by Kim Stokely
Ivah is introduced last. She appears to be the youngest of the group and the smallest. Her chestnut-colored hair falls in unruly curls around her cherub-like face. She seems nervous about living away from her parents, but excited, too. These are probably the only friends I’ll have in Ayden. At least for a very long time. I hope we like each other.
Once the girls and their families have said their good-byes, and Tamra is summoned to show them to their rooms, the morning passes in a blur of signatures, dispute hearings, and training updates. My head is throbbing by the time we take a break. The remaining Assembly members leave to take care of their own needs for an hour. I slouch in my throne and rub my temples.
Devnet leans down and asks quietly, “Are you feeling unwell?”
“Just a headache.”
“Perhaps a cup of tea?”
I nod. If Kennis weren’t technically on her honeymoon, I’d bother her for some of her treasured ibuprofen. “Could you see if Cook has any chamomile? That might help.”
Devnet hands his stack of parchment to Simon before addressing me again. “Do you want to wait here?”
“No. The small study around the corner. You know the one?”
Devnet is off in search of tea. Simon follows me to the study. I’m relieved to find it empty and nestle myself into the window seat. The shutters have been fastened to keep out the cold, but even without the view, the little nook is my favorite spot. Simon piles the table with his papers. I close my eyes and listen to him shuffling through them.
He coughs quietly, a cough wanting my attention, but afraid of disturbing me.
I open one eyelid. “You need something?”
“I apologize, my lady, but I appear to have lost one of the promissory notes.” His round cheeks are flushed. “May I leave you for a moment to see if I dropped it in the hall or the throne room?”
“Sure.” I immediately try to resume my nap, shifting so my head rests against the corner. In the quiet, the only noise is the crackling of the flames in the fireplace. They lull me into a deep sleep until something tickles my cheek, lifting me back to consciousness. I brush it aside with a wave of my hand, not wanting to pull myself completely out of my nap. The fly, or whatever it is, prickles my face again. I grunt and whack at it, surprised when my fingers hit something big and solid. “What—”
Tegan laughs as he backs away. “Tis only me.”
I smile at first, but then remember Noam’s warnings and those of the Joint Assembly. “You can’t be here.”
Confusion and sadness settle over his features. “Why not?”
Jumping off the window seat, I lean against the wall, struggling to keep my balance from the sudden head rush. “How’d you know I was here?”
“I did not.”
“You really can’t stay─” My voice cracks.
He reaches out to touch my arm. “Ally.”
How can just his fingertips set my skin on fire? I slide away from him, afraid that whatever sensations consumed my body last night will try and overtake me again. “Don’t.”
He looks hurt. “What have I done, that ye will not even speak to me?”
My chest is tight. I can’t take a full breath. “They won’t allow it.”
“Who?”
“The Assembly,” I tell him. “And Geran.”
“Donagh told me the betrothal contract was null.” He steps closer. “If ye aren’t to marry the Lord Regent, and I am a Lord, we could be wed.”
He’s so near, I can feel the warmth of his skin, see the nervous trembling in his arms. The need to touch him, to feel him, is overwhelming. I force myself to walk away. It’s like pulling out a knife, it hurts so much.
“Ally, please.” His voice is strained. “I love you. I know it would be hard but—”
My resolve melts in the heat of his desire. “No!” I press my back against the wall, hoping the cold stones might ground me. “You don’t understand.”
“What? What am I not understandin’?” His words are filled with frustration. “Explain it to me. I am but a Commoner, not privileged to have been brought up in a world of palaces and fancy clothes.”
“You know that’s not it. I wasn’t brought up here, either.”
“But you’ve taken to the life quite well.” The disapproval behind his eyes threatens to undo me. “That fine dress yer wearin’, and the crown on your head. Do you think ye too good for a simple man like me now?”
My heart breaks at his contempt. “No.” I push myself from the wall. “Of course not.”
“Then kiss me.”
