“You hypocrite…” my voice went down to a whisper.
“Bethany, don’t talk to your mother like that.” Papa snapped
“But Papa, I-” I began to argue.
“No buts! Jesus Christ Beth, you’re almost twenty! It’s time to stop acting like a child!” He yelled. Papa never yells. The table fell silent. Ethan, who was now shaking, slipped his hands over his eyes. Mama couldn’t stop fidgeting in her seat. She devoured her bottom lip and began to wrap tendrils of hair around her fingers. I watched them both carefully before shrinking back into my chair.
“Listen,” Papa sighed, clearly regretting his actions, “the boy went as far as to send you a letter.”
He slowly pulled an envelope from his front pocket and placed it onto my empty plate.
“We didn’t ask him to send it, you know.” Mama butted in.
“Marilyn, let me do this. You’re not helping the situation” Papa said, firmly. He looked me dead in the eye, “He’s making an effort and we all know that, being an American and all, he doesn’t have to. The least you can do is provide him with the same courtesy. Will you do that for me, Beth?”
I nodded. Having to fight with Papa was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.
“Thank you.” He forced a smile, “Now, why don’t you take this letter up to your room and give it a read. Your mother and I will finish up your chores for the day.”
Without uttering a word, I snatched the envelope and marched up the stairs. I hadn’t seen it coming but I should have. There were so many signs that lead me to that point. Not once did I stop to question what was happening; nor did I put up a good fight when it finally happened. So, now here I am. It’s the next day and I still haven’t touched the letter. Mama convinced Papa to take me off farming duty for the entire week. Lord knows she was happy when he said yes. Although getting out of my work was a nice thought, it occurred to me that I had nothing else to do. My entire day was devoted to sitting in my room, staring at the unopened letter, and driving myself insane over this crazy idea of a marriage.
At about six ‘o’clock, Papa called me down for dinner but I declined, claiming I wasn’t hungry. I sat on the edge of my bed, deep in thought. The truth is, I just didn’t want him to find out that I hadn’t read the letter yet. Letting Papa down was probably one of my biggest fears. Mama, on the other hand, I wouldn’t particularly mind at the moment. Only a half hour passed before Ethan snuck his way into my room. It was obvious she had sent him.
“Hey Sissy, are you still not hungry?” he chirped.
“Save it,” I murmured in reply, “I know Mama told you to come up here.”
He let out a deep sigh which unexpectedly drew a smile to my face. Although it may be strange for a ten-year-old, Ethan was an old soul. At times, I found him oddly humorous. He was a man walking around in a boy’s body. He continued to speak and all I could do was grin.
“You know; we’re just looking out for you.” He droned on, “One day, you’re going to leave the nest and you won’t need us anymore but today is just not that day.”
“Oh, I see.” I raised an eyebrow, “And what day is it exactly?”
“Umm, I don’t know” he looked at me, sheepishly. Ethan’s always had trouble remembering the days of the week. But, who could blame him? Papa never pushed schooling and, being farm folk, we never needed to know what day it was. For us, there was only planting season and the harvest.
“That’s okay.” I patted the bed beside me, “Why don’t you come sit?”
He nodded before making a swan dive into the sheets. I flew off, hitting my butt hard on the wooden floor. A sudden yelp escaped my lips. Ethan shot up from his spot on the bed and rushed over to my side. His face was a mixture of fear and concern. I stared into his eyes for a brief moment before we both burst into a fit of laughter. And, when we started, we couldn’t stop. At one point I felt tears cascade down my cheeks. Ironically, the funniest part was that it wasn’t that funny.
It had been quite a while since he and I had laughed together. When Ethan turned seven, he had finally begun to understand the world around him. The two of us could have proper conversations because he could finally understand me and relate to what I was saying. It produced some of the happiest moments in my life. Going to town, I was always ridiculed for being the “farmer’s daughter”. The city kids considered themselves too good for me so they never gave me a second glance. On the bright side, when Ethan was born none of that mattered anymore. He became my anchor. Mama saw that. She saw how strong he made me so her only choice was to take him away. Ethan had as much say in the matter as I did and I sure as hell knew that Papa wouldn’t do a thing. After all, Ethan was the new man of the house. He wasn’t to be contaminated by my dangerous ideas of free will.
After years had gone by, a thick layer of negativity had settled over mine and Ethan’s relationship. However, that didn’t mean that I didn’t miss him. I still had so much to say to him; so much to show him. Sitting there with Ethan made me realize how overdue all of that positive energy was. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t funny; we were just looking for an excuse to blow off some steam and drive the tension away.
“My stomach hurts.” Ethan grinned while laying himself across the floor, “It hurts, but in a good way.”
“I know what you mean.” I moaned, placing myself beside him.
He cleared his throat before speaking, “Beth, I’m sor-”
“Don’t.” I cut him off, “It’s not your fault that Mama’s being senseless.”
