SOLO

by Bladon, Deborah

  "How so?" She motions for the bartender to bring her another drink.

  I hold up my now empty glass at wave it at him. "I could have licked her pussy for hours. Jesus, it was sweet. Those fucking soft sounds she was making. The way her ass wiggled in my hands. It was amazing."

  "You're making me want that." She squirms on the stool, her hand inching up my thigh.

  I stare at it. It's doing nothing for me. She's about ready to grab my balls through my pants and I'm not feeling it at all. All I want to do is talk about Libby. "You're not getting it from me."

  Her hand squeezes my thigh even tighter. "The night is still young."

  I ignore the comment. The last thing I want right now is to wash away the taste of Libby with another woman. That's not happening. "I can't stop thinking about her."

  "If that's true, it makes no sense that you didn’t fuck her when you had the chance."

  She's right. I didn’t fuck Libby when I had the chance. She was all splayed out on the couch in my office, her skirt hiked up to her waist, her beautiful pussy on full display and I dressed her and threw her out.

  "You may have your own theory about this, but do you want to know what I think?" She downs half the martini the bartender just put in front of her.

  "I'm dying to hear this." I take a sip of the bourbon, sliding a piece of ice between my lips.

  "You knew that if you fucked her, it would change the way you feel about her."

  "How would it do that?"

  "You said she's different right?" She raises the glass in the air.

  I nod. "She's very different."

  "Maybe fucking her would make her just like the rest of them." She tugs at the bottom of her dress, which is rider higher and higher with each movement she makes.

  I glance briefly at her legs. "You're suggesting that if I fucked her, I'd view her in the same way as every other woman I've fucked?"

  "I know men like you." She pulls her hand away from my thigh and rests it on the bar. "You fuck a woman once or twice and then you walk away. You don’t look back. You probably even give them parting gifts."

  This nameless redhead has me all figured out. "I've done that in the past, yes."

  She raises a brow to challenge me. "It's your thing. I can tell."

  "You can tell?" Have I fucked this woman? I'm beginning to feel like she knows me better than I know myself.

  She shifts in her seat. "I've seen you in here before. I've seen you leave with different woman. I've never seen you walk out of here with the same woman twice."

  I've been that obvious? Christ, I've been a fucking asshole. Maybe she's right. Maybe I don't want Libby to become one of the random women I've fucked, and then forgotten.

  Her eyes dart behind me. "I see someone I know over there. We're not going to fuck, right?"

  "No. We're not going to fuck."

  "Your loss." She slides off the bar stool, her hand darting to my shoulder. "Don't fuck it up with her, Charlie. You might not get a second chance with a girl like that."

  She's right. I need to fix things with Libby now.

  Chapter 21

  Libby

  "Sometimes I think about moving back to Denver." I cover my mouth to stifle a heavy yawn. "I miss it."

  "You miss how boring your life was?" Claudia taps her hand on the table. "You don't miss it there, Lib. You just get all sentimental when things aren't going your way."

  I can't argue that point. I've done the same thing every few months since I've been in New York. It happened each time I was passed over for a role. It happened when the first guy I dated here told me he wasn't into me and it's happening now. This time it's Alec's fault. He's the one who told me he wanted to fuck me and then when I gave myself to him, he rejected me. The bitter sting of that is still there, even though it's been more than a week since I was in his office with him.

  "What happened this time?"

  I should tell her. I should confess it all to her. Claudia can keep a secret. It's not as though she's going to rush up to Alec and tell him I was talking about him. She wouldn't do that. Would she?

  "Have you ever been with a guy who really wanted you and then when you gave yourself to him he rejected you?" That sounds so completely pathetic. I should have rehearsed this when I was in the shower this morning. Hearing the words now I realize I don't need her opinion at all. I need to stay away from Alec Hughes.

  "Like during sex? Did some guy reject you during sex, Lib?"

  I've just opened a can of worms and I'm never going to be able to close it back up again. "No, it's not me. It's a friend."

  "What friend?" she spits out.

  How can I blame her? I have a handful of friends in this city. She practically knows every single one of them. "It's no one you know. It's someone from back home."

  "Oh," she says with a confused look on her face. "Guys are crazy. Tell your friend to find a different guy who appreciates her."

  It's good, solid advice. "Did you hear anything more about the auditions for the touring company of Falling Choices?"

  "They're going to be next month." She doesn't take her eyes off her smartphone. "They're hand picking people to audition. Do you know anyone who can get us in?"

  As much as my dreams have always involved getting a lead part in a Broadway play, landing a major role in the touring company of Falling Choices is the next best thing. I'd seen the production at least a dozen times. I can sing every song from the show and I'm at the point now where I can almost literally recite the entire book line-for-line. It's my favorite musical of all time and if given the chance, I'd put my Broadway aspirations on hold to go on tour with that company.

  "Maybe I can talk to Sharma?" I feel deflated by the news that it's not an open audition. "Maybe she has some pull. I really want this. I think I could land a lead role."

  "I want you to get a part in that, Lib." She stands up in one fluid movement and juts her hand towards me. "Get up. Our break is over. It's time to get back in there."

