Stronger with You (With You Trilogy)

by R. J. Sable

  “Oh,” I managed, my breath catching in my throat from nervous anticipation. Delicious anticipation.

  “Oh,” he mocked. “Come on, let’s go pay.”

  He led me out of the kinky section and I breathed a sigh of relief to be away from it all. I doubted my clenching nether regions could take any more temptation. I noticed he grabbed a clear bottle of liquid as we left and eyed him curiously but he just winked and placed the items next to the till where all my underwear was already tilled up and waiting with Jessica.

  Chapter 29

  Saturday, 23rd February 2013

  I cleaned my plate with a smile because Jason was looking very happy. I knew he was glad I’d eaten it all but I hadn’t really had a choice. I’d been so hungry recently, which only made Jason happier. My weight hadn’t changed much at all the past week, but I figured that was a good thing. I’d rather the change was gradual.

  “I’ll do the dishes,” Jason smiled, reaching out his hand to help me up from the table. “You go chillax on the sofa and let your food digest.”

  “I don’t mind helping,” I answered, following him into the kitchen.

  “Nope, do as you’re told. I’d hate to have to add to your punishment,” Jason said not very convincingly.

  “Are you going to tell me what my punishment is?” I asked curiously.

  “Nope,” he teased. “Now get your perfect little ass on that sofa before it distracts me.”

  I grinned and gave him a quick hug before I did as I was told and went to sit on the sofa.

  I wasn’t feeling so anxious about my punishment now. I knew Jason wouldn’t hurt me. I was, however, bothered by my reaction to the situation. The word punishment had been thrown around most of my life and I’d never really freaked out just from hearing it. I usually just accepted it because I’d done something wrong and I knew I’d deserved it. I didn’t understand what made it different this time.

  “You look like you’re deep in thought,” Jason smiled, sitting next to me on the sofa. “What’s on your mind?”

  “Punishments,” I answered, smiling because I liked that he cared enough to ask.

  “You still worried?” He asked, his brows furrowing in concern.

  “No,” I shook my head. “Just wondering why I reacted like that.”

  Jason nodded and pulled me closer to him to kiss me softly. He looked a little serious and I studied him curiously, wondering if he was also mulling something over.

  “What’s on your mind?” I asked, reaching up to run my fingers over his jaw.

  “I was wondering about your reaction too,” Jason sighed, looking at me with a cautious expression.

  “What do you mean?” I frowned.

  “Can I ask you a few questions without it meaning we have to argue?” He asked. “I just need to know.”

  “About what?” I asked, feeling a little anxious.

  “Your brothers,” he said, his brows knitting together. “I promise not to get angry or upset, Jamie. There are just a few things I need to know.”

  I studied his face and he returned my gaze in earnest. He looked relaxed but with a small amount of tension around his eyes. I suspected I wouldn’t like his questions, but he’d been so open and honest with the questions I’d asked him on Valentine’s Day and he’d promised to answer the other questions honestly as well. I owed him the same curtsey.

  “Okay,” I nodded. “What do you want to know?”

  “Your brothers scare you,” he said after a few moments of silence.

  It didn’t sound like a question so I didn’t answer.

  “That’s why you’re always quiet around them, always avoiding their eyes and shrinking away from them,” he continued. “I’m right aren’t I?”

  “They can be a bit scary sometimes,” I shrugged, my stomach turning uncomfortably because I felt like I was betraying them.

  “Why?” Jason prompted.

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged, I’d never really thought about it. “They’re big.”

  “I’m bigger than Benji, you think he’s scared of me?” Jason asked. He wasn’t taunting me, he was asking a genuine question.

  “No,” I answered immediately, because I knew unequivocally that Ben was not scared of Jason.

  “Why do you think that is?” Jason prompted.

  Because you love him. Because he knows you’d never hurt him. Because he has no reason to be scared of you. Every answer I could give made my brothers look bad and I couldn’t say it. I loved them, I knew they loved me too. I couldn’t betray them like that.