He turned on his side to look at me, “I know you hate this whole idea but don’t you think that you should at least give it a shot?”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it’s crazy and new. How do you know it’s going to be a bad experience?” He sat up and looked me in the eye, “The answer is you don’t. You don’t know, not really; not unless you give it a try. And hey, if the guy is a butt head like you think, who says you can’t tell him to bugger off?”
“Thank you. Oh wise one,” I smiled at him, “how did you ever get so smart?”
“Well,” he threw an arm around me, “I learned from the best.”
I hate to admit it but Ethan had a point. After Mama stopped by to take him for his bath, I tore open the envelope. I had to at least see what this man was like. Taking a deep breath, I began to read.
Dearest Bethany,
My name is Andrew Briar Williams – feel free to call my Andy. I know this may seem strange to you – planning to marry a man you don’t even know – but I promise you that I will do my best to make you feel comfortable. You’re probably wondering what kind of man agrees to sign off on something like this. I’m going to be honest with you. This wasn’t my original intention; it was my parents’ idea. They thought it was time for me to settle down and leave my young bachelor days behind. At first I had thought the idea was utterly ridiculous but recently, I’ve decided to open up and put myself out there. Although I don’t particularly like how we’re being matched up, I am adamant to make us work. I want this to be a proper marriage. Ask me anything and I will not hesitate to answer honestly and to the best of my ability. I want you to know me as I’m eager to get to know you. What’s your favorite season; who do you look up to; why do you get up in the morning; there are so many questions I want to ask you but so very little time.
Please, just give me a shot. I admit, the circumstances are strange, but I am willing to love you unconditionally. Even if you are not looking for a lover, how about putting your trust in a friend? We can start off slow. I am willing to try if you are.
Sincerely,
Andrew
I read the letter over and over. And, after the fifth time, I read it once more. I didn’t know what to say; hell, I didn’t know what to think. How could he, above all people, feel the same way that I do? He was the one who was extending his hand for the sake of this marriage yet here he is telling me that it wasn’t his original intention. What changed his mind,
I wondered. However, wondering wasn’t enough. I had to know. So, I grabbed a piece of paper, stole a fresh quill from Mama’s room, and took a seat at my writing desk.
Sitting there, I felt a spark ignite at my center. I couldn’t tell anyone what I truly thought about being married this soon; mama wouldn’t listen, Papa wouldn’t want to hear it, and Ethan was to still too little to fully understand. It occurred to me that I should tell this Andrew guy how I felt and hopefully, I could nip the problem at its bud, before it gets any bigger. I didn’t need any more time to think; the words flowed naturally.
Dear Andrew,
Hello, my name is Bethany Abigale Stainton. My family refers to me as Beth but if we are being perfectly honest here, I prefer Bethany. I don’t particularly like nicknames so you can probably gather that I won’t be calling you ‘Andy’ either. Let me start off by getting this out of the way as I know my mother would plan to strangle me if I didn’t. It’s been nice to get acquainted with you. I’d like to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to write a letter to little old me. I know you didn’t have to. And, if you really want honesty, I wouldn’t care if you didn’t. It wouldn’t change my mind about this whole situation. Growing up, I was taught to believe in myself and chase after my dreams no matter what. I never worried about having a husband because I didn’t need one, nor did I want one. I was told that if it was meant to be, love would find me; not the other way around. I’m not interested in your proposal. The advertisement was my parents’ idea, not mine. I’m truly sorry for wasting your time. I do however have one question; if you at first shared my views, then why on earth did you change your mind?
I’m here begging that you don’t force me to go against what I truly believe because God knows that you could if you wanted to. You said that you’re willing to try if I am but what if I’m not? Then what?
Sincerely,
Bethany
And that was that. Neatly tucking the letter into the envelope, I felt a sudden weight being lifted off my chest. I had given that poor man a piece of my mind. It would leave him dumbfounded but it was for the best. Now, all I needed to do was deliver the letter before anyone, including myself, had the chance to stop me. So, I immediately tore down the stairs, threw open the front door, and made a break for the mailbox. When I got back, Mama was sitting on the living room couch, waiting for me.
“Where did you go, honey?” Her words were cold and firm.
“Well,” I swallowed hard, “I finished reading Andrew’s letter and decided that it was time to send him one back.”
“Wow, dear, I’m impressed.” A look of relief washed over her face. “Just wait, you’ll make a beautiful bride.”
I smiled. It was all too good. Everything was about to go up in flames and she had no idea. I was finally going to put a stop to her selfish little plan. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited to see her reaction. Unfortunately, it was like that for six nights in a row. A week passed before I had gotten a reply. His answer was a total wake up call. It sent a rip through my stupid idea of a solution, leaving me to pick up the pieces.
Dearest Bethany,
Call me whatever you like but let’s backtrack a bit. Please don’t act like you know me as I don’t intend to do the same. The whole point of my letter was for us to get to know each other but there is no room for that with preconceived judgements. I’m not here to force you into anything. I understand your concerns and I actually admire the fact that you’re a strong, independent woman. Your mother had mentioned that the idea to post the advertisement wasn’t originally yours which was one of the reasons I had decided to reach out to you; to let you know that I can relate to the unbreakable force of overbearing parents. It’s hard to say no to them but I’ll assure you that doing so just once will change the entire game.
