Ties That Bind Us

by Nicole Knight

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him as he confirmed my fears. He had taken the coward’s way out, and it seemed like I was going to be the one to have to tell Ava the real story. “And Vince?”

  “Vince, he’s a different story.” Alessandro let out a heavy sigh. “He has always blamed you guys. After Andrew died, Ava pretty much lost her mind. They’d always been so connected, she just . . .” He shook his head slightly. “It was bad, I think she blamed herself. We went through a period where she was constantly out partying, almost threw her entire education away, and very nearly killed herself while she was at it. After all of that, we decided it was best to let her think what she did and we didn’t broach the topic with her again.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. This was all news to me. I knew vaguely about her partying and drug use but I hadn’t realized it was that extensive. It didn’t change my feelings for her at all; if anything, it made my heart break for her more. She was working through the loss of her brother, and Alessandro didn’t even have the decency to tell her the truth. He severely underestimated her. The Ava I knew was strong and courageous, and knowing what happened wouldn’t break her. Hell, it would probably even help her if she knew there was nothing she could have done.

  “It’s your choice, Nick, but I don’t think it’s in either of your best interests for her to know that you shot her brother,” Alessandro cautioned, effectively ending the conversation.

  He was a bastard for leaving her in the dark like that, toying with her mental health and making her think she was crazy. He was worried she’d be upset with him, and now he was passing that off to me. He never had any intentions of telling her.

  Soon, a day would come when I would have to tell her. I could only hope we’d be able to work through it together. If not, who knew what would happen.

  Ava

  Even though Nick had promised we could take things slowly, everything seemed to go into hyperdrive once I agreed to marry him. A family dinner was scheduled, an engagement party after that. A wedding date was set for six months from now. He would have preferred two, and I would have preferred twelve, but we were both making some concessions.

  I knew in the grand scheme of things, this marriage meant more for Nick than it did for me in terms of how much his daily life would change. Three months after our marriage, he’d take over as Don and have control over both of our families. They would still be separate entities, but he and my father, and eventually Vince, would have to work together cohesively and ultimately Nick would have the final say. That was a lot of pressure to be under, and I wondered what that meant for me as his wife.

  So far everything had been great. Nick was nothing but a complete gentleman, and while I knew it wouldn’t last forever, I was soaking it up. I could see myself falling for Nick; in fact, I was already starting to. Angie was right, if I had to be involved in an arranged marriage at all, one with Nick didn’t look all that bad. He treated me well, he respected me, and he’d actually been open and honest with me.

  The last few days, he’d been on a job and I hadn’t been able to see him. It was a pleasant surprise how much I missed him. I was going a little stir crazy, so despite my better judgment, I had let Bella convince me to go with her to Jaguar. She had always been an instigator, just better at sneaking around than me, which meant she never got caught for any of the things she talked us into. She specifically liked to go wild child when her fiancé, Max, was out of town, and that was more often than not. I’d bailed on her a lot lately, and was starting to feel guilty, so after a lot of convincing, I caved. With Nick gone, I needed something to keep my mind busy.

  The Jag was one of the only clubs where we could avoid being seen by anyone who knew our dad. It was in Newark, and drew more of a local crowd than some of the clubs in the New York City. It was a small, dark place, and probably had about a hundred health violations, but the music was good and the drinks were strong. We’d been doing this since we were teenagers, and even though we were old enough to be out drinking now, we still chose it most of the time. It was a hefty drive, but being far away meant that we were less likely to run into someone we knew or someone who could let our father know what we were up to. I guess that’s what they mean by old habits die hard. Would we ever outgrow the fear of getting caught doing something by our disapproving parents?

  The club was packed when we went in, but we’d been here enough over the years to know the bouncers, and were ushered in right away.

  “God, I’ve missed this,” Bella squealed as we went in. She was almost giddy, thriving on this type of thing. “You find us a table, and I’ll go get some drinks.”

  She scurried off before I could protest. My conversation with Nick was in the back of my mind—I knew he wouldn’t be thrilled with me being here with Bella, but I could keep things under control. Winding through the crowd, I spotted a high-top table toward the back. It took a few minutes but I was finally able to maneuver my way there. I was just getting situated when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “Well, I’ll be damned.” Jimmy grinned, then leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. “It’s great to see you, Ava.”

  A sinking feeling grew in my stomach. I hadn’t had enough alcohol to equip me for seeing my cheating ex-boyfriend.

  “Hi, Jimmy.” I smiled uncomfortably. It had been a long time since Jimmy and I had had a normal conversation; it was going to take some getting used to.

  “You look well.” He took my hand in his, studying the diamond on my finger, and arched an eyebrow. “The rumors are true?”

  “They are. I’m getting married.”

  “Good for you, Avs. To a Caponelli no less. Which one? Frankie? Leo?” He slid into a chair at the table, inviting himself to join me as I glanced desperately over my shoulder looking for my sister. Where the hell was Bella?

  “Nick, actually.” I smiled.

  Jimmy was shocked. “The heir himself, huh? You’ll practically be Caponelli royalty.”

