Clothing the Naked Sheriff [Celestial Nights 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Rebecca Joyce

  Walking into the living room, Landon watched as Pisces grabbed his sheriff’s hat and holster. Though not a lot of good it did him. The man never carried a weapon, only his trusty whip. Reaching for his keys, Pisces was out the door before Landon could blink.

  “Fuck!” Landon cursed, running after the naked sheriff.

  Chapter Eleven

  Angelica pulled her car to a stop in front of the Rainbow Room. She had learned that the mayor, Apollo Humperdinck, ran this establishment. From her conversation last night at dinner, she learned that Apollo knew Mr. Hummel. Needing more information, she exited her car and walked into the establishment.

  “Oh my God,” she whispered to herself as she took in the sight before her. If she ever wanted to know what Sodom and Gomorra looked like, she now knew. Pictures of naked bodies were displayed on every wall surface, men with men, men with women, and women with women. Some were couples. Others were trios or more. All naked as the day they were born, sleeping, fucking, sucking, doing every ungodly thing imaginable.

  The stale smell of sex, booze, and sweaty bodies filled the now-empty business. Moving cautiously, she made her way to the bar just as Fairy came running out from the back room, crying.

  “Whoa.” Angelica caught the small blonde-haired woman before she ran past her and asked. “Fairy, what’s wrong?”

  “Oh, warrior goddess! You have to help me,” Fairy pleaded looking over her shoulder.

  “I will, but first you have to tell me why you’re crying.”

  “It’s Apollo. I’ve killed him.”

  “Excuse me?” Angelica deadpanned. Now there were many things she expected Fairy to say, because she had to face it, Fairy was…well, Fairy was from Celestial. Since arriving in town, Angelica had seen her fair share of crazy, wacky, and bizarre shit. A coven of witches had stopped her on her first day, she’d seen her partner trussed up naked while in the throes of passion with the naked sheriff, and then there was Hercules, who should have been strong and determined, yet cried like an infant because he was scared of his own shadow. And not to forget the freaky old woman who poofed out of thin air like some damn magic trick. Yep, Angelica was in the twilight zone. Yet, through it all, she just chalked everything up to good, clean, harmless fun. Therefore her shock was warranted when Fairy said she killed Apollo, because Angelica couldn’t believe it.

  Before Fairy could explain, Angelica and Fairy both heard a loud roar from the back of the club. Reaching for her weapon, Angelica slowly pushed Fairy behind her and removed the safety from her Glock. She had no idea what that sound was, but it didn’t sound human. Slowly backing away toward the door, Fairy whispered, “Oh wow, he’s really mad.”

  “Who’s mad?” Angelica asked, never taking her eyes from where the sound came from.

  “Apollo.”

  “Good, serves him right for screwing around on you. I take it you listened to my suggestion and implemented the plan.”

  “Oh yes, warrior Goddess, and it was easy, too. Only I didn’t think it would have this kind of effect.” And that was when the man in question stormed out of the back room, bellowing loudly for Fairy!

  “Fairy Belltower, I am going to fuck your ass senseless when I get my hands on you!”

  “Apollo, I am so sorry. It was an accident. I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Fairy softly said, cowering behind Angelica. But Angelica wasn’t listening. Instead, she stared at the seven-foot man, ripped and muscled like a Greek god. He was so fucking beautiful it almost hurt her eyes to look at him. However, she noticed one teensy-weensy flaw. Well, technically it was one big-ass fucking flaw, but she didn’t need to point that out. The problem was it could only be fixed by doing one thing, which Angelica assumed was the reason for his anger.

  Apollo’s long golden locks, which probably at one time were glorious to behold, were… Well, his hair was patchy. Angelica could see past the bald spots in his hair and imagined what it must have once looked like before Fairy got her revenge.

  “Look at what you did!” Apollo roared, pointing to the obvious

  “It was an accident, I swear,” Fairy cried.

  It didn’t take a genius to realize that once again Fairy misunderstood the simple objective. Of course, Angelica blamed herself this time. Since meeting Fairy, the innocent beauty could be summed up in two words—pure ingenuous. Of course, Angelica didn’t bother trying to explain what that meant, because Fairy would never understand it. Yet Angelica felt responsible for whatever it was Fairy did, because she did advise Fairy on a course of folly that was above the beauty’s intellect. Sighing, Angelica asked, “Fairy, what exactly did you do last night?”

