by Kim Stokely
I’m grateful to take a break at dinner and surprised to see my mom and Quinn in the dining room. Marriage suits them both. She’s never been more relaxed. A soft smile seems glued to Quinn’s face until I run up and give him a hug. Then he looks stunned. I whisper, “Thanks for making my mom so happy.”
His smile returns. “May I always do so.”
My mother squeezes me tight when I hug her. “How are you?”
I shrug.
She doesn’t let me go. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing that can’t wait a day or two.”
She steps back to study my face. “Come by tonight.”
“It’s nothing.”
Her eyes narrow. “I’ll wait up for you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Before sitting down at the long, wooden table, we are joined by my ladies-in-waiting. Geran and Devnet command most of the conversation throughout the meal, informing the others about our afternoon. Quinn is enthusiastic about helping me hone my Mind Speaking abilities.
He gestures toward my ladies-in-waiting. “Perhaps Hanna can aid us as well?”
Hanna folds her hands on her lap. “It would be an honor.”
Feeling stuffed, I push my plate away. “I want to keep up my studies with Simon. And I want the others to learn as well.” I glance at Siobhan, but she looks away. I catch Ivah’s eyes. “Every girl should have the opportunity, if she wants it.” Ivah’s cheeks turn pink, but she nods.
“This again?” Geran returns his cup to the table with an audible thunk. “Why do you insist on giving this ability to everyone?”
“Because, if I’m still queen when this war is over, I want to try and level the playing field.”
No one but my mom understands the cliché. I’m met with a roomful of confused looks. “Reading gives knowledge to people. If all the races—Mystic, Elder, and Commoner—have the same ability to learn, maybe they’ll realize that no one is better than anyone else.”
My father’s anger is tangible. Poor little Ivah quakes in her seat across from him. Maris places her hand on Geran’s arm. He shakes it off. “How can you even think that?” He pushes himself up from the table then thrusts a finger at my mother. “This is your doing. If you had taught her, as you promised your sister to do, Alystrine would not believe such heresy.”
Quinn stands and places himself as a barrier between my father and Kennis. Before he can offer a retort, Geran is already striding toward him. “No, Portal! You have no say in this. I still do not trust you. You betrayed us before, who is to say you will not do it again?”
The fury radiating from Quinn’s eyes matches my father’s. “You have no right to question my loyalty. After all I have done─”
The two men stand inches apart as they hurl hateful words at each other. Devnet tries to hold my father back while Kennis pulls on Quinn’s arm in an effort to force him to sit down. I’m reminded of dogs snapping at the ends of their leashes, longing to tear each other apart.
“Enough.” I rise from the table. My voice is steadier than my nerves. I’m still getting used to the fact that as queen, I outrank everyone here and my word is law.
Every eye is on me. I pray silently until Devnet has dragged my father back to his seat. “Kennis didn’t need to teach me about this world. In the few months I’ve been here, I’ve learned enough.” I fix my eyes on Geran’s, willing him to understand what I’ve been through. “I’ve seen firsthand the evil of the Mystics. I’ve seen the Black Guards brutally kill the people trying to defend me.” I pull up the sleeve on my gown. A ragged pink scar mars my skin from my shoulder to my elbow. “If I even try to forget, I see this every morning and am reminded of how Braedon’s beasts tried to rape me.”
My father groans and I hear several others gasp around the table. I blink back the tears trying to fall. “But worse than that was finding Josh. My best friend. Slaughtered.” My throat closes as the memory floods my mind.
“Alystrine,” my mother says quietly. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Remember all the blood? Or his heart lying on the ground? Or is it the tortured look in his eyes you want me to forget?”
She pales as Quinn places his arm around her shoulder. I lower my head. “No. I won’t forget any of it. I never will. But I refuse to blame an entire race for the actions of a few people.”
I look at my father. “I know you’ve suffered at Braedon’s hand, too. But you’ve let your pain warp you.” I don’t know where my words are coming from, it’s as if someone else is speaking through me. “It eats at your soul, Geran. Do you even remember a day when you didn’t plot Braedon’s death? Is there a day you don’t wake now, when you’re not consumed with anger and thoughts of revenge?”
My father seems to deflate before my eyes. Compassion for his suffering fills me. “You’ve carried this burden for so long. It’s time to put it down. Put it down and learn to trust what you learned in your youth. Something my friend Noam just taught me. Ruahk is good. He cannot abide evil. But your idea of evil and his idea are so different. You know that murder and torture are wrong, but to Ruahk, so is anger and resentment. There is no difference.”
Geran sits straighter in his chair. “You dare to compare my actions to Braedon’s?”
“No,” I answer softly. “But Ruahk does. Can’t you feel how your quest for revenge separates you from him?”
I walk around to where my father sits, deflated. “You apologized to Kyran for judging him when he came to the Sanctuary. For throwing him out before he had the chance to prove himself. Was that all a lie?”
Geran can’t meet my stare, his gaze transfixed by some stain on the table.
“The Other World, too, was filled with prejudice. People hating each other because of different beliefs or the color of their skin. But no one starts out that way. We aren’t born with hate. It has to be taught.”
