East End Angel

by Rivers, Carol

She smiled. He had called in a couple of times to see Jim on his way to the pub. ‘Hello, Blackie.’

  ‘You enjoying yourselves, girls?’

  They all nodded. Blackie looked at Ruby. ‘I was wondering if you’d like the next dance?’

  Pearl hoped she would accept. Blackie wasn’t handsome, but he did have lots of very nice wavy black hair.

  Ruby smiled hesitantly. ‘I’m getting me breath back.’

  Pearl knew Ruby wasn’t impressed. Blackie stood no chance against the likes of Ricky.

  ‘So how are you, Pearl?’ Blackie said politely.

  ‘Very good, thanks.’

  ‘Jimmy is happy as Larry since he got hitched. Considering he was a bit of a lad.’

  ‘Was he?’

  ‘Not now of course, no,’ Blackie hurriedly added. ‘Not with a missus like you to come home to.’

  Pearl knew that Jim had had two real girlfriends before her. The first one was when he left school, the other he’d met in Dagenham when he was working away.

  ‘In fact,’ continued Blackie, ‘I wouldn’t mind settling down meself But I ain’t found the right girl yet.’ He glanced quickly at Ruby, who looked away.

  Pearl smiled encouragingly. ‘Your dreamboat is bound to come along.’

  ‘I hope so. I’d like someone to write home to if me number comes up.’

  ‘You’re not enlisting?’ asked Pearl quickly. ‘You’re in a reserved job, aren’t you, like Jim?’

  ‘I volunteered when they asked me,’ he shrugged. ‘The enlistment board came round and told us volunteers are needed on them desert tanks.’

  Pearl stared at him. ‘But couldn’t you refuse?’

  ‘Dunno,’ said Blackie doubtfully. ‘It’s hard being a bloke at home. People think you’re a conchie.’

  ‘I’m glad they didn’t ask Jim,’ she said firmly. Then she saw Blackie’s expression. ‘Did they?’

  ‘Wouldn’t know.’ Blackie smiled and said quickly, ‘Well, nice to see you again.’

  After he’d gone Pearl sat thinking about what Blackie had said. Had the enlistment board approached Jim?

  ‘Miss me?’ Jim whispered later as he took his place beside her.

  ‘Jim, I was talking to Blackie just now—’

  ‘Nice bloke is Blackie. Damn fine mechanic’

  ‘Yes, but he said—’

  ‘I’ll get a round in before the next dance, shall I?’ Jim interrupted, pecking her cheek and hurrying off.

  Just then Colin and Arnie returned. They all talked for a while and as the lights went down, the music struck up. Ruby got up to dance with Pearl’s boss, Mr Hedley, who was politely asking his staff in turn for one of the foxtrots or quicksteps.

  Pearl forgot all about Blackie after that as Jim whirled her round the floor, making her laugh and telling her how beautiful she was in her new dress. Pearl thought once again how lucky she was to have a husband who was so attentive and generous. He’d bought all the drinks without a murmur, and though they’d eaten the small supper that came with the price of the ticket, he hadn’t complained about not having a hot meal. Her mum had said that the way to attract a man was through his stomach. But fortunately for her, Jim was the exception.

  ‘Here you are, lovelies, don’t swallow it all at once,’ he teased as he placed yet another drink in front of her and Ruby. ‘I don’t want to have to carry you both home.’

  Ruby smiled up at him. ‘You spoil me, Jim.’

  ‘Why not? You’re a smasher. But don’t let me wife hear.’ He winked at Pearl. ‘Now, you gonna tell me who’s given you the eye tonight?’ he asked as he sat down and sipped his beer.

  Ruby just shrugged. ‘There’s no one here for me, Jim.’

  ‘You’ve had a lot of dances, though. And the next dance is mine. I’m gonna make all the young blokes jealous.’

  Ruby grinned. ‘All right. As long as you don’t throw me over your shoulder like you was with Pearl. I don’t want to show me knickers.’

  They all laughed but Pearl wondered if Jim would look so happy if he knew that Ruby had eyes only for Ricky. As her sister hadn’t mentioned him, he was unaware of her strong feelings.

  ‘Come on then, twinkle toes.’ He held out his hand and Ruby took it, a big smile on her face.

