by Allie Able
I don’t know how long we sit in the small waiting area, before a doctor finally comes in to tell us that Nick is there, but they are sending him to Beaufort Memorial Hospital because his injuries are too extensive and he needs emergency surgery.
The drive to other hospital only takes five minutes. We find the waiting area and check in with the nurse. Mr Sinclaire tries to get us to eat, but we all refuse. I sit beside Lexie and hold her hand for what seems like days. I’m too scared to sleep, but I do close my eyes and dream of Nick. I dream of him holding me and telling me that he will come back to me. I dream of his whispered words and his mischievous grin and I pray to whoever is listening that he will be okay.
Someone must have told Grant and Summer, because a couple of hours after we got here, they walk into the room. They give each of us a hug, before sitting down and joining us in silence.
Eight hours later, a tired looking doctor comes walking into the room. I’m on my feet, before I even realize that I’m moving. We all stare at him, willing him to tell us that Nick made it through surgery.
He sighs and looks around the room. I’m about to yell at him to fucking tell us already, when he finally begins to talk.
“Nick lost a lot of blood and, as you know, his injuries were extensive. He is receiving a blood transfusion now. Due to the damage Nick suffered to his left leg, we had to do a below the knee amputation. He has a five broken ribs, his left arm is broken in two spots, and he has a concussion, but I expect him to make a full recovery. Nick is fighter, and a very lucky man.”
He’s going to be okay. The doctor just said that right? I look around the room and see the relief on everyone’s faces and I know I heard the doctor correctly.
“I’ll have a nurse come get you and take you back to see him shortly.” The doctor says, before exiting the room.
I turn to look at Lexie and see her face still pinched in worry.
“Lexie, did you hear the doctor?” I ask, making sure she understands that her brother is going to be okay.
She looks at me and then to her parents, before looking at Grant.
“He loves to surf,” she whispers, “Grant, Nick loves to surf.”
It’s then that I realize what else the doctor said. Concussion, broken arm, five broken ribs, and they amputated his fucking leg. I sink back down into my chair and cry into my hands, because I know when Nick wakes up and realizes that his leg is missing, he will never be the same.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nick
JESUS CHRIST! IT FEELS LIKE I have been run over, everything hurts. I slowly blink open my eyes. I try to talk, but my throat feels like I’ve been swallowing nails. I look around the room and notice that I’m in a hospital. I try to rack my brain and figure out what happened, but I come up empty. What the fuck?
“Nick,” I hear a soft voice say.
I look towards the voice and see Katie looking at me with so much sadness in her eyes.
I open my mouth and try to talk again, but nothing comes out.
“Let me get the nurse,” she says, before quickly exiting the room.
I look down and notice a cast on my left arm and every breath I takes feels like I’m breathing fire into my lungs.
She comes back a second later with an older nurse following behind her.
“Hey there handsome. My name is Emily and I’m your nurse today. I just paged the doctor so he should be in here shortly,” she says as she checks my vital signs.
I look over at Katie, again. I have so many questions, but my throat hurts like hell, preventing me from asking them.
“Can he have some water?” Katie asks, holding up a small paper cup.
“Yes, but small sips. Okay?”
I nod my head and take a drink from the straw Katie places at my lips. The first drink is horrible, but the second is better.
“What happened?” I croak, laying my head back down.
Katie eyes go wide and she looks to the nurse.
“You don’t remember anything?” Nurse Emily asks.
I shake my head no, right as a doctor walks into the room.
“Hi, Mr. Sinclaire. How are you feeling?” he asks.
“Like hell,” I respond.
“That’s to be expected. What do you remember?”
I look back over at Katie and she tries to smile, but it comes out more like a grimace.
I shake my head at the doctor. “Nothing. Where am I?”
“You’re at Beaufort Memorial Hospital. I don’t know much about the accident, but I will try to fill you in best I can. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“His family should be back in just a minute,” Katie says to the doctor.
He nods his head in response to her, before looking back at me. “You were out on patrol and your team somehow activated an IED. You were thrown through the air, but they were able to stabilize you at the field hospital. Do you remember any of that?”
Fuck! I shake my head. “No. Everyone else?” I ask.
“I don’t know, Mr. Sinclaire, but I’m sure someone will be in shortly to let you know.”
“Okay. What about me? I feel like I’ve been run over.”
Katie walks over and lays her hand on my shoulder, almost like she is bracing me for what the doctor is about to tell me. I look up at her curiously and she squeezes my shoulder in response.
“Your injuries were very extensive and you lost a lot of blood. We had to give you a blood transfusion, after your surgery.”
“Surgery?”
“Yes, when you were thrown into the air you broke five ribs and your left arm is broken in two places. You also suffered a concussion. Due to the damage you suffered to your left leg, we also had to do a below the knee amputation.
“What?” Surely I’m not hearing this correctly. Did he just tell me he amputated my leg?
“I do expect you to make a full recovery, Mr. Sinclaire. You are a very lucky man.”
