These Days Series: After Tuesday | Forgotten Yesterday | Deciding Tomorrow

by Renee Ericson

  Cody doesn’t even bother to knock on the door. As soon as we enter the house, I notice the floral aroma, and I’m not talking flowers. Home sweet home. We walk through the living room and head into the kitchen to find Russ sitting alone at the table.

  “Hey, Code,” Russ says, looking up from the book he’s reading.

  Coming in behind Cody, I step into his view.

  “Well, Ruby, long time no see. Where have you been all summer?” Russ asks.

  “Hey, Russ. Working,” I say with little ceremony.

  “Well, sit down. Help yourself to a beer,” he says, motioning to the fridge.

  I take a seat as Cody turns to get a beer. Russ stares at me for a long moment before I turn my eyes to the table. I peek at him from under my eyelashes for a moment to see he’s reading his book again.

  I haven’t seen Russ in months, but he still looks the same. In high school, I bet he cornered the hot bad–boy market. He’s still very good-looking, but I’ve known him too long to be attracted to him like that. Plus, he’s a friend of Cody’s, which means he isn’t someone I want to even think about dating. He’s definitely not the best boyfriend material. He’s too much trouble for me, but he’s certainly nice to look at with his muscled arms showcased in his tight shirt, blond shaggy hair, defined mouth and chin, and those blue eyes. Oh, yes. When I take a better look at those deep blue eyes, I notice they’re surrounded by a strong shade of stoner red, and…there it goes. It’s no longer sexy, but it’s very patriotic.

  “Here,” Cody says, setting a beer in front of me. He turns around to open the freezer, and then he pulls out a bottle of Jägermeister. Bottle in hand, he rummages through the cupboards, pulling out some shot glasses and a can of pineapples.

  I glance at the beer in front of me. For a moment, I contemplate whether this is smart. Of course, I know it isn’t. I’ve seen what it does to my dad. I’ve seen what it does to others as well, but right now, I kind of don’t care. It seems like so much of my life is based on what my dad does. I decide I’m going to give myself a pass for the night. I need to forget.

  Taking a long hard drink, I squint my eyes through the taste. Ugh, I hate beer. It tastes terrible, but I know it’ll help. Pushing through, I know that if I finish this one, the rest won’t taste so bad.

  Returning to the table, Cody sets down the shot glasses, the bottle of Jäger, and a bowl of pineapple.

  Russ looks up from his book. “What’s this all about?”

  “Thought we could start off the night with a toast,” Cody responds.

  “What are we toasting?” Russ asks, grabbing a shot glass.

  “Assholes and dickheads,” Cody says like he’s ordering breakfast from a menu.

  Silently nodding in agreement, I also reach for a shot glass and place it in front of me. Cody’s eyes dart to me, flashing an approving look, as he fills our glasses.

  “And stupid, cheating, ho-bitch-skank girls,” Russ chimes in. Looking at me, he adds, “Sorry, Ruby, that wasn’t nice.”

  “Hey, I’m no cheating ho-skank, so no offense taken.” I take another drink of my beer.

  Cody lifts his glass, focusing his blue eyes on my brown ones. “Well, Ruby, what are you toasting?”

  Glancing at my glass, I see it full of the deep brown-purple drink, knowing it’s liquid Novocain for the brain. It might not take away my sorrows, but it will help me get through the night. I know this isn’t the most responsible thing I could do, but…fuck it. I’ve been strong and responsible for too many people for too long. This girl needs a vacation, so I’m taking one right now. I’m packing my bags and leaving on a motherf’ing Jäger plane. My dad and Brent will be here when I get back. Until then, it’s time to pick up my passport—aka a mind-numbing shot of Jägermeister—and head to another realm of reality.

  “And here’s too all the motherf’ing disappointments everywhere,” I say, raising my glass in salute.

  They both nod their heads in approval, and we tip our glasses back, allowing the cool liquid to slide down our throats. I feel the alcohol burn as it makes its way through my chest into my stomach. Breathing deeply, I put the glass down and lick my lips, trying to tame the tingles I feel dancing on my sensitive nerves.

  “Here, eat this,” Cody says, holding the bowl of pineapples in front of me.