  “What you said, warrior goddess, I Naired is hair.”

  Groaning, Angelica put her gun back in her holster, turned to the small woman, and took a deep breath before she calmly and clearly spoke. “Sweetie, I said dye his hair, not Nair it.”

  “Oh,” Fairy gasped, her hand going to her mouth. And that right there was why Fairy was not at fault for anything. The naïve woman could misinterpret a Cheerio if left alone. Nope, this one was all Angelica.

  “Look at me! I’m hideous! I can’t go out in public like this. You ruined me,” Apollo shouted. However, before Angelica could say anything, the former blond God crumbled to the ground and started crying like an infant. Angelica stared in disbelief as Fairy ran to the man on the floor, putting her arms around him. “Apollo, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I just want you to feel remorse for sleeping with my sister. I didn’t mean to maim you.”

  “But, baby, I do feel remorse. I regret it every day. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Oh, Apollo,” Fairy cried, and before Angelica could interject, Fairy and Apollo were kissing and rolling around on the floor.

  Quickly looking at the ceiling, Angelica muttered, “Okay then…um, maybe I’ll come back after you two have finished.” With that, Angelica left the Rainbow Room as fast as her feet could take her.

  * * * *

  The town of Celestial, Montana, was a beautiful little town, and as far as Angelica could see, they had most of the amenities. However, the town was lacking on necessary establishment…a Starbucks. In desperate need of coffee, Angelica headed toward the Crystal Tumbler and prayed they served something decent. It wasn’t that she couldn’t function without a cup of coffee, because she could. It was just that no one wanted to be around her if she hadn’t a cup of Joe. Dying of thirst, she walked into the local diner and stopped dead in her tracks and muttered mainly to herself, “What the fuck is wrong with this town.”

  The Crystal Tumbler was not what it advertised. On the outside, the business looked just like any other. Clean, beautiful, and well established. However, when she walked through the door, that clean establishment was no more. Going from a concrete sidewalk to a grass floor was not what she expected. Nor were the five picnic tables with umbrellas over them, the three barbeque grills lined up on the far wall, or the several barrels of liquid stacked four high—she could only assume they held various kinds of alcohol—and not to forget the solid glass roof! Oh yeah, looks were deceiving in Celestial.

  “Welcome to the Crystal Tumbler!” a burly man shouted, coming up to greet her. “Hi there. I’m Jude. What can I do ya for?”

  Angelica wasn’t sure if she should greet the man or arrest him for public endangerment. The diner she could handle, because she was in Celestial, but the man, well he was altogether different. The hulking man, standing close to six foot eight, wearing black leathers and a nice pair of shit-kickers, had to weigh at least two hundred and seventy pounds. His short, spiked jet-black hair with blond tips stood erect, which complemented his many piercings, from his eyebrows, nose, ears, and lips. However, that was just the pretty part of him. Covering both arms and most of his chest were tattoos, in various colors, but it was the biker tat square in the middle of his chest that held Angelica’s eyes. The Vartan Spider tattoo belonged to one of the most notorious biker gangs on the West Coast, and were all wanted by the Bureau for
drugs and arms dealings.

  Taking a step back, Angelica slowly pushed her suit jacket aside, letting the man see her badge and weapon. His smile faded as he, too, took a step back, slowly raising his hands. “Please, I’m not what you think.”

  “You don’t know what I’m thinking, Mister,” Angelica replied calmly, wishing she had let Landon know where she was going before she left this morning.

  “My brothers and I, we’re not with them anymore. I promise.”

  “Once a Vartan, always a Vartan.”

  “Not us, I swear it.”

  “Hey, Jude, we got a customer?” another man asked, walking toward them dressed in the same black leathers and shit-kickers. Angelica looked to her left and spied the exact same build and hair, only his was tipped with hot pink, and his body had fewer holes in it than his brother did. However, the same Vartan Spider tattoo was present on his chest.