  “You didn’t seem scared of Craig when he was here,” Jason pointed out, seemingly aware that I was having trouble answering.

  “He didn’t scare me,” I admitted. “He doesn’t usually.”

  “Why?” He asked.

  “He just didn’t,” I sighed with frustration, my throat tightening uncomfortably.

  “Okay, sorry, I was just trying to understand,” he said. “One more question, okay?” Jason asked, stroking my hair gently with my cheek resting upon his chest.

  I nodded glumly, wanting this over and done with. I felt physically sick. I felt like I was betraying them in the worst possible way.

  “Do your brothers hit you?” He asked seriously.

  I sat up, pushing away from his chest. He already knew the answer, I didn’t understand why we had to talk about it. Jason’s gaze penetrated mine, patiently awaiting an answer.

  “Jason, I-”

  “I promised not to get angry, Jamie,” he reassured me. “I just need to know.”

  I swallowed heavily. What did it matter? They only punished me when I did something wrong. They only did it because I let them down.

  “Sometimes,” I said, my voice trembling as the unease in my stomach grew. “But not very often,” I added in a rush.

  Jason closed his eyes for a second and bent forward over his lap, clenching his hands together. “So when we came back from Derby the first time I met them, what happened?”

  In for a penny, in for a pound. What Jason had told me about his parents had obviously hurt him. I owed it to him to push past my discomfort and let him in.

  “They were mad that I went to that fight even though I knew I wasn’t allowed. Karl scared me and I tried to run away but Matt tripped me up,” I said, remembering the shooting pains in my shins. “He pinned me down with his knee, that’s what the bruise on my back was from,” I explained. “But I said some really horrible things to him. I really shouldn’t have said them,” I shook my head sadly. “Matt worked crazy hours whilst he was a student to look after me and the others even though we aren’t technically his burden to bare.”

  “What about your ribs?” Jason asked, his eyes still closed.

  “Matt hit me,” I mumbled, shame washing over me because of the awful things I’d said to him.

  “Does he hit you often?” Jason said through clenched teeth, clearly trying to rein in his temper.

  “No,” I shook my head emphatically. “I swear, they hardly every hit me, and they only do it when I mess up.” I could probably count the amount of times they’d actually hit me on my hands.

  “They?” Jason looked up. “Who else hits you?”

  I bit my lip because I wasn’t sure what to say. They’d all hit me at some point or another in my life, but I’d probably lashed out at each and every one of them as well. Siblings fought, it didn’t mean they didn’t love each other.

  “We grew up together, Jason. I fought with them as much as they fought with each other.”

  “I mean recently,” Jason sighed, a pained expression on his face. “Let’s do it this way; since you moved out, has Ian hit you?”

  “No,” I shook my head. We’d fought a little, he’d shoved me and pinned my arms but he hadn’t actually hit me.

  “Karl?”

  “No,” I shook my head again. He went to hit me once but I dodged.

  “The twins?”

  “No.” The twins barely ever hit me. They tended j
ust to push me or drag me around instead.

  “Craig?”

  “No.” Craig hadn’t hit me for as long as I could remember.

  “Jake?”

  “No,” I shook my head, feeling sadness wash over me. He’d have to actually talk to me to get into an argument. He used to hit me, but it was usually just stupid sibling squabbles. We hadn’t done it quite so much since he moved out.

  “Okay,” Jason nodded. “So Matt’s the only one that’s hurt you since then?”

  I froze. That wasn’t what he asked me.

  “What?” Jason frowned. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “You only asked me if they hit me,” I blushed. “You didn’t say hurt.”

  “You’re serious?” Jason scoffed, looking horrified.

  He looked like he was having a harder job keeping his promise to remain calm now. He was looking at me as though I’d just transformed into a monster in front of his eyes.

  “Jason, I love them,” I stressed, tears seeping down my cheeks. “I love them,” I repeated because I needed him to understand.

  “I know, baby, come here,” he soothed, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his lap. “It’s okay. I know you love them.”