“They killed your mother. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
I kneel and rest my hand on the arm of his chair. “Braedon and his father, Lord Donagh, killed Etain. Kyran didn’t. My friends Malina and Greer didn’t. Not every Mystic is bad. Just as not every Elder is good.”
His eyes flash as he finally looks at me, but I don’t let him speak. “Faolan, the head of the Sanctuary, betrayed me to Braedon to gain power. Another Brethren, Zaccur, tried to strangle me while I slept.” I slide my hand over to cover his. “There is good and evil in every one of us. The difference is, which we choose to rule us.”
My father sinks back. He allows Maris to put her hand on his. My grandmother stares at me. “Where did you learn this truth? If Kennis didn’t instruct you?”
I shake my head, as if I’m waking up from a dream. “I don’t know. Some of it Noam taught me. Some of it just came to me now.”
An awkward silence settles over the room as the tension dissipates. Everyone is looking at me like some strange creature from the zoo. Whatever, or whoever, had given me words to speak is gone. I can feel my lips pulling up into an awkward smile. “On that note, why don’t we have some dessert?”
Later, I sit alone in my room, trying to read a book from the library when Quinn’s voice slips into my mind.
Kennis refuses to come to bed until you speak with her.
Closing the cover, I chuckle to myself. I wonder if the Portal understands the double meaning in what he’s said. I’ll be right there.
Reesa lets me into their rooms. Quinn has moved from his sparse monastic quarters to Kennis’ two-room suite. My mood instantly lightens when I see them together. They sit side-by-side in wooden chairs by the fireplace, holding hands. Quinn rises as I enter.
I wave him back down. “I’m not queen in this room. I’m just Ally.”
He gestures to his chair. “We only have the two seats. Please, make yourself comfortable.”
I grin, then plop on the floor in front of my mother, resting my head against her knee. Quinn sputters a few syllables, but seems unable to get out a complete thought.
My mom
pats his arm. “He’s a creature of habit. You may have to give him time to adjust to your free-thinking ways.” Her hand drifts to pet my head, like she used to when I was little. I’m transported to our couch in Guilford, watching television while she did this same action. Things were so much easier then.
My mother finally breaks my contemplation. “So, where was Kyran tonight?”
I nuzzle against her knee so she’ll keep stroking my head.
“Reesa?” She calls. “Will you bring my hairbrush?” Kennis shifts me so I sit up in front of her and then starts pulling the pins from my hair. “Talk to me.”
I sigh. “He left.”
Kennis takes the brush from Reesa. “What do you mean, left?”
“I mean he’s not here at the castle. He’s gone.”
Several of my braids fall loose as my mother digs out another pin. “Reesa, could you please leave us?”
The maid curtsies before exiting the room.
Kennis takes my braids apart with her fingers. “What happened?”
I glance over at Quinn. Did you tell her anything?
A quick shake of his head indicates he didn’t.
“Kyran’s a little upset about Tegan.” I lean forward, but Kennis pulls me back so she can run the brush through my hair. “He’s convinced Tegan is, I don’t know, working for the Mystics or being used by them somehow. He’s left to find proof.”
My mother tugs through a knot from one of my braids. “Will he find any?”
“No,” I snap, but then think of Kyran’s sureness. I’m torn between anger and worry. “Tegan loves me. He’s told me he loves me.” I concentrate on the stones in the floor. “He wanted to marry me.”
Kennis stops brushing. “When was this?”
I pick at a flake of quartz in the stone floor. “In the study yesterday. Before the ceremony to make him a lord.” I remember they hadn’t left their room. They hadn’t heard what’d happened. My mom brushes my hair throughout my explanation while Quinn rests his elbows on his knees. Neither of them interrupts. They don’t say anything when I finish with Tegan’s last words to me in the throne room. I pull away from my mother so I can stand.
“I spoke with Kyran after that.” I cross my arms over my stomach as I walk toward the other end of the room. The warmth from the fire doesn’t reach this far. I turn back. “He says he loves me, too.”
Kennis raises an eyebrow. “What did you say to him?”
“Nothing. I was too surprised and it was just after Tegan left.” I pace the room again, comparing the two men. Tegan—passionate, needy, young. Kyran—older, experienced, so sure of himself; and yet with me, vulnerable. “I couldn’t tell Kyran I loved him. I barely know him.”
“And yet,” it’s Quinn who speaks. “You could tell Tegan the same thing, and you haven’t known him any longer.”
I don’t have an explanation for my emotions. They just are. “When did you know you loved each other?”
Kennis takes Quinn’s hand in hers. “I was drawn to him the minute I saw him.” She smiles at the memory. “But you have to remember, I was younger than you are now. Only twelve, the first time I saw him.”
I walk to the fireplace. “You knew then?”
Quinn laughs. “I didn’t. I barely noticed her. But she always seemed to be underfoot when I was at court.”
“Don’t let him fool you,” my mother argues. “He thought I was charming and adorable.”
“Annoying and sticky is more like it.” Quinn kisses her hand.
I rest my arm along the mantle. “Then when did you know?”
