“It’s not what you think,” I whisper.
“Well…please elaborate, because right now, I’m feeling all weird and I don’t know why. I mean…after I kissed you the world looked different to me. The flowers, the trees, all of it! What does that mean, Mage? I’m confused!” his eyes look crazed.
He tugs on his hair the way Adam used to and shakes his head like he’s lost.
“I don’t know what to tell you, except I’m sorry.”
I refuse to add another passenger to my secret train. There are already too many people who know about my abilities. I feel bad for “enchanting” Ben, if that’s even what I did. I have no idea if I did or not, I just kissed him. I, of all people, know how powerful a kiss between me and Adam can be. But he’s not Adam!
“Don’t apologize. I don’t think it was a mistake and I don’t want you to think that either,” he kneels in front of me. “I know I have the worst timing, I know you’re going through a lot right now. But just know that when you’re ready, I’ll be here. I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but I’ll wait for you. Since mom and Bernie live here, we’ll be seeing a lot of each other. You need to know that I’ll be here for you whether you need a friend’s shoulder to cry on or more. You just say the words—and I’m there.”
Before I can respond he leans in, kisses me on the cheek, and walks away.
It’s funny, a year ago not one person paid me any attention and now I seem to be the center of everyone’s world. I don’t like it, I don’t like it one bit!
Another week passes, and in three days Ben is going back to school. I join Bernie and her family for dinner in the dining room. It’s nice to sit and have a family dinner. I’ve never experienced anything like it before.
Ben and I are getting along well. He’s a great guy and we’ve sort of become friends in the last week. He’s an outsider—someone who didn’t know Adam that I can talk to. I tell him mostly everything, leaving out the huge details that involve my magic.
We have a lot in common so we have a lot to talk about. Bernie’s hardly home anymore since her and Kale are always together and Lesley works a lot. Needless to say, since he and I spend a lot of time together, it isn’t uncomfortable at all.
School is finally out and even though I’ve practically missed the last two months, I still manage to pass—so that’s good. Another good thing is Ben’s teaching me to drive. It helps keep my mind off of things when I’m busy. Everything seems to be getting better, except for the fact that I’m done with all the journals and I didn’t find any spell to bring back my eye.
It’s depressing.
The day before he leaves, Ben gives me a surprise.
“Follow me,” he says.
I follow him and soon we’re standing in the middle of the garden where Adam gave me my necklace.
“Close your eyes.”
I do and the memories of Adam saying those exact words in this exact garden smack me in the face. It’s been nearly three days since I’ve cried for Adam, I’ll definitely be crying tonight.
“Hold your arms out.”
I hold my arms out and soon I feel something small, fuzzy, and wiggly in my arms. I pop my eyes open and look at the pure white kitten that’s now clawing its way up my shirt. It’s so cute and fluffy. It stares back at me with ice blue eyes and immediately captures my heart.
“I was going to get you a dog, but when I was walking through the cat section I saw her and her eyes reminded me of yours.”
I throw my arms around Ben and hug him hard. She’s exactly what I need. A friend that I can talk to that can never tell anyone my secrets. She would replace Sire, if that’s even possible. Sire was a pretty great dog, even though he was technically my long lost father.
Ben hugs me back, holding me close and I feel safe. Safe, the way I felt in Adam’s arms. I pull away and smile at him. So quickly he’s become a best friend to me.
“Thank you so much, Ben. She’s beautiful!”
“She’s all yours…once you agree to one thing.”
I look at him confused.
“What do I have to agree to?”
“School is having this end of the semester thing—and I kind of need a date. So I was thinking…”
“What kind of end of the semester thing?” I ask suspiciously.
“Well, it’s a formal dance type of end of the semester thing.”
“I can’t! I mean…I don’t know—I can’t dance! I’ve never been to any kind of dance. I’ve never worn anything formal in all my life. Look at me!” I hold my arms out. “I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl.”
“Oh come on, Mage. Please! I really need you to do this for me. I haven’t asked anyone else and now it’s too late. Plus, I want you to go.”
Ben’s been my rock over the past week or so. I’ve cried on his shoulder many times. The least I can do is attend a stupid dance with him. It’s not like there’s going to be people from my school there anyway. No one there will know me.
“Fine, but I’m not wearing heels.”
He laughs at that and gives the kitten in my lap a quick petting.
We play around in the garden for a while trying to figure out a name for the new kitten. A solid white cat isn’t the easiest thing in the world to name. I watch as Ben and the little white kitten play in the grass in the small garden. I wish I could see Adam and Sire frolicking in the grass again. I miss them all so much. I’d give anything right now to be able to just see a ghost, any ghost.
The little powder white kitten jumps into my lap at that exact moment and I know what her name has to be.
“I think I’ll name her Ghost.”
“Ghost? Okay…yeah, it does kind of fit her, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
That night while lying in my bed with the little fur ball, I wonder what Adam’s doing. Is he here with me now? How does he feel about Ben and me being friends? Is he pleased that I have a new friend or is he angry about it?
