The Symbolon

by Colvin, Delia

  She knew what he was doing; he was reminding her that it was not all his fault. She didn’t need to be reminded! She knew. The guilt engulfed her and she fought to push it back. But to admit to Paolo that he was only partially to blame—which she was certain he was waiting for—was dangerous. If she did, he would know that she was vulnerable.

  “I’ve been thinking about some things. How we all ended up…here.” She narrowed her eyes. “And I have a question for you.”

  “Anything, bella. Ask me anything.”

  “I’m wondering how it is that while Alex receives visions of me, you somehow found me first and married me?” She needed to understand how Paolo had ever worked his way into her life, all those lifetimes ago. If he hadn’t, she would be married to Alex now.

  Paolo drew a deep breath, grateful that she was speaking to him. “Bella, I did not find you first. Alex did.”

  Valeria drew her brows together. How could that be true? Alex was there first? “Why is it that I wasn’t married to Alex then?”

  “That you must ask Alex, although I have often wondered. Perhaps you can discuss that when you see him!” Valeria’s mind was slow today so she needed to concentrate. “I want to make things right with you,” he said nervously. Valeria continued to stare out into the Caribbean. “Alex has agreed to meet with you.”

  Her heart felt as if it stopped. Alex! “In New York?” She felt tears of hope rimming her eyes.

  “No, Alex is here today!”

  She felt her heart jump into her throat. She was going to see Alex! Her heart filled with joy—the day she had dreamed of for what seemed like an eternity! Then, suddenly, she realized…today, of all days! She dropped her face into her hands. This wasn’t the way she wanted to see Alex—hung over, away with another man at a romantic Caribbean resort, having just kissed that man. This was not the way she had pictured it at all!

  “Did I make another mistake?” he said, as if hurt by her response.

  “What time will Alex be here?” she said flatly.

  “His car is on its way. He will be here very soon.”

  Valeria swallowed and then stood to walk away.

  “Bella, where are you going?’

  She sighed. “I’m going to shower and change again.”

  In her room, she wrapped herself in a towel as she dried her hair and then drank a shot of rum to try to kill her lingering hangover—the first time that she had used what her father had called, “a hair of the dog.” She put on her best dress and makeup. At least her slight sunburn hid the green of her hangover! Then she walked back up the hill.

  Entering the lobby, she twisted her hands, wondering when he would actually arrive, feeling that desperate need filling her heart again. Suddenly, her heart stopped for an instant; he was there in the lobby! Her heart began pounding so hard that she thought it might leap out of her chest! She saw his expression, a mix of so many emotions—pain, desire, anguish, and relief—as if the anchor that had concealed those emotions had just been released. He had lost weight. But it was her Alex!

  Running to him, she began to throw her arms around his neck, but softly he took her wrists and held them, keeping her from the embrace they both desperately needed, as tears filled their eyes.

  She was certain that his grasp on her arms was as much to keep him from holding her, as it was for her benefit. And she remembered, there were rules…and people died if she didn’t follow them. His grasp on her arms tightened in longing as he closed his eyes and his jaw tensed, while he breathed deeply, keeping his grasp on her arms, trying to get control of himself.

  Despite being ageless, Alex looked older. He looked tired and sad, and nervous. He took her hand and it was paradise. For a moment, he smiled, wistfully, as her thumb traced the symbol on his hand. She looked into his beautiful face and saw the pain and the emotion that he fought to hold at bay as she swallowed back the tears so that she wouldn’t waste their time crying. They went, without asking the hostess, to a seat by an open air arch.

  “How are you, beautiful?” he asked, in a voice that was foreign to her.

  “Without you,” she choked softly. She forced herself to breathe—in-out-in-out. “How are you?” she asked with concern. He didn’t look like he was doing well.

  He shrugged and bit his lip as he closed his eyes.

  “And everyone else? Camille? Ava?”

