Upsy Daisy: A First Love College Romance

by Smartypants Romance

  But now I didn’t know.

  I’d held El’s secret back from Daisy it because it wasn’t mine to set free.

  I had no idea why she’d held back the truth from me, but I knew it hurt.

  I couldn’t help but wonder what else she’d lied about.

  Did the girl I’d begun to fall for really even exist or was that all a part of her deception too?

  One thing was for certain: Daisy and I weren’t good for one another.

  Between my parents stirring emotions that I thought I was long past and Daisy, I was fraught.

  And I was too tired to think straight.

  My thoughts couldn’t stay linear. They collided with one another, split apart, and fractured like atoms.

  I couldn’t concentrate for shit.

  Therefore, when Dr. Gwinn got ahold of the disciplinary file on Daisy and informed me that she’d be taking over as her mentor I’d had no objections. When she told me she wanted me there when she told Daisy, I didn’t say a peep.

  When I’d finally steeled myself enough to lay eyes on what was still the prettiest face I’d ever seen and caught Daisy’s wide brown eyes staring back at me, my heart had taken flight in my chest. But I’d ignored it.

  It was a foolish organ. It had been driving all my poor decisions and it was finally time to let sleeping dogs lie.

  I heard voices before I opened my apartment door and figured Elodie and Gracie must be visiting from downstairs. It had been nice having them close by. It had been nicer still not having Gracie glare daggers at me every time El and I were in the same room together.

  That part of Julian’s idea had been good.

  Gracie had been happy to give up her position as a RA and move out of the dorms and into a place with El. Elodie, however, was not a naturally hopeful person and had been rightfully furious at Julian for telling Daisy, and hadn’t spoken to him in days.

  I didn’t blame her. But I also hadn’t waded in; my mind was already full of my own problems. Not to mention, I was steeped in regret over another obligation I’d foolishly agreed to.

  If El was at the apartment that meant she’d forgiven Julian and that was something to be glad of—my life was better when the people I loved were getting along.

  I stepped into my apartment and sitting in technicolor at my drab kitchen table was Daisy Payton. I blinked, sure I was hallucinating, and then she laughed and goosebumps that I did not want appeared on my skin. And then I realized who she smiled at.

  My best friend sat at the table doubled over in laughter. I heard Daisy’s voice, all sweet southern syrup with a bit of spice, finish some previous joke or story with, “And that was the last time anyone in my family ever tried to make pecan pie!”

  Jules and Daisy were smiling at each other like they were the best of friends. My mind, rife with exhaustion, frustration and jealousy, went haywire.

  Before I could catch my words they were out of my mouth. “What in the hell is going on here?”

  Daisy jumped at my voice and I didn’t blame her. I hadn’t meant for it to boom like thunder, but then again, I also didn’t expect my Daisy and my best friend to be laughing it up together.

  Jules looked up from where he was sitting and said all casually, “Hey, Trevor. Daisy and I are having sandwiches. Would you like one?”

  All this cooking Julian was doing lately—what was he trying to do? Get into Le Cordon Bleu?

  “Since when do you cook, Julian?” I boomed again.

  “I didn’t.” He took a big bite of his sandwich, gesturing at Daisy with his free hand. “Daisy here is a panini-making wizard.”

  Daisy made sandwiches for Jules. Daisy and Jules were eating sandwiches together. Daisy hadn’t even made a sandwich for me.

  Oh, hell no.

  “Since when do you cook sandwiches for Julian?” It sounded like an accusation. It was an accusation. Daisy and I had eaten sandwiches together the first time, the only time we’d had something resembling a date.

  This felt like a mockery of that moment and all of the resentment I was feeling rose to the surface.

  If I were more rested or less discombobulated, maybe I would’ve listened to the voice in my head that said I had no right to ask Daisy any questions, but I wasn’t either of those things. I was fraught, tense, and suddenly angry, so I unwisely ignored it.

