about this now?

  He blows out a reverberating breath through his lips. “Let me make some breakfast first though, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  Heading to the stove, he puts together a quick breakfast of eggs and sausage while I pour the orange juice and wait for him at the kitchen table. He brings over our plates and sits across from me. We eat in silence for a few minutes.

  Then, he puts down his fork, ready to unload what he has on his mind. “I’m sorry, Tuesday,” he says. With tears swimming in his eyes, he sucks in a big breath. “I never should have moved us here, but I didn’t know what else to do. I can’t believe we’ve been here two years, and I’m just now seeing it. When I saw you last Sunday before you left, I knew something was up. I knew by the way you looked at me. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere things got out of hand.”

  He starts to rub the tears away from his face as they fall down his cheeks. “You know, Jas and I used to get in a lot o
f trouble when we were kids. That was one of the reasons I joined the army. I had to get away, and…well, it was advised. Anyhow, that’s the past. Last Sunday, something in your eyes sunk me. You’re the only thing I have left that I love, and this problem I have has taken you away from me.

  “I know I probably can’t say anything to fix the past, but I really want to move forward with you. I can’t imagine what you think of me, but I want you to know I love you, and I’m trying to get my crap together. Shit! Sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that around you. God, this is hard. I know you saw the schedule on the fridge. I guess there’s no hiding I have a problem, but you probably already knew that. You’re a smart kid, like your mom. Anyway, I don’t know where we go from here, but I’m trying hard to fix things, especially this mess between us. I want you to know how very sorry I am.” Sniffling, his eyes are now bloodshot, and his cheeks are flush with emotions.

  By the time he finishes his spiel, my body is shaking. I have so many pent-up emotions that I just don’t know how to process them all. Suddenly, my breakfast looks very unappealing. I am so angry and sad and just…I don’t know. This is the first time that he’s actually talked to me about what is really going on with him.

  Part of me wants to lean across the table, hug him fiercely, and tell him I love him and everything is going to be okay. Another part of me wants to throw things and then storm out of the house, reacting from the audacity of him thinking that I want to let him back into my life and my heart. Letting him back in feels like a step backward. I’ve moved on without him. With his problems, he made me do that.

  All these emotions overwhelming my body, however, leave me speechless as I stare into his glassy eyes. Even though I don’t want it to, my heart breaks a little. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on him, but remembering a year of suffering with him while hoping he would come back hurts to think about. To save myself, I let him go, but the pent-up guilt I feel from that tells me I should open up and give him a chance.