A Billion Reasons Why

by Kristin Billerbeck

  “Jennifer,” Mrs. DeForges said to one of the bridesmaids, “you sit at the end of the sofa there so you can see the gifts well to make a list for thank-you notes. Stacy, you’re in the middle where you can monitor the games. There, that’s better.” Having arranged the guests to her satisfaction, Mrs. DeForges finally sat herself.

  The shower consisted of a majority of older women and a few younger ones, obviously friends of the bride. Katie felt as much out of her element as a po’ boy amidst Oysters Rockefeller, but she took Olivia’s seat, if for no other reason than it was the farthest away from Mrs. DeForges.

  “Is that her?” An old lady, well into her eighties or beyond, screamed at Mrs. Tyler, Olivia’s mom.

  Mrs. Tyler patted the old woman’s leg and spoke loudly. “That’s Katie McKenna, Mother. She’s going to sing at the wedding.”

  “I mean is that the one Ryan’s brother is going to marry?” the old woman shouted.

  “No,” a younger attendee said. “She’s engaged to someone in California.”

  Mrs. DeForges’ stick-straight back seemed to curve a bit. “Engaged, are you?”

  Katie paused, unsure how to announce her single nature without arousing the mother bear in Mrs. DeForges. “I came home to get my engagement ring,” she said.

  “What do you do out there in California?” Mrs. Tyler asked.

  “I’m a special needs teacher. I specialize in autism spectrum disorders.”

  “And how is your momma?”

  “She’s great. She got married to a fisherman and she sells his catch at the farmers market. She lives in the Upper Garden District now.”

  “Yes, well, Katrina enabled a lot of people to move around.”

  “It left a lot of people worse off too.” She tried to keep the snap from her tone.

  “That’s true,” Mrs. Tyler said. “We have twice as many homeless as we did before the storm. Homelessness kills people. It’s a vicious blight on our city.”

  “Yes, well, this is a happy occasion. Stacy, why don’t you begin the games?” Mrs. DeForges spoke to a young blonde who hardly looked old enough to drive, much less be a maid of honor in a wedding.

  Californians didn’t seem to get married as young. Katie felt aged and defective among the group of old Southern married ladies and young women on the verge of their entire futures.

  Stacy looked like your typical sorority sister in her tea-length dress—she appeared nervous as she stood in front of the group, and the tablet in her hand trembled. “So this game is how well the bride knows the groom. We’re going to ask questions about Ryan, and Olivia has to answer them, and so do all of you!”

  Stacy was an optimist, full of Southern charm and cheerleader enthusiasm. She reached into the bag of goodies below them on the sofa. Katie could see streamers and party favors that probably didn’t go with Mrs. DeForges’ décor, so they stayed in the bag. Stacy pulled out a Ziploc bag of golf pencils. “Katie, will you pass these around?”

  She stood, grateful for something to keep her hands busy. She rounded the room slowly so as to make the task last. She hurried back to get the papers and passed those around as well. When she finished, she sat gingerly on the sofa and read over the paper.

  1. What was the name of Ryan’s first pet?

  Since most of the topics were familiar to her, if not from Ryan, then from Luc, Katie scribbled the answers quickly like it might win her freedom from the party. Gazing about the room, she noticed everyone was still entranced by the questions. She sat patiently until Stacy read off the answers. To her horror, she hadn’t missed a single one. She slid the paper into her bag, but Olivia saw her do it.

  “Katie, what are you doing?” Olivia snatched the paper out of the handbag pocket. “Momma, she got them all right. You got them all right, Katie.”

  “I don’t believe it. Let me see,” Mrs. DeForges said.

  “She did!” Olivia exclaimed. “She got more than I did! I didn’t know Ryan had a pet when he was young, and I didn’t know his first kiss was with a girl called Janice. Hmm.” Olivia playfully put a fist to her hip. “We’ll have to have a conversation about that one. How did you know that, Katie?”

  “I was there. It was in theater group. Janice played Juliet, Ryan was Romeo.”

  “His first kiss was in college?” Olivia asked.

  “That’s what he said then.”

