Desperate Hearts

by Lani Aames

  She faltered. She didn't know how to finish the sentence. “You can't let this come between you and Mace. You have enough problems without this.”

  “Sure, Tal. I can walk right back in that house and act like my father never slept with my girl. I can sprout wings and fly from here to McKenna Park easier than I can do that.”

  “I didn't say it would be an easy thing to do. You have to accept this or you and Mace will never have a chance. I am responsible for this and I accept that. Now I have to do what I can to make it right.”

  Mitch paced back and forth beside the truck like a caged animal. Talley drew a deep breath of the humid night air.

  “Will you take me home?”

  “At this moment, Talley, I don't ever want to see you again. You or my f—you or Mace.”

  She didn't think that was completely true. Otherwise Mitch would have been gone when she came out of the house. He wouldn't have listened to her. He wanted to find a way around this as desperately as she did.

  “I know. I don't blame you. I really want you to take me home.”

  Reluctantly, he nodded.

  “I have to-to get my things.”

  He nodded again.

  Talley returned to the house. She dropped the afghan on the couch and cautiously walked from room to room and down the hall to Mace's bedroom without seeing him. She dressed with numb fingers, fumbling with buttons and a zipper, and when she turned around, Mace filled the doorway watching her.

  “Mitch is taking me home. I'll try to talk him into staying with me. I doubt if he'd come back here anyway.”

  Mace said nothing, watched her.

  “I think he hates me,” Talley admitted.

  “And me.”

  “No! You're his father. He can't hate you. I'll make him hate me enough so he won't have any left for you.”

  “Don't do that, Lee. I'll take my share of the hate and the blame.”

  Tears filled her eyes and overflowed. She felt them track hotly down her cheeks. “No, I'll take it all. I won't come between you.”

  “You already are.”

  Mace walked toward her and Talley met him halfway. She leaned against his chest and let her tears soak into the old denim shirt he now wore. His arms enclosed her and his hands ran through her hair. She listened to Mace's heart beat its strong, steady rhythm. In truth, she didn't want to go, but she didn't know how else to repair the damage between them.

  “Good-bye, Lee,” he murmured gruffly into her hair.

  Talley thought she heard his heart breaking in two.

  She turned her face up to his and they kissed, long and sweet, what she thought would be for the last time. She couldn't say good-bye, she couldn't say anything. She forced herself out of Mace's arms and ran through the house, all the way to Mitch's truck.

  Breathless, she climbed in and Mitch turned the ignition. They didn't say a word during the long drive.

  Mitch left the motor running when he stopped in front of her place.

  “Please come in with me, Mitch.”

  Mitch shook his head. “I don't think so,” he said tiredly.

  “You can't go home tonight. Please, Mitch, we have a lot to talk about. And the couch is comfortable.” She reached over, cut off the motor, and took the keys.

  “Talley—” He reached for them but she held them back.

  “Please, Mitch,” she begged and a part of her didn't understand why she pleaded with him to stay.

  She got out of the truck and unlocked the front door. Uncomfortably, he stood just inside while she turned on the air conditioner. “Are you hungry?”

  “Give me my keys. I won't go back to Shady Hollow, but I can still find some other place to stay.”

  “You sound too tired to do any more driving tonight. Please, Mitch.”

  He removed his hat and laid it on the table. Talley sighed in relief. Perhaps the night could be salvaged after all.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Talley fixed two glasses of iced tea and handed one to Mitch. She looked at his hat. It looked new and unused, like all of Mitch's clothing. So unlike Mace whose clothes always looked as if he'd just come in from a hard day's work. Of course, Mitch had had a gig that evening and wanted to look his best.

  Talley frowned at the strange comparison. She had vowed to keep them separate in her life. No thoughts of one while with the other. Lately, all she and Mace had talked about was Mitch. Now all she could think of was Mace. A line had been crossed and she wished she'd been able to avoid it.

