Desert Rogues Part 2

by Susan Mallery

  She didn’t act surprised that he knew about that. “I figured you saw us. What is it about that guy, always showing up everywhere? It’s creepy.”

  Rafiq was less interested in that than the reason she was unhappy. “What did he say?”

  “Nothing important. I just wish…” She looked at him. “Do you love me?”

  He’d known they would get to that question eventually. He reached for her hand. “I have chosen you to be my wife, Kiley. I wish to marry you and have children with you. I ask you to join me as we rule over my country. You will be much beloved by my people.”

  She continued to study his face. “I get all that, but you didn’t answer the question. Do you love me?”

  “Is that so important to know?”

  “It is to me.” Tears filled her eyes. “Can’t you say the words?” she asked in a whisper.

  Her pain burned him, but a lie would burn more. “There is more to a marriage than love. There is respect, passion, caring. I will be true to you. I will treat you with respect and be there for our children. Isn’t that enough?”

  A single tear rolled down her cheek. Fari whined, as if sensing the tension between them.

  “Rafiq, please. You must love me a little.”

  He rebelled against her attempts to weaken him. “How many times have we been together?” he asked, his voice more harsh than he would have liked. “How many times have I claimed you in the past few weeks?”

  “I don’t know. What does that have to do with anything? You can’t seriously be equating sex with love. They’re not the same at all.”

  “Are you on any birth control?”

  There was little light on the deck and yet he saw the color drain from her face. Her eyes widened as she reached down to touch her stomach.

  “You think I’m pregnant.”

  “I believe it is very likely.”

  She shrank from him. “Is that all this is about? A child? Are you s-saying you don’t care about me at all?”

  “I’m saying I want to marry you, Kiley. I want to be the father of your children. Isn’t that enough?”

  She stood, taking the puppy with her and walked toward the bedroom. At the French door, she looked back at him.

  “It’s not enough. It will never be enough. How could you think I would settle for that?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kiley was up before dawn the next morning. She’d barely been able to sleep at all. Her mind whirled with too many questions and possibilities, but nothing could be answered until she knew the truth.

  So shortly after sunrise, she rose and dressed and made her way to the garage. Twenty minutes later she’d driven to the twenty-four-hour drugstore and bought a home pregnancy test. As she drove back to Rafiq’s house, she wondered why she hadn’t thought it could happen to her.

  It’s not as if she were an idiot. She knew how babies were made, and she and Rafiq had been doing that a lot lately. Condoms helped, but they also failed. But getting pregnant had never been a reality for her. She’d gone on The Pill six months ago so she wouldn’t have to worry after she and Eric got married, but she’d had a bad reaction and had been forced to go off it. She’d discussed other options with her doctor yet hadn’t acted on any of them. In truth, she’d wanted to get pregnant quickly and start her family.

  But not like this, she thought as she pulled into the garage and sat in the car. Not when she’d just found out that Rafiq didn’t love her, that he’d only proposed to her because he thought she was pregnant.

  What if she was? She knew enough about the laws of Lucia-Serrat to know that the child of a member of the royal family could not be taken out of the country without permission from both the biological parent and the Crown Prince. As neither Rafiq nor Prince Nasri were likely to agree to that, she was well and truly stuck. Unlike Rafiq’s mother, she would never turn her back on her child.

  Tears burned in her eyes. She blinked them away. She’d done enough crying in the night, weeping silently as Rafiq had slept beside her. Pain had ripped through her and a sense of betrayal so deep, she knew she would bear the scars forever.

  She’d loved him with every fiber of her being, and he hadn’t loved her back. The truth couldn’t be ignored or wished away.

  Nearly as bad, she’d been so sure that he was the one. How could she have been wrong twice in a row? Why did she seem destined to fall for men who would lie to her?

  She didn’t have an answer and she couldn’t stay in the car forever. After picking up the small bag from the drugstore, she made her way into the house and quietly walked down the hall to the bedroom.

  For the first time since moving in with him, she wished she had her own room. She wanted space and privacy. She supposed she could move back to her own apartment. If she wasn’t pregnant, she would. She would take some time and figure out what to do. Unlike her feelings for Eric, which had died over time, she loved Rafiq with an intensity that couldn’t be described. She didn’t think she could simply walk away from him forever.

  He had to care, she told herself as she paused outside the bedroom door. He couldn’t have made her so happy if he didn’t. There had to be something between them, something he was unwilling to acknowledge. After his past was he unable to admit to any softer feelings?

  She didn’t have any answers, and right now what she most needed to know was whether or not she was carrying his child.

  She walked into the bedroom and was surprised to find the bed empty. The bathroom door opened, and Rafiq stepped out. He’d already showered and dressed.

  “You were up early,” he said, his dark eyes giving nothing away.

  “I couldn’t sleep.”

  He glanced at the bag she held. “A pregnancy test?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Then we’ll both know.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  She crossed to the bathroom, then stopped and looked at him.