  Daisy, who’d moved to the sink and was washing dishes in my sink, the dishes she and Jules used for their sandwiches answered without even looking at me, “Since I was hungry and he offered me food. What’s it to you?”

  I couldn’t answer that question. It would expose me too much.

  So I spoke to cut her in the way she’d cut me. “I just didn’t think you were the type of girl to just give anyone your sandwich.”

  She whipped around from the sink and assaulted me with eyes narrowed into slits and fiery as hell. My heart kicked up and I was glad my hands were in my pockets because they’d be shaking from the amount of adrenaline hitting my system. I could practically see her biting her tongue. And I was even hotter because I was angry and turned on, and angrier that I still reacted this way to her. After a moment she bit her bottom lip hard, then licked it in a mesmerizing little move and said, “Sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich, Trevor.”

  Then she looked at Jules, and said, “Julian, thanks for the food and the company. I’m going to head back downstairs to Gracie and El.”

  My eyebrows were on the ceiling with how hard they jumped. Since when did Daisy hang out with El and Gracie?

  Then Daisy walked over to Jules’ chair, leaned over, and hugged him.

  I was wrong before. That was the moment my eyebrows hit the roof.

  When he was finished embracing her, he leaned away and said, “I’ll come by and check on you later, little chicken.”

  Little chicken? I think St. Peter just saw my eyebrows.

  “Little chicken? You have a nickname for Daisy?” My voice was as high as I’d ever heard it.

  Jules looked sheepish. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  “You let Julian give you a nickname?” The blood was whooshing in my ears and my heart was pounding so hard I knew my blood pressure had shot up so fast I had to be in danger of having a stroke.

  Did anything between us mean anything to Daisy? Had it ever? Of course not, Trevor, you’re the type of person that it’s easy to move on from.

  “Trevor.” She called my name like she was exasperated. “Yes, Julian calls me a nickname. Julian showed up, and Julian is helping me, so at this point he could call me Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and I wouldn’t give a damn.”

  “More like Pinocchio the liar.”

  Her head whipped back like I’d slapped her.

  She walked to me slowly, staring me down. Those hypnotic eyes pierced me, as if they could will me into submission with their weight alone.

  I stared right back, ignoring the pull to obey because I’d left sanity behind.

  Daisy was literally driving me crazy.

  She lied to me.

  She deceived me.

  She hurt me.

  And now she was sitting here, laughing with my best friend like none of that ever happened.

  Like we never mattered?

  She’s spent all semester making me feel badly about lying, all while doing the exact same thing? Then she came into my kitchen and made sandwiches for Jules? He got to have her company and I didn’t?

  No. No. And no again.

  Daisy didn’t get to be the offended party today. I would not apologize. She needed to apologize.

  She needed to grovel for a change.

  But it was clear from the sparks I saw in her eyes, from the heat radiating off her when she got close, that she had no intention of apologizing.

  “You really want to have this conversation with me? You of all people? Well, I guess we’re both liars, Trevor. Is that what you want to hear? And you lied to me about something much bigger—”

  “I was myself with you!” I pounded my ches
t for emphasis. “I was honest with you about who I was—”

  “Oh yes, Trevor, how could I ever forget? You were so very, very honest with me. I knew all about your fake relationship with your fake girlfriend, and I willingly made a damn fool of myself by agreeing to go out with you. How silly of me to have brought it up,” she deadpanned.

  Then she looked up at me and she smirked.

  It was the unrepentant little smile that broke me.

  This girl had broken my brain because it should not have been possible to want to kiss her, strip her, pin her against a wall, and make love to her until we were both sated and exhausted and also to never see her again.

  I was so upside down that fury and lust were coursing through me and I didn’t know which of them I wanted to win.

  I didn’t even know this person I’d become—who got into shouting matches with women, who lost sleep, and who ached and pined for women.

  Not women, just her.

