by Carrie Elks
– King Lear
The day was blessed with a squally storm that whipped up the snowdrifts and made them dance like butterflies. Old flakes mingled with new, enough to cause a whiteout. Kitty and Annie spent Christmas Eve morning lighting fires and stirring hot chocolate, singing with Jonas while he practised his carols for his evening’s performance. By lunchtime the aroma of ham and pumpkin filled the kitchen, making Kitty’s nose twitch with olfactory memories of her childhood.
Not that they’d eaten pumpkin pie when she was a child. Her holidays had been traditionally British, with spice-filled Christmas puddings and warm mince pies. Their meat of choice had been turkey, but there was always a ham, too. First her mum, and then Lucy, would cook so much the leftovers would stretch into January. Turkey curry, ham pies, all those things tasted like home.
She missed them.
‘How long to go?’ Jonas asked, pulling at her arm. ‘Is it nearly time?’
Kitty ruffled his hair. ‘There’s nine hours to get through yet, so let’s try not to wish it away, OK?’
For one night only, Jonas was allowed to stay up until late. They’d decided midnight was too late, even if his singing was supposed to be a replacement for midnight mass, but staying up until nine might just mean he slept in on Christmas Day. That would be a gift for everybody.
‘That’s such a long time.’ He slumped down in the kitchen chair, pushing his empty mug away.
Mia and Everett had left earlier to travel to Washington, DC, for a meeting followed by a cocktail reception. Neither of them looked particularly happy about it, snapping at each other like angry dogs before they left. Mia had given Jonas an extra big hug, promising she’d be there before Santa arrived on his sleigh.
To make up for their absence, Kitty was determined to fill Jonas’s day with delight.
‘How about we watch a movie?’ she suggested. ‘I’ve downloaded a few. We’ve got The Polar Express, or Elf. I think there’s The Santa Clause, too.’
His face lit up. ‘Can we watch it with Oma?’
Kitty shook her head. ‘She’s resting today so she can be awake this evening. She doesn’t want to miss your concert.’
‘Can we have popcorn instead, then?’ Jonas shot her a grin.
‘Why not?’ The kid was without his parents, stuck in a desolate house far away from his friends, with only his nanny, a cook and elderly grandparents for company. If he wanted popcorn, he was damn well going to get it.
‘Yay!’ He scooted into the living room to set up the TV while Kitty gathered their food and drinks. They spent the afternoon snuggled on the sofa beneath an Afghan rug, watching movie after movie and stuffing their faces. As the light of the day was slowly defeated by the onset of dusk, Jonas fell asleep against her, his slight body curled into hers.
There was something so comforting about having him dozing in her arms. Like having a favourite dog curled up on her lap. She felt protective and peaceful. At that moment contentedness was spilling out of her, and it was warming her up from the inside. She was going to miss him when she was back in LA. Hell, there was a lot she was going to miss.
‘Is he asleep?’ Annie popped her head around the door.
‘He is.’ Kitty smiled. ‘I’d wake him up but as he’s going to be staying up tonight I thought I’d let him rest.’
‘Well if you can leave him for a moment, there’s someone here to see you.’
‘Who?’ Kitty frowned.
‘It’s Adam. He wants to know when to bring the dog over. For Jonas’s surprise.’
Kitty only had to hear his name for her heart to start racing. It was shameful the way he made her feel. Exciting too, in that schoolgirl crush kind of way. Just four simple letters and her body was in a full rush.
Gently, she extricated herself from Jonas, slipping a cushion under his head and tucking the blanket firmly around him. He murmured in his sleep, then turned over, twisting the blanket around him. With his golden hair and bright red cheeks he seemed more cherub than child.
The warm feelings followed her into the kitchen, where Adam was leaning on the counter, his brown eyes following her entrance. He didn’t have to say a word. His expression said it all.
His intensity took her breath away.
‘Hey.’ She felt suddenly coy. Lingering by the table, a few feet away from him, she found herself twisting at her fingers. ‘Everything OK?’
‘It’s fine.’ His voice was thick. ‘I just wanted to see you.’
‘You did?’ Kitty glanced behind, seeking out Annie, but the housekeeper was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she was being discreet, giving them some space. Kitty had long since suspected Annie knew exactly what was going on.
When Adam swallowed, his Adam’s apple pushed out. ‘I missed you.’ A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. ‘I can’t even make it through a day without seeing you.’
His words made her heart want to sing. He was echoing her thoughts, underlining the aching need they both seemed to have.
Maybe that’s what made her bold enough to step forward and take his hands in hers. Rolling onto her toes, she lifted herself up, pressing her lips to his. The contact of his soft, warm mouth, framed by the sharp bristles of his beard was delicious.
A moment later he was scooping her up, kissing her hard and fast. His hands were everywhere, in her hair, down her sides, cupping her behind. Getting his fix while he could.
She was getting hers, too.
