Not able to look away, Reese focused on his eyes and the desire she saw there. A breeze ruffled her hair, and the sound of trees swaying reached her ears.
When Brody lifted his hand and reached toward her face, she braced herself for his touch, knowing it would do things to her insides that she wasn’t completely prepared for. But she held steady, wanting his touch, needing his touch.
A moment later his fingers brushed her cheek, stopping under her chin, and she didn’t move, craving his touch, but terrified of what would come next. Ever so slightly, he lifted her chin, then his other hand slid around her waist, trapping her in place.
Their eyes were locked on one another, and he leaned toward her, but before his lips reached hers, he stopped.
“If I kiss you,” he said, his voice husky, “you’re not going to run away again, are you?”
Overwhelming need swept over her, and running was the last thing on her mind. “No,” she whispered.
Brody’s lips curved into a satisfied smile, then his expression became serious as his lips descended toward hers. Reese’s eyes fluttered closed as gentle pressure met her mouth, then the urgency of Brody’s wanting made itself manifest as his lips consumed hers. He tugged her against him and Reese felt her body shift on the log so that she was pressed against him.
“Wait,” she murmured against his lips as she opened her eyes and gently pushed him away.
Disappointment shone from his eyes, but she only smiled as she moved back enough to swing her leg over the log so that she was straddling it. When he saw what she was doing, he smiled and straddled the log as well, then wrapped both his arms around her waist as he drew her to him fully.
Reese slid her arms around his neck and let him kiss her again.
I know it’s wrong to let him believe our relationship has a chance, but this feels so good. So very, very good. I don’t want to stop.
“Reese,” Brody said, his voice low and intense as he pulled away and looked at her. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Nineteen
Reese froze, her gaze locked on his. Did he just say what I thought he said? She stared into his eyes and knew she had heard him right. But that can’t happen. Because I feel the same. And that will lead to disaster.
“Reese?” He looked at her with worry.
“I…I don’t know what to say.” I certainly can’t tell him I think I’m falling in love with him. Then he’ll never believe me when I tell him the day after tomorrow that we’re all wrong for each other.
Looking uncertain, Brody smiled. “That’s all right. Let’s just enjoy our time together. Okay?”
She could do that. “Okay.”
Was it too soon to tell her how I feel? He mentally shook himself. But I had to. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I love her. I know I do. Obviously I can’t tell her how certain I am without freaking her out. But that doesn’t change anything. I love her.
This was the first time he had acknowledged his feelings, and it felt good. It felt right. Very right. When he had told her, he could have sworn he had seen a matching reply in her eyes. But she had denied it. Out loud at least.
Doesn’t matter. I still have the rest of today and all day tomorrow.
Confident he could convince her to give their relationship a chance, he pushed aside the shard of worry that dug into the back of his mind and focused on the here and now.
They faced each other on the log, both of their legs straddling the thick trunk, and only inches between them. He wanted to close that distance, but only when Reese was ready. He was ready—more than ready—but they had to go at a pace Reese was comfortable with.
He ran a hand along her side, wanting to slip his hand under her shirt and touch her skin, but he kept himself under control and watched her face.
Reese closed her eyes at his touch, loving the strength of his sure hand, wanting to encourage him to go on, but not knowing how to without revealing her deepest feelings.
Keep a measure of control. That’s the key.
Opening her eyes, she said, “Maybe we should keep going.”
He kept his gaze on her, and after a moment he nodded, then let his hand drop from her side.
She immediately regretted telling him to stop, but it was too late now, so she closed up her pack, stood, then shrugged the pack onto her shoulders.
Brody did the same, and moments later they began walking on the dirt trail underneath the swaying trees.
They didn’t talk much as they walked, which suited Reese just fine. After what had happened, she needed time to analyze her feelings, to decide how far she was willing to let things go. Would it be fair to Brody if she gave in to what her body craved, leading him to believe her heart would follow?
But your heart is already there, Reese. It would be your body following your heart.
Despite knowing that was true, she refused to consider giving Brody a chance. A real chance. She was still determined to tell him good-bye the morning after tomorrow.
When they returned to Brody’s campsite, it was early afternoon.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Reese said, needing a little time away from Brody’s powerful magnetism.
“The showers are next to the office.”
Reese smiled. “This is where it’s nice to have an RV. I have a little shower of my own.”
“Nice. Well, you use that, and I’m going to use the one by the office.”
With a nod, Reese went into her RV and locked the door, then sank onto her couch. Glad for some much needed space from Brody so she could think without the distraction of her overwhelming attraction to him, Reese lay her head back and stared at the ceiling.
What to do? I’ve fallen for him and he says he thinks he loves me. When he kisses me I lose all reason, but I like it.
A soft moan—half contentment, half exasperation—escaped her throat.
When he learns about my background he’ll realize we’re not right for each other, but I can’t let him go.
Her eyes shot open. Can’t let him go? What am I thinking? I have to let him go. There’s no other option.