  Suddenly, my fire went out and I was bone-weary and tender-hearted. I would not cry in front of this girl, but my eyes pricked and I blinked the tears back before she could see them.

  I took a deep breath.

  “Daisy, I was wrong to have not told you about Elodie. I’ve spent almost the entire semester trying to tell you I knew I was wrong. I’ve been trying to apologize. And when you made it clear that you didn’t want to speak to me, I spent all of my time respecting that because I was wrong.”

  I looked up to see that Jules had made his way from the kitchen to his bedroom and I loved him for giving us privacy.

  I continued, “But in all of my wrongs—being with you felt right. It felt like something real and honest, and new and fragile and vulnerable and . . . perfect. And now I don’t know if—”

  The person I was falling for. I am absolutely not giving her that.

  “I don’t know if any of that was real because I have no clue who you are. What you did was worse,” I finished, shaking my head.

  “I was myself,” she countered. “Whether I have an X or Y in my last name, my favorite color is still the same! My favorite book is still the same. My dreams are the same! I showed you parts of myself that no one gets to see. And it was not worse, Trevor, it only feels worse because you’re the one who got lied to this time.”

  “You didn’t even apologize.”

  “You didn’t give me the chance! You wouldn’t even look at me in Dr. Gwinn’s office. I felt like you’d given up on me without even giving me a shot to explain.”

  “That sounds mighty familiar. How does your medicine taste, Daisy?”

  She closed her mouth, which had already been preparing her rebuttal, before I’d even finished speaking and dropped her head in her hands. When she looked back at me, she may as well have cut my heart out, dropped it on floor, and stomped on it.

  She was crying.

  I’d never seen her cry before and it was a special type of torture. My fingers twitched and ached with the need to reach for her as fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Daisy was right. We’d both been wrong. There was no worse. I’d hurt her, she’d hurt me. I didn’t know now if it were possible for us to be together without barbs between us, but I didn’t want to fight with her.

  Before I could voice my thoughts, she spoke, “I can’t do this with you. I had an apology all planned out. I was going to explain everything and beg you to forgive me. I was going to . . .” She sighed. “But what’s the point?”

  Every other word out her mouth broke as her chest heaved up and down, but she was the one breaking me.

  My will strained under the force that it took to hear her cry and not fold her into my arms and kiss all her tears away.

  Her voice trembled. “We’re going in circles, Trevor. This isn’t good for either of us. I am sorry I lied to you but it doesn’t even matter. So here’s what we’ll do—I’ll stay away from you, you’ll stay away from me, and we’ll call ourselves even.”

  I couldn’t bring myself to speak for a moment because she was right; we were going in circles and this couldn’t continue.

  “Fine, we go our own ways.” I closed my eyes knowing what I was going to say next would truly sound the death knell for Daisy and me.

  “But you should know you’ll have to see me again. I’m one of the student representatives on the TDC and I know for a fact that you’re guilty.”

  I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than I already did, but when I opened my eyes the look Daisy gave me—no anger, no guilting me, just endless hurt—stole my breath away. The only noise in the room was the sound of her tears and the soft click of the door as she left.

  When I turned around Julian was standing there, looking accusatory.

  “I am not going to clean your clock for what you basically accused me of earlier. But I am telling you right now, get your head out of your ass when it comes to this girl.”

  I was so tired of Julian meddling in my life and thinking he was always right.

  I was tired, period.

  “Why did you bring her here, Jules?”

  “Because I didn’t think you’d be home and because she had nowhere else to go. She’s being kicked out of her dorm.”

  “Of course she is! You weren’t there, you didn’t see what I saw. She should be put out of her dorm, Julian. Daisy deserves what’s happening to her!” I turned toward my room. I didn’t want to talk about Daisy anymore.

  “Not all of it, she doesn’t. And you know that. And you’re going to feel like a jackass when you finally come around.”

  I didn’t respond.