When she finally pulled away, her face was flushed. Adam’s eyes were dark, searching, seeking answers she wasn’t sure she could give. She wanted to try anyway.
‘You came about the puppy?’
Adam shook his head. ‘An excuse, I came about you. No, I came for you. If I had my way I’d steal you right now and hide you back at the cabin.’
‘That sounds good.’ A lie; it sounded perfect. There was nothing she’d rather do. But there was Jonas and there were complications, and there was that damn movie Adam didn’t know was being made. Secrets and lies, all waiting to spill out. Was it wrong that she wanted to hide away from them all? To pretend it was just her and Adam and nobody else in the world? She couldn’t remember a time she was happier than when she was lying in his arms.
‘But I guess that’s out of the question?’ He tipped his head, his smile inviting. She wanted to follow him out of the door, to leave everything behind. For them to stay in their bubble for a few hours longer.
‘I can’t…’ It hurt her heart to say it. ‘There’s Jonas, his concert, it’s Christmas Eve. I can’t leave him alone.’
‘Where are Everett and Mia?’
‘They’re out in DC. They won’t be back until late this evening.’ She tried to hide the bitterness in her voice, but it was impossible. ‘They won’t even be here to hear him sing to his grandmother.’
A flash of anger lit Adam’s eyes. ‘They won’t?’
‘No, and he’s been practising for days, poor kid. He’s so excited about it. Sometimes I want to shake them, make them realise what they’re missing out on. It’s one thing to be dedicated to your career, another to forget your child at the most important time of year.’
‘Doesn’t matter what time of year it is. The kid should always come first.’
Kitty nodded in agreement. Another reason why she felt so connected to Adam – he was on her wavelength. How often did you meet someone who seemed to echo your own beliefs so completely?
‘Will you come to his concert?’ she asked him.
‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’
‘Thank you,’ she said softly, squeezing his hand. ‘You’re going to make his day.’
Mary Klein’s bedroom smelled of rosewater and soap. At some point that week, Annie had made it look festive – with a tree in the corner and garlands on the wall. Even the patient herself was looking better, any residual pain seemed to have gone, bringing the pinkness back to her cheeks.
Maybe it was the fact she’d be coming downstairs for the first time tomorrow that made her eyes spa
rkle. Or maybe it was Jonas’s concert that made her look so alive. Either way, it was nice to see her looking so awake and happy.
Next to her in the cosy chair was her husband, and Annie had taken the chair on the other side. Adam was perched on the end of the bed, while Kitty was standing closer to Jonas, to give him the support he needed. Even Drake was there, lingering in the doorway. It was a fine crowd for Jonas’s debut.
‘OK?’ she whispered to him.
Jonas nodded, and took another mouthful of water, nervously swallowing it down.
Kitty gave him a squeeze. ‘Knock ’em out. You’re going to be great.’ She could see his hands trembling as he walked into the middle of the room, all eyes following him. A burst of pride shot through her. He was overcoming his fears, and she knew she’d had a lot to do with that.
The room fell silent as Jonas took a deep breath, then sang the first note, his pure voice cutting through the cloying air. Though his eyes were open, he was focused on something far away, his face taking on a wistful look. ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’ was the first carol. His grandmother’s favourite, Annie had told them. And as he continued through the verses there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
Kitty stole a look at Mary Klein, who was mouthing the words along with Jonas, staring at her grandson with adoration. One papery hand was folded in her husband’s, the other tightly clutching at her bedcovers. Francis and Annie’s eyes were trained on him, too. And in the front was Adam, her Adam, staring at his nephew with the ghost of a smile on his lips.
Within moments Adam had caught her gaze. Like always, he made her chest tighten. It was as though there was a physical connection between them, fizzing and hissing like an electrical fault, and it made her feel jittery and high.
When Jonas began the next song, Kitty’s pulse was racing. For the rest of her life, she knew she’d always think of this moment whenever she heard a Christmas carol. It would be impossible to forget the way Jonas sounded so heartbreakingly wholesome, or the way the flickering candles created shadows on the white walls. Most of all she’d remember the way she felt, like a ball of fire was rolling inside her, and the person stoking it was Adam Klein. The knowledge of him lifted her like a spiritual awakening. He filled her body, her mind, her soul. Every part of her ached to touch him, for him to hold her close and never let go. She wanted nothing more than to disappear into his skin.
Was this love? She didn’t know. But whatever it was that she felt, it was too powerful to ignore. He was a rumble of thunder through the dark night, a storm coming ever closer, with no building or tree to shield her. He was going to strike her down, and she wanted it. Craved it, even. Their connection – whatever it was – had taken on a life of its own, and neither of them seemed able to control it.
Jonas came to his final song, and Kitty tore her eyes from Adam’s. Her body was reacting in ways she’d never felt before, like a bear awakening from hibernation. She wanted to stretch her body, let him invade her like a fresh breath of air.