I try to imagine how I’d feel if it were me in his position. How would it feel to watch Adam spend time with another girl? I decide that if they were just friends I’d be okay with it. I figure Adam wouldn’t want me to be alone. So as long as there’s no more kisses, what I have with Ben is acceptable. I fall asleep feeling relieved.
I wake up in the garden with Adam standing in front of me. I reach out and hug him like I’ve never hugged him before. It feels so good to be in his arms again.
I pull back and look at his face. His green eyes shine back at me before he leans down and kisses me softly.
I’m lost all over again in his kisses. They are soft and passionate. I reach my arms around his neck and pull him closer. I feel his hands on the sides of my face.
The kiss deepens and soon my lips start to hurt—he’s kissing me too hard. I try to pull away, but he won’t allow it. He holds my face close as he abuses my lips. Moaning noises come from my mouth as I try harder to pull away. I taste blood in my mouth and suddenly I’m afraid.
What’s wrong with him?
His hands slowly move down from my face until they’re on my neck. Suddenly, his hands get tighter. He pulls away and the look on his face is unfathomable. His beautiful green eyes have turned red and he’s snarling in my face as he chokes the life out of me.
I wake sitting straight up. I still feel like I’m suffocating so I take in big gulps of air. I can’t calm down no matter how hard I try. I’m already in my defensive stance because I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m scared of but there’s no way I’m sleeping in this room alone after a nightmare like that.
What did it mean? Is Adam upset about me kissing Ben?
I grab the little kitten from off of my bed and head downstairs to the library. I don’t know why I go to the library—it’s habit, I guess. It’s not like I’d be able to see Thaddeus and have a long heartfelt talk with him. I miss him too. Thaddeus was the first person to really know me. I could talk to him about anything.
I open the door to the library and with
just a thought the lights turn on. I smile to myself. It feels good to use my magic again. It’s nice to know that I still can.
I didn’t notice the little table lamp that was lit in the middle of the floor and I gasp when I find Ben lying on my old makeshift bed of pillows reading a book.
“That was pretty cool,” he smirks.
“What?” I ask in a rush.
“The lights turned on the minute you walked into the room. You didn’t even touch the light switch.”
“Oh, that,” I panic a little. “That’s just a motion sensor that we had set up in here for my grandfather.” I stutter and scramble for an answer.
“Uh huh, that’s funny. It didn’t turn on when I came in.”
“Oh. Well, it might need to be checked then,” I change the subject quickly as I let Ghost go and watch her run over to him. “So, what are you doing up so late?”
“I can’t sleep. I thought I’d try to read something boring. That usually helps.”
“Yeah, I can’t sleep either,” I say.
“Probably for different reasons than me, I’m sure.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he looks back at his book.
I don’t push it any further.
“Once you get back to school with your head stuck in all those big boring books you’ll forget all about little ole me, at least until dance time,” I laugh trying to make the mood in the room lighter.
“It’s not funny, Mage. I know it’s not far and I can visit when I get a few minutes, but I’m going to miss you. Are you going to miss me?”
The question catches me off guard, because the truth is, I’m going to miss him a lot. It’s nice to have him around.
“Of course, I’m going to miss you.”
“But not the way you miss him?”
Anger shoots through me.
How dare he even ask that?
He knows how touchy the Adam subject is with me. I feel guilty enough that I spend so much time with Ben while Adam watches, but asking me to choose who I’ll miss more is completely unfair. The situations are totally different. For one, while I care a great deal for Ben, I’m madly in love with Adam. Two, Adam’s dead, like never coming back! Adam isn’t thirty minutes down the road at college swamped with assignments. He’s dead!
“That’s completely different! I can’t even believe you would even say…”
I’m cut off as he quickly comes to me and pulls me to him. He kisses me hard at first, but soon it softens. I stand there not kissing him back, yet not pushing him away either. It’s so wrong. It’s wrong to Adam and it’s wrong to Ben. Suddenly, he’s pulled abruptly away from me and thrown into the bed of pillows on the library floor.
He glares back up at me with hurt in his eyes.
I didn’t touch him and I didn’t magically push him down, yet there he is lying flat on his back staring up at me like I’m the worst person in the world.
“Ben, I…” I search for an explanation.
“Don’t! I should’ve known better,” he gets up to leave. “It’s not your fault that I fell for you, it’s mine. You didn’t do anything wrong. Take care of yourself. I’ll be in touch about the dance,” he slams the door as he leaves.
I want to go after him, I’m drawn to him in his moment of sadness, but I don’t move.
What’s happening to me? What had just happened to him?
I come to the conclusion that it was either Thaddeus or Adam that knocked Ben away from me, but how? Out of all the spirits that I’ve ever come across, none had the ability to touch a living person.
“Adam?” I ask out loud.
I feel a breeze blow across my face and I know it’s him. I feel him as he gets closer to me. I take a deep breath and enjoy the tingling sensation that pours through me.
I sleep in the library on the bed of pillows. By the time I wake the next morning, Ben’s already gone. I feel bad…I feel really bad.