  “I’m advising her.”

  Of course he was. Jules had never learned that sticking his nose in other people’s business led to bad outcomes.

  I turned slowly and exhaled all my frustration. “Of course you are.”

  “Did you even give her the chance to explain, Trevor? She has a good reason for why she—”

  “Everybody feels like they have a good reason to do the shit they do, Julian, or they wouldn’t do it! You know what your problem is? You and Daisy both think that the reason for your actions are all that matter!

  “Doesn’t matter who gets hurt or what you have to do, as long as it’s for a ‘good reason.’ But life does not work that way. If you do a bad thing for a good reason, you still did a bad thing. Telling Elodie’s secret without her permission was a bad thing. Lying to people about who you are is a bad thing. Stealing is a bad thing. I am so tired of you trying to excuse her bad behavior—just because she had a ‘good reason’ to do it. And I’m tired of you trying to excuse your own.”

  I stalked to my room and tried to sleep but rest evaded me. I tossed and turned, a phantom ache running down my arms like they were missing something or someone, and I was haunted by the sound of Daisy’s cries.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Daisy

  In the two seconds it took me to get downstairs to the apartment I now shared with Elodie and Gracie, I still hadn’t managed to get my tears under control. The apartment was mercifully empty and I made my way to my room quickly before I lost my nerve.

  I was listening to my feelings, I was owning my feelings, and I was feeling like I needed to get the hell out of here. I picked up the phone in my room, and dialed the same number I’d been punching since I first learned to dial. She picked up on the fourth ring.

  “Dolly?”

  “Daisy? What’s wrong?”

  That made me cry harder. Even with all the noise and clamor from the Mill in the background, my sister could still tell something was wrong with one word. Oh Dolly, I’ve been so unfair to you.

  “Everything. I miss Mommy. And I miss you. And I want to come home,” I said, my voice breaking.

  My sister didn’t hesitate for even a second. “I’m on my way.”

  On the drive home I told Dolly everything.

  Every. Single. Thing.

  And to my sister’s eternal credit she responded with Dolly-like poise and un-Dolly like compassion
. She smiled knowingly when I told her about Trevor. How he’d made me giddy and breathless. How I’d felt like when we were together, we were the only people that existed in the entire world. She laughed and was especially appreciative when I told her about the fake Fisk-tory facts, given her love for history.

  Then she’d almost crashed us into a tree when I’d told her about how I thought Trevor had made a fool of me.

  “You just wait till I see the Boones! I’m going to . . . I will . . . That son of a—”

  “Wait, there’s more!”

  I explained the whole Elodie thing and Dolly’s eyes went round and wide before shooting me a look. “And this is who you’re staying with?” she asked after a minute.

  “Yes, they took me in after . . . well, after . . .”

  “Are you comfortable with that?” I looked at my sister, and saw that there was no judgement in her face or tone. Dolly was just being Dolly—looking out for me, making sure that I was okay. She would’ve asked me that question no matter who I’d ended up staying with.

  “I’m fine.” Then I amended, “I’m fine with it for now. I don’t care that they’re two girls in love, but I may hate their habits as roommates though. Either way, I’ll ride it out for the rest of the semester. I’m just glad they’re letting me stay.”

  “That was mighty kind of them,” she agreed. “So, you and Trevor?”

  I sighed mightily. “Trevor and I are finished with each other.”

  Dolly nodded, her face impassive, but I heard a short soft snicker.

  I turned to look at her, puzzled.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Nothing.”

  Snicker, Snicker.

  “Dolly. Are you . . . are you laughing?”

  “No,” she said as a grin finally punctured her façade. “I would”—snicker—“never laugh at you.”

  “I can’t believe this! You are laughing at me.”

  She huffed a little, bringing her amusement back under control and then in a voice closer to her normal soft soprano said, “I am not laughing at you, but the idea of you and that boy being finished is laughable. Y’all are just getting started.”