  He answered like he hadn’t slept since the last time she had seen him all those months before. “They miss you.”

  “I miss them, too,” her voice cracked. “I miss you.” And a sob lurched from her throat, and then she got control again. She took another deep breath. Now was a time to soak in every moment together and she would not waste one instant of it sobbing. “The search…has there been any luck?”

  He looked away. “Kristiana went into hiding.”

  She reached over and touched his arm and he grabbed her hand and she could feel the intensity of emotion in that touch. “Alex, don’t give up hope.”

  His face said it all; there was no hope. He attempted a smile and a nod, but there was no joy in his eyes. He looked around. “Do you want to…can we go for a walk?”

  She stood up and they wandered down the long, winding road toward the beach.

  He looked down at the ground as they passed bright pink bougainvillea covered walls. Then he glanced toward her briefly. “You look beautiful. You’ve been doing something right.”

  Unable to stop herself, she turned to him and her hand moved to touch his face. His eyes closed again, as if storing her touch as a memory. “Alex…I will never stop loving you. And I will never stop hoping.” He removed her hand from his face; they had already crossed the line.

  Glancing at his arm, she saw that he wasn’t wearing her watch. But the white line around his wrist indicated that he had been wearing it recently.

  “Never is a long time for an immortal.” He looked away and swallowed as his jaw clenched again. “You know, I don’t have very much time here.”

  “No!” she cried, feeling a lurch in her gut. “I thought we would have a full day together. He promised me that!”

  “Val, I have to leave in just a little while.”

  “That wasn’t the agreement!” She felt the tears beginning to overwhelm her, but she fought even harder. Alex closed his eyes hard, fighting the quivering in him. Then he pulled both of her hands into his and up to his heart. With her throat tight with tears, she asked, “Leaving early, is that your choice?”

  “It’s the only way it can be,” he said flatly. Then he drew a deep breath. “But we have some things that we need to discuss before I go.”

  She didn’t like the way that sounded. He led her to a table on the beach and glanced around to ensure that they had privacy. She wasn’t ready for this kind of conversation, especially when they had so little time together. But she didn’t ever want anything between them.

  “I have to tell you something.”

  “Whatever happened…” Then he glanced down for half a second, shedding the hurt, before his brilliant blue eyes looked directly into hers. “I understand.” Paolo had told him!

  “Alex…” Her heart pounded even louder. “I was thinking of you, and I,” she gulped, nervously, “I kissed him.” She breathed out. “There was too much rum and I am just so…so angry at myself for allowing myself to be in that position. It will never happen again. Not ever!” There she had said it.

  She saw the momentary flinch, as if she had hit him, but then he recovered. “It’s okay. I understand. I…” He looked away, and then into her eyes, hurt, but trying to hide it. “Beautiful, you share something with him that you and I never have.”

  “What are you talking about? You and I share something that I will never have with anyone but you! I don’t share anything with Paolo!”

  He looked out to the sea again and then swallowed before saying, “Intimacy. You—”

  “Is that what he told you?” she said, ashamed. “No! We…it was just…”

  Al
ex stopped her by placing his finger on her mouth, and his eyes softened, attempting to ease her guilt. “Beautiful, I meant in the past.” He swallowed again. “You have a memory of love and intimacy. Especially with recent events, you need to feel,” his jaw clenched again, “loved. Val, I don’t want you to feel guilty. ” Tears rimmed his eyes. “He does love you.”

  She couldn’t hear this, especially now. Then, with a hint of hesitation, he turned to her, the pain on his face overwhelming her.

  “Before I go, I need to show you something.” He swallowed and took her hands in his.

  The transference began and she felt the flow of energy and the pictures. She saw her beloved cottage. It looked a bit different. Then there was a view of a bedroll and boots from another time and Alex’s hand with his mark—the triquetra. From behind him, there was a sound and he turned, it was giggling laughter that Valeria recognized as her own.