  He’s the expert, so I take one out and pop it in my mouth. Oh, it tastes so good. I can’t contain the contented sound that hums from my mouth.

  “Looks like someone needed that,” Russ jokes, refilling our glasses. “I think another one is in order.”

  We grab our filled glasses, down another shot, and eat pineapples for a chaser.

  “So, are we playing tonight, man?” Cody asks Russ.

  “Yeah, Tom and Juice are coming over soon. Hey, you got any? I just ran out and would like some for tonight.” Russ says, rubbing the stubble across his chin before allowing his hand to slide down his neck.

  Cody looks at me wide-eyed, raising a brow while pursing his lips. I think he’s silently asking me if I’m cool with what Russ is talking about, but to tell the truth, I couldn’t give a shit about anyone or anything right now. I’m no one’s parent, and really, nothing, nothing at all, matters in this moment. Raising my brow in response, I hope he knows I couldn’t care less.

  Looking back at Russ, he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a baggie with two joints. “Yeah, man, but you owe me,” Cody says, “and I mean it this time.”

  Usually, when Cody does stuff like this in front of me, which isn’t often, I turn the other way. Tonight though, I can’t keep my eyes off the bag as it drifts across the table into Russ’s waiting hands. I grab my beer, close my eyes, and wash away more of my angst as I empty the bottle.

  ***

  An hour later, I get up to walk to the bathroom, and the floor tilts. Maybe it’s me. I grab the frame of the door to stop the floor from moving. After the floor steadies itself, I maneuver myself on heavy feet to the toilet. Gross. Why are men’s bathrooms so disgusting? Based on the sway of the room, I realize that I’m pretty buzzed right now, but there’s no way I can bring myself to sit on that toilet seat. My attempts at hovering are complete failures until I clutch the sink in front of me for balance.

  When I’m through, I check my appearance in the mirror. Oh, wow, not so hot. From my blurry reflection, I can make out my bloodshot eyes—obviously, from hours of crying—disheveled hair from running, and rosy cheeks from the alcohol. I splash cool water on my face to awaken my senses and calm some of my nerve endings. Then, I take out my ponytail, so I can hide behind my hair if need be. When I’m no longer able to look at my face for fear of crying, I head back to the kitchen where I find we have been joined by Tom and Juice.

  For the most part, Tom and Juice aren’t too bad. Juice is a little too flirty for my comfort level, but Tom usually remains pretty quiet. I haven’t seen them since the beginning of the summer. Unless the lack of a haircut counts, they haven’t really changed at all.

  Walking up behind Cody, I wave to them. “Hey, guys.”

  “Ruby!” Juice shouts. “Damn, girl. Someone had a good summer!” He smiles mischievously at me and then whistles.

  Yuck.

  “Hey, Ruby.” Tom starts pouring shots. “Are you having one?” he asks, pointing to the glasses in front of him.

  “Yeah,” I say without a second thought.

  “Thatta girl,” Juice says. He scoots over a little, clearing part of his seat. “Here, you can sit with me.”

  “Ruby, you can sit here,” Cody says, rising from his chair.

  I sit down, smiling politely at Juice, as Cody returns with another chair, sitting between Juice and me. As we all grab our glasses, Juice lets out some sort of manly catcall, and then we drink them down. I blink quickly a few times before I focus on Russ. Looking good, Russ. He’s cute. Definite eye candy. He’s no Brent though. I sigh loudly.

  “Are you guys ready to play?” Cody asks, reaching behind to the fridge. He gives me a beer, pops
one open for himself, and then hands me the bottle opener.

  “I don’t wanna,” Juice says.

  “That’s because you don’t have any money, Juice,” Tom chimes in.

  “Well, that bitch, Rozzy, hasn’t paid me yet. I need to quit that job. Does your dad have an opening, Code?” Juice asks.

  Cody takes a swig of his beer. “I’ll ask,” he says. “If we aren’t gonna play, what the hell are we gonna do? I don’t want to sit around and girl talk all night. Sorry, Ruby.”

  I smile at him and then take a drink of my beer. Yep, it definitely tastes better than the first. Each one tastes better and better. It’s so much better that another swig seems in order.

