Impossible Dreams

by Patricia Rice

  She’d said she loved him. She must have been hysterical.

  Uncertainly, he reached out and brushed Maya’s hand where it lay on the stretcher. Sleepily, she wrapped her fingers around his. A warm thrill shot through him. She didn’t push him away.

  Axell had to let her go as they wheeled her out of the room. One of the female paramedics had appropriated the baby, and he didn’t feel qualified to object. But there for one brief second, he’d been part of a spectacular moment in life. He didn’t think he’d ever be the same.

  For another brief moment, he wondered how he could share that warmth again, how he could be someone other than who he was.

  Alexa. Her name was Alexa.

  Stupid name. Grumbling, Axell climbed into the paramedic’s utility vehicle beside the stretcher, and propped his head in his hands. He was out of his damned mind.

  Fifteen

  If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  “Just where do you think you’re going?” a formidable nurse asked as Axell glanced around the hospital corridor, searching for the right room. At the nurse’s tone, the flowers in his hand almost wilted.

  “To Room 301,” he answered cautiously, wondering about the interrogation. Hospitals made him nervous.

  “Are you the father?” she demanded.

  The temptation was to say yes, but he didn’t lie without reason, and he saw no reason here. “Just a friend.” He didn’t call many people friend.

  “Then you can’t go in until visiting hours. Come back at eleven.”

  Stunned, Axell watched her walk off. He’d damned well delivered that kid, and he wasn’t going to be put off by any tin general now. Constance and Matty had been bouncing up and down with excitement since he’d come home last night. He’d promised to deliver their artwork to Maya along with the flowers they’d picked from the garden. He’d barely persuaded them to go to school this morning. He deserved some reward for his patience.

  Waiting until the nurse had her back turned, Axell strode briskly down the corridor, vowing to tell the next person who asked that he was the father.

  With assurance, he located the door and knocked quietly. He didn’t want to wake Maya if she was sleeping. Maybe he could just slip in and leave the flowers in a glass of water with the artwork beside it, then go down to the nursery and peek at the infant.

  “Come in,” Maya’s musical voice chimed merrily.

  After the ordeal she’d just been through, she still managed to sound like a damned gypsy queen. Steeling himself, Axell pushed open the door, and nearly slammed it closed again. Picturing himself making a Forest Gump knock-kneed retreat down the hospital corridor, Axell set his jaw and walked in as if he belonged here. If she didn’t mind, he wouldn’t either.

  She was sitting up in bed, trying to nurse the infant. “Trying” being the operative word. Little Alexa sucked and gulped, then screamed in rage and beat her little fists until Maya winced. She glanced up at him apologetically.

  “I’m sorry, I thought you were the nurse. We’re having a little trouble here, and I was hoping for some advice.”

  He ought to look away, but he felt as if he’d been poleaxed. He couldn’t tear his gaze from the sight of the infant sucking frantically at her mother’s breast.

  Maya was wearing a delicate lace-trimmed nightshirt that Selene must have brought over with her suitcase last night. The first few buttons were unfastened, and Axell could see tiny fingers digging into an ivory curve. The sight nearly unmanned him, but fascination gripped him stronger. He’d delivered that child. He’d seen far more than the curve of a breast. That didn’t lessen his fascination.

  Angela hadn’t nursed Constance, so Axell knew less than nothing about breast-feeding. He should have known Maya would attempt it. She was the type to nurse even if she could afford the infant formula and bottles — which she couldn’t. Clearing his throat, Axell filled a water glass with the wilting flowers and lay the artwork down beside it.

  “These things take time, don’t they?” he asked cautiously.

  Maya sighed and removed the wailing infant from her breast, fastening her buttons with one hand as she bounced the baby gently. “I suppose, but the nurse said I may not have what it takes. I think that means I’m underfed.”

  She efficiently popped the top of a bottled formula on the night stand. “Don’t hover. Have a seat. An audience will prevent me from having a temper tantrum.”

  Put that way, he didn’t have much choice, but Axell raised his eyebrows at the idea of Maya having a temper tantrum. “You’re both doing well?” He sounded cold even to himself.

  “Thanks to you, healthy as pigs, except for this small problem.” Now that she had the baby sucking happily on the bottle, she lifted the pink bundle in his direction. “Want to hold her? You’ve earned the right.”

  Startled, Axell almost pulled back, but his hands had a mind of their own. Carefully, terrified, he took the infant and bottle in both hands. She was no bigger than his outspread fingers, softer and more limp than a kitten. He could feel her heart beating.

  “They don’t break. Just hold her head up with your arm. Surely you’ve had experience at this,” Maya instructed briskly.