  Through the thick greenery of summer, Valeria saw a very young version of herself, half dressed in corsets and silk. Paolo was seducing the fifteen-year-old version of herself, in a location where Alex would be certain to see it all.

  Hearing the girl laughing and sighing with Paolo’s mouth covering her and touching her, Valeria was horrified to be watching it…horrified that Alex had seen it!

  “Oh, Paolo! Sei tutto per me!” The girl whispered the passionate oath. Paolo’s face looked sweet and full of love. Valeria knew that phrase, Alex had used it; it meant, “You are my everything.” Valeria shuddered at the vision…and at the idea that Alex would share it with her.

  Whatever Alex’s reason for showing this to her, she had seen enough! She tried to pull her hand away from his to end the transference. But his grasp tightened.

  “Signore Alex?” the young girl asked Paolo, looking toward the cottage.

  Paolo waved his arm, obviously reassuring her that they were alone. Then Valeria saw what Alex wanted her to see—Paolo’s face turned directly toward Alex and, with a petulant glare, he ran his hands over the girl in ownership.

  The vision ended. Valeria sat not knowing what to say. She felt dead. “Why did you show that to me?”

  “I thought you should see what I see,” he swallowed and looked down for an instant, and Valeria sensed Alex’s embarrassment.

  “Are you giving up on me, because I was once a foolish girl?” Alex looked at her with so much love, it overwhelmed her again.

  “No, Val. No! You were a girl in love. I want you to know that you can be happy again.”

  The anger and hurt rose in her until finally she cried, “You think this is okay? You think that after everything that we had that I can just forget and be okay again? Well it's not okay and I will never be happy without you! Not ever!”

  Valeria tried to go into his arms and he took her hands and squeezed them, halting their embrace. A cry escaped her mouth, but she stopped the sobs again. Then he looked behind him and removed his hands, leaving them where he could stop her, should the need arise. Paolo must be watching.

  “I need you to remember that there are others whom you can talk to. Remember?”

  “Who?” she asked, and then her face filled with repulsion. “Paolo?” she asked in disgust.

  “I have to go.” She heard the ache in his voice.

  “No!”

  “Yes, beautiful,” he choked. “I have to go.”

  He turned for a moment and looked up the hill. Her eyes followed the line of his glance as she focused on the lone figure on the grassy hill. It was Paolo and he was most definitely watching them. Valeria caught something in Alex’s eyes and attempted to quickly analyze his expression but the only thing she seemed to be able to focus on was that he was leaving her again, and probably for the last time.

  “Did Paolo tell you that you have to leave?” Even from the distance Valeria could see Paolo attempt to look like he wasn’t watching every glance and touch between them.

  “Val, I’m so sorry, about all of this.” Alex squeezed his eyes shut…she could tell that in his mind he was holding her. His hand brushed over her face for an instant and then he rose with a brief and painful sob. Turning from her, he began walking briskly up the hill toward the lobby.

  She started to follow him and then, in a desperate attempt to keep Alex from leaving, she ran up the grass toward Paolo and screamed, “I’m supposed to have a day with him! What did you do?”

  Now Paolo nearly sprinted to close the distance between them. Once he was within arm’s length of her he said, “I’m sorry, bella, he did not have a day for you.” He shook his head sadly and reached out to soothe her. “I have tried to please you.”

  “You…” She pulled back from him and narrowed her eyes. “You played us both, didn’t you? What did you offer Alex?”

  A breeze picked up off the Caribbean, and Paolo shook his head. “No, bella. I called him last night after you became upset. I explained your feelings of guilt. Alex had very little time, but he did not wish for you to feel guilty about what you may be feeling for me. Please understand that he did not have more time for you.”

  Her voice came out as an angry shriek, “You’re a liar! He would make time for me!” She coldly glared at Paolo. “You will give us ten more minutes without you there! You will! Do you understand me?” Paolo looked away.