  “Ah, let’s just watch a movie,” Russ says, pulling out a joint. He puts it in his mouth and lights it.

  My vision is a little fuzzy, but I’m mesmerized. When he squints to inhale the smoke, I watch as the red light glows at the end of the joint. Russ then passes it to Tom, who takes a hit before passing it to me.

  In a situation like this, I usually sit back and shake my head, but tonight, I’m feeling a little more, uh…social. I have an amazing feel-good buzz going on. It’s so good that I think my nose is numb, but I still can’t get Brent out of my mind. He’s there, dancing through my thoughts. He’s not in all of them, but he’s in way too many. I can still feel his phantom touch on my legs, along my arms, and down my back. My neck tingles with the thought of his lips delicately stroking its length.

  I shudder slightly. Yes, a hit might just do the trick. I’ve already lost so much tonight that I might as well let it all go. I need to release every bit of myself because nothing else is easing the pain. I know it’s a gutless and spineless move, but I have no fight left, even for myself. Instead of leaning back so the joint can be passed to Cody, I gently take it from Tom’s offering hand.

  Now that I have it in my possession, I look to Cody to see what he thinks of this development. His face doesn’t show disappointment or encouragement. Rather, he’s smirking with a look of understanding in his eyes. Raising the joint to my mouth, I’m careful not to put too much lip on the paper. Hey, I’ve seen this done before. I exhale through my nose and then slowly draw the intoxicating heavenly vapors into my lungs. I hold my breath a little too long. When I exhale, I cough, but it comes out with a giggle.

  Holy shit! I’m smiling, like genuinely smiling. I take another hit, smaller than the first, and then pass the joint to Cody. With a sad twitch of his lips, he takes it and inhales a big hit while I wash away the itch in my throat with a sip of beer.

  “Guess we popped your cherry.” Cody snickers, passing the joint to Juice.

  Involuntarily, I laugh, causing beer to lightly spray out of my mouth. Everyone starts cracking up. It’s flipping hilarious. What isn’t funny about beer spray? Beer spray. That’s a funny word.

  “Well, you might be too late.” I chortle. “But this isn’t bad. Bad. Baaaaaaaaaad. That’s funny.”

  Everyone laughs some more.

  “Wait, what do you mean ‘too late’?” Cody asks, turning to me.

  “Looks like you know a douche when you seem him,” I say, trying not to outright laugh.

  Tom nudges my arm and hands me the joint. I take another hit and then pass it to Cody. After I exhale, I chase it with another sip of beer. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. Ear. Tear. Jeer. Leer. Seer. Pier. Pierce. Earring. Ring. Phone. Bone.

  “Ruby…” Cody rattles my arm, grinning like a fool. “Earth to Ruby. Hello? Hello? Hello? Anybody home? What was I thinking…oh! What douche?”

  “Brent,” I sing. “We broke up. He no want me anymore.” I fake pout, batting my eyes. Yes, I’m acting like a child.

  “I knew that little shit would use you,” Cody snarls, all the goofiness leaving his face.

  “It’s not like that,” I say. I try to sober up to meet his mood, but I can’t help myself. Laughter gurgles out. “Calm down, Cody. He’s a shit. Whatever. Who cares?”

  “I’ll kill him.” He pounds his fist on the table. Standing up, he knocks over his chair behind him as he drops his beer on the floor.

  Geez, overreact much?

  “Code,” Russ cautions as he stands. “Calm down.” Russ looks at me. “Ruby, are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I fake smile.

  “All right. Are we all cool?” Russ asks, looking at Cody.

  “Jeez, guys, I was just kidding around,” Cody says with forced humor.

  He could have fooled me. Meeeeeeeee. I laugh out loud again. What is wrong with me? This is serious stuff. Cody looks seriously pissed, and all I can do is notice how straight his nose is and…“Your beard looks like a Brillo Pad.” I gesture to Cody with my beer.

  Everyone looks at Cody, but I have no idea why.

  I just shrug. “Are you gonna use that to clean up the mess you made on the floooooooooooor?”

  Cody loses it and loosens up.

  “Shit, Ruby, you’re wasted,” Cody says. Smiling as he shakes his head, he picks up the chair and sits back down beside me.