  Axell threw her a suspicious glance but did as she said. Alexa scarcely noticed the transfer. “My wife always fed Constance. Whenever I picked her up, Constance would cry.” Amazed, he stared at the tiny fingers now wrapped around his big ones as the baby tugged hungrily at the bottle. She hadn’t cried at all.

  “She probably wasn’t used to having you around. Babies bond with the sound of the parents’ voices while they’re still in the womb. If you’d kept talking to her, she would have eventually recognized yours.”

  Maya had pinned her unruly hair in a barrette, her face was scrubbed clean of any hint of cosmetic, but her rosy smile and kaleidoscope eyes added all the color required. She was watching the baby and not him, but he could deal with that. He adjusted the infant more comfortably so she could see Alexa better.

  “So while I’m sitting here talking to you, Alexa is absorbing my voice, and she won’t scream the next time I pick her up?”

  Maya shrugged. “I can’t promise that. Babies scream for lots of reasons. They’re still screaming when they’re teenagers.” She rolled her eyes. “I did some student teaching in high school once. I’m not looking forward to adolescence.”

  Adolescence. My God, in a few years, Constance would be entering puberty. What the devil would he do with her then? Send her to girls’ school somewhere?

  “Then the theory isn’t much different: give them what they want, and they’re happy,” Axell said.

  Maya beamed in approval. “But what they want isn’t always what’s good for them. So screaming is just part of the territory. Get used to it.”

  He didn’t have to be afraid if the child cried. Another revelation. Angela had jerked Constance out of his hands the instant she whimpered, as if he’d been doing something wrong. He’d always felt inadequate and useless. It had been far easier to go to the bar every day and earn money to keep them happy than to stay home and try to figure out what made them tick. But he was older now and had more endurance.

  “How’s Matty? Did Selene find a baby-sitter for him?”

  “I had her pick him up and take him over to the house. Dorothy was already over there looking after Constance, so it just made sense. They play well together.”

  Maya didn’t comment on the fact that he’d ignored her instructions. “I think she’s asleep. Put that pad over your shoulder before you lift her. She spit up earlier.”

  Little fists lay in complete relaxation even though the rosebud mouth still worked dreamily. The tiny mite may as well have reached through his chest and plucked his heartstrings. He was playing with fire here. Reluctantly, Axell lifted Baby Alexa to his shoulder and cautiously rubbed her skinny back.

  Perhaps now was the time to get back to business. He could control financial affairs a lot easier than he could control
squalling infants and suspicious women. “You want to tell me why the devil you sent the cleaning crew home and decided to move into the school? That’s what you were doing, weren’t you? You took your teacups.”

  Baby Alexa squirmed at his tone of voice, and Axell nearly bit his tongue. A gassy burp scented his shirt collar, and he stared at her in amazement. Recovering, he lifted the small bundle from his shoulder and handed her back to her mother. It wouldn’t do to get any more involved than he was.

  Who was he kidding? He was already in up to his neck, and unless he cut line soon, he’d be in over his head and going down for the third time.

  He didn’t want to cut line.

  Astounded, Axell watched numbly as Maya cuddled her squirming daughter. He wanted involvement? With the queen of gypsies? Had he lost his pea-picking mind?

  “The building inspector said he was ordering the building closed for major structural repairs,” she said in reply to his question. “I figured I’d get my things out before the police arrived this time.”

  Axell let out a curse he seldom used in public, bit back a second one, and in the interest of peace, stood up and stalked to the window. He’d ordered a private room for her so she’d get some rest. He was already overboard.

  “There’s not a damned thing wrong with that building. I had inspectors crawling all over when I had it renovated. Somebody bought this one off.”

  “Then I don’t have to move?” she asked hopefully.

  Axell wanted to bang his head against the window. The rain had stopped, but the clouds hadn’t dissipated. The glossy new green leaves of the crape myrtles glistened with raindrops against the dark clouds — bound to be a metaphor for something, but he wasn’t a man who dealt in metaphors.

  “If they put a notice on it, you can’t live there,” he said heavily, “and we can’t open it to the public until I have my lawyers handle it, but you should be able to go in and get your things. It’s not in any danger of falling apart.”

  Her silence told him all he needed to know. She was homeless again.

  ***

  “Mr. Holm, your intentions are admirable, but the fact remains, Miss Alyssum’s nephew is a ward of the state until otherwise released. You know yourself that this department has been under fire for not properly overseeing the children in its protection. I would be neglecting my duties to the child and to the state if I didn’t see that he’s adequately housed. I’ve been informed that Miss Alyssum’s home has been condemned, and I’m already familiar with her finances. Until she finds a salaried position, she’s in no financial condition to provide appropriate housing. I’m afraid I’ll have to put him in foster care until further notice.”