  She's right. I need to get my head back into Selfish Fate. For now, it's my ticket to a career on Broadway so I need to stay focused and on track. With Alec Hughes out of my life there's nothing that will get in my way.

  ***

  I see the car the moment I round the corner. I don’t want my heart to react this way. I don't want my body to betray me the way it is. Why the hell am I getting so excited by the knowledge that Alec Hughes is waiting in front of my apartment building for me? He treated me like a throw-away the other day and now my pulse is racing knowing I'm going to be looking at his beautiful green eyes any second.

  I up my pace when I see Gabriel exit the car and walk around it. I don't look in his direction when I see the shadow of his large frame step out of the back seat and I don't react at all when I hear him say my name.

  I try to walk past him but the street is filled with people. I'm not more than ten paces away from my front door and I'm trapped. Alec is standing directly in front of me.

  "Libby, please." His hand is on my shoulder. "Look at me."

  I can't. I know what I'm feeling. I'm hurt. I'm angry, but more than anything, I'm humiliated.

  "I don't know why you're here." I direct my words to the ground, my eyes focused on a small piece of grass fighting its way through a crack in the concrete. "I don't want to see you."

  He exhales. The rush of air from his mouth skims my cheek. "Libby." He's so close to me now. He's bent forward. He's trying to get me to make eye contact with him but I can't.

  "I need to get upstairs." I take a step to the left but he mirrors my action.

  "Let me come up."

  I can't. I want to. The part of me that is pathetic and weak wants him to come up. That part wants him to slide his tongue over my clit again. It wants him to strip naked so I can drop to my knees and take him in my mouth. It's the part that dreams of having his cock inside of me, pounding it into me until I have the most explosive orgasm I've ever had. That's the part of me I need to tie up so it doe
sn't get in the way.

  I finally lift my eyes to his face. Christ, Libby. Why the fuck would you do that? You know he's too beautiful for words. You know women can't resist him and you're a woman so what the hell were you thinking?

  "I'm busy, Alec," I try to say the words through dry lips. "I don't think we have anything to talk about."

  "I'm just asking for a few minutes." His voice is different. It's not bold and confident. It's cracking. There's vulnerability in it that I haven't heard before.

  I know I shouldn't do this. I know that I need to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone but my mouth says the two words that my heart needs it to. "Come inside."

  Chapter 22

  Alec

  "I was such a fucking asshole in my office, Libby," I spit the words out in haste the moment she closes the door. I can't honestly believe she agreed to let me up. Now that I'm standing here I have no idea how to fix this mess I've made.

  She places her bag down and turns to look at me. "Is that an apology?"

  An apology? Jesus. I should be giving her that and more. "I'm sorry, Libby. I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

  "Why are you here?" She kicks her heels off. "How long were you waiting out there?"

  If I'm going to be honest I've been tracking her movements all day. I stood in the corner of the rehearsal hall watching her dance and sing hours ago. After that I peered through the window of the jewelry store watching her sell a necklace to an older man. I was mesmerized by the smile on her face as she patiently showed him one necklace after another until he finally chose the one he purchased. Once she was off work, I had Gabriel bring me here.

  "You've apologized, Alec. You can leave." She starts towards the door.

  I move a step to the left to block her path. I know that she can easily dart around me but I also know that she won't. If she didn't want to hear me out, she wouldn't have let me in. "I have some things I want to say."

  "So say them." She rests her hands on her hips. "I'm all ears."

  "Can I sit down?" I need to relax. I need to calm the fuck down if I'm going to do this correctly.

  She sweeps her hands towards that lumpy as hell couch of hers. "Be my guest."

  I sit, trying to position my weight so any wayward springs don't find their way up my ass. "I don't usually act like that after I go down on a woman." Why does that sound completely offensive?

  There's absolutely no hiding the disgust in her expression. "This isn't helping."

  "Libby." I lean forward, as much to curb the distance between us as to keep my cock in one piece. This fucking couch is a death trap. "What we did in my office was intense for me."

  She taps her hand on the arm of the chair she's sitting in. "Intense in what way?"

  Not exactly the response I thought I'd get but I can work with it. "I don't usually care about the women I have sex with. Tasting you was amazing. It made me feel things."

  "What things?" Her hand traces a path along the fabric of the chair, her eyes following it.

  "I was overwhelmed with how good it felt. I didn't want you to just be another woman that I fucked, Libby." I strain to control my breathing. It's rapid and uneven. I'm confessing things aloud I've never felt before in my life. "I had to stop and think. I was a dick for the way I handled it."

  I watch her intently. I see the small smile that overtakes her beautiful mouth. I see the way her hand relaxes on the chair. I need to keep this moving forward if I expect her to give me another chance.

  "I'd like us to spend more time together."

  Her gaze moves up until she's staring directly at me. "As in the arrangement you talked about?"

  I scratch the back of my head. I feel so completely uncomfortable. I haven't talked about my feelings in years. Most of the time, I forget I even have feelings. "No, I want this to be different."

  "What do you mean? Different in what way?"