I spend the day being teased by Bernie. She calls me Mage Lane and makes kissy faces at me. She knows about me and Ben’s dance date and is now convinced that we’ll be sister-in-laws in the future. I don’t bother telling her that I accidently broke her brother’s heart.
Chapter 32
The Spell
After months of not writing in my journal, I pull out the purple notebook that Adam had given me. I can’t write about sadness, because it hurts too badly. I can’t write about love, because that would leave me in my room for the rest of the day.
All I want is to be able to see Adam and my family again. If only I could find a spell that would at least bring back my ability to see spirits. Maybe then I could convince Thaddeus to give me the spell to bring Adam back.
It’s aggravating! All this time, I’ve never had to use any of the spells written in any of the journals. I could naturally do everything, except this. Go figure, it’s my luck that no spell for bringing back the eye exists—unless of course, I write my own.
I put my pen to the paper and close my eyes. I think of the thing I want the most.
A true vision of love, you are, and there you will stand with me. No longer my imagination, but an actual image that I can see. A dream of love will come to me even while I am awake. No binding of hate is strong enough, no binding our love can’t break.
I repeat those words over and over again.
I expect to open my eyes and see everyone standing there, but when I open my eyes there’s only Ghost. And not the ghost I want to see.
I close the notebook and throw my pen hard against it. The shiny silver stars and crescent moons pull my attention to them. I think of the day I received the notebook and tears form in my eyes.
How much longer can I go on like this? How long will it take for me to officially shut down?
Now that Bernie is always gone with Kale and Ben is back in school, I’m completely alone again.
My mind works too much when I have no one there to occupy it. All the old memories surface and I spend the rest of the day in a daze.
I figure the best thing for me to do is try and occupy myself, and the only way I know how to do that is to use my magic. After making sure that I’m completely alone, I go out to my favorite of the gardens and use my magic to clean it up a bit. The house is still in excellent shape, but things just need a tweak.
Ghost follows me around and I laugh as she attacks random insects the way Sire used to. I hear Bernie pull up about the same time I’m finishing up the last of the gardens. I hear the front door to the house slam shut and figure that she’s inside to settle down on the phone with Kale for the rest of the night.
I’m so happy for her. She deserves the happiness that Kale is giving her. I think it’s cute how she tries to cover the fact that she’s so happy, like being happy is rude since I’m so miserable. The truth is the fact that Bernie and the others around me are so happy makes me feel happy as well.
A rustle in the bushes across from the garden catches me off guard and I shoot my attention to the bush in question. I look down and see that it isn’t Ghost since she’s at my feet. I wonder to myself what could be large enough to make that bush practically move on its own.
Suddenly, a massive gray paw appears under the bush and I know instantly who it is. I watch as the enormous gray head appears and disappears back into the bush. The bush rumbles and then a tall man garbed in a long gray robe appears. I don’t know whether to smile or be afraid.
Richard Cain had never really tried to cause me any harm; still, I can’t help but feel like I should be ready to attack. Just the memories of that horrid battle with Craven, has me on edge.
My father’s a tall powerful looking man. He looks more powerful now than he did the last time I saw him. I wonder to myself what changes have happened to him over the last few months to make him appear more confident and powerful in the eyes of others.
A smile spreads across his face before he slowly starts to walk towards me. He stops in front of me and reaches up to brush a thick piece
of black hair out of my eye. I see my reflection in his mirror-like eyes. I relax when I see the love flash across them.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he says.
“I guess I’ve missed you, too.”
We both smile because we both know that I’m talking about my dog, Sire.
“How’s my mother?”
“She’s well. Hopefully it won’t be long before I’ll have her out of that god awful place she loves so much,” he sniffs to himself.
“That’s good. I hope she’s happy. I hope you are, too.”
“I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I just wish I could say the same for you. I’m so sorry, Mage.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I could’ve tried harder, but it’s different for me. I’ve never been a powerful man. My only skill is shifting, I own no fire. That fact made my father very unhappy. I’m sorry.”
The sadness of that day in particular washes over me. I can feel the pressure in my chest starting to build with each sad thought. I don’t want him to see me cry so I quickly change the subject.
“Is something wrong or is this a social visit?” I ask.
“There’s nothing wrong. I have a gift from your mother.”
“Okay, what is it?” I ask.
He takes a step closer and smiles at me. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little black box. He opens my hand and sits the little box in my palm before bending down and kissing my forehead.
“She said to wear these to the dance. She also wants me to tell you that a blue dress would be your best bet. She said…ah…that it will bring out your eyes,” he coughs uncomfortably.
It’s funny to hear this big man talk about how pretty a dress would be with my eyes. It makes me smile.
I open the box and look down at a pair of beautiful diamond earrings. They’re beautiful and perfect for me. Not flashy or noticeable—perfect. I would cherish these earrings for the rest of my days. They are my first and only gift from my mother, besides my life.
Wicked Fate (The Wicked Trilogy) Page 23