  “I don’t know about that.” I laughed, folding my hands together. “I didn’t have much choice in the matter, anyway.”

  “Well, congratulations either way. I hope he’ll make you happy.”

  “Thanks, Jimmy.” I was surprised at how civil the conversation had been.

  “There you are!” Bella shrieked, setting four sloshing drinks down on the table. “Jimmy! How are you?”

  “Doing well. It’s good to see the two of you out again, it’s been a while.” Jimmy gave her a charming smile that only repulsed me. She seemed to fall right for it, though, friendly to a fault.

  “Tell me about it.” Bella rolled her eyes. “This one gets engaged and it’s like pulling teeth to get her out of the house.”

  “It is not!” I defended myself, taking a large gulp of my drink. I knew I was going to need this, and many more to get through the night. Not to mention the connection between Nick and Andrew, whatever it was, was weighing on my mind. I knew I had to let it go—so what if they were friends? Andrew probably had a lot of friends I didn’t know. Who cared if Nick was one of them?

  “I never thought I’d see the day Ava Moretti settled down, let alone married.” Jimmy smirked.

  “Like I said, I didn’t really have a choice,” I grumbled, regretting my decision to come out tonight.

  “That’s not stopping you from enjoying it, though.” Bella snickered.

  “Would you give it a rest?”

  “You got anything to lighten my sister up, Jimmy? She can’t seem to take a joke.” Bella threw a tousled curl over her shoulder. Bella never took my addiction seriously and still thought I could party like I used to without any repercussions. No matter how badly I wished that was true, it was never just a one-and-done type of thing for me. She could stop herself when she felt like it was going too far, but I couldn’t—at least not with cocaine.

  “I got just the thing.” Jimmy fished a packet of white powder out of his pocket discreetly. Just looking at it brought a bur
ning to my veins. I hadn’t done cocaine in months. I hated what it did to me, the downward spiral it brought me to. I wasn’t going to risk that now.

  “No, thanks.” I slid it back to him.

  Jimmy smirked smugly. “Of course not. Caponelli wouldn’t approve of that, now would he? You already think you’re too good for us now that you’re joining them.”

  “It’s not about that. I just . . .” I shifted in my seat.

  “Come on, Avs!” Bella begged. “Just a little won’t hurt anything! You know how good it makes you feel.”

  I gulped, trying to find my strength. I hated that she was right. When I was high, I felt like I was flying. All my problems disappeared and I was light, drifting in a sort of alternate universe. I used to crave it worse than just about anything, and as much as I hated to admit it, it sounded good right now. If I only had a little, was there much harm in that? I had stopped before on my own, I could do it again. One taste wouldn’t hurt anything would it?

  “You know you want to, Ava. Don’t be so pretentious. One more time for old times’ sake.” Jimmy’s voice was enticing as he slid the packet toward me again.

  I could do this. I could have one taste and be content. I deserved to let loose and have a good time with Bella and our friends tonight. I was about to give my life away to the Mafia, why not celebrate a little bit?

  I opened the baggie slowly, then slipped my finger into the silky white powder. It would absorb quickly if I pressed it to my gums, and the high wouldn’t even be that strong. No one would guess.

  “That’s it,” Jimmy coaxed.

  I paused, getting a hold of myself. “No, I don’t want it. Thank you.”

  “Well, if you’re going to be such a wimp, give it to me.” Bella laid out a line in front of her then snorted the white powder. It made me cringe to think how close I had come to blowing everything I’d worked so hard for. I was proud of myself for resisting.

  Bella and I continued to dance and party with Jimmy, but it took some time for me to loosen up. I felt uncomfortable being here, and to try to combat that feeling, I had quite a bit to drink. I finally started to enjoy myself, and before I knew it, it was two in the morning.

  I left Bells and our group of friends briefly to go get a few more shots, and headed for the bar.

  I caught a glimpse of a man gawking at me from across the room, and headed toward him with every intention to put him in his place. The closer I got, the more I recognized a very angry Nick glaring at me. I had a fleeting thought of turning around and running, but I was already halfway there, I might as well fully commit to my misery.

  “Hi!” I threw my arms around his rigid neck. “I’ve missed you! Let’s go get a drink and you can tell me about your trip.”

  Nick grabbed my upper arm tightly and led me to the door before I could even say good-bye to Bella. “I think you’ve had enough.”

  In this state, I couldn’t decide if angry Nick was sexy or terrifying.

  “Ow, you’re hurting me,” I whined once we were finally outside. Several people around us stared at the scene we were making.

  “Have you completely lost your mind? Has this been going on the entire time I’ve been gone?” Nick growled.

  “No!” I defended myself, tears welling up in my eyes. “Bella begged me to come with her and I just thought one night wouldn’t hurt anything. I haven’t had that much, really.”

  “I watched you take seven shots in the last thirty minutes,” he countered. I had backed myself into a corner, and there didn’t seem to be a way out.

  “I’m sorry,” I said as tears streamed down my face. The reality of what I had done was catching up to me. “I just wanted to have a little fun.”