“What?”
“I need ye, Ally.”
Every fiber of my body wants to run to him, but my mind, for once, has enough control that I take a step back. “I can’t. Not because I don’t want to.”
His eyes swim with tears as he moves toward me. “Then why?”
“The contract with Braedon is void, but that’s because it I’m betrothed to his half-brother, Kyran.”
He sags as if hit with a heavy weight.
“I’m sorry, Tegan. I thought you knew.”
“No.”
I can’t help myself. My fingers reach out to brush his bangs from his face. “I’m so sorry.” His hair is like silk. “I tried to find you before Kyran arrived.” My hand rests against his cheek. “But I couldn’t get through Donagh’s protections. I tried. Honestly, I did.”
His face hardens, as if he’s listening to some inner voice. Arguing with himself about what to do next. He turns his face toward my hand and kisses my palm.
I pull my hand away with a gasp, but not quick enough. Tegan grabs my wrist and draws me against his chest. He holds me so we stand cheek-to-cheek. His tears wet my face as they fall. His voice is husky, “Please. We must find a way to be together.”
I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. We could steal away to the barns or some tavern. Without my crown, who would know me? But then I hear Kyran’s warning that this kind of passion is dangerous. It puts at risk everything my family has worked for. I’d throw Ayden into turmoil, just to sleep with Tegan.
“No.” I push him away with such force he stumbles and falls onto the bench. “I can’t do this.” The strength I’ve found is waning. If he pleads with me again, if we touch one more time, nothing else will matter. I hurry across the room but stop before taking hold of the door handle. “I love you, Tegan. I will always love you. But we can never be alone like this again.”
The door swings open. I collide with Devnet. The pewter mug he carries bounces on the stone floor with several loud clangs, spilling tea everywhere.
I don’t stop to apologize or try to explain, only run toward the throne room as Tegan’s cry echoes down the hallway, “Ally!”
The Joint Assembly returns to the throne room in an uproar. The few that heard Tegan calling my name have told the others. Everyone seems convinced I orchestrated the meeting. Geran, most of all.
“We told you to stay away from the boy!” He shouts, though his face is inches from mine. “Why could you not listen?”
“For the last time.” I struggle to keep my temper. “I didn’t go to him. Simon came with me to the study. I wanted to be quiet before the Assembly met again.”
My father’s cheeks are red with anger. “Why did you send Simon away?”
“I didn’t.” I look to my secretary for back-up. “He said he’d dropped a paper. He was supposed to come right back to the study after he’d found it.”
The round man steps forward. “It’s true. I was detained by Javan in the hallway or else I would have been there. The queen never ordered me to leave.”
Oded stands up among the members and searches until he finds his target. “You, Lord Rafer. Did you not promise to keep the boy with you at all times? How is it he found his way to her?”
“I left him in my rooms while the Assembly met this morning,” Rafer explains. “He disobeyed my instructions to wait there until I came for him.”
“Headstrong, arrogant
youth,” Geran grumbles loudly. “And you want to make him a lord? What good will come of this?”
“The boy’s estate is small, of no consequence. He will have no power in the Council of the Commons unless he proves himself worthy.” Rafer waves his hand dismissively. “My only thought was to please the queen in this matter.”
“Enough.” Taking my cue from Lord Rafer, I refuse to take the blame for something I didn’t orchestrate. I stare Geran straight in the eyes. “I haven’t done anything wrong.” I take a moment to look at all the members of the Joint Assembly. “I’ll admit, Tegan’s presence in the study surprised me. But as soon as I realized Simon hadn’t returned, I made my way to the door.”
Javan slinks forward from the crowd. I haven’t paid much attention to the red-robed member of the Brethren since my coronation, but now he has my attention. Maybe it’s because of the weasel-like smile he’s wearing. “I think I speak for many of the Assembly when I wonder, why you left the study in such obvious distress?”