  "I know you have concerns about your work." I pat the edge of her knee. "I know how important your role in the musical is to you."

  She nods slightly. "I worked really hard to get it."

  I'm sure she did. I had no say in casting choices until Sharma summoned me down to the rehearsal hall that morning I first saw Libby. "I have no doubt about that. I don't want to jeopardize that for you."

  Her shoulders lean forward. I recognize the relief in them. "My job is the most important thing in the world to me."

  You wouldn't expect to hear those words coming from a young woman who is set to inherit a billion dollar corporation one day. It's something we have in common, even if she's not aware of it. I never sat back and enjoyed the spoils of my father's hard work either. I got my ass into college, got a degree and worked my way up in our company. Libby is doing the very same thing. The only difference is that she had the guts to chase her own dreams. She's got the education to back up her father's investments, but she's making a life on her own. I respect her for that.

  "I know you said you'd get me a solo at one point," she begins before she stops to take in a breath. "I don't want that. I want to make it on my own. I need to prove it to myself."

  "I know that you do," I offer softly. "I'm amazed by your talent."

  "You've never heard me sing." Her face lights up in a wide smile. "You don't know if I'm talented or not."

  I lean back again doing my best to avoid the mine field that is the springs in her couch. "I've been at rehearsals. I've watched you sing and dance. The stage is where you belong."

  "You've been there?"

  "A few times." I reach to rest my arm on the back of the sofa.

  She lifts her chin slightly, tilting forward in her seat. "You're full of surprises."

  "You have no idea. You have no fucking idea." I close my eyes to ward off the always present memories of my fucked up past. I need to start looking at my future and now is as good a time as any. "Have dinner with me tomorrow, Libby. Let's try this again."

  Chapter 23

  Libby

  "What are the rules?" I feel nervous energy bouncing throughout my entire body. Alec Hughes just asked me out. I want this. I mean I think I want this. I wouldn't even be considering it if he hadn't apologized for what happened in his office.

  "Rules?" He's on his feet, smoothing the hem of his suit jacket. "What do you mean?"

  I'm confused and I'm sure my expression isn't hiding that at all. "You don't just go on dates with women without rules in place, do you?"

  He buttons the jacket stopping to remove a stray piece of lint. "I guess I don't. I haven't actually gone on a lot of dates the past few years."

  "Can I ask you something about that?" I lean in closer as if the walls can hear me. "I mean if it's okay to talk about it."

  "Talk about what?" His jaw clenches. "What are you asking me about?"

  "When you sleep with women, do they always take the gifts you offer to them?" It's been there, right on the edge of my lips waiting for me to ask it. I've never been around a man who treated sex like a business arrangement before.

  He takes a step back. I can tell I've offended him. "I treat women well, Libby. I think you've jumped to some incorrect conclusions about me."

  "I'm sorry if it sounded as though I was judging you." I want that to sound completely genuine, because it is. We all make our own choices. I'm just trying to understand him more.

  He rubs his temple with his left hand. "My life is very busy so I seek out women who are looking for the same thing I am."

  "I understand," I say under my breath. I don't really understand. I just want to understand how it impacts my time with him.

  "I'm a generous person. If a woman I'm interested in needs something and I have the ability to give it to her, I want to."

  I stare at his face. It's stoic and emotionless. "I was just curious."

  "Libby," he whispers my name quietly into the still air between us. "I don't want you to think so much about this. I want you to enjoy it. We're just two people who are going to go on a date or two."

 
A date or two? He's right. I'm asking about his moral compass and he just asked me out to dinner. I need to slow things down. "You're right."

  "You're not working at the jewelry store tomorrow night, are you?"

  "Not tomorrow, no."

  He adjusts one of his cufflinks, pulling the sleeve of his dress shirt in line with his jacket. "I'll be here for you at eight."

  I follow him to the door, stopping when he turns to look at me. "I'm looking forward to it."

  "Me too," he whispers softly against my lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."

  ***

  "This view must be amazing." I stare out the large window towards Central Park.

  I hear him behind me before his hand touches my elbow. "When you come back during the day, you'll see for yourself."

  I turn to look at him, taking the wine glass that he's holding out for me. I need to pay attention to how much I'm drinking tonight. I don't want a repeat of what happened after we left Axel NY. "I didn't realize we'd be having dinner at your place."

  "It's not," he begins before he takes a sip of the wine. "It's not always comfortable going to a restaurant. Sometimes I prefer ordering in."

  "If I lived here, I'd never go out." I dip my head. My gaze stops on the simple black dress I'm wearing. I feel so misplaced in such a beautiful space. "This is such a nice condo."

  His eyes dart over my face. "I've wanted to ask you something, Libby."

  I need reinforcement before I hear this so I take a healthy swallow of the wine. That's all I'll have. It's going to be enough to take the edge off without throwing me into his lap again. "What is it?"

  "I know who your father is." His jaw tightens. "I've been wondering why you live in that apartment."

  I sigh. It shouldn't surprise me that he's jumped to the assumption that my father is footing the bill for my adventures in New York City. My entire life it's been the same story. I come from money therefore I should have money. "It's all I can afford."