For Desire Alone

by Jess Michaels

  He was undone. His cock throbbed against his trousers and his whole body was poised, ready to explode.

  “Some day the time will come when I will take my time with you,” he promised. “I’m certain at some point this madness that steals my control will cease.”

  Mariah’s lips parted in surprise at his statement. John was known for his restraint with lovers—how could it be that she stole that from him? She might have asked, but at that moment John stripped his shirt over his head and shucked his boots and trousers off. She could scarcely breathe, let alone speak, as she stared at him.

  They were naked together. She never would have dreamed that would ever happen. But here they were. He stepped forward and dragged her against him. His mouth came to hers again, rough and demanding, but utterly and sinfully pleasurable. She lost herself when he tasted her, sucking her tongue like he had laved her tingling nipple.

  He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his hips without any urging. For a brief moment, time was suspended there. She pressed against the wall, his cock poised and hard at her entrance, she drew back and stared at him, their eyes locked.

  And then time moved again and he thrust deep within her. She was so wet and ready that he encountered no resistance. Pleasure tore at her as he breached her for the second time in just a few days. Pleasure just as intense and overwhelming as it had been the first time they were in this position.

  He cupped her tightly and she clung to his shoulders until her nails bit into his skin as he began to thrust. Almost immediately the grind of his pelvis against her clitoris had pressure and pleasure burning in her. She gasped, clinging to him as her hips jerked out of control.

  The orgasm hit like a storm out of nowhere. It was violent and powerful, stealing her breath, her voice, her ability to control her body. John thrust through it, giving her no mercy as she called out his name again and again.

  Just when she thought it was over, just when her body’s trembling subsided a fraction, he strained, his thrusts becoming erratic, and with a growl, his cock pumped within her. The feel of him bursting inside of her blew her over the precipice she was so delicately balanced upon and she came a second time, this time a smaller, gentler version of her earlier explosive burst.

  For a long time, they leaned against the wall, foreheads pressed together, breathing matched. They were one body, bound by the passion they’d shared. Mariah didn’t think she’d felt so close to a lover before.

  As if he sensed those deeper thoughts, John kissed her cheek with such gentleness that it brought tears to her eyes and withdrew from her.

  The loss of their intertwined bodies left Mariah bereft, but she said nothing and instead began to look around for her long ago discarded gown. John dressed himself swiftly, but her dress and underthings were more complicated. She stepped into the gown and then looked at him from the corner of her eye.

  “Er, could you?” she asked, suddenly shy and awkward around a man she had not only called friend for years, but who had just soundly fucked her against a parlor wall.

  “Of course,” he said and turned her so her back was to him.

  Mariah was glad not to face him. He was so disconcerting to her now. They had been friends, except not. They were now lovers…except not. She never knew what to expect from him when once he had been such a steadfast part of her life.

  “Have I proven you wrong?” he asked softly as he fastened the last button.

  “Wrong?” she repeated, her brain too foggy from release to fathom what he could mean.

  He chuckled and the deep sound reverberated through her sensitive body. “You said I didn’t want you. Have I proven you wrong?”

  She turned to look at him. “I—I suppose it is evident you do want me after all,” she conceded with a shrug. “But you do not want to be my protector.”

  His smile fell and he turned to look out the window. He was quite for a long moment, then he muttered, “I’m no one’s protector, trust me, Mariah.”

  Once again, Mariah sensed his anger. That was twice in just a handful of days, when she had never felt such strong emotion from him before.

  She longed to know why this topic inspired such an intense reaction, but was in no position to ask him. They were not in a relationship, despite this second surrender to desire. Even if they were, that kind of intimacy could only lead to heartache. She refused to develop feelings for any man she took to her bed again.

  She shrugged off her desire to know more and said, “Then what do you want, John? Because I cannot for the life of me fathom your secret plans.”

  He sat down on the settee and rubbed his eyes. “You and I have known each other for a great many years, Mariah,” he said. “I will be as honest with you as I am able, for I feel you deserve that, especially after Owen’s deceptive actions.”

  Mariah flinched at the reminder, but then nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate the respect honesty implies more than you know.”

  “Please sit.” He motioned to the chair near him.

  She took it and watched as he rang for tea.

  It was amazing. They had just wrapped themselves around each other, coupled with wild, animal abandon and now the servants brought in a service as if nothing had happened. As if this were a normal little meeting between friends.

  The servants left and John motioned for her to pour. She did so, sweetening his tea just as she remembered he liked it. As he took a sip, he smiled.

  “Mariah, I want to admit to you that I have desired you greatly,” he said as he set his cup down.

  Mariah had just taken a sip of her own tea and began to choke on the contents with surprise at his admission. Once she had regained her breath, she stared at him.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  He nodded. “From the first moment I saw you, I wanted you. It was the night of the Nethercourt gathering three years ago. You wore a green gown and your eyes seemed to be alive with color. You entered the room and I had to have you… I would have had you, except that Owen told me you were his new mistress.”

  Mariah blinked in increasing disbelief at the detail John could recount of the night of their first meeting. “I—I had no idea of your feelings.”

