An Angel All His Own (The Gifted Realm Book 5)

by Jillian Neal

  Although he did understand what she was asking him, Dan was at a complete loss as to how to respond.

  “Tell me, please. I want to know. I want to understand. Believe me I’ve picked some real doozies the last few years.”

  She made his heart ache.

  “I don’t really know, sweetheart.” Dan tried to formulate his answer. “I guess I would say that a lot of morons don’t seem to know the difference between being dominant and being a domineering, controlling prick who women should stay the hell away from.” He didn’t want to add to her self-imposed guilt as he let her see a rather deep part of his psyche.

  As the thoughts of what might’ve happened if he hadn’t been there mixed with his desperate need to protect her and her plea that they never discuss this again, Dan decided to go ahead and lay it out for her. As much as it pained him to scare her, he knew he was going to, because it was to keep her safe.

  “You don’t need to control every aspect of her life to drive her wild and give her what she wants in bed.” Men who thought that way generally pissed him off.

  “Oh, well, see the way it was explained to me was that it would be my pleasure to pleasure him,” she huffed indignantly.

  “Guy Garrett beat the shit out of?” Dan felt the fury burn through him all over again.

  “Yep.”

  “Gonna have to give Haydenshire a raise.” Dan squeezed her to him and decided to get on with it. He wanted to give her a fresh start, and that meant giving her a new place to call home.

  “Listen, I know there are just as many women who get off on the super kinky stuff as there are men and, hey, if that’s what you both want, then have at it. But see, that wasn’t what you wanted, and then he tried to lock you in a room. That, right there, is where we have a big problem. ‘No’ means no. I don’t care how much pleasure he’s planning on allowing you.” He tried to quell his disgust, but she felt it work through his rhythms.

  “It just better as hell not be what he wants, and what he can talk her into. Far too often, I’ve seen guys into that kind of shit who don’t like to be told no, and girls have some crazy idea that he’s a guy out of a dirty novel that she can magically change.” Dan didn’t really want to recall what he was telling her.

  She nodded and stared up at him with those enchanting eyes, both intrigued and frightened. “Yeah, he was way more kinky-crazy than what I was looking for. I just kind of wanted to do something different, you know?”

  She needed to be told that it was perfectly normal and healthy to want a little adventure in the bedroom, but that it had to be with the right guy.

  “I know, honey and, believe me, I get everything you’re saying. I’ll kink it up as much as you want, but I’m not going to hurt you, Fionna. I will never put you in a situation where you could even be hurt accidentally. I don’t care how much it turns some women on, because I’ve been called out to more cases of that kind of thing gone very, very wrong than I care to remember.”

  “Really?” She looked appalled as he nodded morosely.

  “There are the humorous ones. You know, the guy’s cheating on his wife, she handcuffs him to the bed, strips him down, then tells him to call his mistress and leaves with the keys.

  “There are the stupid ones where the girl you hardly know cuffs you somewhere and robs you blind or vice versa. So, baby, if you want to have a wild night where I cuff you to the bed and have my way with you, or you tie me up and make me do your bidding, then I’m game. But I’ll say this, you sure as hell better trust the person doing the cuffing, because you’re giving up your options. You need to know that he wants you to have what you want, not what he wants, and both people need to know what the hell they’re doing before you break out whips, gags, crops, collars, and paddles. Because the good ones only end up in courtrooms or in jail, the bad ones end up in the hospital, the worst I’ve seen ended up in a graveyard.” He felt sick as he recalled that night several years ago, just after he’d just been named head of Iodex.

  “Oh, my gosh.”

  “Some guys get going, and they don’t know when to quit.”

  “I’m sorry. Your job is really hard.”

  Dan shrugged. “I kind of like to think about the justice portion of my job. The guy who killed her to get his jollies is rotting away in Coriolis, so he’ll never hurt anyone else.”

  “You mean, he meant to kill her?”

