The Gift

by Alison Croggon

  Maerad knelt on the stones and washed the muck off her face and hands. The water was cold and clear. She pulled some dried grasses and, moving with a sudden violent disgust, scrubbed herself as hard as she could, dabbing uselessly at her clothes, which were stiff with filth. Then they sat and ate, Cadvan sniffing the air. Clouds were forming in the east, high dark clouds mounting in the distance. "A storm is coming," he said. "Which perhaps will help us. We need to cover our tracks. More eyes than the Landrost's will be wondering what it was that resisted the wers last night, and perhaps will be tracking us. We're still at least four days from any hope of help, and that's if all goes well."

  "I don't know how much farther I can go," said Maerad. Her hands were trembling.

  "Nor do I, Maerad. Will has carried us this far. But I too need rest, and that badly. It would be some joke to win through all these perils, only to drop dead of exhaustion within sight of haven."

  They munched in silence for a time. I fought the wers, and I wasn't afraid, Maerad thought with a kind of grim gladness. Perhaps now he'll stop treating me like a child. Images of the battle flickered randomly through her head, and she saw again the one that had caught fire, the one who had transformed into something like a man, and shuddered. I killed him. The statement struck her like fear. She had slaughtered hens and rabbits for the table, thinking nothing of it, and once she had wanted to kill a man, had felt the action stirring in her soul, a black, implacable rage; but never before had she murdered anyone. It was kill or be killed, a voice said. What good would it have done to stand back and let him hack you down? He had no doubts. . . . She knew that was true, but the knowledge didn't stop a disquiet in her heart, a feeling that, no matter the justification, killing was wrong, that the act had somehow wounded her. Shaking her head to rid herself of her thoughts, she stretched and yawned.

  "How I wish there were something else to eat!" she said. Cadvan looked up and smiled.

  "Yes, traveling food serves its purpose, but it palls quickly"

  "A roast bird, with roots. And baked apples stuffed with berries and nuts."

  "Mushrooms!" said Cadvan unexpectedly. "Slow fried in butter. I can almost smell them!" He passed her his bottle of herbed water. "Drink some of this. Not too much; my supplies are running low."

  "What is it?" asked Maerad, as she drank.

  "Medhyl," said Cadvan. "It heals tiredness. It can't erase it, alas, but it helps. Bards brew it for just such times as these."

  "Do we have to keep going now?"

  "I think we should rest but briefly. Soon we will have to find shelter. Look at those clouds! It will be a savage storm, I think. We shan't get much farther today. There are caves around here, although we must be careful of what lives in them!"

  Presently he gathered up his pack; they crossed the stream and moved on southward, Cadvan scanning the mountainsides closely as they went. Maerad was conscious of the storm at their back; each time she turned, the clouds were closer and darker, quickening with little tongues of lightning, and she began to hear thunder. The light dimmed as the clouds ate up the sun.

  Cadvan halted and pointed to a scarcely visible hole above a ridge, about twenty feet over their heads. "There!" he said. "Quick, follow me." They scrabbled up the steep incline and then, warning Maerad back, Cadvan drew his sword and walked into the cave, bending over because the roof was so low. It was dry, and the floor was sandy. The cave drove in about a dozen feet and then turned sharply. Cadvan cautiously followed it and saw that the cave petered out about ten feet farther in. He emerged where Maerad stood waiting. "It's perfect," he said. "Although something lives there; there are bones. It will be a little annoyed, I fear, to find us here, but I think it is no evil thing. We can light no fire, but at least we will not be wet."

  They had found the cave in the nick of time. Even as they entered, a huge clap of thunder broke over their heads, heralding the storm's first heavy drops. Inside, it smelled fusty and close. Maerad sat on the sandy floor where the cave bent, so she could still see its mouth, a circle of light already veiled with rain. "You should lie down," she said. "I'll keep watch. I promise not to fall asleep."

  To her surprise, Cadvan did not demur. "Use your listening," he said. "You know how. And wake me if you hear or see anything strange. Anything. I don't mind if it's a false alarm." Then, with the disconcerting swiftness she had witnessed before, Cadvan lay down and seemed to fall asleep instantly.