He looks inside himself, remembering. “I had been away. Gone to the Elder Lands for a year or so to receive my training as a Portal. I came back and she had blossomed into the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Suddenly, it was me who was underfoot. Always looking for an excuse to be near her. To talk with her.”
“How old were you?”
“It was before my fourteenth birthday.” Kennis tilts her head toward Quinn. “He was almost twenty.”
I can’t help but chuckle as I do the math. “How does it feel to be married to a younger man?”
They both look at me with curious expressions.
“Sixteen years passed while you were in the Other World,” I explain. “You’re two years older than him now.”
Kennis looks appalled. She tries to pull her hand from his but Quinn holds it tight. He kisses it again. “You are still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
I’m conflicted. A part of me is happy because they’re finally together, but my chest is tight with sadness that I’ll never be with Tegan. It’s difficult for me to swallow past the lump in my throat. Kennis must sense it even though I’ve turned away.
“What is it?” She comes to my side. “What are you thinking?”
I shake my head, not wanting to admit how seeing Tegan again has made me love him even more. It’s like he haunts my brain even as I fight to get rid of my memories.
Quinn clasps his hands together while resting his arms on his legs. “May I speak frankly with you, Your Majesty?”
I groan. “Only if you call me Alystrine.”
“Alystrine, have you truly considered what both men can offer you? And I do not mean in terms of wealth or power.”
I glance at Kennis before returning my gaze to Quinn. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Tegan has a family. One he loves. One that he is already the head of. His world, though poor, is a complete one. He has known a mother’s love. The bond and responsibility of brotherhood.” He leans forward. “He may love you, but you are only a part of his life. Probably a small part.”
I start to protest, but Quinn interrupts me. “You know it is true, Alystrine.” He rises, then walks over to stand by Kennis. “But I have gleaned Kyran’s thoughts. Perhaps because they are so similar to mine.”
He turns to my mother and his love for her radiates from his face. His eyes glisten with tears when he faces me again. “To Kyran, you are everything. The world has taken all from him—his home, his family, his sense of purpose. You, Alystrine, are a gift from Ruahk. You give his life meaning because now he knows there was a reason for his pain.” He places his arm around my mother. “Just as I have learned there was a reason for my own. The joy I have now would not be as sweet without the hard years in between. To Tegan, you are part of his life. To Kyran, you are all.”
I don’t want to believe him. I selfishly want Tegan to feel the pain of our separation as much as I do, but Quinn’s words make sense, especially because they echo what Kyran told me himself.
I kiss my mother goodnight before heading to my own rooms for bed. But again, when I lay my head on my pillow, my dreams are filled with Tegan. I can fight against my desires when I’m awake, but how do I stop my heart when I’m asleep?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Secret Meeting
My family and I are gathered in one of the sitting rooms when a guard enters and announces Kyran’s arrival.
It’s been a little over a week since he left and I breathe a sigh of relief that he’s safe. No matter how uncertain I am about my feelings for the man, I don’t wish him harm. I make sure my thoughts circle around him as I stand, in case he is trying to listen to them as he enters.
He strides in. Stubble darkens his chin. His eyes seem tired.
I gesture to a chair by the fire. “Come in and get warm. Have you eaten?”
“I ate earlier, Your Majesty.” He sits in the chair I offer, stretching his hands out toward the fireplace. Only Kennis, Quinn, and I know the true reason for his departure from the palace. The others think he went to spy on the Mystics’ preparations for war.
Geran pours two glasses of wine then brings one to Kyran. “Did you hear any news while you traveled? Any Mystic plans?”
Kyran savors a mouthful of wine before swallowing. “Very little. Only that they still gather their forces on the edge of the Duremeton Forest and have begun training.”
My fat
her nods. “We have heard as much.” He takes a seat opposite him. “It is good we called the Commoners to war in time. The Mystics will not suspect we accomplished that.”
“I am sure they don’t.” Kyran chuckles, but it fades quickly. “I did hear a rumor while abroad in the Common Lands.”
Devnet and Quinn draw closer. My uncle stands by his brother. “What was it?”
Kyran glances between the men. “I was told the Ovates are searching through their ancient scrolls. They are seeking the words to summon the demons of the void.”
Geran’s hand grips the arm of his chair. “They cannot think to control one of the ancient evils?”
“There were stories told to me when I was younger,” Kyran explains, “of Mystics who called the ancient ones and subdued them with a series of magic spells and charms.”
A quiet dread settles over the room. “It’s what Ceallach said would happen.”
“Who?” Geran asks.
“Ceallach. In the Ovate temple. He told me I would face a horde of demons, thousands strong.”
My father stares at me. “Why have you not said anything about this before?”
“I didn’t think you’d believe me. Kyran said the Ovate was probably lying anyway.”
Devnet rests his hand on Geran’s shoulder. “He is right, Brother. It was probably a ruse.”
Geran stands and looks toward Kyran. “You heard these rumors, too?”
My betrothed only nods. I worry at his silence.
Geran shakes his head. “This news is not good. We should send scouts out to learn more.” He gestures to Devnet. “Send for Simon. He knows where we can find the generals to send them warning.”
Kyran drains the wine from his cup then places it on the hearth. “I did not mean to put a damper on the evening’s conversation.”
