Shadows of Humanity

by J. Armand

  “You don’t understand. William would never hurt a fly. You have to have faith in him. I know he can save us.”

  “He’s been hurting you. So do you consider yourself less than a fly?”

  “He just needed to remove as much of the bad blood as he could. I deserved it, for I have sinned.” She didn’t even hesitate with her answers. It was like she was reciting a script.

  “The way I heard it you both sinned, so he’s equally responsible. Yet you’re here and he’s free.”

  “Because… it is my fault I lost our child. I am marked by the Devil. I don’t belong out there. William repented and God forgave him. He is doing the Lord’s work now. If I have faith in him he will save me too. It won’t be long now.”

  “That isn’t love, Emily. You aren’t evil because of what you are. You didn’t ask to be this way. Only your actions can make you evil and you didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing you did merits being treated like this. You have every right to be treated with kindness if you are a good person.” What did my actions say about me? What had I done for the amulet to burn me? Was I destined to become the evil instrument of destruction my creators had intended me to be? “He should love you for who you are. I don’t think there is a cure, but if there is you should be finding it together.”

  Was this punishment because I left Noah to fend for himself when I knew he needed me? I had even taken pleasure in seeing him humbled because I wanted revenge so badly for his betrayal. It didn’t make a difference who he was. My own actions that must have changed the amulet’s judgment of me.

  “What are you doing?” A door flew open and William rushed in wearing his armor. “Stop talking to her, monster!” He picked up the stake and replaced it in her chest.

  “I’m not a monster, William. How can you do that to someone you say you love?” I looked at Emily’s limp body dangling from the chains.

  “I knew there was something different about you the first time we met. You weren’t the hero doing God’s work back in New York. You were the monster killing your own kind so you’d be the only one.”

  “What is it with you and hating anything that’s different? I never did anything wrong to you and now you’re treating me like this. Who are you to judge me?”

  “You’ve been lying to me and my brothers this whole time, pretending to be some innocent homeless boy. I don’t know what you are, but your trick to hide yourself from the amulet has failed. I know you’re no undead or the amulet would have killed you instantly. That can only mean you are a demon.”

  “I’m not a demon. I don’t know what I am, but I’m not evil and neither are all the undead. Neither is your girlfriend here. Have you ever tried the amulet on her?”

  “Don’t pretend you know anything about her!”

  “But you can pretend to know me? And all the innocent undead you’ve killed just because they aren’t like you? Give me a break. You have no idea what real evil is.” Unfortunately, I was still shackled.

  “Is that a threat?” He drew his sword. “You would be dead right now if I didn’t have questions. Who else are you working with? I know you must have left to inform others about the Brotherhood so you could take us out.”

  “No. I’m saying there’s real evil out there you could be banishing if you opened your eyes a little. Can you let me down now? I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “You aren’t leaving this place. I should have known I wouldn’t get a straight answer from a demon.”

  “This is hopeless. There’s no getting through to you.” I broke free from the shackles with ease.

  “Stay back!” William yelled and held out the amulet. My skin caught fire and I had flashbacks of being burned alive. I knocked the amulet from his hand, but in my frenzy I smashed him into the wall and shattered it.

  “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.” This wasn’t helping my case. He swung his sword at me to no avail as I plucked it gently from his hands. He looked terrified as I kept trying to calm him, but words weren’t helping. I ran after him as he fled the room. It wasn’t worth it. He might never change his mind and I didn’t want to fight him.

  I went back to Emily and removed the chains and stake.

  “You’re free now.”

  “Where is William? What did you do to him?” Emily cowered against the wall. What was wrong with this girl? This wasn’t love or faith. This was brainwashing.

  “I didn’t do anything to him. He ran off on his own. Emily, there are others out there like us. They’re good people that won’t judge you and don’t want to hurt anyone. It’s a dark world out there, but maybe your faith can bring them a little light without your being chained up and tortured. Don’t you think you’ve suffered enough?”

  “But what about William?”

  “If he truly loves you then he’ll stop this obsession. He isn’t as pure as you think. He kills with hate and prejudice. He has to find his way and you have to find yours. Isn’t that why God put us all on this Earth? How can you repent your own sins by hiding away?”

  “Where – where do I go?” she asked as she crawled out from the shadows.

  “You can try New York. There is a group there called the Outsiders. They are like you. They’re good people.” With Noah out of the city the threat against them should be gone too. Hopefully some of them had been spared. “If you find someone by the name of Octavio tell him I sent you. He, uh, also goes by ‘Grampy.’ Don’t ask.”

  “New York is so far. How will I get there?”

  “Come with me.” The door led to a narrow staircase, which climbed to a small wine cellar. A giant cask hid another staircase to William’s room. I went first in case William was waiting to jump out, but he was nowhere in sight. Luck was on our side; night had fallen. I grabbed money from his dresser and clothes from his extensive wardrobe and gave them to her.

  “I can’t take this. It’s stealing,” she refused.

  “Consider it a charitable donation. Besides, weren’t you two a couple?” She took the clothes and money and looked around the room in awe. “Yeah, he enjoyed all this while you were down there just because you were ‘evil.’ Fair, huh?”