  She brought out a pillow and a quilt and set them on the couch. “Do you feel like talking tonight?” she asked uncertainly.

  “I don't feel much of anything right now.” Mitch sat in a chair and set aside his cup. “Bonnie fell while we were setting up this afternoon. She broke her arm.”

  “Oh, how awful. How is she?”

  “Well, she didn't let on at first. Said she couldn't hold a guitar, but she could still sing. We played the gig. Mike played rhythm instead of piano. Mike just can't play rhythm worth a damn, but we made do. Bonnie was hurting real bad by the time we finished. I tried to get her to let me take her to a hospital in Nashville, but she wanted to come home. She was in so much pain by the time we got here, I took her straight to the emergency room. They doped her up and they're keeping her overnight. They'll do x‑rays in the morning. When I left, she was asleep.”

  “I'm sorry, Mitch.”

  “I thought I'd stay home tonight and go back to Nashville tomorrow. We have one more night at the club.”

  “We didn't expect you back until Sunday.”

  “Obviously,” he murmured.

  “I am sorry, Mitch. I can't say it enough.”

  “Actually, you haven't said it at all. I can't help but wonder if you're sorry you slept with Mace or if you're sorry you got caught.”

  “I'm sorry we hurt you. And I'm sorry Mace and I didn't have the sense to stop this before it went too far.”

  Mitch closed his eyes.

  “Everything I said about you and me is true. I didn't want us to ruin our chances this time. We moved too fast when we were teenagers.”

  “We're not kids anymore, Talley. Did you always have a thing for Mace? Was I just a way to be close to him back then…and now?"

  “No, I barely noticed him back then. He was just your father, another parent who made stupid rules. I noticed him less this time until…well, that night he came into the Rose and he was drunk. The Rose was closing and you were off playing somewhere and wouldn't be back for hours. I was going to drive him back to Shady Hollow and wait for you, but it was late and I was tired. I brought him here and put him to bed on the couch.”

  Mitch jumped to his feet. “It happened here?”

  “Tonight was the first night I'd ever been to the farm.” Talley took a deep breath. “Anyway, that night Mace woke up about four in the morning and I fixed us something to eat. We made small talk, like polite strangers. I don't think either of us took any special notice of the other until that moment. One thing just led to another and...it just happened.”

  Mitch made a sound of disgust deep in his throat.

  “You wanted the truth and this is the truth. It had been so long since I'd been with anyone. I needed to be held and touched and Mace just happened to be there. I tried to justify it, of course. I kept telling myself that sleeping with you just because I needed sex would not do our relationship any good. I wanted to be sure this time. Mace was someone I could trust even though I didn't know him well. And, I suppose, I thought he was the only person in the world who would want to keep it a secret as desperately as I did.”

  Mitch tried to speak, cleared his throat and tried again. “And Mace?”

  “I don't know, really. I think it had been a long time for him too. And I suspect he needed closeness without any attachments. Maybe he knew I was the one person in the world who wouldn't expect anything from him. I do know that he wasn't trying to hurt you.” Talley sighed. “It just happened.”

  “Y
ou keep saying that, but it kept happening.”

  “I'm sorry, Mitch. I don't know what else to say.”

  Mitch sat on the edge of the couch and pulled off his boots. “Don't mind me. I'll be gone in the morning. I'm just so damned tired right now.”

  “I'll go with you to see Bonnie.”

  “You don't have to pretend anymore.”

  “I've never pretended anything.”

  He rubbed his face with his hands. “I don't understand!”

  “It had nothing to do with you and me. I love you, Mitch, and I've been seeing you and spending time with you because I want to.”

  “And you just happen to be sleeping with my father?”

  “Yes, that's it. I don't want to stop seeing you because of Mace. If you can forgive us a little and try to get past it—”

  “And you won't see Mace again?”

  “No, not after tonight. I don't expect an answer this minute. Take as long as you need. I just don't want it to be over for us.”