Despite what I have said, I’m not ready to let you go so easily. Let’s make a deal. How about you spend the Christmas Holidays with me and family, here, in America? I know it may seem like a big step which is why I am promising you that nothing between us is for certain. After, we meet and we spend some time getting to know each other, that’s when the other shoe will drop. You can decide whether or not to stay with me so we can announce our upcoming marriage or you may return home and continue on with your everyday life. Don’t worry about what your parents will have to say; let me handle everything. All I’m asking is that you do me a favor and give us some time. Deal?
Sincerely,
Andrew
I was both shocked and pissed at the same time. He wasn’t supposed to be trying this hard; he was supposed to give up the minute that letter arrived on his doorstep. Now, there was no way out; I had to go to America. However, as closed minded as it sounds, I’m not going to give him a chance. The letter I sent him clearly stated that I did not want a husband and I sure as hell don’t need one. So there is no way on earth that I will ever agree to stay with him.
“Watchya got there?” Papa strolled into the Kitchen.
“Andrew,” I moaned, “he sent another letter.”
Papa shifted uncomfortably from his left to right foot, “That must be a good sign.”
“He wants me to come to America,” I replied dryly.
“Don’t sound so upset. It means he likes you.” Papa’s eyes dropped to the floor, “I mean, who wouldn’t?”. It was obvious that Papa wasn’t exactly happy with Mama’s idea. Either having a mail order bride for a daughter wasn’t sitting well with him or he was afraid that his little girl was growing up too fast. Whatever the reason was, I tried my best to use it to my advantage.
“Papa, you obviously don’t want this for me.” I rolled my eyes.
“What makes you say that?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Oh please, I can see those gears turning in your head all the way from the barn.” I tapped the corner of my eye, “So, why are you letting Mama do this to me?”
“Beth, baby,” he smiled, “you make it sound like she’s sending you to war.”
“She might as well be. This guy is a stuck up, overly-praised, city boy.” I huffed, “Putting me on that boat would be the same as shipping off a soldier.”
“Wait, how do you even know that?” he tossed aside my sarcasm, “How do you know that he’s as terrible as you described?”
“From the letter.” I waved the envelope in front of his face.
“You can’t tell that much from less than a hundred words.” Papa shook his head in disapproval, “You don’t know him, Beth; you’ve got to get to know him. Let him in and give him a chance. This trip will be good for you, I promise.”
“So I get the feeling that you’re not going to let me say no.” My shoulders slumped.
“Beth, I just want you to be happy.” Papa whispered, just loud enough for me to hear.
“I’m happy with the way things are right now.” I replied, matter-of-factly.
“No, Beth. No, you’re not.” He began to fidget with his hands. “Every morning, you disappear into that barn and you don’t come out ‘till dark. If you were truly happy, you wouldn’t need to escape.”
I froze. Could he really see right through me? My eyebrows furrowed. He was right; I wasn’t happy. Not here, not with my life. Lately, it didn’t feel like I was doing much of anything. All I’d been doing these past couple of years was eating, breathing, and sleeping. Nothing more, nothing less. It didn’t feel like I was living at all; I was existing. A sudden pain shot through my chest. Papa must have noticed because he broke the silence.
“Baby, are you okay?” He had a concerned look on his face.
“I-I’m fine.” I stuttered before bursting into tears.
“Oh, Beth” Papa threw his arms around me, “I’m sorry, we should’ve told you earlier.”
I buried my face in his chest. He had no idea what he was going on with me but it didn’t matter at the moment. I just needed someone to hold me, just for a little while.
There were two men waiting for me at
the docking station. They were both tall but one was clearly muscular than the other; he looked like he was around my age. It was one hundred percent Andrew. His jaw line looked as if it had been carved out of stone. I watched as it moved in a slow grind wondering what type of reaction I’d give him; polite or pissed. Then, I noticed his wide chest and thick robust arms. They were undeniably sexy. I imagined curling myself up into them; the thought made me want to swoon and puke at the same time. My eyes were practically drawn to his full lips. Their light rosy tone was like a magnet, pulling in every girl in sight. I watched the tip of his tongue peak out to moisten them. This was going to be harder than I thought.
Then the real kicker came in. He had on a brown leather cowboy hat with a jacket and a pair of boots to match. At first, I felt offended. Was he dressed like that to make fun of me? Walking up to him, I was ready to tell him off but he beat me to the punch line.
“Sorry I look like a mess. I had some last minute work to finish before coming to pick you up.” Andrew smiled and then gestured to the other man, “This is my younger brother, Tom. He was so eager to meet you that I had to bring him with me.”
I opened my mouth to say something but quickly shut it. Was this some sort of joke? He was nothing like I’d expected. My vision involved a man in a tailored suit. This here, standing in front of me, was a cowboy; the exact opposite.
[2016] Alone and Pregnant Page 53