  Maerad sat with her hands clasped around her knees, her cloak wrapped tightly around her for warmth, and listened to the rain and thunder. The sound was oddly comforting, even sitting in a cold cave in the middle of wild mountains. For a time she studied Cadvan's sleeping face, which glimmered palely in the semidarkness under his tangle of dark hair. He had told her he was already old, at least according to normal reckonings, but he by no means looked it. There was, nevertheless, a sternness to his mouth, a hint of grief or suffering long mastered, which suggested that he was not misleading her; his face held traces of long experience. And yet sometimes, and particularly now, in the vulnerability of sleep, he seemed much younger, barely older than she was. She knew already he was a brave swordsman; the toughest of the Thane's men could not match his quickness or skill, and his endurance astonished her. She had seen last night how he faced down fear and danger. Yet he had not once boasted of his prowess and seemed rather to dismiss it, counting singing and lore the greater skills. She had never met anyone like him, and all the events of the past few days hadn't erased her initial astonishment. Perhaps she would get used to him in time. He trusted her a little now. Perhaps, even, they could be friends. And what had he said that morning? "You did well...."

  Her mind flinched away from the memory of the battle the night before, and she remembered that she was supposed to be watching. It was a fierce storm: the rain was so heavy it now made a gray, impenetrable wall at the mouth of the cave, lit every now and then by a flash of sheet lightning. The wind howled and lashed the sides of the mountain, occasionally drowned by enormous rumbles and claps of thunder. She felt very glad they were not out in it; by comparison the cave felt safe, even cozy. She watched, and saw and heard nothing, and after a few hours, when weariness began to roll over her, she woke Cadvan and curled up to sleep on the cave floor, as luxuriously as if she bedded down in feathers.

  She woke groggily to the sound of Cadvan speaking. The cave was now dark, and she blinked and stretched, peering through the shadows. What she saw made her sit up abruptly and back close to the wall, clutching her cloak.

  Cadvan was face-to-face with an enormous beast. All she could see was the dark shape of it: a monstrous bulk blocking out the light with a long tail slowly lashing, and with it a sharp stink, like nothing so much as a cat. It stretched its nose forward to Cadvan and responded to his words with rumblings deep in its throat. Maerad sat as still as she could. Cadvan gestured in Maerad's direction, speaking as he did so, and gave Maerad a cautioning look. The beast padded forward and sniffed her. She blanched, but submitted to the investigation without protest, although the long, curved teeth and the beast's breath—the hot, pungent breath of a carnivore—made her heart race. She appeared to pass inspection, and the beast turned back to Cadvan and made some more rumblings, which sounded to Maerad a little as if it were laughing at her. It then turned around in circles, padding out a bed for itself, and lay down. Cadvan turned to Maerad, smiling.

  "Well done," he said. "It is no easy thing to wake up unexpectedly in the company of a mountain lion, and things might have gone ill if you had panicked. He has decided you are harmless, and will permit us to stay here the night. He assures us he will not eat us and says you wouldn't make much of a meal, anyway."

  "Oh," said Maerad breathlessly. "How nice of him."

  "He has also told me a few useful things, which if you had had your wits about you, you might also have heard. He has news of our battle with the wers, and claims to be honored to host such warriors. He has been hunting and the land is disturbed. All the beasts a
re fearful, and he likes not this wind. He says it is not safe for us to travel as we are, southward down the east of the Annova, and has offered us safe passage through the mountains. It will be a shortcut for us, and will throw whatever follows us off our trail."

  "Safe passage?" said Maerad dubiously. "And we can trust him?"

  "Yes," Cadvan said. "As much as we can trust anything. It is much more than I hoped for."

  Maerad had no choice but to defer to Cadvan's judgment— and it was true, the beast hadn't eaten her. Yet. She remembered Gilman's hounds and felt a little less uneasy.

  "What did you mean, that I could have heard his news, as well?" she asked, after a short silence.

  "When are you going to wake up?" said Cadvan impatiently. "Yes, there are things that you must learn. But there are other things that sleep inside you already, as part of your Gift, your inheritance. One of them is the ability to understand the speech of beasts."

  "Me?"

  "Yes, girl, do you have ears of cloth?"