  Pearl watched Jim whirl Ruby round the floor. He wasn’t the best dancer, but he had an old-world courtesy that made a girl feel secure in his arms. He always got Ruby laughing if she was down.

  ‘Your Jim’s a good laugh,’ said Moira, narrowing her eyes at Arnie, who was now propping up the bar. ‘Wish Arnie was more energetic. Likes his wallop and his food too much.’

  Pearl studied the red-faced young man who was drinking from a big tankard.

  ‘How long have you known him?’

  ‘When he got taken on at the canteen last year.’

  ‘Have you been out with him before?’

  ‘A few times. But I keep him at arm’s length. I’m saving meself for Mr Right.’

  Pearl smiled as she looked at Jim dancing. ‘Sorry, but Mr Right’s taken.’

  When her boss came over and asked her to dance, Pearl dutifully accepted. He puffed and panted his way through the foxtrot, and she was relieved when it was over. Mr Hedley mopped his brow with his handkerchief and looked at his watch. ‘Very nice, Mrs Nesbitt, thank you.’

  ‘Thank you, Mr Hedley.’

  She was smiling as she made her way back to the table. Moira was just leaving with Arnie. They said good night but Jim barely replied. His face was set like stone.

  ‘What’s the matter, Jim?’ Pearl said as she sat down.

  ‘Ask your sister,’ he growled.

  Pearl looked at Ruby. ‘What’s wrong?’

  Ruby took her handbag from the chair. ‘I’m going now.’

  ‘Why? The dance ain’t finished yet.’

  ‘I’m catching the bus.’ With that she was gone.

  Pearl looked at Jim. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me she’s still seeing Winters?’

  Pearl shrugged. ‘You’ve never asked. Anyway, she’s not, he’s at sea.’

  ‘She told me she’s crazy about him.’

  Pearl looked away.

  ‘You knew then?’

  ‘I told you before that she thought she was in love.’

  ‘And I told you she should know better.’

  ‘Jim, don’t let’s argue over Ricky again.’

  ‘Christ!’ He banged his fist on the table. ‘Can’t you see she’s asking for trouble? Didn’t what I told you about Danny and Gladys make any impression?’

  ‘Don’t shout, Jim.’

  ‘I’ll do what I bloody like.’ He swallowed the last of his ale, then stood up. ‘You’d better understand this, Pearl. Winters and me have never got on and never will. If that louse ever shows his face around me or mine again, there’ll be hell to pay.’

  Pearl remembered the tears in Ruby’s eyes. ‘You didn’t say that to Ruby?’

  ‘I spoke me mind because I’m not bloody soppy like you, encouraging the kid to write daft letters and moon over a waste of space like him.’ He turned and walked away.

  Pearl felt physically weak. His words hurt. Not because he said them in anger but because she knew they were close to the truth. But what could she do to stop Ruby?

  Chapter 6

  By the time the music ended, Jim still hadn’t come back. Pearl was worried about Ruby. She got up and looked outside, then went back in and took her coat from the peg. There was no point in staying. Jim had a temper and he was probably cooling off at home.

  Em bumped into her at the door. ‘Are you leaving?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Where’s Jim and Ruby?’

  ‘He’s walked her home,’ Pearl improvised. ‘She had to be back early.’

  ‘I’ll get my coat and Colin and me will walk with you.’

  Pearl would have liked to be on her own, but she didn’t want to sound rude.

  Colin met them outside. ‘L
ucky there’s been no raids tonight.’

  ‘Yes, it was a wonderful evening.’ Em dug her hands in her pockets. ‘I really enjoyed myself.’

  ‘What about you, Pearl?’ Colin asked.

  ‘I’m going because my feet are killing me.’

  He laughed. ‘Jim and you are good dancers.’

  ‘We danced at the club. They used to have good dances there before the war.’

  ‘It put a stop to a lot of good things,’ nodded Em. ‘Still, we all made up for lost time tonight.’

  Pearl listened to Em and Colin talking. Colin said he’d been turned down because of his bad sight.

  Suddenly Pearl yearned for Jim. Whatever their differences she should have been dancing in his arms this minute. He was only being protective towards Ruby.

  ‘I hope Dad’s all right,’ Em said as they turned the corner of Pride Place.

  ‘Why?’ asked Pearl, suddenly remembering that once Em had been about to tell her and Moira about her dad but Mr Hedley’s appearance had put paid to that.