What in the fuck did he just say? “Did you just say that I’m lucky? You chopped my fucking leg off and then you tell me I’m lucky?” I yell.
I hear Katie make a choking noise beside me, but I ignore her.
“You could have died, Mr. Sinclaire. Yes, I do believe that you’re lucky,” he says.
He picks up my chart and writes something, before looking back up at me. I can’t think. My brain feels like a scrambled mess. I have so many damn questions, but I can’t get them out.
“I’ll give you a little while to process all of this. I’ll be back in to check on you later.”
I watch him and the nurse walk out of the door, before looking back at Katie. The look in her eyes causes me to quickly look away. All I can see when I look into those beautiful green eyes is pity.
“Don’t fucking look at me like that,” I tell her harshly.
She draws in a sharp breath and drops her hand from my shoulder. I should feel bad, but I don’t.
“Leave the room. I need a minute to myself.”
“Nick, you don’t need to be alone right now,” she says gently.
“Katie, get out now!” I yell.
She jumps and her hand goes to her chest. I’ve never spoken to her like this and I may regret it later, but right now I need to be alone.
She nods her head and slowly walks out of the door, closing it with a soft click. I try to sit up, but with my broken ribs the pain is unbearable.
The door opens and I almost expect it to be Katie, but it’s my Dad.
“Have you talked to the doctor, yet?” he asks.
I nod my head and look away.
“Katie said you wanted to be alone?”
“Yeah,” I respond. My voice is still hoarse and even to my own ears, I sound defeated.
“Were you trying to sit up?” my dad asks.
I finally look back at him and I can feel my eyes burning with un-shed tears. “I need to see my leg, dad.”
He nods his head and walks towards me. I can see the pain all over his face. He looks like he’
s aged ten years.
“How long have I been here?”
“Two days. You’ve woken up a couple of times, but this is the first time you have been able to talk to us.”
I nod my head and look back towards the door. Katie has been here for two days and I just kicked her out of my room. I shake my head and try to clear my thoughts. I’m not going to feel guilty about that. There is no way I could have her in here the first time I see my leg.
Dad helps me raise my bed, so I’m sitting up. It hurts like hell, but I have to do this. I pull the blanket back, with my good arm, and all I can do is stare. The bottom part of my left leg is gone. I swear to God I can still feel it, but it’s just gone. It’s bandaged up, so I can’t see the actual amputation site. I quickly throw the blanket back over me and look away.
“Son,” Dads starts to say, but I cut him off.
“I just want to be alone,” I mumble.
“Nick,” he tries again.
“Dad, please just leave. I want to be alone.”
I hear him sigh, but I do not look over at him. It will kill me to see the same look in his eyes, that I saw in Katie’s.
I hear the door close behind him and I allow a few tears to escape. Dammit! This isn’t right. We all know what could happen when we go on a mission, but I had never expected to come back without a leg.
* * *
I open my eyes and my first thought is maybe all of this was just a bad dream, but no such luck. I still feel like shit and I’m still missing my fucking leg. One of the guys on my team came by yesterday and told me we lost Dave and Sam. They were standing on top of the IED when it exploded, but I was standing about 20 feet away. The only thing I could think of was that I should have been standing closer. I didn’t tell him that, but I did tell him to go fuck himself when he also told me how “lucky” I am. Fuck that shit. I don’t feel very lucky. I think about Dave and Sam’s family. Dave was getting married this year. He was only 22 years old. Sam has two kids and he was happily married to his high school sweetheart. It should have been me. I was the one in charge of my unit.
I’m staring at the wall, hoping that I’ll fall back into a drug induced sleep again soon, when the door to my room opens. I haven’t allowed anyone in here for almost three days. My mom and Lexie came in once, but I asked them to go home and not to come back. They both left crying and I can’t find it in myself to feel guilty about that right now.
“Go away,” I say, still looking at the wall.
“No.”
I roll my head towards the voice and see Grant standing in the doorway. I don’t say anything, just continue to stare at him in silence.
“Did you know your mom, dad, Lexie, and Katie have been sitting in that waiting room since you got here five days ago?” he asks.
I actually didn’t know they were still here, but that doesn’t change anything, I still don’t want to see them.
He walks closer to the bed, as I continue to stare at him.
“They are worried about you and so am I. You need to snap out of it, Nick.”
Now that pisses me off. “Snap out of it? I lost my fucking leg Grant! What in the hell am I suppose to do now?”
“Yeah, shit head, you lost your leg, not your life. You’re still fucking here.”
“Fuck you, Grant. It should have been me.”
“But it wasn’t. Unlike Dave and Sam’s family, your family isn’t burying you, but they are losing you all the same.”
I don’t respond. He doesn’t know what it’s like and I’m not about to explain it to him.
“I made you half-owner of the construction company,” he says after a moment of silence.
I let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t want your handouts or your fucking pity.”