  She chased Alex up the hill. He had already entered the lobby and his car was waiting for him. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around his back, savoring the moment. She felt his breath hitch several times, before he took her arms, ending their embrace. Valeria grabbed his hands and he squeezed them for an instant. It was another moment before he looked down at her, with tears in his eyes.

  “What did he offer you?” she whispered.

  He shook his head. Valeria brushed the side of his face. “You aren't going to tell me, are you?”

  Moving his trembling hand to her face for a brief moment, he winked without a hint of joy. “You’re a smart girl. You can figure it out.” Despite everything Paolo had done, Alex wouldn't violate his agreements.

  “You know he's double dealing,” she said, still hanging on to his arms as she breathed in deeply, drinking in his wonderful scent.

  “I know Paolo.” Alex looked down into the eyes that he adored and his jaw tightened. “I can’t stay,” he breathed. “Val, I don’t trust myself to stay on the island with you and to stay away.” He forced another breath. “I hope you understand.” He ran his hand over her hair and then whispered, “I have to go.” He choked again. “Remember who you are.” Then he turned and walked out of her life…again.

  CHAPTER 14

  Valeria marched to where Paolo had been standing on the grassy area above the sand. She grabbed his arm and pulled him to the table where, moments before, she and Alex had been sitting.

  “What did you offer Alex so that he could see me?” she demanded. Paolo winced as if injured from her accusation.

  “What have I done to make you so suspicious of me?” He cocked his head. “Did Alex say something?”

  “No. He wouldn’t. Despite all of your lying and cheating and double dealing.” She shook her head. “He wouldn’t violate your agreement.”

  “Bella, I have only tried to please you.”

  “You gave him only thirty minutes. What was the exchange?” she angrily blurted out, her face red with rage and her whole insides shaking.

  Despite that, his eyes looked painfully innocent. He reached for her. “Bella—”

  She slapped his hand and pulled back. “Don’t you touch me! Just answer my question.” Then sadness moved in and she leaned toward Paolo and said softly, “Please, don’t play me. Just tell me the truth.” Her eyes begged him. “Paolo, what did it cost Alex to see me?”

  He looked up and his face momentarily hardened and then he acquiesced and shrugged. “The vision.” He rubbed his face. “I wanted you to know that you could be—that you were—very happy with me once.”

  Valeria nodded as she drew a deep breath. “Makes sense.” She swallowed, hurt tha
t she had been taken. “I want more answers.”

  He held up his arms innocently, as if he had nothing to hide.

  “You said that you weren’t the only signatory on the petition. Was Kristiana the other?”

  Paolo looked away and then at her. “Yes.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t lie to me, Paolo! How could she have known that we would be requesting an immortal marriage?”

  He stood and walked for a few moments. “I do not know what I’ve done to cause you so much distrust!” She glared at him. “Bella, I have had the petition for some time—you were there when I explained this to the council. It was delivered to me after you…after my Isabella died.”

  Valeria shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t believe you!” Paolo shrugged. “How would she know that Alex and I would be married?”

  “I believe that was an obvious assumption…to most of us.”

  “Is Kristiana an oracle?”

  His eye twitched, as if it was a sore subject. “No.”

  “Then how would she know that we would go to the council? How did she know that you would stand up against us?”

  Paolo looked up. “I don’t know, bella. I only know what she told me in the message.”

  “What did the message say?”

  “She said that there was an opportunity to set things right so that we could both have what we wanted, if we were patient.”

  “How could she have known that, Paolo? Doesn’t it appear to you as if she knew what would happen?”

  Paolo shook his head, and she knew that it was as much a mystery to him as it had been to Alex. “The only thing I do know is what must happen next.”

  “What?”

  Paolo looked off into the distance. “You will find the message in your room.”

  ∞

  From St Croix, Valeria flew to Puerto Rico. She knew that Alex was flying out of St Croix as well and she prayed that she might have an accidental meeting with him on the flight—although it wasn’t the wisest choice.