  Em’s voice was soft. ‘He’s got this spine disease and the hump on his back frightens the kids. They even throw stones at him. And one night a lit rag was pushed through the letter box.’

  ‘That’s dreadful,’ said Colin, pulling up short.

  ‘Around where we live they don’t know better. Dad was very upset. It was at the time you got married, Pearl. That’s why I couldn’t come to your wedding.’

  ‘No wonder he don’t like being on his own,’ gasped Pearl.

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Em hurriedly. ‘So I’d better be going.’

  ‘Thanks for walking me home.’

  ‘It was a pleasure,’ said Colin quietly, wheeling his bicycle beside Em.

  Em walked off with Colin, his bicycle wheel squeaking as they went.

  How could those kids do that, Pearl wondered as she went down the alley. The poor man must be terrified. For all her problems, she was lucky that a deformity wasn’t one of them.

  Pearl came to the top of the stairs. There was no light in the kitchen. Letting herself in, she found only darkness. The fire was out and she sank down on the bed. It was half-past eleven. Where had Jim got to? And Ruby? Was she all right?

  She kicked off her shoes and found a blister. She was too cold to take off her coat. Pulling the cover over herself, she curled up and soon was asleep.

  Pearl suddenly remembered it was Sunday. Turning to look at Jim’s side of the bed, she found it empty. Then last night tumbled back. How had such a wonderful evening turned into a catastrophe?

  Pearl slid her feet to the floor and pulled her crumpled coat round her.

  ‘Jim?’

  The fire was alight and she rushed to the kitchen. He was sitting at the table dressed in his baggy trousers and jumper. The saucer was full of dog-ends. How long had he been there? She threw herself into his arms. ‘Oh, Jim, I was worried about you!’

  He slowly disentangled himself. ‘You got home all right?’

  She squeezed herself on his knee. ‘I walked with Em and Colin.’

  ‘Sorry. Me temper got the better of me.’

  ‘And I’m sorry too. Where have you been?’

  He looked at her with sunken eyes. ‘Walking. Thinking. Go in by the fire and I’ll make the tea.’

  ‘I don’t want tea. I only want you.’ The next moment she was kissing him and he was kissing her. Pearl felt her upside-down world return to normal. Nothing mattered, just each other, and she wanted to tell him so. She wanted to be made love to, to be reassured and know that everything was as it used to be. ‘Let’s go to bed.’

  But he took her hands. ‘Pearl . . . please.’ His voice was weary. ‘Just do as I say for once. Sit by the fire.’

  Reluctantly she obeyed. Her hair was all over the place and her teeth needed brushing. No wonder he didn’t want to cuddle her! Quickly she pinched her cheeks in the mirror.

  He soon appeared with two cups of tea. A great wave of love enveloped her. Why did they have to quarrel?

  Placing wood on the fire he stood up slowly. ‘We need to talk, Pearl.’

  ‘We can talk in bed.’

  He sighed. ‘Before I know it, you’ll have sent everything else out of me brain.’

  ‘Jim, I know I spend too much and I’m selfish and I ain’t a good cook, but I can change—’

  ‘Pearl, it’s none of those things,’ he cut her short. ‘I don’t care how much you spend or where you spend it. And food is the last of me worries.’ He sat heavily on the chair. ‘As I’ve said, I’ve been walking all night, thinking things through.’

  ‘You could have thought them through here,’ she pouted.

  ‘We’d have ended up in bed.’

  ‘Is that such a bad thing?’

  ‘No, course not,’ he shrugged, raking a hand through his hair. ‘When we make love it’s wonderful. There ain’t nothing like it, in my book. You’re a beautiful woman and I can’t get enough of you. You’ve got this, like, knack for good taste, like the way you look – you’re always turned out top notch. And this place, you’ve done it up real nice, like you see on the films, even with your little touches, but . . . but . . .’

  ‘But what?’ Pearl had a sinking feeling. What had he been hiding?

  ‘There are things in a marriage that are just as important as sex. Like talking – and sharing.’

  ‘I thought we did all that.’ She gazed into his eyes. ‘I love you, Jim. I try me best.’

  ‘Pearl, answer me honestly.’ He held her hands. ‘Did you know how serious your sister is about Winters?’