I’ve disliked the dark-haired man since I met him back in the Sanctuary. He isn’t earning any brownie points with me now. My mouth opens, ready to snip at him, but then a more reasoning voice speaks to my mind. Careful. Think before you answer. Goram is watching me intently. I nod in his direction, so he’ll know I heard him.
Javan seems to have grown tired of waiting for me to answer. “If the boy accosted you in some way, Your Majesty, then he should be punished.”
“Tegan surprised me, he didn’t accost me. He got upset when I told him about my betrothal, that we could not speak alone. I don’t like to hurt people I─” I stop myself from saying love. “People I care for. That’s why I ran from the room.” I cross up to the dais and sit on my throne. “I’ll sign the papers and officially give Tegan the title, Lord of Wesfall. After that, he will leave the castle. There won’t be an opportunity for us to speak again, even accidently. So there’s nothing for you to worry about. Let’s get on with the ceremony and be done with it.”
My nerves are jangling like wind chimes in a hurricane. All the while I try and show a calm exterior to the Joint Assembly. It only takes a servant a few short minutes to locate Tegan and escort him to the throne room. I keep my eyes focused on his chest as he walks down the aisle toward me, as if by refusing to look at his face, I won’t lose myself in his eyes.
Simon places parchment on the table below the dais. Devnet nudges me to stand as Tegan approaches. This is my first time with a knighting ceremony, so my uncle coaches me through it.
I stare over Tegan’s head when he kneels before me. “Welcome.” After Devnet’s prompting, I call out to the Assembly, “Who vouches for this man, that he is worthy of the title of Lord of Wesfall?”
Rafer strides forward to stand behind Tegan. “The Lord of Olwen does.”
Tegan’s eyes are on me, but I refuse to look away from Rafer. “And you deem him worthy to govern the estate and the people of Wesfall?”
“I do.”
Devnet cues my next speech. “Do you, Tegan, accept the rights and responsibilities of the Wesfall?”
His voice is gentler than Rafer’s. “I do.”
“And do you promise to use your power and wealth to aid those that reside within the borders of the Wesfall?”
“I will do so.”
Devnet reads the next commands to me and I stifle a groan. I gather my courage before saying, “Then rise, Sir Tegan. Take my hand and pledge your loyalty to your queen and the realm of Ayden.”
I still avoid his eyes as he stands to take my hand but am flooded by heat the moment his skin touches mine. I can barely squeak out the next words. “Do you pledge your life for your queen? Do you promise to defend her against her enemies and all enemies of Ayden?”
His fingers tighten around mine. “I pledge my strength, my body and my life to your service and the defense of Ayden.” He lifts my hand to his lips but I remain focused a few inches above his head, trying desperately to keep myself from jumping into his arms.
Thankfully, Devnet whispers that the parchment must be signed to make the transfer of title and property legal. I yank my hand from Tegan’s then step down to the table. A deep sense of relief fills me as I finish scratching my name onto the document with the quill. Simon whisks it away to powder the signature, roll the parchment and place several drops of hot wax onto the seam. I press the royal seal into the red puddle and a few seconds later, when the wax has hardened, I pass it to Tegan. “Congratulations, Lord Tegan of Wesfall.” There. The ceremony is done and I’ve made it through without throwing myself at him.
Tegan bows, but doesn’t leave.
In fact, he waits expectantly.
Devnet clears his throat behind me. I turn and he mouths, place your hands on his shoulders and kiss both his cheeks. Thank him for his loyalty.
I give him my are you kidding me glare. Devnet shakes his head.
Tegan’s eyes are trained on mine. I force myself to place my hands on his shoulders. “Thank you, Lord Tegan, for your loyalty.”
As I lean forward to kiss him, he whispers, “I will love you, Ally.”