  “Is that why you proposed?” she asked. “Because you thought I might be pregnant? What if I’m not? Do you care about me even a little? Is any of this about me?”

  “What do you want to know?” he asked. “You came to me, Kiley. You asked to be my mistress. I did not seek you out.”

  “I know.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. “This was all my doing. You didn’t force me. I thought I was tough. I wanted Eric punished and you were the best way I knew to do that. After a while I figured out I wasn’t as interested in revenge as being with you.”

  She thought about the arguments she’d had with Eric. How he’d pressed her to admit there was something between her and her boss.

  “He used to claim I had a thing for you and I always told him I didn’t. Looking back at how quickly I fell for you, maybe he was right. Maybe he saw something I couldn’t see. I mean, what was I thinking? Asking to be your mistress? It’s crazy. You’re right, you didn’t force me to do anything. Not even to fall in love with you.”

  She paused, hoping he would say something to comfort her, but he didn’t. There was only the quiet sound of her breathing.

  She wanted to ask if he could ever come to love her, if she mattered at all, but she was afraid of the answer.

  Ten minutes later she stared at the plastic stick and knew that her life had changed forever. There would be no going back to her old world, no moving out of Rafiq’s house. She was bound to him as much as if they were chained together.

  She washed her hands and dried them, then stepped out of the bathroom and faced him. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

  Rafiq heard the words but didn’t believe them at first. He’d known it was possible, but to have it confirmed surprised him. He would have thought fate would give Kiley a chance to escape.

  He didn’t want her to go, he acknowledged, if only to himself. But without the baby, he had no other means to keep her.

  She would be a good mother. She would care for their child, perhaps even love it. He would be there, as well, to make sure his son or daughter knew that there was a
safe place to grow up. He knew all the things he had missed in his own childhood. Those mistakes would now be undone.

  “I am pleased,” he said.

  “Really? I wouldn’t think you were interested in a child. Will you love it? Will your baby matter?”

  “Our children will be my world.”

  She leaned against the door frame and wiped the single tear that spilled out of one eye. “That’s not the same. You have to be willing to give up your heart. You have to love children with all that you have, no matter what.”

  “As you will do,” he said, stepping toward her and touching her chin. “Be happy. You said you always wanted to be a wife and mother. I am offering you that. You will be my princess and you will want for nothing. Our children will have untold opportunities to see the world, to grow strong. I will be there for you, all the days of my life. I will honor you. I will never betray you or be unfaithful or cruel. Is that not enough?”

  She looked at him, her blue eyes damp with unshed tears. “There is a particular cruelty in not loving your wife,” she said. “The kind that eats away at the soul.”

  She could be stubborn, but he’d always known that. “We will travel. See things, do things.”

  “You can’t buy me, Rafiq. I’m not like your other women, remember? I’m not interested in pretty things.”

  “But you carry my child.”

  “That I do. Already I feel the chains tightening around my wrist.”

  “You’re being overly dramatic. We will be married and you will be happy.”

  She stared at him. “No.”

  How like a woman. “Your refusal to accept happiness is your own decision.”

  “You misunderstand me. I’m not saying I won’t be happy, I’m saying I won’t marry you.”

  Disbelief held him in place. Otherwise he would have gone to her. To do what, he couldn’t say. “You have no choice.”

  “Actually, I do. I might not know much about Lucia-Serrat, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a law that allows you to marry a woman against her will. Which means you can’t make it happen without my agreement and I won’t agree.” She swallowed and wiped away tears. “I won’t marry someone who doesn’t love me.”

  This wasn’t right, he thought. How dare she defy him? “You will not be able to take my child from me.”

  “I know that. I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I do know that I’m not going to marry you. And aside from convincing me you’re in love with me, there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”

  Rafiq battled fury for the next two days. While Kiley didn’t labor over the topic, he sensed her determination. And try as he might, he couldn’t seem to come up with any words that would convince her to see his side of things.

  The prince and Phoebe seemed to sense the disquiet, for they spent much of that time touring the area, as if they wanted to avoid the house.

  If Rafiq could have avoided it, he would. He hated that Kiley was so withdrawn. He missed her laughter, her pleasure in his company. In truth, he understood her need to stand firm on this issue. Unfortunately her principles brought her in direct opposition to his wishes. And he would win this battle, one way or the other.

  “Aren’t you going to the office?”

  He looked up from his desk at the house and saw Kiley standing in the doorway. As always, the sight of her brought him gladness, followed by intense anger at her determination to be difficult.

  “Eventually. I wish this resolved, first.”

  She stepped into the room. “You probably shouldn’t wait that long. There are things you need to take care of.”

  “You won’t marry me but still you worry about my work?”

  She shrugged. “One has nothing to do with the other. Not marrying you doesn’t make me care any less. It doesn’t make me not love you.”

  She moved forward until she stood behind the chair in front of his desk. “I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong,” she said quietly, her voice filled with pain. “I have given my heart to you so completely that it’s impossible for me to believe you don’t want to do the same. You have all the symptoms of the condition, and yet you claim not to love me. And then I remember your past. What happened with your parents. Is that it, Rafiq? Were you hurt too many times as a child to believe in love?”