  “No,” Dan shook his head, “that was the worst part. Don’t get me wrong; he was a sicko and high as a kite, but he was enjoying himself. Right up until the end, he thought she was, too. Typically, people that enjoy that kind of thing know never to drink or to use before they engage. They do have very strict rules, but he was fucked up. His lawyers dragged out the contract he’d had her sign, but it took my guys almost thirty minutes to get all of the chains off of her. The contract didn’t get him very far.”

  “Stop,” she looked physically ill, “I don’t want to know.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to tell you that.” Their harrowing night, coupled with the fact that he seemed to lose all of his filters when it came to her, had gotten to him.

  “Okay, I’m going to go back to your very impressive answer about how you’re the perfect guy for me, and forget the rest of that for now.”

  “One more thing,” Dan wasn’t going to walk away from this conversation, until he was certain that she knew that he did understand where she was coming from. “Fi, baby; I know that being a woman, being you, is tough. You have a lot of roles to play, sweetheart. Your parents have a version of you that they want. You have to play famed Angels Receiver and all that goes with that, for the fans and for the team. My girlfriend, what you think my parents expect, be a friend to Chloe, and Garrett, and Emily… the list goes on and on. I completely understand that sometimes it’s nice just not to think, just to be, and to let someone else make you feel incredible. I want to be the guy you give that kind of power and control to, Fionna, but I want you to understand that I know what you’re entrusting me with. I know what that can cost you. I would never, ever take that for granted.”

  “Wow,” she swallowed harshly as she took in his vow. “Thank you for saying that. I don’t deserve you.”

  “That’s most certainly not true.” She was the angel who had pulled him straight out of hell. The only one who could damn his demons back to the hellish abyss that had been his life, and baptize him anew. It was he who didn’t deserve her.

  “I’ve never done the handcuff or blindfold thing,” she blushed violently.

  Dan nodded his understanding. “And you never have to, baby doll. But, if you want to, I don’t think that’s something that you should be ashamed of, as long as it’s what you want and what I want. As long as we trust each other enough to know it’s just for fun, then it’s fine.”

  He felt no remorse in making his next statement, because he knew it wasn’t what she wanted either. “If you want to be spanked with anything more than a wooden spoon, through a pair of jeans, or on your bare sexy ass with my hands, when the moment calls for that, then I’m probably not the guy for you. If you’re looking for riding crops or whips, then you’ll have to find someone else.”

  She grinned, and brushed a sweet kiss on his cheek before she settled back down in his protective embrace. “You are the guy for me. You know that.”

  Dan grinned but continued his speech, “See, I’ve spent a whole lot of my life staring down the barrel of pistols and trying to protect the people I love. I’ve tried to protect innocent lives. So, I don’t need to hit a woman with a riding crop or chain her up to feel like a man. That just isn’t in me.”

  He knew who he was, and the wonderful feeling that settled on him, as he explained all of this to her, was that he knew who she was as well.

  “There are things that add to the arousal and the physical excitement of it all. From the very first moment that I undressed you, I tried to learn what would make you get the most out of the experience. My girl happens to enjoy that little
walk on the wild side, where I leave a hickey here and there that no one else can see.”

  “She likes a few other things that I do that other women might not like. If that’s what you want and, just so you know, I think it’s sexy as hell, then that’s what I’m going to do. But this is a relationship, sweetheart, and our sex life is only one part of this relationship. I want to do anything that drives you wild, but it should add to the experience for both of us, not just one of us. That sound okay to you?”

  A genuine smile washed away the guilt and fear that had permeated her being. “I have everything I’ve ever wanted, and he’s holding me in my ball right now.”

  Certain that she was the most precious thing he’d ever seen, Dan squeezed her tightly. “If you’ll let me unfold you, then I’ll help you start packing, but if you want to stay balled up in my lap then I’ll hold you as long as you want.”

  She sighed. “So, do you think I’m wild now, too?” Tears pricked her eyes once again.

  “No, baby. I think you’re a woman with her very own special cocktail of being the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, and then there are those parts of you that like to be just a little bit wild.”