  Cody leans over to get two more beers, one for him and one for me, and we focus back on the group. After a ceremonial round of cheers, we each take a drink. When my body sways in the seat, I accidently bump into Cody and Tom a few times, but I don’t care.

  I really don’t care. I don’t care about the beer on the floor, I don’t care what people think about me, and I don’t care that I can’t walk to the bathroom without tripping over a flat surface. I. Don’t. Care.

  Nineteen

  I. Am. Not. Awesome. I don’t even want to move.

  Peeking out of one eye, I can see that I’m in Cody’s unbalanced dark living room. By unbalanced, I mean, it doesn’t want to stand still. Taking shallow and measured breaths, I close my eyes while my head pounds harder in my ears. Every part of my body feels like it weighs four times what it does, and I come to the conclusion that moving is not necessary.

  My mouth feels like a combination of a cotton T-shirt and sand, and I can taste…ugh, I can’t say. Closing my mouth is not a good idea. The feel of my fat tongue threatens to gag me, which makes my body want to go into a fit of heaves. My stomach jumps violently while my head spins. As my breathing increases, sweat begins to bead on my brow. Involuntarily, my eyes spring open, and I immediately leap my upper body off the couch and reach for the small bucket sitting on the floor. Oh, this is not good. I hurl into the bucket, banishing everything in my stomach. My sides and stomach begin to hurt from the tensing muscles trying to expel the poison from my system. After what seems like an eternity, my body settles, and I roll my back onto the couch. I close my eyes, waiting for death to take me, and then I eventually fall back asleep.

  ***

  There is light in the room the next time I’m able to open my eyes. I feel like a slab of tenderized steak. Ewww. The thought of food sends a message to my gag reflex, making me want to upchuck, but thankfully, I’m able to stop it. Taking slow deep breaths in and out of my nose, I’m able to sit up and address the situation. Looking at the floor, I notice that the bucket is empty. Thank God. I see a bottle of water, which looks like liquid gold to my mouth, and a roll of paper towels sitting next to the bucket. It takes almost all of my energy, strength, and bodily control to grab the water bottle and lie back down on the couch. My instinct is to chug the water, but knowing that I might have a bad reaction, I sip it gingerly as I stare out the window.

  “Here.” Cody puts his hand in my face.

  I just stare at the two pills in his palm.

  “They’re for your head. I’m sure it feels like a ton of bricks just gave you a major smack down.” He chuckles.

  “Thanks,” I croak, taking them in my hand. I swallow them with another sip of water.

  Rubbing the stubble on his head, Cody plops down on the worn brown recliner across from me. “Your dad called,” he says, staring unfocused at the ground. “I told him you were here. You can stay as long as you want, but I gotta head into the garage today. Do you want me to drop yo
u off first?”

  “Yeah, that would be best.”

  I guess it’s time to face the music. It doesn’t matter what my dad has to say anyhow. Since I feel like such shit, I’ll probably be too focused on trying not to get sick to even hear a word.

  Rising from his seat, he says, “Okay, we’ll leave in five minutes.” He leaves the room, heading for the bathroom.

  Forcing my body to sit up, I look around for my jacket. After finding it, I wrap it around my body and head to the door to wait for Cody. Thank God someone invented walls. There’s no way I could be vertical on my own while Cody finishes up in the bathroom.

  Last night was the wrong move and I’m seriously paying for it right now. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  The ride home is silent. Cody doesn’t even turn on the radio. I can barely think through my pounding head, so the lack of noise is just fine by me. God, I feel like total A-S-S. The movement of the car is making me nauseous, so I close my eyes to decrease the stimulation. Maybe drinking my worries away wasn’t such a smart idea. Then again, I’m so ill today that I don’t care about the stuff going on in my life. That stuff can eat it until I feel better.

  “We’re here,” Cody states, putting the car into park.

  I open my eyes. “Thanks,” I utter and then clear my throat. “For last night and the ride.”

  “Yeah.” He laughs. “Anytime. Are you gonna be okay?”

  I grunt. “I think so.”

  “It looks like your dad is waiting,” he says, gesturing his head toward the front door.

  “Yeah, he can wait. I wait on him all the time,” I fume bitterly.