Redeeming Love (Resilient Hearts #2)

by Ashley Cassidy

  My mouth falls open. “Aiden, that basically means you’re kicking the can down the road. We can’t do that. This is a serious issue for me,” I say in frustration.

  “I’m not kicking the can down the road. I’m just kicking it to the side for a brief period… Look, this all happened very quickly. I haven’t had time to think about what I’ll tell my mom or how I’ll deal with my family, but I’ll figure it out. I promise… I just don’t want to think about that today. We just got back together and right now, I just want to spend a pleasant day with my gorgeous girl and not have to think about my manic family. Can we please do that? Just for today?”

  How can I say no that? Especially when the words are coming out of the most gorgeous lips I’ve ever laid eyes on.

  Aiden turns the car back on and we fall into a comfortable silence, both lost in our own thoughts. I start wondering about where we are heading to until I see him exiting the freeway.

  “We’re going to Malibu?”

  His broad smile tells me my guess is right.

  “What are we going to do there?”

  “You’ll find out soon,” he says, with his sexy smile.

  I have a feeling I know where we are going, but I don’t ask any more questions. I know from experience that he won’t answer them. It’s not until I can see the outline of the beach that my suspicions are confirmed.

  “We’re going to the beach,” I say excitedly.

  He parks the car a few minutes later and heads to the trunk to grab a blank, a large basket of food and a cooler.

  “We’re having a picnic on the beach,” he finally says. “I brought beach chairs and an umbrella too, in case the sun bothers you or you get tired of sitting on the sand, but we’re going picnic style first,” he says, as he rubs his hands together in excitement.

  We pick a spot on the beach and he sets up the blanket for me to sit. Once we’re settled, he takes out the contents of the basket. He’s bought an assortment of deli sandwiches, cheese and crackers, fruit salad and wine.

  “How many people are you planning to feed?” I tease.

  “I didn’t know what you like, so I figured I’ll cover all my bases.”

  “Well, you sure covered them all. I love all of this.”

  He pours us some wine and shows me the sandwiches to pick from. I try the wine first and instantly fall in love with it.

  “This is really good.”

  “Nothing but the best for you, baby.”

  I can’t help but melt at those words. Once we’re finished eating, I scoot up closer to him and lay my head against his shoulder, as we start watching the waves. There is always been something calming about watching the ocean for me. You look out at the vast stretch of water that goes on for miles and realize how small and insignificant your life problems are. How insignificant you are. Each one of us sees ourselves as the center of the universe and our daily struggles as the end all of all problems. But when you immerse yourself in nature, when you pay attention to how vast and complicated the universe is, you realize how infinitesimal your personal problems are. Life is about perspectives. It’s about what you choose to focus on and how you decide to see things and as I am sitting here next to the man who already owns my heart, I decide to focus on the positives and let go of my fears and insecurities. I choose to enjoy the moments I have with him, even if they are short-lived.

  He turns his head slightly towards me and places a small kiss on my hair, as he starts running his hand slowly up and down my back. I lift my head up to lock eyes with him and the intensity of the emotions I see in his takes my breath away. He closes the distance between our lips and the world around us fades away. I forget that it’s broad daylight and we’re on a public beach, as I get lost in the explosion of sensations his lips ignite in my body. He puts his hand behind my head and slowly lowers me on the blanket, all the while studying my face to make sure I’m comfortable with the pace of our actions. I grab the back of his head to let him know that he doesn’t have anything to worry about and crash my lips against his once more. He runs his hands through my hair as he invades my mouth with precision. He kisses me until my lips are raw, my breath is ragged and my body is humming with need. He abruptly pulls away then, as we both realize that we have to stop now before we get too lost in the moment to stay in control.

  He sits up, pulling me up against him to hold me tight.

  “I’ll never get enough of these lips,” he says as he runs his finger slowly over my bottom lip. “But our spectators may not want to see anymore,” he says, with a chuckle.

  I lift my head up to see a couple of families with kids sitting not too far away from us. I am immediately mortified that I almost lost control of my actions on a public beach with kids around. “Oh my God. This is so embarrassing,” I yelp, as I hide my face on his shoulder.

  “My sweet innocent, Aleah, putting on a show for people on a public beach. Who would have thought...? Not that I’m complaining.” He chuckles.

  “It’s all your fault. You’re corrupting me.”

  “I hope so,” he says with a wink.

  I settle back into his arms, laying my head on his shoulder once more and we resume watching the waves.

  “This place is beautiful and pretty private. How did you know about it?”

  He takes a deep ragged breath. “I used to come here a lot as a kid. We used to live just up the street when I was little. I have some of my best childhood memories here.”

  “You did? I didn’t know you lived in Malibu when you were little.”

  “I did. My mom still lives nearby. She used to bring me here to the beach and we had the best time. Even my dad would come on the weekends every once in a while. Those were the best days… Before everything turned to hell.”

  He falls silent and I can’t help my curiosity. “Why?” I ask. “Why did things turn to hell?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “We have all day.”

  I feel his body tense up next to me and realize that whatever plagues his childhood is not easy to explain. He stays quiet for a long time in deep contemplation. So long that I start to think he is not going to talk to about it, but just before I open my mouth to say something, he starts.