  He stretched out on the couch. “Neither do I, Tal. I need to get some sleep. I want to be with Bonnie when they do the x‑rays.”

  Talley went to him and spread the quilt out for him. Tentatively, she kissed his cheek. Mitch reached up for her, his fingers splayed against her neck, his thumb at her ear. He brought her to him and pressed his lips to hers.

  When he let her go, she straightened.

  “'Desperate Hearts' got a standing ovation tonight,” he told her.

  “It's a beautiful song, and you and Bonnie sing it perfectly together. I am so proud of you.”

  “I just wish...” His voice trailed off as if he thought better of finishing the sentence.

  “Mace is proud of you too. He wishes you had more interest in the farm, but he's proud of anything you do.”

  “Has he told you that?”

  “No, but I know Mace well enough to know that he couldn't wish you anything but success. He just doesn't know how to show it.”

  “I don't believe it, Tal. All he has to do is come and listen to us just once.”

  She held her tongue. Mace hadn't asked her not to say anything to Mitch, but it wasn't her place. He needed to hear it from Mace himself. Somehow she would have to convince Mace to tell him…

  Then it hit her and her stomach twisted into a hard knot. She would probably never see Mace again. For Mitch's sake, they could never allow themselves to be alone.

  “Talk to him, Mitch. Tell him it's what you want.” If she couldn't talk to Mace, maybe she could convince Mitch to open up to his father.

  “I don't think I'll be talking to Mace about anything for a long time, Tal.” Mitch said stiffly. “Now, I need to sleep.”

  “All right, Mitch. Good night.”

  “No, it hasn't been a good night at all.”

  * * * * *

  The next morning Talley went with Mitch to see Bonnie. After her arm had been put in a cast, they drove her home. Talley and Mitch spent the rest of the day together and she tried not to think of Mace. She tried not to remember it was Saturday. She tried to give her undivided attention to Mitch, but only half succeeded.

  When Mitch had left her that evening without attempting to talk her into bed, she’d almost missed it. It had become a part of their relationship and felt strange without it. After he had gone, she shut the door behind him, tears burning her eyes as she turned the lock. Mace wouldn't come to her tonight or ever again. Nothing had ever kept him away except the loss of his son, and she couldn't blame him. She could miss him and ache for him, but she couldn't blame him. She slept on the couch that night.

  The more time she spent with Mitch, when he wasn't on the road, the less she thought of Mace. She decided when she could look into Mitch's gray eyes and not see hurt or betrayal, then he would be ready to go to bed with her. But there never was a time when she looked into his eyes that she didn't see some trace of what she and Mace had done to him.

  Mitch was spending more and more time on the road. The Cold Creek Band was being booked all over the state. They played nightclubs and fairs and private parties. “Desperate Hearts” was a hit everywhere they went.

  Talley had finally heard the song and she’d realized, with a pang in her heart, it was their song—Bonnie and Mitch's, her and Mace's. Bonnie had written most of the words, but she had written them from her heart. Bonnie longed for Mitch as much as Talley missed Mace. The heart-wrenching melody of lonesome guitar riffs only emphasized the melancholy lyrics filled with lost love and empty hearts desperate to find some way to go on.

  She never should have come between Mitch and Bonnie. Both of them loved their music and their life on the road. They could spend hours deep in conversation or working on a song. Talley watched them often. She’d felt left out at first until she realized this was the way it was meant to be. She believed things happen for a purpose and her renewed relationship with Mitch had been the only way for her to find Mace.

  If she hadn't come back to Mitch, she never would have returned to Randolph in the first place. If she hadn't been seeing Mitch, she never would have felt compelled to take care of Mace when he came into the Rose that fateful night. She never would have brought him to her house. Nothing else could have brought them together like their common bond to Mitch.

  Sometimes she felt as if Mitch was on the verge of telling her it was over. She always managed to make him forget by reminding him of something that happened years ago. Talking about their past relationship helped them both. While she believed they still loved one another in the special way that first lovers do, their love hadn't grown up with them.