  “Of course not.” John frowned. “I made certain you did not, nor did Owen. I would not have betrayed him in such a manner. But my desire for you never decreased. Although I suppose that fact is rather clear since I have taken you not once, but twice in recent days. And without much finesse either time, for which I apologize.”

  Mariah set her cup away and leaned back in the chair to stare at him. “You act as though I received no pleasure from those encounters. I assure you, I did. A great deal, both times.”

  He smiled, almost in relief. “Good. I would hate to think I have left a poor impression.”

  Even though she wanted to smile at his teasing, she hesitated. They could flirt with each other about the pleasure of their coupling all day, but there was a deeper topic to be addressed and she shifted back to it.

  “I admit, while there was always an attraction between us, I had no idea you truly desired me. Until you…claimed me at Vivien’s party last week.”

  “And do you desire me, as well?” he pressed.

  She cocked her head. “You must be in jest asking that question. Clearly, I want you. In fact, there is no other—”

  She stopped. Was it wise to tell this man that thus far he was the only one she desired? That she could picture herself in no other man’s bed?

  Probably not.

  His eyes widened at her truncated statement, but he did not press her further.

  “Good,” he said slowly. “At least this madness affects us both.”

  She nodded. He had said madness twice and that was as good a way to put these feelings as any. It certainly seemed like madness when he touched her and she lost control like some untried virgin who had only just discovered pleasure and wanted to explore it in every way possible. When it was only the fact that Owen was gone, a fact that hurt th
em both so desperately, that gave them the power to pursue their desire.

  “But again, I ask you what to do about it?” she pressed as she got to her feet and paced the room restlessly. “We want each other, we have each admitted as much, but that does not solve my problem, nor does it make you want to take the role of protector for me.”

  He nodded. “I understand. But since you do not yet have a protector…and since my desire for you continues despite my vow never to have the same woman two times in a row…perhaps what we should share is an affair.”

  Mariah blinked. “An…affair?” she repeated slowly.

  “Yes. Something that is just for us, just for you.”

  He pushed to his feet and moved a step toward her. There was something almost desperate in his eyes as he stared at her. Like he needed this, just as she needed it.

  “Mariah, you will soon enter into a new relationship and I’m sure you will be well taken care of, but would you not like to also have a few weeks where you just experience pleasure? I would give that to you. If you would allow me to do so.”

  Mariah shivered. John had proven himself a powerful lover already. She knew there was more waiting for her if she accepted his offer. And perhaps, in some small way, being with him would help her open the doors so that she would be ready for a new lover, a new protector.

  “I admit, it is tempting,” she said, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. “You are tempting, though I’m certain you know that better than anyone.”

  His quick flash of a grin did not dissipate her feelings on the subject, but she pressed on.

  “But, John, you must understand, my current situation is quite dire. Yes, there is a small bit of money, but in six months I shall lose my home—” She stopped with a blush. “I shall lose the home Owen provided for me during our arrangement. I would very much like to be in a new situation before that happens. Before I must beg off the kindness of my friends. Before I become truly desperate. I cannot simply call off my search for a protector…even if we are sharing passion and pleasure.”

  For a moment, John hesitated.

  “I admit, I don’t like the idea that you would continue to seek out a lover even while coming to my bed,” he began slowly. “But I am aware of the untenable position Owen left you in. I realize what you are facing.”

  Mariah bit her lip. “Yes, there is that fact. That you knew what Owen intended and did not share it with me.”

  He frowned and for the first time since their first meeting, he actually looked chagrined. “I suppose I hoped he would change his mind.”

  “Wh-why didn’t Owen make arrangements for my comfort?” she whispered. In her heart she knew why. He had not loved her, all his promises had been empty, a way to make her surrender fully, to cease her worries so that she would only focus on him. But she wanted to hear it said out loud.

  “Heathcote was selfish. He had never experienced any kind of fear or loss financially, so he could not empathize with the idea of such a thing.” John shrugged. “I’m certain he would have settled you well if he had left you instead of died. But he could not picture a time when he would be gone…and if he had…he was too conceited to plan for anyone else’s comfort. Hell, he probably thought the world would end with him.”

  Mariah shook her head. The words themselves were a harsh assessment of a man she had loved. But they were accurate. Owen’s sense of his own importance, his sense of his worth to others, had never been a secret. That confidence had once been an attraction. She had expected him to change his stripes, perhaps that had been to her detriment.

  “I must be more careful with my next lover,” she said, raising her gaze to meet his. “And choose a protector wisely, as well.”

  He nodded after a brief hesitation. “I would not ask you to endanger yourself for my pleasure. It would be unfair.”

  Mariah drew back. She hadn’t expected him to understand, yet he did. “Thank you.”

  He looked at her evenly. “Does that mean we have come to terms?”

  Mariah jolted. “Is that what we have been doing? Negotiating?” He nodded and she couldn’t help but laugh. “I should have had a representative here, I think.”

  “Trust me, I have your best interest at heart.” He smiled. “Or at least your best interest is paramount to some part of my body.”