Then a new idea formed in her mind, an idea she realized she had had all along, but an idea she had been afraid to truly consider. Because if it failed, it would confirm her deepest fears—she was unworthy of true love.
I can let him choose. I’ll tell him everything—my father in prison, my mother a drunk who was never there for me and Seth, us basically raising ourselves. I come from a terrible gene pool, a gene pool that’s not compatible with his.
Though fearful her revelation would push him away for good, she knew it was the only way.
The decision made, Reese felt lighter than she had in a long time.
Now, to find the right time...
Brody walked back to camp, freshly showered and newly determined. He wasn’t going to wait for Reese to tell him to leave. He was going to make it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere. They were meant to be together. He knew it, and he knew that she knew it.
Back at his tent, he put his toiletries away, then he strode to Reese’s RV. With a strong knock, he called out, “Reese? Are you ready for me to come in?”
A moment later he heard her footsteps, then her door swung outward. “Hi,” she said. “Come on in.”
He climbed inside and sat on the couch. Cool air flowed through the open windows, making the interior comfortable.
Reese curled her feet under her as she sat on one of the swivel chairs and faced him, her hair still damp. She had pulled it into a ponytail, and her face was freshly scrubbed.
“Feels nice to take a shower after a hike, doesn’t it?” he asked.
“Yes.” She smiled.
The way she sat in the chair, all cat-like and sultry, made Brody want her all the more. And he was tired of being patient. After what had happened on their hike, he knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
“Can I get you anything?” she asked as she set her feet on the floor. “Something cold to drink, m
aybe?”
“Sure.”
She went to the fridge, pulled out two cold drinks, then carried them to him.
He patted the cushion next to him in a clear invitation.
Twenty
Reese looked at the spot beside him, and her body obeyed his command as she sat inches from him. “Are we going to go on another hike tomorrow?”
He smiled. “That’s up to you.”
“Okay.”
His smile grew. “I’m fine with it as long as we stop for lunch somewhere…private.”
The memory of their lunch on the log came into her mind, and when she remembered the way it had felt to be in his arms and to have his lips pressed to hers, desire surged through her. “Right.” Her voice came out a little breathy.
He set his drink on a nearby table, then turned to her. “Reese, you’re a special woman.”
With Brody so close, Reese couldn’t resist her attraction to him. “I am?”
He took her drink and set it on the table as well. “You know you are.”
But I’m not. You just don’t know that yet.
Despite her misgivings, she couldn’t have stopped the forward motion of the moment even if she had wanted to. More importantly, she didn’t want to.
Brody could sense that Reese was more receptive to him than she had ever been before. He planned on telling her how he felt, but right now he wanted to show her in the only way he knew how. Without words.
He gently stroked her face with one hand, then placed his fingers under her chin as his other hand slid behind her back. With his gaze locked on hers, he tried to convey with his eyes the depth of his love for her. She stared right back, and he saw love shining from within her. Certain they were in sync, he leaned towards her and pressed his lips to hers. She seemed to melt into him, and he knew he had read her accurately.
The feel of his mouth on hers sent an explosion of feeling rocketing through her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close, loving him. His hand slid under the back of her shirt and his fingers touched her bare skin, ratcheting up her desire several more notches. Not sure if she could stand the kaleidoscope of sensations after they had been absent for so long, she nearly pushed him away, but held on, knowing this was what she wanted, had wanted for a long time.
“Reese,” he murmured against her mouth, and she fell prey to her own desire, knowing the time was right to show him how she truly felt about him, even if she couldn’t say the words out loud.
Later, as Reese nestled into Brody’s arms, she felt as if she had been made to be placed right there. But as she thought about her decision to tell him the truth about herself, sorrow pierced her heart and she knew her soul would be well and truly crushed when he left.
It has to be done. He has to be given the choice. I can’t decide for him.
When Megan had died, Brody had believed he would never love someone as much as he had loved her. But here he was, loving Reese just as much. And with time he was certain he would love her even more. He looked at her, tucked in his arms, and knew all was right with the world. It was clear now that she cared for him. Did she love him? He didn’t know for certain. But he knew he loved her. And he was confident he could convince her to let him stay in her life.
“Brody,” she said, and he looked at her with concern. Because the tone of voice she had used told him all was not right in her world.
He sat up straighter and looked at her. “What is it?”
She turned her body so that she was facing him, concern in her eyes.
“We need to talk.” Reese tried to control the erratic beating of her heart. This is it. Drawing in a deep breath, she considered how to begin.
“What’s on your mind?” Brody asked as he leaned against the couch cushions.
She looked into those eyes that reminded her of the sea, and gazed at his lips and his handsome face, and thought about his muscular body—the body that felt so right when it was joined with hers—and faltered.
I can’t do it. I can’t push him away with the truth. I’m not ready to say good-bye.
“Reese?”