  The question made him sound weak and he refused to answer. “My reasons aren’t important.”

  “They are to me. I comfort myself with the fact that this isn’t personal. You wouldn’t love anyone, would you? What are you afraid of?”

  He glared at her. “I have no fear.”

  “You have something. Is it being hurt? Is it that I’ll go away? Because I won’t. I don’t want to. I’m not your parents. If you don’t believe me, look to my family, at what I’ve been taught. My parents are as much in love today as when they were married. My sisters have wonderful relationships. I made a mistake with Eric, but even there I was loyal. He was the one who betrayed me.”

  Her words hurt him as much as if she’d attacked him with a knife. “You will marry me.”

  “No. Not until you can admit you love me. Because that’s the irony of the situation. I think you do. I think I matter more than anyone has ever mattered and you’re terrified of that. You’re afraid of being hurt and abandoned. There’s nothing I can say or do to convince you otherwise, so this is all about a step of faith. Are you willing to take it?”

  He stood. “Do not presume to know my mind,” he told her coldly.

  Her shoulders slumped. “Right. Because pride matters the most. Don’t you get tired of always being right but always being alone?”

  She turned and left the room. Silence surrounded him, pressed down on him, gutted him and he could not say why.

  Rafiq transferred most of his operation to the house. He told himself it was so that he could spend time with his father and Phoebe, but in truth it was so he could keep an eye on Kiley. How long would she stay? When would she bolt for freedom?

  That had to be her plan and he couldn’t let her escape with his child.

  He reviewed the oil reserve reports, stopping only when his father walked into the study and took a seat.

  “Good news?” Nasri asked, nodding at the papers.

  “Yes. The reserves are much larger than we calculated at first. Unlike other parts of the world, we will have oil into the next century.”

  “That bodes well for our future economy,” the prince said. He leaned back in the leather chair and studied his son. “Do you see much of your mother these days?”

  Rafiq shook his head and tried not to show his surprise at the question. “I have spoken with her twice in the past two months, but before that it was nearly a year since our paths crossed.”

  “So you don’t have regular contact with her?”

  “No. There is no reason.”

  The prince shrugged. “She is your mother.”

  “She and I have a biological connection, but little else.”

  “She was never warm or maternal,” Prince Nasri said. “But she was very beautiful. I remember the first time I saw her. She was filming a scene on the beach. I was taken with her beauty. She was older by five years. When I was seventeen, that made her seem a woman of the world.” He smiled. “I wanted her to be my first.”

  Rafiq hadn’t known that, and frankly he could have gone a long time without hearing the information. He and his father weren’t very close, but that didn’t mean he was comfortable discussing the man’s sex life with Rafiq’s mother.

  “I didn’t love her,” Nasri continued. “Love wasn’t important to me. Fortunately she didn’t love me, either, so neither of us was hurt. Although there was an injured party.”

  He paused significantly. Rafiq knew his father meant him, but refused to say anything.

  “It was never my intention to wound you,” the prince said.

  “I survived and grew up,” Rafiq told him. “Unless you have complaints about my work?”

  “Not at al
l. You do your duties extremely well. Somehow you managed to raise yourself with the help of a few nannies and tutors. You should be proud.”

  Rafiq shifted in his chair. “I find no cause for pride.”

  “I’m sure that is true, but still I have regrets. I think about what you went through and how I should have been there. I was but a child myself, yet I find that excuse has less and less meaning as I get older.”

  If Rafiq didn’t know it wasn’t possible, he would swear that his father had been speaking with Kiley. She had been pushing for a reconciliation. Instead it had come from an unlikely source. At what point should he explain that none of this was necessary?

  “The past is just that. Over,” Rafiq said. “I appreciate your worry on my behalf, but it doesn’t matter now.”

  “I think it does. I am worried about your relationship with Kiley.”

  He bristled. “That is not your concern.”

  “You are my son. That makes it my concern. Phoebe and I noticed that you both seem less happy than when we arrived.”

  “It is nothing.”

  Prince Nasri didn’t respond. Silence filled the room. At last Rafiq spoke.

  “She has refused to marry me, despite the fact that she carries my child. While I offer her the world, she wants only a declaration of love.”

  “Which you will not give her,” the prince said. “Because you do not believe.”

  Rafiq wanted to hurry from the room. He didn’t like this conversation.

  Nasri leaned toward him. “My son, I cannot tell you how sorry I am. It is my fault you resist Kiley’s precious gift. You haven’t seen much love in your life and that is because of me. I wasn’t there. I didn’t show you what—”

  Rafiq rose. “Do you think any of this matters to me?”

  “It should.”

  “No. She will marry me. With the child, she has no choice.”

  The prince stood and faced him. “Why won’t you trust her? Why won’t you let her prove herself?”

  Because no one had ever loved him enough to stay.