  “That can’t be true,” Mrs. DeForges snapped. “Let’s go on to the next game.”

  “Wait a minute—Katie won a prize.” Stacy reached into her bag of tricks and pulled out a small box wrapped in metallic silver paper.

  Once again Katie felt all eyes on her and wished she could crawl out the large stained-glass window. “It’s all right, I didn’t win. I just knew Ryan at a crucial time, that’s all.”

  “You won, Katie, enjoy it!” Olivia took the gift from Stacy and handed it to her.

  Katie felt Mrs. DeForges’ scowl, though she couldn’t have proven it was actually there. She took the gift from Olivia and sat down slowly. The next game she’d throw.

  The Creole maid brought in glasses and a pitcher of sweet tea and set them on a table covered by a white linen cloth. Katie marveled at how a woman like Mrs. DeForges could let her guests sit around without so much as a pretzel to nibble on. Mam would have already served three courses by now. But she was thankful for the tea. Her mouth was dry as a bone.

  “Ah, the tea is here. Ladies, help yourself to a glass. There are stem bracelets in different colors so that you can tell your glass from someone else’s. Take note of your color,” Mrs. DeForges said, “so we won’t need to use more glasses than necessary.”

  “Aimée, I never realized you were so earth conscious,” Mrs. Tyler said. “That’s wonderful.”

  “We’ve all got to do our part, especially after that terrible oil spill.” Mrs. DeForges brought her fingers to her mouth. “Oh dear, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right,” Mrs. Tyler answered. “We do all need to do our part, those of us in oil as well.”

  “The next game is to design a wedding dress for the bride!” Stacy pulled out rolls of toilet paper and started handing them to every fourth guest. “Break up into groups of four, and pick your model. Three of you will make her a wedding dress of toilet paper.”

  Katie flinched, but she crossed the room to Olivia’s friends, who had already made up their foursome. As she went from group to group, watching as the others formed groups, she and Mrs. DeForges fell into an uneasy standoff.

  “Katie, you needn’t be afraid of me.”

  Mrs. DeForges carried herself with an air of importance, like a family heirloom kept locked behind the glass. Katie understood why her three sons used to prefer cramming themselves into her shotgun living room rather than hanging around this cold place. All at once, her history with this woman made sense. Mrs. DeForges was jealous of her. Not hateful. Not bitter. Jealous. Katie had come into her life at the exact time Mrs. DeForges’ children were lifting anchor and setting sail.

  While the rest of the group made their teams and chattered excitedly, Olivia sat beside Ms. DeForges on the French sofa.

  “I know,” Katie said to her. “Let’s make Momma DeForges’ gown. What kind of neckline did it have?”

  “Mine?” Mrs. DeForges looked startled, then pleased. She stood up and pulled Olivia to her feet too. “Well, it had a sweetheart neckline, with lace wrapped up high around my neck like this.” She grasped the roll of paper and began to unwind it around Olivia’s torso. “Then it had a very tight bodice. I was cinched in like an oyster . . .”

  Katie fumbled her way through another hour until tea sandwiches were served, followed by a too-sweet King Cake with coffee, then watched while Olivia opened and admired her gifts. As soon as she felt she could make a gracious getaway, she crossed the room to Olivia, bent to kiss her cheek, and said, “I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner.”

  Olivia stood and gave her a hug. “Thank you for coming, Katie.”

  “I’ll walk y
ou out,” Mrs. DeForges said.

  Katie’s heart throbbed in her throat. Her last private conversation with Mrs. DeForges had not gone well . . . The memory of it still haunted her, and the words were as fresh, as raw as they’d been the last time she’d stood on DeForges property.

  She’d worn Mam’s best gold earrings and Eileen’s yellow chiffon to Luc’s graduation party, and though everybody had something more posh from the Bon Marche, she’d felt like the belle of the ball. She was, after all, dating the man of honor.

  Luc looked magnificent. When she saw him across the ballroom in his sharp tuxedo with his hair styled and short, she couldn’t believe she was standing in his home. That someday, it might be their home together.