  Maerad felt a new kind of fear stirring within her, a fear of herself, and it pricked her anger. She spoke low, afraid of waking the beast, but with a dark fury.

  "That's witchspeak," she said. "You never told me anything like that. It's not true!"

  Cadvan didn't react to her anger. "Maerad, the worst thing you can do is deny your own powers," he said. "If you have been kept ignorant, that is not your fault. You no longer have that excuse."

  Maerad felt too alarmed to argue with him, and turned sullenly to the cave wall. It was ridiculous for Cadvan to speak of her in this way. She was just what she was, a girl, lately a slave, and yes, she could play the lyre, but... Cadvan was quite mistaken.

  She took a deep breath and glanced over to the mountain lion. It lay curled up, its nose to its tail, just like a cat on a hearth, taking no notice of either of them. The storm had passed, but still the rain fell steadily outside the cave, a friendly sound, she thought. Night was falling, and she realized she was hungry.

  "We're not going anywhere now, anyway," she said.

  "No," said Cadvan. "So I might as well have a look at that wer scratch."

  He searched the wound on her forehead with expert, gentle fingers, and Maerad struggled not to flinch. "A bruise, and some tearing, but no poison," he said. "You'll have a headache for a couple of days, I'm afraid. I can't fix that up here. But there'll be no scar to speak of. You got off lightly." He pressed his hand hard over her forehead, and some of the pain lifted; he then anointed the wound with a sweet-smelling balm from a tiny jar he drew from his pack.

  "We should eat, and then rest while we can," said Cadvan. "We need keep no watch: the mountain lion will guard his own cave, even in sleep."

  Maerad nodded. In truth, her bones still ached with weariness, and underneath she felt the aftershock from the fight of the night before, a trembling deep in her whole body. More rest would be welcome.

  The next morning Maerad was so stiff with cold she could hardly move; she felt as if she were bruised all over. The day was overcast and drear, and a dim, pale light filtered into the cave, which now seemed inhospitable and comfortless. She turned over with a groan. Cadvan still slept, so she sat up cautiously, looking for the mountain lion. It was nowhere to be seen.

  So much for our guide, she thought. What now?

  She crawled to the mouth of the cave and looked out. She could see down over the knees of the mountains to the plains, but the forest was hidden in mist or rain. The very world seem drained of color. She was sitting disconsolately, watching the clouds and trying to rub some life into her arms and legs, when Cadvan joined her.

  "Breakfast?" he said cheerily.

  "The last thing I feel like is food," she said. "Our guide seems to have disappeared."

  "He'll be back," said Cadvan. "And you have to eat. We still have a long walk before us, and you can go nowhere on an empty stomach. If nothing goes wrong, we'll dine soon on roast beef and fried mushrooms."

  "And roots?"

  "Carrots and turnips and beets and anything else you like. Baked, roasted, fried, casseroled, poached, sugared, and smoked!" Cadvan was already back in the cave, dragging fruit and biscuit out of his pack. "And a bath! By the Light, it will be good to be clean again! I haven't had a bath since I can remember."

  They were finishing breakfast when the mountain lion returned. Cadvan greeted him gravely in the Speech, and the great beast sat on his haunches and waited patiently while Cadvan packed up. Then the mountain lion lowered his head and made more growling noises in his throat, and Cadvan nodded. "He says to follow," he told Maerad. "Watch his every move. And be quick."

  The mountain lion jumped above the cave, onto a ledge, and began to climb up the base of the mountain, following the ledge along the edge of a deepening gorge. Cadvan sprang up after him. Maerad paused, daunted by the height, and then, realizing she had no choice, scrambled up after them, her heart in her mouth. "He's got four feet," she muttered to Cadvan. "I hope he remembers I've got only two."

  "Just concentrate!" said Cadvan.