But she had to come up with something. She had said they needed to talk. “Well, I was thinking. Today’s been amazing.” She smiled. More amazing than I could have hoped. “But, you know, maybe I should go back to Bridge Bay to spend the night tonight. I mean, maybe we need a little space. You know, to think. And, well, I paid for a site and everything.”
She looked away from him as her mind screamed. No, no, no! Shut up! You want to be with him, you idiot. Especially after what just happened. But she hadn’t been able to think of another excuse for saying she needed to talk.
“No,” Brody said rather forcefully.
Reese’s eyes snapped to his. “No? What do you mean, no?” But relief washed over her. She wouldn’t have to leave him. At least not tonight.
Watching him, waiting to see what he would do next, Reese longed to have him tell her everything would be okay, that he loved her no matter what. But he doesn’t know the truth yet. That’s the problem. How can he tell you everything will be okay when he doesn’t have all the facts?
Brody watched Reese’s face. He could tell she had something on her mind, and it wasn’t which campground she should sleep in that night. Intensity and worry shone from her eyes, and he wanted to clear it away, to fix whatever had happened to her to make her so cautious, so reluctant to trust. She had given herself over to him in the most intimate way possible, and he loved her all the more because of it.
“My father’s in prison,” she blurted.
That was completely unexpected, and Brody’s eyes widened, but when he saw the disappointment on Reese’s face, as if his response had confirmed her expectations, he forced his expression back into neutral mode. “Okay.” What in the world?
Her eyes grew shiny and he realized they were filling with tears. Her chin quivered, and then she said, “I…I just thought you should know.”
Well, crap.
“I understand if you think we should say our good-byes now.” Her voice was very soft, just above a whisper. “You don’t have to wait until our two days are up.”
Understanding dawned in his mind. Ahhh. I think I know why she said we’re not right for each other. And Brody had to admit, it was a difficult piece of news to swallow. He wasn’t sure how those closest to him—his family—would react to knowing the woman he loved had a father in prison. And surely that had crossed her mind.
But how did he feel about it? Did it matter to him?
A tear slipped out of Reese’s eye and he used a finger to catch it and wipe it away.
Twenty-One
When his finger brushed against her skin, Reese closed her eyes, savoring his touch, memorizing the way it felt. And trying to forget the exquisite sensations she had felt with him a short time before.
“Reese.”
She opened her eyes, trying to prepare herself to say good-bye to the man she loved.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you too,” he said. “I have something I’ve wanted to tell you and I don’t want to wait until our two days are over.”
She nodded, not surprised he had been able to sense her unworthiness within such a short period of time, although after the intimacy they had shared she had thought things had changed, that they had become closer. I guess I missed the mark on that one. “I understand.” Proud she had spoken without her voice shaking, she pushed a tiny smile onto her mouth.
“Understand what? I haven’t told you what I have to say yet.”
She wanted to make this easy on him. It wasn’t his fault that she had turned out to be such a disappointment. “That’s okay. You don’t have to say it. You can just go.” She began to stand so she could open the door for him, but he caught her hand and pulled her back down.
Is he going to make this harder by dragging it out? Does he feel a need to explain his reasons? I already know the reasons.
Using her frustration and sadness to give her needed st
rength, Reese said. “It would better if you just left, Brody.”
But he didn’t leave. He stayed right where he was. Then he smiled and slowly shook his head.
Confused, Reese’s eyebrows bunched as she watched his face. Why does he seem happy? Is it because he can move on with a clear conscience?
“I’m not going anywhere, Reese. Not unless you don’t want me here.”
She didn’t want to sway him—he was an honorable man and if she told him she loved him, he might stay, just for her sake and against his better judgement.
Brody stared at her, closely watching her face. “Do you want me to leave?” She didn’t reply, which was all the reply he needed. He smiled, thrilled that his instincts were right. “That’s what I thought.”
She sighed. “I don’t understand.”
He decided to take a chance, and in a soft voice asked, “I want the truth, Reese. Do you love me?”
Something flickered in her eyes before she said, “I…I can’t…” Then she turned away. But she didn’t deny it.
With a confident nod, Brody used a finger to turn her head so that they were looking at each other.
Reese hadn’t been able to lie to him. As much as she had wanted to set him free, she couldn’t deny her feelings. Not now. Not after what they had shared.
Now, as he forced her to look at him, she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to beg him to believe in her, to know that she had value despite her DNA, but her pride kept her quiet.
“You may not be sure how you feel about me,” he began, “but I have no doubt how I feel.” A smile of happiness curved his mouth. “On our hike earlier I told you that I thought I was falling in love with you.” His smile grew. “Well, I wasn’t being completely honest.”
I knew it! He just said that to make me feel better. But why does he seem happy about it? Then she knew. Because it won’t be hard for him to leave if he’s not in love with me. Though glad his heart wouldn’t be hurting, she chastised herself for letting things go too far. Way too far. This is exactly what I was trying to prevent when I left Malibu. Yet here I am, about to get my heart crushed.
Searching for Love: The Complete Story Page 18