  “Leo, come meet our guest,” Jude said clearly, rooted in his spot.

  “We have a guest!” another man shouted and came to stand beside her. Angelica looked to her right, and if her eyes were deceiving her, she would swear she was looking at triplets. Only the one on her right had green-tipped hair.

  “This nice lady works for the FBI. As to why she’s here, I haven’t figured that out yet,” Jude said, never taking his eyes off hers.

  “Oh, miss, you can’t arrest us, please. We ain’t with them no more. We swear it, right, brothers?” the one on her right implored.

  “I’ve already said that, Leo,” Jude affirmed.

  “Then why isn’t she ordering?” the one on her left asked.

  “Because, Dew, she hasn’t decided yet,” Jude said.

  “Decided what?” Leo asked.

  “If I’m going to arrest you,” Angelica clearly stated. “Look, guys, all I really came in here for was a cup of coffee.”

  “We’ve got coffee!” Leo replied happily. “The best in town, too. As a matter of fact, we’ve heard it’s even better than Starbucks, so that’s saying something, isn’t it? I can get ya a cup, if ya like?”

  “Yes, thank you,” Angelica replied, then asked Jude, “May I sit? I think we need to talk a bit.”

  “Sure.” The big man frowned and led her to one of the tables. Angelica didn’t know what was going to come of talking to them, but something in her gut told her to listen to them before she made any rash decisions. So going on instincts, she followed Jude and his brothers, and prayed their coffee was as good as they said.

  * * * *

  Pisces pulled his jeep to a stop in from of the Celestial sheriff’s station. Well, it was more like a little shack than an actual station, that and there was no jail, no weapons, and the nearest bathroom was across the street at the Best Lay Hotel, but who was he to complain? The sheriff’s shack served a purpose, though what he really had no idea. Yet the citizens of Celestial seemed more at ease knowing there was some form of law enforcement in town, no matter how ridiculous it was to begin with.

  In all honesty, Pisces never really wanted the sheriff’s position. When he returned home to Celestial after his fighting career was over, all he wanted was to be left alone. However, that wasn’t the case, thanks to Miz Raven. One minute he was basking in the sun’s glory, and the next he was handed a sheriff’s badge and told to get his ass to work. So much for being duly elected. Nope, the sheriff’s job was thrust upon him like the Bubonic plague, and no matter what he did, the town wouldn’t fire him. He thought for sure when he started walking around town naked that would be the end of his imprisonment, yet no one seemed to notice, and well, he liked the bare, naked freedom of going without clothes so damn much he just continued. Of course, several of the women in town were concerned that he wasn’t really looking the part of an elected official, and they banded together to purchase his white Stetson hat.

  Oh yeah, nothing said “Protect and Serve” like the Naked Sheriff of Celestial, Montana.

  Regardless of his confinement, Pisces was good at his job, and after a while, he started to enjoy the rewards that came along with wearing a badge. For starters, he could go anywhere and eat free. Then there was the occasional scuffle between townsfolk that generally didn’t need his attention, but hey, he was always up for a good laugh, especially when Fairy was about to roast Apollo for something stupid. God, he loved this town.

  “So where are we going first?” Landon asked, getting out of the Jeep.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna head over to Love Den. I need to ask Capri something.”

  “Getting your current sperm count isn’t going to help find Ace.”

  “Hey! I don’t need my boys recounted. I had them done last week, and I was assured all my little fellas were present and accounted for.”

  “Then why are you going to see Capri?”

  “I am going to see if she has time to give me a reading.”

  Pisces smiled, turned, and headed toward the Love Den as he heard Landon say, “You don’t need a star chart to tell you you’re crazy, Pisces. The whole fucking town already knows that!”

  Laughing, Pisces shouted, “I know, but sometimes I need to see it for myself.”

  * * * *

  Watching Pisces walk away as if he didn’t have a care in the world, Landon threw his hands in the air and headed toward the Best Lay Hotel. He needed to see Moon Goddess anyway about a job. If he was going to stay here in Celestial, he needed something to occupy his time, because if he had to sit around and wait on Pisces, he was liable to shoot the man just for spite.