  She smiled. Here she was, in an untenable position, and yet John somehow made light of it. Made her laugh when she hadn’t even felt like smiling for weeks. That, at least, was worth pursuing.

  “Then I suppose we have come to terms,” she said and stepped forward to take his hand. “I must say, I most look forward to fulfilling them.”

  He grinned as he looked down at her. “As do I.”

  She shook her head and lifted his hand to her breast, which now ached with the desire to be touched, yet again, by him. She had never felt such strong need before. Even with Owen, they made love and she was satiated. Not that they didn’t do the same over and over some nights, but she had never been driven by need after the first encounter, only a desire to please Owen.

  This was different.

  “I have never had an affair to please…and pleasure…myself,” she said, trying to focus as John began to gently massage and pluck her breast with those talented fingers of his.

  “No?” he asked, his gaze coming up to hers.

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Then we must be very certain that you are able to receive whatever you would like, whenever you would like it. As often as you would like it.”

  His words were teasing, but his tone and his expression were most definitely not. He never broke his stare from hers, nor did he stop touching her with those amazing hands that seemed to naturally find every spot on her body that ached.

  “I am much looking forward to it.”

  She leaned toward him, ready to accept his kiss and give over her body to his care, once again, when there was a knock at the door. Both of them jolted, as if surprised that there were even other people still in the world around them.

  John stepped back and frowned. “Yes?”

  The door opened and Swanson, John’s unflappable butler, stood in the entryway. “I’m sorry, sir, I know you said no interruptions, but the investors have arrived for the early supper you arranged last week.”

  John squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes,” he grumbled. “Damn, I had forgotten.” He looked at her. “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head. “John, you must run your business, of course. Perhaps we could meet again later?”

  “Tonight?” John asked.

  She nodded. “At my home?”

  He hesitated. “I…I’m not certain I wish to share a bed you once shared with my best friend.”

  She flushed at the reminder.“Of course. Then shall I join you here?”

  “Yes. At eight.” He smiled. “I shall be counting the hours.”

  She shot a brief look toward Swanson, who stepped into the hallway. When he was gone, she lifted on her tiptoes and drew John down for a deep kiss. It spiraled out of control almost immediately and she had to force herself to pull back.

  “Until tonight,” she panted.

  “Yes,” he growled. “Tonight.”

  Chapter Six

  Mariah sipped her brandy in the warmth of Vivien’s private parlor. Her friend had many public parlors, in fact she was well-known for their naughty wallpaper and settees and chairs built for two. Those chambers were all about Vivien’s public persona.

  But in the back of her home, up the stairs, were her real rooms. Her comfortable and pretty private bedroom that was separate from the opulent one she had shared, and occasionally still shared, with lovers.

  There was also a parlor done in soft blues and grays where she could share tea and conversation with friends. Even a music room where Vivien indulged her passion for the pianoforte. It was as if her friend had two lives, lived in the same home but separate from each other in every way that was meaningful.

  Few had the pr
ivilege of seeing what Mariah considered the “real” Vivien. She was proud to count herself as one of them.

  The door opened and her friend swept in with a wide smile. Mariah was always taken by how pretty and sophisticated Vivien was. Mariah had never quite reached those heights as a mistress, though she continually strived to do so.

  “Hello, my dear,” Vivien said, pressing a kiss to each cheek as Mariah stood up. “I’m so pleased you’ve come. I was wondering who I might share supper with today.”

  Mariah laughed. “You are never at a loss for partners.”

  Vivien shrugged as they took their seats and she poured her own drink. “Partners, no. Friends, well, sometimes that is a very different story.”

  Mariah covered her free hand briefly and the two women smiled at each other for a moment.

  “But I doubt you came here to wax poetic about the value of friendship for women of our station,” Vivien laughed. “I haven’t seen you since John Rycroft swept you out of my little afternoon soiree. Tell me, what is happening with you?”

  “I don’t know,” Mariah admitted reluctantly.

  “How can you not know?” Vivien said with a burst of pretty laughter. “It is your life, is it not?”

  Mariah shrugged. “Sometimes I do wonder if that is true. I’m glad you brought John up, for he is the reason I have returned.”

  “Yes, I admit I am all but bursting with curiosity at this turn in his demeanor.” Vivien shook her head. “I am confused by his strange behavior when it comes to you. He has always made it a matter of pride not to form any kind of attachments, yet he seems to be very attached to you.”

  “You know we…” Mariah hesitated. “Well, we took advantage of your parlor the night of your ball.”

  Vivien laughed. “Yes, I do know that. Anyone standing in the hall knew that. He must be very wicked.”

  Mariah blushed. Mistress she might be, but knowing that others were fully aware of her encounters was both disconcerting and titillating.

  “He is that.” She laughed, but it was forced. “But the association has gone a bit beyond that, I fear. You see, I assumed that night was the end of it. He made it clear he will not, or perhaps cannot, be my protector. And yet today he swept in out of nowhere and rescued me from Lord Rossington.”