  She didn’t come back with a reason for why he deserved the luxury, so maybe we were making progress.

  “You’re going to need blood. You won’t get far looking like that.” I offered her my wrist. “Just do it. Time is of the essence.” She bit down nervously. I realized I didn’t know what coven she was. Noah bit me once years ago, and the Carpathians had bitten me in battle. They were both very different sensations.

  The bite hurt, but not more than that amulet. I turned away so she couldn’t see me grimace. Afterward, I lied and told her it hadn’t felt bad. The last thing this girl needed was an eating disorder. Looking at her made me even sadder once she had taken on a more human appearance. She looked like a totally average doe-eyed teenage girl, aside from the fangs and pale skin. She should have been in high school, not chained up in a basement. I wished I could have done more to help her, but she had to learn to be strong and independent, not to follow me around. My tendency to attract danger would only make things harder on us both.

  I brought her outside after she had changed and washed up a bit while I guarded the door. “Jump the guard wall and follow the road east. You’ll reach Bath before morning if you run. You have enough money there to buy a small house. Get a room at a hotel to sleep through the day and then take a taxi to the airport near Bristol. Make sure to get a flight that won’t arrive during the day. You can get a map of New York City when you land at the airport. Also try to remember to exchange currency there. Euros aren’t going to get you far in New York.” I thought of writing this all down for her as she stared back at me with her eyes glazed over. “Got it?”

  “Yes! Do you think I’ll have enough money here after all that for an umbrella in case I get caught in the sun?” Coming from anyone else I would have taken that as sarcasm.

  “No, don’t go in the sun. Ever. Nothing is going to help you wit
h that.” I sent her on her way and wished her luck.

  “Thanks, I’ll add you to my prayers at night!” she said cheerfully. I watched as she attempted to jump the eight-foot wall. Next, she tried to climb it. She looked back at me, unsure of what to do. I flew her over to speed things along.

  “Thanks! Which way is east?” she shouted, probably alerting everyone on the property.

  “Your left,” I whispered back loudly.

  “Okay, thanks!” she whispered. I waited until I heard the sound of her footsteps fade into the distance across the dry leaves.

  “Look who it is!” A voice startled me. I whirled around to see Micah and Owen in their full hunter gear.

  “Is Willy dead?” Owen pulled off his mask.

  “No?” That was a strange first question. “Why would he be?”

  “Oh.” Owen lit a cigarette. “He told us you were some sort of thing now and he had you locked in his basement. I figured if you got out you must’ve gone through him.”

  “I’m not here to hurt anybody. I scared him off and he ran.”

  “Good enough for me.” Micah shrugged and bummed a cigarette off Owen.

  “You guys don’t care that I’m… not human?” I was a bit confused. I waited for them to turn aggressive.

  “I knew the whole bloody time,” Micah confessed. “And so did Owen.”

  “What? How? I never used my powers around you.”

  “Well first, you drank enough elephant tranquilizer at the party to kill a herd. We wanted to have a bit of fun and drive out to werewolf country with you to see if you could make your way back.”

  “And second, your neckbiter friends aren’t as good at covering their tracks as they think they are. After Willy called us to say he was bringing you over from New York he sent a picture from his phone. He was always suspicious of you. It was kind of strange for you to be hanging around that biter-infested building and kill one yourself.”

  “You’re more twisted than I thought. And to set the record straight, I didn’t kill him.”

  “Whatever helps you sleep at night, mate. Because it sure isn’t tranqs,” Micah laughed and took a drag from his cigarette before he continued explaining. “I remember seeing that pretty face of yours fighting some nasty winged buggers on a street camera a couple years back. We heard about the headache over there, but by the time we checked it out it was over.”

  Noah’s lost love Vivian had been in charge of covering up the events in Manhattan. When she had fallen the task passed to the other Archios, like the jeweler, who had obviously done a piss-poor job. Outsourcing at its finest. How many more people had seen that footage?

  “You’re not going to hunt me?”

  “No fun in hunting something that doesn’t want to fight back,” Owen shrugged. “And we don’t hunt our own.”

  “What about William?” I asked. “You didn’t seem too concerned that I might have killed him.”

  “He broke the rules. He already admitted he attacked you. It’s on bloody camera, for Christ’s sake.” Micah motioned to the perimeter wall by the gatehouse. “I have a feeling we’re not going to be seeing much of him around here from now on. This isn’t the first time we’ve had non-human brothers. They don’t typically stick around long. I suspect that’s Willy’s doing.”

  “You’re still gonna have to pull your weight around here. Don’t think you’re special now,” Owen chimed in. “Do you grant wishes?”

  “I’m not a genie.”

  “How about presents for good boys and girls?”

  “That’s Santa Claus, and no. I don’t think either of you would make the cut.”

  “You’re damn right about that,” Owen laughed. “Let’s go in so we can make a toast.”

  “A toast to what?” I asked.

  “I don’t know? Thursday? I just need to get out of these clothes and into some liquor. Don’t worry about Willy. We’ll serve him the eviction papers personally if he can’t handle the rules. I never cared much for the wanker anyway.”