  And so she clung to Mitch because she couldn't have Mace and she hated herself for it. Mace had never offered her anything. He’d told her that first time he wasn't looking for anyone to be a permanent part of his life, and he had never said anything to make her think he had changed his mind.

  One day, Mitch had come to her and told her he had had a long talk with Mace and he understood his father better now. Mace had explained about Mitch's mother and why it was so difficult for him to hear his son perform. She could see the relief in Mitch's eyes now that he knew. All this time he had thought Mace was disappointed in him because he wasn't the son Mace wanted.

  Talley was happy for them both but she now knew she could never be the one to leave Mitch. If she left and tried to return to Mace, accepting him on his own terms, Mitch would never be able to forgive either of them a second time. Since father and son had reached an understanding, Talley could never come between them again.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Talley tried. It had been a few months since she'd seen Mace. He had stayed away from the Rose and hadn't come to her again on Saturday night. She had hurt badly while she and Mace were slipping behind Mitch's back, but the pain had been nothing compared to the ache she experienced now.

  Traveling with Mitch was something she didn't want to do. She went with him if the gigs were close and he could drive her home afterward. Since the band was being booked farther and farther away, Talley found herself home alone many nights. Mitch tried to convince her to come with them, but she had her job at the Rose and couldn't give it up. She had to keep her job, and Dylan wouldn't agree to her working whenever she felt like it.

  In October, her stepfather's company had sent him to Knoxville, and Talley spent Thanksgiving with her family there. Now, a week and a day later, on a cloudy Friday afternoon, Talley suddenly found herself in her car, heading for Shady Hollow. Mitch wouldn't be there. The Cold Creek Band had booked a club in Chattanooga for the weekend. He wouldn't be back until Sunday.

  Talley couldn't control this irresistible urge to see Mace. It came out of nowhere, the need to see his weatherworn face, to help ease the ache in her heart.

  The car sputtered occasionally. She’d had the car tuned up several months ago, but now something else was wrong. She didn't have the money to get it repaired or to buy new tires. She had been thinking of getting a part-time job, especially with Mitch away so much,
but like so many things she let fall by the wayside, she hadn't done anything about it. Sometimes she felt as if she walked around wrapped in a gray fog and, lately, all she could think about was Mace.

  Junior, a hired hand that worked part‑time at Shady Hollow, said Mace was up at the pasture near the old homeplace mending fences. He pointed, telling her how to get there.

  The dark gray sky spat icy rain at her as she drove along the back roads. She passed by several houses, but didn't see any others the farther she went. Talley wasn't familiar with this road that ran along the ridge overlooking the bluff, and hadn't realized Shady Hollow Farms was this large. She prayed the car would make it and the freezing rain wouldn't turn into the ice the weatherman had predicted until she could get back home. He had announced a winter storm advisory, but assured his listeners it was a precaution. No accumulation of ice was expected.

  A few miles before she reached the last turnoff, Talley met a bright red truck she would recognize anywhere. Jack Sandler leered and waved. In the rearview mirror, she saw his brake lights. She expected him to turn around, but then the lights went out and he moved on. Relief flooded her tense body. That one date with Jack was a mistake she'd regret as long as she lived.

  She almost missed the turnoff to the old Shady Hollow homeplace. The narrow road was paved, but not well maintained. She hit bumps and potholes and icy rain still spluttered from dark, brooding clouds.

  A few miles down the road, she started searching for signs of Mace. Then she saw the dirt track and his truck parked out in the pasture and farther away a little shack with a crooked stone chimney. Talley stopped on the side of the road, afraid she might get stuck if she drove to Mace's truck. The ground was still soft and muddy in places.

  The cold air hit her in the face when she opened the door. The temperature had dropped since her drive had begun. With luck, she'd make it home before the weather turned any worse.

  All she wanted was to see Mace.