  “Ava.” He sighed exasperatedly. “I didn’t tell you to stop partying because I didn’t want you to have fun. I did it because I was concerned about your safety, especially when I’m not with you. What if you had stumbled into another guy tonight? God knows what would have happened?”

  “It was stupid, I know,” I continued, the weight of my guilt feeling like a ton of bricks on my shoulders. It was all stupid, and I never should have been here in the first place.

  “You don’t know. This is a terrible part of town, and now that we’re getting married, it’s even more dangerous for you. This place is a shithole and this is exactly the neighborhood Alek Asnikov moved into. Not to mention the fact that you completely disregarded what I said. I thought we had an understanding of what would happen if you used again.” His tone held an ominous threat as I replayed our previous conversation in my mind.

  “I didn’t. It was just a few drinks.” He didn’t seem to be interested in my excuses and didn’t respond.

  “Nick, I’m sorry,” I said again, at a loss for what else might make this situation better. It was a terrible feeling knowing I had disappointed him. It was the complete opposite of how I used to feel with my dad. I liked to see how far I could push him, but with Nick, the idea of him being even slightly disappointed in me was heart wrenching.

  I wiped a few remaining tears off of my cheeks.

  “I know, but that doesn’t change what happened tonight.” He took my hand and led me to his car. My heart sank at the disappointment and anger soaking his voice. I sobered up in record speed.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “I can’t exactly take you home to your father like this.” He scratched his chin. “I have a guest room at my place. You can stay in my room and I’ll stay in there.”

  I grimaced. “You don’t want to . . .”

  “No,” he snapped quickly, opening his car door for me. “This is not exactly how I want to remember the first time I wake up to you in my bed.”

  He slammed the door and went around to the other side. I jumped at the noise. I had made up my mind—angry Nick was terrifying.

  Chapter 13

  Ava

  I had been to Nick’s penthouse once before, but it was still foreign to me. Everything was so pristine, I was pretty sure the floors were so clean you could eat off of them. Someday it would be my home, but right now I still felt like a guest.

  Nick grunted when we got inside, grabbing my hand and leading me down the hallway. He was still pissed off and had hardly said two words to me on the way home. The alcohol was wearing off and everything was converging on me at once.

  Nick had every right to be upset. We had talked about all of this before, and I still let myself get out of control. I knew my limits better than most people, and if I wasn’t careful with them, I’d wind up exactly where I was a few months ago, or worse. Alcohol was a gateway for me, and sure, I’d been strong enough to deny the drugs, but I didn’t know if that would always be the case. Tonight, I had disregarded all of Nick’s concerns, and deserved his anger. I was even upset with myself, and coupled with the fact that this was the first time Nick was upset with me, my emotions were all over the place.

  “You can sleep in here.” He opened the door to his bedroom, letting go of my hand. He rummaged through his drawers, an ominous glare still painted on his face, and then tossed a T-shirt to me.

  “Nick, please,” I begged; the silence between us was torture. I could see how disappointed and angry he was, and it broke my heart.

  He cut me off before I could finish. “Ava, you’re too drunk and emotional right now, and I’m way too fucking pissed off. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

  In a brief moment of reprieve, Nick walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, then gently pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Sleep well.”

  I mustered a weak smile, irritated with myself and the situation. Nick shut the door quietly behind him, and I could hear him moving around in the living room for a little while before it finally quieted and I heard another door close.

  I slipped the stupid skintight dress I had been wearing off. It reeked of cigar smoke and alcohol and all the bad decisions I had made tonight. Nick’s bed was like a cloud, but it was l
onely. I hated that he was sleeping in the guest room at his own home, and that I had put us in this position. I lay awake for hours going over everything in my mind.

  A part of me was angry with him for being so upset and controlling. This was my life—if I wanted to go out and have some fun with my friends, I could. The tough part, though, was that I knew he was right. I had put myself in a bad position with Jimmy, and even with Bella, because of my history. Andrew’s death had sent me into a complete tailspin and I had found myself in a few different rehab centers. Nothing worked until my dad pretty much scared me straight. When a Mafia father was pissed, it was a whole different level of fear. I think he had figured out his normal tactics of screaming and beating me weren’t working, so he resorted to something even worse. He threatened to throw me into his cell for a month until everything was out of my system and I could appreciate the life they had given me. The way he had paraded me around down there, making sure I was clear how serious he was, still gave me nightmares. All it had made me do was resent him, and I pushed back. It wasn’t until I overdosed that I realized how serious it was. I fought endlessly to get clean for myself, and was so proud of what I had accomplished. Tonight, I had come dangerously close to jeopardizing that.

  I groaned, knowing I was never going to get any sleep tonight. I was mad at myself, and I felt terrible for upsetting Nick. It wasn’t just me I had to worry about now, and even though he may have overreacted, I knew he was just trying to protect me. Andrew had been the only one my entire life who protected me, and when he died, I did it for myself, not relying on anyone. It was going to take some getting used to, letting Nick take care of me like he wanted, but it would have to be give and take on both of our ends.

  Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and threw the covers off. I didn’t care if he didn’t want to talk about it, I did.