  She’d walked confidently across the room, letting every boy take a good gander while Luc waited. Mam had taught her to let a man appreciate her. “Nothing wrong with a little healthy jealousy,” Mam always said, “as long as you don’t take it too far. Let a man know what you’re worth, so he understands the value.”

  “Hi, Luc,” she purred. His friends cleared away.

  “Hi, Katie. You look incredible. Do you want to dance?”

  Luc’s dad had hired the big band orchestra from the Barrelhouse where Ryan and she worked. She’d begged for the night off, and they found another singer, but they weren’t happy about it. She remembered thinking Mam was right— maybe now they’d understand her value and pay her a little more. But it didn’t happen.

  She didn’t think Luc’s mother cared for her much. She’d always felt as though Mrs. DeForges kept a watchful eye on her in Bible study—like she might run off with the silver if left alone. But that magical night, nothing could go wrong. She imagined Mrs. DeForges being transformed by the knowledge that her son was in love. Or perhaps Mrs. DeForges thought Katie, like a bad penny, was going to keep popping up, and getting used to her would be the simplest route. Surely Mrs. DeForges would see by Katie’s continual presence and the way Luc obviously felt about her that love conquered all. As a mother, she’d want what was best for her son.

  “Just one song,” Luc said as he lifted her from the waist onto the stage and put the microphone in her hand.

  She felt so happy, she worried she’d split her dress from breathing in the sheer euphoria. She and Luc had sealed their love. He belonged to her now.

  “Luc?” She pulled him into a corner.

  “Yes, sweetheart.”

  “Luc, will you marry me? We can be married now that school is behind us and we’ll both be working.” Hadn’t he implied that very thing the night passion overruled wisdom . . . faith . . . innocence?

  Luc wasn’t answering. Why wasn’t he answering?

  “Did you hear me?”

  “Katie, I don’t think we should have this conversation here.” He didn’t sound like himself. His voice had hardened into a business tone that created a measurable distance between them. She’d felt herself diminishing, waning from his world.

  She remembered that sickening feeling as euphoria turned into dread. What was that expression on Luc’s face? He looked as if he didn’t even know her. “Luc,” she said, “I thought we were going to be married. I gave my innocence to you. I love you, Luc!”

  In her desperation, she hadn’t noticed the growing silence around them . . . or contemplated the ramifications of the mic she held in her hand. There was a gasp throughout the room then, and she stared out into a sea of stony cold faces. But the face she remembered most was Luc’s. She’d become invisible . . . void . . . worthless. She felt naked and alone. Betrayed by the man she loved. At the time, she didn’t care about making a fool of herself or what the gossip would do to her life. She had stumbled outside, Mrs. DeForges raging after her like a violent southern storm.

  “Do you know what I spent on this party?” Mrs. DeForges screamed. “I trusted you with my son. With my sons! You bring your alley cat ways into my house? I invited you into my home. Taught you the Word of God. And this is how you repay me!”

  Katie had sobbed some sort of answer.

  “You’ve ruined everything. My boy’s reputation, his party, maybe even his future. What do you have to say for yourself?”

  “I love him.” The truth washed over her like a heavy rain. “He doesn’t love me.”

  “Men are different, Katie. You should have known better. We talked about this in Bible study. You can’t say you didn’t know any better!” Mrs. DeForges continued to rage. “Your mother is going to be mortified. I am mortified!”

  “I thought he loved me,” Katie had cried. She walked home in the rain, thankfully letting it wash away the sights and sounds of her humiliation.

  “Katie!”

  Once again Mrs. DeForges had followed her out onto the front gallery.

  Katie felt torn. Forgiveness, absolution . . . that’s why she’d come, for closure. Only now that Luc’s mother stood in front of her, she didn’t feel any forgiveness. She felt her own shame bubbling, gathering into a churning tight ball in her gut.

  Help me, Lord. “Yes, Mrs. DeForges.”

  “I didn’t think you’d come to the wedding. When Ryan and Luc told me their plans, I thought—quite frankly, I thought you very brave, Katie. It’s not everyone who can face their mistakes head-on. You do realize so many of the same people who were there the night of Luc’s graduation will be at Ryan’s wedding.”