  For some time the ledge was wide enough to walk without discomfort, and Maerad began to breathe more easily, although to her left was a deepening ravine and to her right a sheer cliff that became higher the farther they went. There were rough outcroppings of grasses and occasional clumps of hellebore and ladies' sleeves and a fluffy white flower Maerad had not seen before, but otherwise there was very little vegetation, and the way was rough and broken. The rays of the early sun warmed their backs, but soon their path fell into shadow, and Maerad's sweat chilled on her skin. Now they were moving steeply upward again, and the ledge began to narrow and in some places disappeared altogether. Their progress was reduced to a crawl. Maerad felt uneasily like a spider climbing up a wall, without the comforting assurance of a web to dangle from if she fell. When she looked down she felt dizzy, so she fixed her eyes on Cadvan before her and concentrated on placing her feet and hands exactly where he put his. She couldn't see the mountain lion.

  She had just decided she couldn't climb another foot when the ledge suddenly turned sharply and changed into a definable path that wound back and forth, still climbing up the mountain. Now they walked, although in single file, and Maerad could see the mountain lion loping patiently before them, his muzzle close to the ground, his powerful shoulders rippling with effortless grace. Higher they wound their way, higher and higher, and the air became colder and colder, and it began to be difficult to breathe. Then the path seemed to stop altogether. The mountain lion turned and spoke to Cadvan, and Cadvan relayed his message to Maerad.

  "He says to keep very close now," he said. "Whatever you do, don't panic. I cannot make light, unless we have no choice, because it might attract trouble. Use your ears. And watch for bats."

  "Bats?" said Maerad in confusion. What were bats doing on top of a mountain? But then she saw that, instead of stopping, the path led to an opening in the sheer rock of the mountain. It was clearly no natural cave: its sides were regular and smooth, and carved around its lintel were the crumbling traces of runes.

  She had no time to wonder; they plunged into the tunnel and kept walking. Their footsteps echoed dully back from the walls. In the light from the opening, Maerad saw that the floor was straight as an arrow, its way piercing straight into the very heart of the mountain. It was wide enough for two people to walk side by side with their arms outstretched. They had only walked a few minutes when the light was swallowed in utter blackness. The darkness was so complete that Maerad couldn't see her hand if she put it before her eyes. Their footsteps sounded unnaturally loud, and echoed strangely; she could even hear the velvet pad of the mountain lion's paws.

  "Cadvan?" she said, in a very small voice, and jumped because her voice came back to her, mockingly amplified.

  "Ssshhh," he said. Ssssssshhhhhhhhhh, said the tunnel. To her unutterable relief, Cadvan took her hand and squeezed it in encouragement; and he didn't let go. They walked slowly and steadily, dragging the tips of th
eir fingers along the smooth walls for what seemed an eternity, with the slow, steady pad of the mountain lion's paws always ahead of them.

  Suddenly Maerad gasped. The side wall vanished, and she nearly toppled into the gap. A chill, rank-smelling draft of air breathed into her face, dispersing for a moment the slight stuffiness of the passage. After three paces the wall returned; clearly a tunnel branched off the main artery. Soon side passages became more frequent, and Maerad realized there must be a network through the whole mountain. Sometimes the air came down from above, sometimes from below, and she guessed they were tunnels leading up and down through the rock. She counted forty-five before they stopped for a meal, and from changes in the air she guessed that a similar number branched off on Cadvan's side as well. The main tunnel still drove straight as a ruler through the mountain.

  She wondered who had made this place, and what it was, although she had no desire to follow any of the side tunnels; the thought of being lost inside this mountain, groping through endless darkness, made her shudder. Perhaps it had been a kind of city, though she had never heard of a city built inside a mountain. It felt old, immeasurably old. Occasionally, when her fingers brushed over something that felt like a crumbling carving in relief, or an intricate decoration bordering one of the side passages, she wished that Cadvan would permit them a little light: she would have liked to see what it was they passed through. Surely it had been beautiful once? Perhaps it still was, even in its abandonment?

  Despite the darkness, it wasn't a place that inspired fear; if there were ghosts, she thought to herself, they had long departed. As they moved farther into the mountain she began to feel awed by its size. It was many, many times larger than Gilman's Cot; it was maybe as grand as the cities in some of the songs Mirlad had taught her. It seemed to exhale sadness, a pervasive feeling of absence. Had a sickness assailed these folk and driven them away? Or had they simply left, deciding to build another city elsewhere, somewhere warmer? People had lived here, and maybe they had been happy, and now they were gone and the place missed them, missed their laughter and song and light. For she assumed they must have made light here, in these dark places.