  “I think you like to think of yourself as a bad girl occasionally, and, believe me, I appreciate all of the many, many sides of you, sweetheart. I plan to cater to each and every one of them, as long as it’s what you want and what you need at that moment.”

  “Part of being in a relationship is knowing when you want to be sucked, spanked, and bitten, when you want it rough, and when you want a slow, sensuous, romantic session where I stare into your eyes instead of staring at your ass.” He felt her blush against him. “Sometimes you and I want those all in the same night.” He tried to gently bring up the ecstasy they’d experienced just a few hours before. It seemed like days had gone by, since he’d cradled her in bed and had taken her over the second time.

  “I told you, honey, you’re the girl of my dreams. I didn’t think you existed,” he quoted her line for him. “The kind of beautiful, sweet, amazing girl I want in my bedroom, taking care of me when I’m sick and the hot, sexy, seductress I want in my bed when I’m not.” He felt the love for her surge rapidly through him. The look in her eyes said she felt it, too. ““You know, the girl I can’t wait to take home to meet my parents and, if I do everything right, the girl who might just suck me off on the way.”

  She giggled delightedly. “I might do something like that.”

  “My dream girl.”

  “Eric’s not the only scary, controlling guy I dated. Sometimes, I don’t feel safe here when I’m all alone,” her voice was filled with regret.

  Dan recalled the last time she’d been at home alone. He suddenly understood why she’d gotten Emily, and the twins, and Chloe to stay all day. Why she’d wanted Fitz to stay there, and he understood why Garrett stayed over so often.

  Garrett had known she was scared, as well, but he wouldn’t call her on it because, when it came right down to it, Garrett Haydenshire was a great guy and a hell of a friend. He’d done nothing but take care of the woman who Dan found himself incurably in love with, and Dan had done nothing but treat him like an interfering annoyance. Deep remorse settled on Dan, as well.

  “Believe me, honey; I’ve dated several doozies myself,” he shuddered from the thought. “But I generally went to their houses. So, how about if we make my house our home, and we sort of start over. Because this,” he gestured his head to her, “this is what I want, and nothing else.”

  “Dan, I was so stupid.”

  “Hey, stop. You’re certainly not the first girl who’s liked a bad boy, and if you didn’t like bad boys, I’m pretty sure you never would have brought me home that fateful night a few weeks ago.”

  Moving On

  She unwound herself and drew a haggard breath.

  “Where shall we start?” Dan wanted to help her do anything in the world.

  “I think I still have a bunch of boxes out in the garage, from when I moved in here. Are we going to rent a truck?”

  “I can if we need to, but no movers. Part of no one knowing where my house is, means I do most things myself or I get my dad to help me.”

  Fionna nodded and gave him his smile. “I think it will feel really nice to feel safe at home again.”

  Dan stood and wrapped her up in his arms. “I always want you to feel safe, honey, and I will do everything in my power to keep you that way. I want you to make my house our home, however you want to do that. If you’re there, then I’m happy.”

  Though it was barely four in the morning, Fionna turned on all of the lights in the house, and turned on the radio as they began boxing up her life.

  Dan dragged duct tape over the shattered glass window, to keep the freezing cold air out of the house.

  At six-thirty, Garrett and Chloe showed up, with breakfast and coffee. By seven, Rainer, Emily, Logan, Adeline, Connor, Levi and Will were loading furniture and boxes into their trucks.

  “I think we better tell our parents we’re doing this today,” Dan pointed out as he passed Fionna on the steps.

  “We have to.”

  In another hour’s time, the Stylers were being haphazardly introduced to the Vindicos. Both sets of parents were somewhat bewildered. Gretta managed to keep her husband in line, though he made several snide remarks to Fionna about moving in with Dan before they were married.

  Kara and Zach arrived to help. “I told Mom that this was one step closer to you getting married in order to keep her from coming over and lecturing you on this being ‘inappropriate and disgraceful,’” Kara informed her big brother. He thanked her, but couldn’t have cared less what his mother thought.