  The Best Lay Hotel was one of the oldest buildings in Celestial. Once the center of all justice in these parts, the old courthouse was now a beautiful bed and breakfast. Owned and operated by the town matriarch’s granddaughter, Natalie Marks, or as the town called her, Moon Goddess.

  Heading into the hotel, Landon sighed as he took in the décor. Talk about what not to decorate. Holy shit, this place still looked like a funk-a-delic hippie explosion. He could get used to the purple- and yellow-striped walls, with orange polka dots splattered here and there, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the lime-green shag carpeting. Didn’t Moon Goddess know that shag carpeting was so 70s? The furniture was eclectic to say the least, with a variety of items that could have easily been found at a local garage sale. The only item out of place in this monstrosity was the deer-antler chandelier, which held some sort of focal point right about the reception desk.

  Of course, none of this should have shocked him. He was in Celestial after all. Ignoring his surroundings, Landon walked toward the woman with hot-pink hair behind the desk.

  “May the stars align for your inner peace.” She smiled brightly at him.

  Smiling Landon asked, “Hey, Pandora, how you’ve been?

  Pandora Riley-Phelps was the wife of Treasure Cove’s new sheriffs, Garret Riley and Zac Phelps. The two friends took the position, so Landon’s best friend, Braxton Connelly could spend more time with his wife and husband, Charlotte and Jordan, but mainly, Braxton was tired off all the drama and wanted out. Landon could sympathize with Braxton, because he too wanted out of the Bureau. There was only so much a person could take regarding guns, criminals, deaths, and such and eventually the only solution was to walk away. In addition, according to his watch, Landon had exactly thirty-six hours left before that dream became a reality.

  “Oh, Landon, thank the goddess you’ve arrived. I need help.”

  “With what?” Landon asked.

  “Well, my aura has been acting wonky. My readings make no sense, and I can’t seem to clean my chakra. I’ve tried everything, but nothing works.”

  “Um, okay and what exactly do you need me to do?” he asked, pretty sure he should have cut tail and run the other way.

  “I need a full body cleansing.”

  What!

  “Uh, can’t you get one of your husbands to help you with that?” Landon cautiously asked, backing away from the counter. He didn’t know what a full body cleansing was, but the look in Pandora’s
eyes told him that if he didn’t get the hell out of dodge quick, his ass was going to be strung up some tree and his balls were going to be used for batting practice. It wasn’t that he was afraid of the tiny little woman. It was her two hulking husbands that tended to go ape shit where their wife was concerned.

  “Oh they can’t help me with this, they’re busy, but you can. Your aura’s never touched my body. It won’t take long, I promise, and it will be enjoyable for you, too.”

  “And my aura never will,” Landon muttered, backing further away.

  “Damn straight it won’t,” a husky voice said behind him. There was only one time in Landon’s life that he’d feared death was before him, and though he walked away unscathed then, he was almost positive that today he wasn’t so lucky. Turning slowly, Landon came face-to-face with Garret Riley.

  * * * *

  “You’re right, Dew. This cup of coffee is better than Starbucks,” Angelica said, taking another sip. Placing her cup back on the picnic table, she looked at the identical men before her. Her only clues as to who was who were the tips of their spiky hair. In all honesty, the Stevenson brothers were really nice people who seemed to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hell, she couldn’t fault them for that, considering what they had been through. They had made amends and had since been upstanding citizens who stayed out of trouble. Smiling, she looked at Jude. “I’m not going to turn you in. No one who makes coffee this good needs to be behind bars.”

  “In that case, coffee is on the house anytime you like, Ace.” Dew smiled, slapping his brother Leo on the back. However, Jude didn’t look convinced.

  “How can we be sure you’re not lying?” he asked seriously, looking her in the eyes.

  “You can’t. I guess we’re just gonna have to trust each other,” she replied, taking another sip of coffee. When she was finished, she handed the brothers one of her business cards and instructed them to call her immediately if they found themselves in trouble or if they spotted anyone suspicious roaming around town. Mainly she was asking them to keep an eye out for any members of the Vartans. Angelica knew the gang and their MO. Those Vartans weren’t to be tangoed with, and she sure as hell didn’t want any of them around Celestial.