“I made you my partner before you left, asshole, I was just waiting until you came home for you to sign the paperwork.”
“How convenient,” I mumble.
He sighs and sits down in the chair beside the bed. “Come on, Nick. We both know guys that have lost a lot more than just a leg. You have a lot of people who love you and are worried about you.”
“I told them to leave, Grant.”
“Well, they aren’t going to. You need to talk to them, especially Katie. She has a little girl waiting for her at home, but she won’t leave that waiting room.”
I finally look back over at him. “What in the fuck am I suppose to say to her, Grant? She didn’t sign up for this,” I whisper, pointing down at my leg, “I’m half a man.”
He shakes his head and gives me a stern look. “She loves you just as much as you love her. Don’t say that half a man shit, again. Where is the cocky, confident Nick that I know?”
“He died in Iraq,” I say, before looking away.
“Bullshit, Nick. I’m not going to let you go down like this.”
Once again, I don’t respond. We are both quiet for a little while. I’m lost in my own thoughts and I think Grant is giving me time to think. I know he’s not going to leave until he gets what he wants. He’s right, I didn’t die, but I feel like part of me did. I don’t feel like the same man and I don’t know if I ever will. I turn to look at him and I see that his eyes are already trained on me.
“I’ll be here for another week and then I’m going to the Navel hospital for a while to do physical therapy. They said they are going to fit me into a prosthetic within two months and teach me to walk in it. I’ll start at the construction company in June. That’s four months from now, surely I will know how to walk by then.”
His eyebrows draw together in concern. “That’s not what I came in here for, Nick. Take all of the time you need.”
“Four months, Grant,” I repeat.
He nods his head and looks towards the door.
“Will you please get my family to go home and will you send Katie in here?” I ask.
He stands from his chair and pats me on the shoulder. “I’m glad you’re finally going to talk to her.”
“I’m going to set her free.”
“Nick -,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“I’m going to get better and I’m going to go to work with you, Grant, but I’m not going to do it with Katie,” I grit through clenched teeth.
“You’re making a mistake, Nick,” he says, shaking his head.
“It’s my life,” I respond.
“You’re right, it is, I just hate that you’re about to screw it up.”
I shake my head. He doesn’t understand.
“Alright, brother, Summer and I are going to head on home. Just call me if you need anything. I’ll be back in a few days.”
He gives me one last look before he disappears through the door. I know I’m going to hurt Katie, but in the long run, she will thank me. She will find someone who’s not damaged, she will find a man who is whole. However, the thought of her with another man makes my fists clench. Katie is it for me. I will never love another woman the way I love her, but I’m not selfish enough to ask her to stay. I love her enough to break my own heart. I may be damaged, but losing her is going to break me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Katie
I STRETCH MY ARMS ABOVE my head, trying to relieve the pain in my back. I’ve been sitting in this waiting room for days. Nick is still in ICU, but they are moving him to a room today and I think they are going to kick us out of here soon. I just wish he would talk to us. I know he’s hurting, but we love him and we could help.
I look around and see Lexie standing up from her chair.
“I’m going to go get some lunch. Anyone need anything?” she asks. Her face holds the same solemn expression as mine. Each day that passes, I feel like we are farther and farther away from Nick.
I give her a small smile and shake my head no, when she looks at me.
I close my eyes and think of the day we took Abbi to the beach. We were so happy and I know I can help him get back to that, if he would just let me in.
I hear someone calling my name and I open my e
yes. Grant is looking down at me with a worried expression.
I sit up straight in my chair. “What’s wrong. Did something happen?” I ask in a panic.
He shakes his head. “No, everything is fine. Nick asked me to send you to his room.”
“Really?” I smile.
“He’s not thinking straight, Katie. Please keep that in mind. Summer and I are going to go home, but if you need us you can call us anytime. Okay?”
His words confuse me, but I nod my head. “Okay. Thank you, Grant.”
I pick my purse up and head down the hallway towards his room. I come to a stop outside of the door and take a deep breath, before pushing it open.
He is still attached to a lot of wires and IV’s, but he looks a lot better than the last time I saw him and he is sitting up in the bed
I smile and walk towards his bed. “Hey,” I whisper.
He continues to stare at me not saying anything. I lay my hand on his arm, but he pulls away. I try not to let the hurt show on my face, but he must see it because he looks away. I take a couple of steps backwards and sit down in the chair beside his bed.
“How are you feeling?” I ask
He lets out a harsh laugh and shakes his head. “How do you think I’m feeling?”
“I don’t know, Nick, that’s why I asked,” I respond.
“You need to go home,” he says, still looking away.
“I know. I need to go check on Abbi and get a change of clothes, but I will be back tomorrow.”
“No, Katie, you need to leave. I don’t need you here.”
“I know you don’t need me here, Nick, but I want to be here.”
He looks towards me and his expression is determined. “I don’t want you here.”
I flinch at his words, but I remember what Grant said, he isn’t himself right now. “You don’t mean that,” I whisper.