  Pearl gave a hesitant shrug. ‘What do you mean by serious?’

  ‘I went round to Roper’s Way this morning to see if Ruby got home all right. Your parents had just left for church. I wanted to apologize for my outburst. You know what she said? She said it was none of my business and that she had no intention of giving him up.’

  ‘I only knew about them writing, I swear it.’

  ‘You knew about them writing?’

  The sinking feeling came back as she nodded.

  ‘Just look what it’s led to,’ he burst out. ‘Do you really want to see your sister go the same way as Gladys?’

  ‘Jim, she’d never kill herself.’

  ‘How do you know?’ His eyes were hard. ‘Are you willing to take the chance?’

  ‘That’s not a nice thing to say.’

  ‘And Winters ain’t a nice bloke. I told you what he did to Danny and Gladys. He’s responsible for the ending of a life that should have been lived much longer. My God, Pearl, isn’t that proof enough?’ When she didn’t answer, he drew back. ‘Or is there more to this than meets the eye? Something I don’t know about?’

  ‘Course not,’ she protested, going scarlet. ‘What could there be?’

  ‘You knew him once, at the club.’

  Her heart gave a guilty lurch. Jim had never put these questions to her before. He was like a different person, as though he distrusted her. ‘You sound like you’re jealous,’ she flung back.

  ‘Jealous?’ he repeated, looking her intently in the eye. ‘Maybe I am. Have I got reason to be?’

  ‘Jim, that’s another rotten thing to say.’

  He stood up, staring at her as though he was searching her face for an answer. ‘I don’t know . . . I don’t know,’ he murmured, pushing his hands in his pockets. ‘I just can’t put me finger on it. Something’s not right . . . there’s something I don’t understand. Why he’s come back. It’s just too much of a coincidence.’

  If she told him everything now – admitted to the truth – she was sure she would lose him. He would never want her after what she’d done with Ricky.

  ‘You’re accusing me,’ she heard herself bravely saying, ‘but what about you? I don’t go on to you about all these girlfriends you’ve had.’

  He tilted his head. ‘What girlfriends?’

  ‘Blackie said you were a bit of a lad once.’

  He shrugged. ‘So what? I’ve always told you
the truth. The girls before you meant nothing. All young blokes sow their wild oats.’

  ‘You say you’ve always told me the truth. But what about the enlistment board?’ she demanded, just remembering what Blackie had said.

  ‘Who said about that?’

  ‘Blackie,’ she replied, pleased to see that going on the attack had worked. But her satisfaction was short-lived as he threw the last piece of wood on the fire.

  ‘I was going to tell you after the dance.’

  The words filled her with terror. ‘Oh God, Jim, no!’

  He kept his eyes averted. ‘I’m sorry, Pearl.’

  It was then the bottom of her world really did fall out as she realized that, like Blackie, he had enlisted.

  Pearl sat in the chair, her arms clutched around herself. Her heart had only just stopped pounding. She could hear the rattle of china in the kitchen and feel the warmth of the fire. The newspapers were in the rack by the hearth, the clock ticked on the mantel next to the ashtray, a souvenir from Margate. Everything was as normal in their love nest, but it wouldn’t ever be the same again.

  Jim was leaving in a week. Seven days. Packing his bags and leaving. Well, she wouldn’t let him go. They couldn’t take him away from her, whoever they were.

  ‘Drink this.’ Jim’s tone was tender. He was trying to make amends. But nothing was going to mend this – unless he said he wouldn’t go.

  ‘I don’t want it.’

  ‘Come on, love, for my sake.’ He made her take the hot drink. The cup rattled in the saucer.

  ‘Are you cold?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I’ll get a blanket.’

  ‘Jim, a blanket ain’t gonna do any good. You’ve just told me you’ve enlisted. That behind my back you had it all planned.’

  ‘It was the Ark Royal that did it.’

  ‘The Ark Royal ?’ She had thought it odd that Jim hadn’t gone on about the sinking. But as they’d made passionate love, she’d assumed that he didn’t want to upset her. ‘So you’ve been keeping this secret since then?’

  ‘Not secret. Not like that.’

  ‘It’s all right for you to accuse me of living in a fantasy world. But this takes some beating. I suppose you’d have said goodbye the night before you left?’

  ‘I told you, I was going to after the dance. I didn’t want to spoil your fun.’