  I sobbed pathetically into his embrace. It had been such a roller coaster of a day.

  “I don’t want you to hate them,” I sniffled.

  “I don’t hate them, Jamie. I know they’ve been good to you. I know they’ve sacrificed a lot and been through a lot because you lost your parents. I appreciate that they didn’t just let you disappear into foster care or fob you off on a relative,” he assured me. “What I hate is the fact that they hurt you. I know you think it’s your fault, that you somehow earned it by doing something wrong. You feel like you’re not good enough and the beatings are going to keep on coming until you get better, until you earn their love,” he breathed deeply before continuing. “I know this, Jamie, because I used to feel the same way about my Dad. I thought that if I could just be a little better, a little faster, a little smarter, then he’d stop beating me and tell me he loved me.”

  The tears that had been slowing down came back full force at Jason’s words. I did feel like that sometimes. If I didn’t mess up as much, if I didn’t let them down, then maybe they wouldn’t need to hurt me anymore. If I hadn’t killed our Mum then they wouldn’t be so angry with me.

  I cried even harder because I hated drawing comparisons between my brothers and Jason’s father. My brothers loved me. They’d do anything to keep me safe.

  “It’s my fault they had to sacrifice so much,” I sobbed. “I don’t care what they do to me,” I cried, my voice breaking. “I deserve it,” I admitted, shame soaking through me.

  “Shh, Jamie, it’s okay,” Jason soothed, rocking me in his arms. “It’s not your fault. It never was. You don’t deserve it.”

  He rocked me and soothed me until the tears dried up, his strong arms holding me, and his masculine scent overwhelming my senses.

  “Are you going to get mad at them now?” I sniffled, desperate to avoid more conflict between them.

  “I’m already mad at them, baby,” Jason sighed sadly.

  “I don’t want you to get in a fight with any of them,” I pleaded, clinging onto him for dear life.

  “I’m not going to try and fight them, Jamie,” he reassured me. “That’d be like fighting fire with fire. I am, however, going to make sure they never hurt you again. You shouldn’t be afraid of your own brothers.”

  I hugged him tighter. I didn’t see how that was possible, especially not without him getting hurt, but the fragment of the hope that his words carried for me calmed the sickness in my stomach. It soothed me on a level I didn’t quite understand.

  We watched the television in relative silence, wrapped around each other and thoroughly contented just to hold each other without speaking. I loved that Jason had kept his word. He hadn’t gotten angry or sad, he’d just listened. He just wanted to keep me safe. My brothers always said it was their job to keep me safe, it seemed a bitter irony that Jason felt he had to keep me safe from them.

  “Thank you, Jamie,” Jason said, turning off the TV and turning to face me.

  “What for?” I asked, slipping my hand up his shirt for some skin against skin.

  “Well, firstly,” he grinned. “Thank you for a lovely day. I’ve never had so much fun watching you put clothes on before,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Secondly, for being the most beautiful, intelligent and amazing girlfriend ever,” he said, cupping my face and pressing a kiss to my lips. “And thirdly, for answering those questions. I know it was hard for you and I appreciate you letting me in.”

  “You’ve been so honest with me,” I smiled. “It’s only fair.”

  “Anything for you, my little squirrel,” he grinned.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I asked.

  “Depends.” His grin broadened

  “On what?” I frowned, enjoying one of my favourite pastimes of running my fingers through his happy trail. I loved the way he always tried to stop me with that dark heat in his eyes. I loved how he squirmed slightly when I gently pulled the hair above the band of his boxers.

  “Did you bring your chocolates?” He asked.

  I did. I bounced off the sofa to go and fetch them from his room and brought them back with me.

  “How many are left?”

  “Eight,” I grinned, showing him the box.

  “I should have bought you a smaller box,” he groaned, still smiling.

  “Eight’s not nearly enough. I don’t think I’ll ever run out of questions for you,” I said honestly.

  “Then I’ll get you some more when these run out,” he chuckled.