  Kara was told repeatedly by her husband, her brother, and her father not to lift anything. “I’m putting dishes into a box. I do unload the dishwasher at home,” she rolled her eyes. Fionna and Emily gave her sympathetic looks.

  In her uncanny ability to pretend that anything she didn’t approve of simply didn’t exist, Mrs. Vindico brought numerous window treatment and decorative magazines that she was anxious to show Fionna, once they’d unloaded everything at Dan’s.

  “Although I do understand that your home is not safe, dear, I strongly suggest that you and Daniel stay in separate rooms until you are married. That’s how we do things in our family, but I am looking forward to helping you with Daniel’s house.”

  “I’m just going to go ahead and tell you how sorry I am,” Dan said as he got Fionna alone for a split second in her guest bedroom, while unloading a closet.

  She giggled, “It’s really sweet, but I still don’t like a lot of curtains or blue carpet.”

  Laughing, Dan pulled her in and kissed her forehead. “Add those to the very long list of things that I adore about you.” He glanced around the room and saw how much they had left.

  Fionna was beaming, but her face fell a moment later. “I don’t want to hurt her feelings, Dan.”

  “Well, there are many ways to deal with my mother. If you want to take the approach Kara has used for the last twenty-nine years or so, you just nod, and smile, and agree with whatever it is she’s decided, and then do whatever the hell you want to do once she finally shuts up. I prefer to argue with her, because she drives me insane.” Dan effectively cracked her up.

  He moved quickly to a corner of the room, and began loading Fionna’s sewing machine into its box.

  “Please be careful with that. My, uh,” she paused and swallowed down raw emotion. The day was getting to her.

  “Your mom gave it to you. I know, baby. I’ll be careful; I promise.” Dan held her eyes with his own. Desperation to just pick her up and take her away, away from everything, pulsed in his shield. Wretchkinsides, Eric, her father, and his mother…she didn’t deserve any of this. He longed to take it all away.

  “It doesn’t work anymore,” her voice was weak and forlorn. Dan eased the sewing machine back into its table and moved to her.

  “Do
es it still remind you of her?”

  She managed a nod. The tremble of her chin shook his heart.

  “She taught you to sew, right?” He wrapped her up in his arms and felt her nod against him. “And when you look at it, you remember the lessons and the time you spent with her?”

  Fionna nodded again as she blinked back tears.

  “Then I’d say it works perfectly.”

  “I love you,” she broke down in his arms. His shield orbed around her.

  “Me, too, baby. And I know you’re scared, but I’m right here.”

  Kara halted Mrs. Vindico in the hallway while Dan dried Fionna’s tears by engaging her in several intense kisses.

  Kara cleared her throat and then gave Dan a wry grin.

  “Having fun?”

  “I was until we were so rudely interrupted.” he tousled his sister’s hair as she laughed. He ignored his mother pursing her lips in aggravation.

  “What else can we do?” Kara asked Fionna sweetly.

  “Well, I think most of the kitchen and dining room are done. Garrett and Chloe are loading up the stuff in my entertainment center. I think I do want to take that big chair in my living room, but we’re going to use Dan’s sofa and love seat. So, I guess just the guest bedrooms and my room.”

  “Yes, well, perhaps you two should make better use of your time, dear. I know you’ll want to get some things arranged at Dan’s before we go over the catalogs I brought for you,” Mrs. Vindico chirped.

  Kara and Dan shuddered simultaneously. “First of all, mother, it’s ours not Dan’s, and Fi can decorate it anyway she wants.” Dan was already thoroughly annoyed with his mother, and he’d only been with her for the grand total of an hour.

  “That’s very sweet, Daniel.”

  “Uh, Meredith’s bringing a big lunch over to your place for everyone,” Kara, ever the peacemaker, announced. She seemed to have just remembered that she was supposed to tell Dan this.