  “I had a relatively normal childhood up until I was about eleven years old. My mom has always been in her own world, caring too much about her looks and her friends, but she tried to be a good mom when I was younger. That changed as the years went by. As her relationship with my dad deteriorated, she started paying less and less attention to my sister, Andrea, and me… Mom and Dad had met at one of Grandpa’s big work parties. My dad worked for Grandpa and when he met my mom at the party, they immediately hit it off. Dad went to Grandpa’s office the next day and asked him if he would give him permission to date his daughter. Dad came from a pretty wealthy and reputable family. He was also Harvard educated, very ambitious, and hard working. He was the epitome of what Grandpa considered to be a good match for his daughter, so he said yes. And they were married six months later.”

  He takes a deep breath, before continuing. “I think they were in love at first, at least Mom was…but as the years went by, Dad turned more and more to his work and Mom became more and more obsessed with trying to get his attention. She would spend hours getting her hair and makeup done and dressing up for Dad. But he would get home and put her down immediately, criticizing her clothes and making fun of her hairstyle and makeup. I think, over the years, his actions crushed her self-confidence so badly that she gradually started to lose her sense of self. This went on for a while until…until she caught him cheating on her with his secretary.”

  I suck in a sharp breath at his words. I can’t believe there’s been so much cheating in his family. My reaction makes him pause for a few seconds. It’s as if he senses my uneasiness. He takes a few deep breaths, before starting again.

  “Mom had suspected that something was off for a while and she had asked Grandpa about it, but he had assured her that nothing was goin
g on… So when Mom found out, she thought Grandpa was in on the whole scheme. She had a huge fight with Grandpa. Their relationship was never the same after that. She never completely believed Grandpa when he said he didn’t know about the affair, and never forgave him… Of course, Grandpa didn’t let my dad get off easy. He secured mom’s divorce immediately and fired my dad in such a public and humiliating way that Dad was not able to get a job anywhere else in the city afterward. When he was sure Dad wouldn’t get hired anywhere in L.A., he talked to all his contacts in New York and the other major financial markets around the country to make sure Dad couldn’t find a job in his field anytime soon. My dad had to eventually move to London to find a job. Even though Mom never admits to this, I think she got even more upset at Grandpa for running my dad off to such a far place. My dad never bothered to contact us after leaving the country. He hasn’t been a part of our lives ever since. That’s why when Grandpa suggested that Andrea and I change our last names to Pierson, both of us agreed wholeheartedly.”

  My heart goes out to him. Even though I never had a close relationship with my dad, I can’t imagine not having him around as a kid. Knowing that your dad simply chose to leave and never contact you again must be devastating to a child.

  “That’s terrible, Aiden. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can never understand how a father can abandon his kids like that and never look back.”

  “Yes, me neither, but that’s my dad… After he left, Mom took a turn for worse. She became severely depressed and started a cycle of addiction and self-destruction from which she still hasn’t recovered. She went from using too much prescription and antidepressant drugs to marijuana and more hard drugs. At the same time, she also started dating some pretty questionable characters; often guys who were much younger than her and were most probably only there for her money. I think her self-worth and self-confidence was so shattered from my dad’s betrayal that she felt the need to prove she could still attract good-looking men. Some of those men were really scary and she would bring them home all the time.” He looks away and stays quiet for a long time, before he goes on. It’s as if the memories are too hard to recall.

  “I remember I used to worry about them hurting Andrea all day long at school. I would rush home from school to smell of pot and awfully loud music. On those days, I would grab Andrea’s hand and leave for the park. We would stay there as long as we could or until I could tell mom’s latest boyfriend has left, before we went home… One time, I came home to my mom and her boyfriend having sex on the couch. Andrea was probably around five then. She was hunched over hiding under a table and the nanny was nowhere to be found. When I called Grandpa about that, he sent us a new nanny and security guard to watch over things. Every time I went to Grandpa with these problems, he would send us new employees and some new toys. What he never bothered to do was doing something to change the destructive environment we lived in; to take us under his own wing or to at least do something so Mom gets help. This went on for years, until…until….” He takes a deep ragged breath and I feel his body tense next to me. I can tell what he’s about to tell me will break my heart.

  “I walked home one day and found the house eerily quiet. I found that very strange because both my mom and her latest boyfriend’s cars were parked in our driveway. Whenever Mom had company, there was either loud music playing in the house or the TV was on, but this time there was no sound. I found a note on the counter from the nanny saying that she’s taken Andrea to the park. I walked hesitantly towards my mom’s room, not wanting to walk in on something I didn’t want to see, but I still couldn’t hear anything. As I got closer, I got a really bad feeling. I knew something was wrong, so I pushed the door open. I saw a naked guy passed out on the floor. There were needles, empty prescription bottles, and empty bottles of vodka all over the floor. By this point, I knew something was seriously wrong. As I walked into the bathroom my fears were confirmed… I will never forget the scene I walked in on that day… Mom was sprawled on the bathroom floor naked. She was face down in her own vomit. Her skin was blue and when I touched it, it was eerily cold. I was barely fifteen and scared out of mind, so it took me a few minutes to get my bearings and call 911… That scene and the feeling I got when I saw my mom like that has been etched on my memory forever. Even now thinking about it, I feel sick to my stomach.”