When Jonas hit the final note, Mary Klein gestured him over and he sat on her bed, burying his head in her arms. The cocktail of emotions stirring through Kitty’s blood paralysed her, her heart hammering against her chest while she stared at the tableau of people in front of her. A family connected on Christmas Eve.
Maybe that should have made her sad. Caused her to miss her own family. But right then, right there, she couldn’t think of a single place she’d rather be. Home wasn’t where your blood was. It wasn’t even where your heart was. Home was where you felt accepted, love, at peace.
Home felt strangely like Adam Klein.
Jonas gave a huge yawn, stretching his arms above his head in an almost parodic way. His mouth was opened so wide she could practically see his tonsils.
‘OK, buddy, time for bed,’ Kitty told him, shooting a glance at his grandmother to make sure it was OK. She still felt strange, as though she was having some kind of out-of-body experience.
‘She’s right,’ Mary said. ‘If you don’t get to sleep, Santa won’t come. You don’t want to miss out on your gifts tomorrow.’
And boy, what presents they would be. Kitty wondered if the puppy would be a welcome addition.
‘What are we waiting for?’ Jonas jumped off the bed. ‘C’mon, Kitty, it’s bedtime.’ With that he was out of the room and racing down the stairs to the second floor, heading for the bathroom. Kitty glanced over her shoulder before following him. Adam was still standing in the corner, his gaze warm. She wanted to say something to him, to tell him goodbye. To ask when she’d see him again. But she couldn’t, not now. Not when everybody was here.
She hated that their secret meant she had to remain silent.
She hated secrets, full stop.
She gave him a half-smile, then turned, still feeling the heat of his stare on her back as she left the room.
Along with an emptiness she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Adam watched Kitty leave, her blonde hair swinging behind her as she whipped around and walked out of his mother’s bedroom, her sheepskin slippers padding softly on the polished wood floor. He’d been staring at her all night. He couldn’t help it. She was just too damned beautiful.
They couldn’t go on like this. At first the secrecy had been part of the fun. A big f-you to his brother; an adrenalin-fuelled high. But now it was killing him.
His thoughts stole back to that morning, when Kitty was curled up in his arms. He didn’t feel like hiding when she was around. He wanted to shout about her from the rooftops.
‘Adam, did you hear me?’ His mom’s voice cut through his thoughts. He looked over at her, his smile warm.
‘Sorry, I was miles away.’
‘I can see that.’ Her face held an expression of mischief. ‘I was asking you when you were planning to bring the dog over.’
He shrugged. ‘I guess I’ll bring him over after breakfast, when we open the tree gifts.’
She gave him a beaming smile. ‘You’re coming to open the gifts too?’
‘Of course. Who doesn’t like gifts?’ His eyes twinkled.
Mary lay back, closing her eyes. ‘Who are you and what have you done with my son?’
Adam laughed. ‘I tied him up and left him in the cabin.’
‘That’s good, because I like you much better.’
He walked over to the side of her bed. His father was still sitting on the other side, watching them fondly. Adam leaned down and pressed his lips to his mom’s forehead, kissing her gently. ‘You should get some rest.’
‘She should,’ his father agreed. ‘It’s been a long day.’
‘But a good day.’ She reached out and grabbed his hand. ‘And it’s been wonderful to have you here with us. After this summer, I never thought I’d see the day…’
Adam swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. ‘I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.’
It was true. Kitty was the catalyst to opening his heart, but it was his family that made it feel full. His parents, Annie, Jonas, all of them were the reasons he felt so comfortable, the reason this felt like home.
Leaning down, he kissed her one last time. ‘Merry Christmas, Mom.’
She squeezed his hand then released it, her eyelids starting to flutter with exhaustion. Her voice was quiet enough that he had to strain to hear her.
‘Merry Christmas, son.’
27
For she had eyes and chose me
– Othello
Jonas had gone to bed without a fuss. The threat of Santa not coming was enough to get the naughtiest of children to crawl beneath their bed covers, and Jonas was no exception. He’d cleaned his teeth, climbed into his snowman pyjamas and then hung his stocking on the end of his bed before hopping onto his mattress and closing his eyes. He’d even waved off Kitty’s offer of a book. The Night Before Christmas was no match for his impatient mind.
She’d waited for an hour before sneaking back in and filling his stocking. An assortment of gifts, brightly wrapped, sp
illing over the top in a satisfying way. Mia and Everett may have lacked many things, but generosity wasn’t one of them.
It was almost midnight by the time she finally climbed the stairs to the loft room. Mia and Everett still hadn’t arrived home. Snow had started to fall again, the flakes sticking to the windowpane and swirling in the beam of the outside lights. She hoped they’d be home soon, that the snow wouldn’t hold them back. That Jonas wouldn’t awaken on Christmas Day to find his parents had no choice but to spend it in Washington, DC.
Walking into her bedroom, she reached out to switch on the light. A figure was sitting on her bed. She jumped, clutching her chest with her palm, her eyes almost popping out of her head.