  “Will you?” I grinned.

  “If that’s what you want,” he nodded, guiding me down into his lap with my back to his front and the chocolate box on my lap.

  “You did this on purpose to try and fatten me up, didn’t you?” I accused, leaning back into him contentedly.

  “See, I told you. Intelligent,” he grinned. “Nothing gets by you. That was a question though. Eat up.” He pushed a truffle to my lips and I let him feed me because it made him happy.

  “You cheat at this game,” I complained, licking my lips clean of the chocolate.

  “How can I cheat?” He laughed. “They’re my rules.” He lifted up his finger to my mouth so I could clean the chocolate off, which I was only too happy to do.

  I took another truffle from the box and held it in front of my mouth. “What did you want to be when you were little?” I asked, popping the chocolate into my mouth.

  “You mean you don’t believe that as a kid I wanted to grow up to get a PhD in Renewable Energy Systems?” He laughed.

  “I couldn’t have even spelt that when I was a kid,” I shook my head.

  “You’re right,” he grinned. “I wanted to be a policeman.”

  “Really?” I smiled, already imagining Jason in a police uniform.

  “Yeah,” he said, a note of sadness in his voice. “The neighbours called the police tonnes of times over the years. They never did anything though. I thought that if I became a policeman then I wouldn’t have ignored the obvious evidence. But there were so many different policemen, so many people who had the chance to stop it. None of them ever did. It kind of put me off,” he shrugged.

  “I’m so sorry, Jason,” I said sadly.

  “It’s okay. In the end I realised it wasn’t really their fault. My Mum always lied through her teeth every time they came. When they talked to me I was always scared that they’d split me and Benji up. That’s what my Dad had said would happen if we told.”

  “That’s awful,” I frowned, sort of regretting asking. I’d wanted Jason to open up to me and tell me about himself but every new scrap of information made me so angry that he’d had to go through all this. I couldn’t believe he’d turned into the amazing man I knew today. He was so strong and had such a well-defined code of ethics and
morals. It was incredible that he’d even gotten through college, let alone completed two degrees.

  “I’m not very good at picking cheerful questions, am I?” I smiled sadly.

  “I don’t mind, little squirrel,” he reassured me, squeezing me gently with his arms around my waist. “It’s all in the past. It sucks, but it’s over. I have you and I have Benji. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

  I smiled and squeezed his hand gently in appreciation before taking another chocolate. “If you could be a woman for one day, what would you do?” I asked, hoping to steer the conversation towards more cheery topics for a while.

  “Are you kidding?” He laughed, a deep hearty laugh that vibrated through his chest and into mine.

  “Nope,” I grinned. “Answer the question.”

  “Yes, boss,” he laughed. “You and me would spend all day having very, very filthy lesbian sex.”

  I giggled uncontrollably. That was pretty much the answer I’d been expecting and I wasn’t disappointed.

  “Perv,” I grinned, shifting sideways so I could tilt my head back and kiss his cheek. “Okay, one more question,” I nodded, grabbing a truffle out of the box before I slid it over to the coffee table so I could turn around in Jason’s lap and face him.

  “Shoot,” he smiled, taking the chocolate and popping it into my mouth and sucking the chocolate off my fingers.

  “Why don’t you want me touching myself?” I asked seriously once I’d swallowed the last of my chocolate.

  Jason grinned cheekily and lifted up my t-shirt, settling his hands on my hips. I put mine back up his shirt because it only seemed fair.

  “Does it bother you?” He asked.

  “Not really,” I shook my head. “I just want to know why.”

  “Okay,” he nodded. “But you’re just going to call me a perv again.” He flashed his boyish smile and slipped his fingers up to my waist.

  “I like you being my perv,” I grinned back, sliding my fingers into the waistband of his boxers so that I could pull them down a little. “Why don’t you want me touching myself?” I repeated, whispering in his ear and letting my lips linger a few seconds because I could feel him getting hard beneath me and I was enjoying teasing him.