  My heart breaks for him. I knew he had a rough childhood, but I never thought it was this bad. The fact that David did nothing to help them makes me furious. I understand now why he kept saying he had failed Aiden. To think that a man as successful, resourceful and wealthy as David, let his grandkids live in such an environment for years is infuriating.

  “I think I’m starting to hate David now,” I whisper.

  “Welcome to my world,” he says with a deep sigh.

  “Did he at least help after that?”

  “Yes and no… Mom had overdosed. At the hospital, they said if she had been left alone for another thirty minutes or so, she wouldn’t have survived. Grandpa made sure Mom went to rehab after that and he finally called my grandma and asked her to come watch over us while Mom was gone. But he didn’t do anything himself. I don’t think he stopped by the house more than once himself… I really hated him after that.”

  “Did your mom get better when she came back?”

  “She did at first. She stayed clean for a couple of years, but eventually got pulled back to it. She’s gone to rehab a couple of times more since then. I don’t think she does hard drugs anymore, but she still drinks a lot and takes prescription drugs.”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve learned that some things never change. I’ve accepted that my mom will never completely heal. The only thing I worry about now is Andrea, but she tells me things at home are okay. I talk to her a few times a week. She says Mom keeps mostly to herself and doesn’t bring many men home anymore. I’ve asked her a few times if she wants to move in with me, but she loves her school and doesn’t want to move. I’ve made her promise that if things get bad at home, she would let me know. I worry about her every day. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind.”

  He’s looking in the distance, lines of worry covering his beautiful face. He looks tortured, as if hunted by the memories. I look into his somber emerald eyes and feel a part of my heart going to him. I feel so drawn and connected to him that I forget about the kids playing around. I forget about daylight and the public beach. I forget about everything, but us and the lingering ache in our hearts. I turn my head towards him and kiss him hard.

  I kiss him with everything I’ve got.

  I kiss to take the pain away, make the memories disappear, and make the worries dissipate.

  I kiss to tell him that I feel his pain of betrayal and negligence by family, and to show him that he’ll never have to feel neglected and abandoned again as long as he has me.

  SEVEN

  ALEAH

  I open my eyes and a smile automatically crosses my lips when I realize in whose arms I am. I’ve spent the last two nights at Aiden’s apartment, which made last night the third night in a row we’ve slept in the same bed. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of sleeping next to him. It’s an incredible feeling to go to sleep to and an even more amazing feeling to wake up with.

  I turn my head around to see his beautiful face, and gaze directly into an incredibly sexy pair of eyes.

  “Morning, sleepy head,” he tells me, giving me his signature charming smile.

  “Does it have to be morning? And a Monday morning at that? I really don’t want to go to school today.” I pout.

  He chuckles. “I really, really don’t want to go to work either, especially since that means I won’t be seeing you all day today… But I’m thinking about taking this incredibly hot girl I just spent the weekend with to a fantastic sushi place tonight. So at least I have something great to look forward to.”

  Boy, the man knows how to be charming. He bends down for a kiss then and our lips lock in a f
renzied dance that has both of us panting and reeling with desire in no time. He pulls back abruptly and stands up. When he sees the questioning look in my eyes, he tries to explain. “I have to leave that bed right now, before I do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

  He says this in matter fact kind of way, without a hint of annoyance or frustration, but the reality that my scars are making us hold ourselves back makes me very sad.

  “I’m sorry, Aid… I’m sorry I can’t give you everything you need.”

  He is back at my side in a flash, holding my face in his hands and searching my eyes. “Don’t ever say that. Don’t ever be sorry for who you are. Everything in your past has made you who you are today, and I like every part of you. Don’t ever apologize for your scars, baby.” He tells me, as the most tender smile crosses his face.

  “Plus, who says you are not giving me what I need. This…what we have together right now is incredible and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m finding out that there is something to be said for delayed gratification. When you quickly jump into bed with someone you’re attracted to, there’s a momentary spark, maybe even an explosion, but then it fades away as soon as the sex is over. Afterwards, you maybe sexually satisfied but you’re left with a sort of blank emptiness inside. That’s why you want to repeat the experience over and over again, to fill that void. Believe me, I’ve experienced it a thousand times… I’m not saying sex is not great and satisfying, it is, particularly with the right person. But you’ve showed me in the past few days that when you take sex out of the equation, when all you’re thinking about is not getting that final release, you pay much more attention to everything else. You feel every touch, every little sigh, and every kiss more intensely, and yes it may be frustrating at times, but it’s also exciting... When I touch you like this,” he says as he gently runs his finger in a featherlike touch along the length of my neck and onto my bottom lip. “When I do this and watch your breath hitch and feel your pulse quicken, watching your reaction gives me a warm tingly feeling that starts right here,” he says pointing to his heart, “and goes all the way to the tip of my toes... This feeling is way better than most of the sex I’ve had my whole life.”