My breath catches in my throat as I kiss the other cheek and hear him say softly, “Always.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The Truth Hurts
I perform the same ceremony for a different man after Tegan leaves the throne room. Although Devnet announces his name, I forget it immediately, my brain struggling to push out thoughts of Tegan’s eyes. His confession of love. It’s bad enough to have to wait to deal with my feelings for Tegan, I don’t want any mind-reading Elders to know how my heart is breaking.
By the time the ceremony is completed and the Assembly members dismissed, I have successfully locked away my emotions. At last I’m left only with my family and Simon in the room.
“Is there anything else I have to do today?”
My grandmother frowns. “You must meet with your ladies-in-waiting to discuss their duties.”
I swear under my breath. “I don’t know what they’re supposed to do.”
“They’re supposed to serve you, keep you company, advise you.”
“Fine. That’s what I’ll tell them.” I head toward the door. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Alystrine,” Geran calls.
I stop, but don’t turn around. Footsteps sound behind me.
“It is for the best. That the boy goes away.”
It takes a moment before I can swallow past the painful lump in my throat. “I know.”
“You did well today.”
Surprised at my father’s kind words, I glance over my shoulder.
His eyes are bright. His mouth set in a half-smile. “You acted like a queen today.”
“Thanks.”
I walk quickly through the hallways, but not toward my rooms. Instead, I’m drawn toward the small balcony located off one of the second floor halls. It’s where I watched Kyran arrive at Uz. Maybe, from the same perch, I can catch a glimpse of Tegan leaving the city. I take the steps up the back stairwell two at a time. The hallway is one long, gray tunnel. No one has bothered to light a torch up here and only a few high windows allow in murky sunlight.
A drawbar lies across the balcony’s door to keep it shut up against the strong winter winds. Grunting under its weight, I struggle to lift it from the wooden stays that hold it in place. It escapes from my grip and falls to the floor with a crash that reverberates off the stone walls. The door flies open and freezing air immediately bites at my face. My cheeks tingle sharply, as do my hands. But it doesn’t matter. I can see him.
Tegan.
He walks toward a carriage with Lord Rafer by his side. His name falls softly from my mouth, rising into the sky on the mist of my breath. If I could only tell him how much I love him. How much I hate that we can’t be together. My fingers grip the iron railing and I instantly regret it. My palms stick to the metal. My flesh tears when I pull my hands away, but it hurts less than my pain in my chest as Tegan enters the carriage. Th
e bitter wind whips against my body, but I don’t leave the balcony until the carriage disappears from view. Only then do I step back inside, but hesitate to pick up the board to lock the door. My hands already throb, the weight of the board makes them hurt even more.
A movement in the corner of the hall catches my eye. Kyran steps into the light.
A small gasp escapes my throat.
He says nothing. He only watches me. And waits.
What does he want me to do? Say I’m sorry? Explain what I was doing?
The wind moans as it races through the cracks in the doorway. Silently, Kyran lifts the board into place. This brings him to my side. Without speaking, he takes my hands in his and turns them to see my wounds. His thumbs circle my wrists. The sharp throbbing lessens. He doesn’t look at me.
“He’s gone.” I tell him.
His thumbs pause, but only for a moment. The bleeding slows as he continues the circles. He takes out a handkerchief and uses it to wipe the blood from my palms.
I miss his cocky assuredness. Now all I sense is sadness. “Please don’t be angry with me.”
“I’m not angry.”
“You’re upset.” When he finally lifts his head so I can see his face, I’m surprised. It’s obvious he’s troubled, but I don’t think it’s because he’s jealous of Tegan. “What’s wrong?”
“There are things that must be said. Things you must know.”
A shiver runs through me, and it’s not from the cold. I fear what he will say next. I pull my hands from his.
He grabs my elbow. “I must say them now.” His grip is firm, it would hurt to break his hold.
“Then do it.”
Dark circles mar the skin under his eyes. Deep lines of stress etch his forehead. “This is new to me.”
“What is?”
His former arrogance shines through for a moment. “This . . . competing for a woman’s love. It has always been easy for me to win a maiden’s heart.”