  “I appreciate it, but you don’t need to do that. I won’t be staying long either. Bad things always happen to people around me,” I said, feeling a bit of remorse for having come back at all. At least I had helped Emily.

  “Stay the night, then. You look like you could use it,” Micah offered. I accepted and went with them to Micah’s house on the estate.

  “You knew about Emily, right? How come you never did anything?” I asked them. “Wasn’t she one of you?”

  “She wasn’t. Willy would have had our heads if we interfered,” Owen answered. “It’s not like we didn’t say anything to him, but that was his headache. None of us agree too often about anything. It was just another log on the fire.”

  “She was an innocent girl.”

  “A lot of girls and boys come here innocent and leave anything but,” Micah said. Was he talking about himself and Owen? “It’s over now. I’m sure she’ll be fine out there, mate.”

  “You know?” I thought no one had seen Emily’s escape. Micah took out his phone and showed me how it allowed him to watch the cameras around the property. I felt pretty stupid. Someone was always watching.

  Next, Micah played an audio recording for me. It was of our trip to Castile’s.

  “You remember that?” I asked.

  “No, that’s why I recorded it. Owen and I thought something was a bit odd before we left. I wanted proof. One of the bloodsuckers I interrogated seemed to think I had been there before. Then the GPS was already programmed with the location. It wasn’t just in the Lamb, either. I know I drive pissed all the time, but not enough to forget going there in five different cars. Good thing the old chap doesn’t keep up with technology or he might have known he was being recorded.”

  There was a constant high-pitched interference throughout the recording, and Castile’s voice sounded strange and demonic, as though multiple voices were speaking at once. You could barely make out what he was saying. The longer the recording went on, the more it creeped me out. I was reminded of Castile’s battle with the longhaired spirit, during which he’d turned his mansion into a house of horrors.

  “I told you I hate going after the neckbiters.” Micah turned off the recording. “They’re always playing games.”

  Chapter Twelve

  I said my goodbyes to the Blackbournes the next day as their housekeepers were setting up a gigantic Christmas tree, and left for Bath clean and clothed. I promised I’d visit, but I knew the best thing for all of us was to stay away. They may have accepted me for what I was, but I still felt I didn’t fit in. I couldn’t change how they lived their lives and it wasn’t my place to try, but maybe with William shamed and at least temporarily out of the picture they wouldn’t be so prejudiced toward the supernatural community.

  The trip to Bath was another sobering experience. During any time I had to myself, my mind ran wild. I wished I could turn off my thoughts. Where was I going to go now? What was I going to do? Was this what the rest of my immortality would be like? Wandering from place to place, always saying goodbye, fighting to be left alone and then starting it all over again? I had asked myself these questions a million times before and still I had no answer. Sometimes I just wanted to lie down and let the world go on without me. These were my darkest, immutable thoughts. I could escape spirits, the undead, and demons, but not what was in my own head. I hated being alone and I hated saying goodbye even more.

  I made it to the city by the afternoon. I had wanted to explore when I first passed through Bath on the way to the Blackbournes’ estate. It was a grand city with an Old World feel that you wouldn’t find back home in Boston or New York, but most interesting to me were the famous Roman baths. In my travels I had been to France, Germany, and Japan, but I was never able to enjoy any of the cultural beauty those places had to offer.

  My first stop was in the heart of the city to visit the baths before something catastrophic happened. They might have been around for two thousand years, but with my luck that day w
ould be the day they got wiped off the face of the planet. The bubbly museum staff greeted me as soon as I set foot inside. My heart broke a little when they asked if I was a student. There was nothing I wouldn’t give to have my biggest problems be midterms, research papers, filling my portfolio, and pulling all-nighters at the library.

  I strolled through the interactive museum, wading through the horde of exuberant children running amok. Each consecutive exhibit added to my itch to start sketching. In my human days I never would have called architecture a serious interest of mine. I liked it and had always found it interesting that a pile of ordinary wood and stones could make something both functional and artistic, but it never lit a fire in me. Nothing did back then. My choices were based on how I could hide and go through life unnoticed. If I had enjoyed math I would have picked accounting. Architecture was more of something I’d chosen on a whim for a college major – my discomfort around blood had ensured I wouldn’t be following my parents’ footsteps into medicine. It’s almost ironic how every step I take seems to be soaked in sanguinary humors, I thought. If I could go back in time I would tell myself not to regret a single mundane second studying or drawing.

  “Beautiful, no?” A man’s heavy Italian accent stood out amongst the crowd of jabbering children and curious visitors. I loved other languages and dialects. Maybe it was the mystique they generated thanks to my own woefully inept attempts at learning a foreign language in the past. Maybe it was just that the exotic was always sexy to me, whether it was British, French, or Italian.

  I inspected a miniature replica of the Roman Forum that showed what it must have looked like in its prime until I heard the Italian accent again.

  “You have been here before? To Roma?” A hand pointed to the replica. It wasn’t until I looked up that I realized the man was speaking to me. There was something about the way he looked at me, but I couldn’t quite place what it was.

  “N-no,” I stammered in awkward response. “Not yet, at least.”