  “Ryan asked me to come. I didn’t want to let my humiliation stop me from being here for a friend. I’ve moved past it, and I hoped your family had too.”

  “Not everyone in town feels that way. You understand? I think it’s the reason my boys haven’t married yet. Their reputations in town were soiled a bit. I believe they were all gun-shy.”

  Katie’s stomach roiled. “I understand. It takes a long time to overcome a darkened reputation, but God is good. I have overcome it.”

  “That’s good. You can’t let the mistakes of youth stop you from living your life. I do hope my behavior that night didn’t keep you from returning home all these years.”

  “There are lots of reasons I’ve avoided New Orleans, Mrs. DeForges. Now that I’m here, it’s hard to believe I stayed away so long. It seems selfish to me now.”

  “You’re a bold girl. Luc tells me you use that spirit to fight for your special needs children now in school. Not a lot of funding out there, I guess.”

  “It’s expensive to educate these kids, but it’s worth it. It is worth every penny.” Katie remembered who she was talking to.

  “You’re so much like your mam. Do you know, she was the most popular girl in school back in the day.”

  “My mam?”

  “All the boys wanted to date her. Even boys from outside the district. My own husband had a crush on her at one time. The Uptown boys would steal into our dances at the high school. I saw that as my ticket out of the Channel—those Uptown boys.”

  Katie glanced over Mrs. DeForges’ shoulder at the mansion. “I guess it was.”

  “I admired your mam, Katie. And I admire you. You live your life honestly and state what you want. When I was your age, I didn’t know what I wanted. I just thought money would bring it. God was kind enough to honor my marriage anyway. The more years that pass between Luc’s graduation and today, the more I realize how brave you were. I had high hopes for Luc back then. He always had such a business mind, and I didn’t want to see him throw it away on an impetuous college romance. But . . . this isn’t easy for me to say . . . I believe I was wrong to judge you and Luc by your age.”

  “Really?”

  “Truly,” Mrs. DeForges said.

  Katie’s heart lightened. “But I’m not so honest anymore, Mrs. DeForges. I’m not engaged any longer, for one thing.”

  “You’re not?” Mrs. DeForges brushed her silvery-blond hair behind an ear. “Does Luc know this?”

  “Does it matter?” Katie asked. “Luc lives in a different world from me. I think, like my mam, I’d rather be in shotgun row.” Katie smiled and took Mrs. DeForges’ hand warm
ly. “Thank you for the invitation to the shower. I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner.”

  “Katie?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sometimes we suffer when we go against God’s will.”

  “Don’t I know it.”

  “Sometimes we suffer when we do God’s will.”

  Katie didn’t understand, but it hardly mattered now. As Eileen said, it was time to figure out what she wanted. To live her life void of fear.

  “You and Luc made a mistake,” Mrs. DeForges continued. “But coming back to this house, being willing to sing at the wedding, you’ve proven to me that you’re bigger than the passion of your youth.”

  Katie walked to the gate with her head high.

  Chapter 18

  YOU DO SOMETHING TO ME

  Luc DeForges uttered a prayer before ringing Irene’s doorbell. Katie would be at the bridal shower, so this was his opportunity to set the record straight.

  Irene answered the door and wiped her hands on a tattered apron with a hand-painted crawfish on it. “Luc, I’ve been expecting you.”

  He coughed. “You have?”

  “I assume you have Katie’s engagement ring,” she said.

  Luc swallowed his surprise. “I do.”

  She nodded. “Come on in. I’ll put some coffee on.”

  He followed her to the kitchen and sat at the table.

  “There’re lace cookies in the Tupperware. Help yourself.”

  “Don’t mind if I do. Being welcomed with cookies beats getting shooed off your property with a broom.”

  “I let you stay for your makeshift movie theater, didn’t I?” Irene asked as she heaped ground coffee into a countertop machine. “So is your plan working?”

  “My plan?”

  “Your plan to get my daughter back into your good graces. I assume that’s why you brought her here for Ryan’s wedding.”

  “No,” he said. “It isn’t working. I suppose that makes you happy.”