  Axell simmered as he listened to this self-righteousness. This had gone on far enough. He might be tough enough to part Maya from the Pfeiffer property, but even he wouldn’t dare part her from her home and kids. He didn’t care which snitch had reported Maya’s temporary housing predicament. They weren’t giving her a chance. The next thing they’d do was take Alexa away from her. This was utterly ridiculous.

  Axell leaned forward against his desk and glared at the lumpy social worker on the other side. “Her apartment in my building is as structurally sound as it gets. My lawyers are looking into the matter as we speak. In the meantime, she has friends she can count on. She and Matty will not go without a roof over their heads.”

  The young social worker glared back at him from behind bottle-thick glasses and thin, lifeless bangs. “The state cannot condone a ward living in immoral circumstances, and pardon my putting it bluntly, with people of unsavory reputation. We’ve done a background check, Mr. Holm. The instance of drug sales in your restaurant, and the imminent loss of your liquor license does not exactly make you a role model for an impressionable five-year-old.”

  If he hadn’t had complete control of his temper, he would have leapt over the desk and throttled her. Soon, they’d be trying to take Constance away. This was the next best thing to a police state. Forget running for mayor. He’d go after the governor’s job — as soon as he got this mess straightened out.

  Is this what Maya had put up with all these years? He was beginning to understand some of her defensiveness. Knock a person down and keep a foot on their neck all their lives, and most people would get a little leery of anyone in authority. He was amazed that she’d come as far as she had. The gypsy had guts.

  “Repeat what you just said in public, and I’ll have you sued for slander,” he informed her coldly. “Miss Alyssum has no family left, so she relies on friends. I’m a friend. She is part owner of the Impossible Dreams day school and my partner in The Curiosity Shoppe. She’s a tax-paying citizen and has her rights. You cannot take that child away from her unless you find Matty hungry, unclothed, dirty, and homeless. This is not the case. Until it is, I suggest you stay clear of the Alyssums or expect to have my lawyers slapping a subpoena on you so fast, your head will spin. Is that understood?”

  His tirade backed her toward the door. Muttering a few more official imprecations, the social worker spun around and slammed out. Axell collapsed in his chair.

  This couldn’t go on. The mayor would destroy Maya, the school, the bar, and Axell to have his way. If they took his license, he’d have no means of supporting Constance. With Sandra prompting the judge, and the mayor after his license, he could lose his daughter as easily as Maya could lose hers. Ralph had pushed too far this time. It was time to fight back.

  Axell drummed his fingers against the desk. Lawyers took time. While they petitioned the court and wrote subpoenas and did whatever it was they do, three businesses could crumble. And then there was the matter of Constance. While he fought the mayor, Sandra would be fighting for Constance.

  He had some decisions to make.

  He called his lawyer first. Then he called Judge Tony. He wanted all his facts lined up in a row, then he would storm into this with his eyes wide open and both guns blazing, and the devil take anyone who got in his way.

  ***

  Maya glanced at the stern man behind the wheel of the BMW. She’d asked Selene to pick her up at the hospital. Axell had appeared instead. He didn’t look very happy about it. She’d wanted to be installed in the top rooms of the school before Matty came home. This wasn’t the direction of the school.

  As he’d promised, the waters had receded as quickly as they’d risen. Tree limbs and leaves littered the road, but there was no reason they couldn’t reach the school. She glanced at the infant sleeping in the car cradle in the back seat. Axell had bought a car cradle! Or maybe he already had one. That made her feel better, so she didn’t argue the point. Obviously, there were bigger clouds on the horizon than the cost of a car seat.

  She turned back and glanced at Axell. His jaw muscle twitched. She didn’t think that was a good sign. “Are we just picking up my things at your house?”

  The knuckles on the one hand he had on the wheel whitened. He glanced at her through those stony eyes, but her wayward mind thought she saw pain and uncertainty reflected there instead of anger. Had something awful happened and he couldn’t find words to tell her? Panic bubbled near the surface all the time now.

  “Constance may not be my daughter,” he pronounced out of nowhere.

  Maya drew a deep breath and held it. Where did she go from there? Watching rain-soaked pines flash by, she gathered her wits, and expelled the air in her lungs. “Does that matter?” she asked calmly.

  Axell threw her another one of those looks, then concentrated on his driving. “Maybe it explains why I’m such a lousy father.”

  All right, take this one slow, Maya. “You’re thinking of giving her up to your mother-in-law again?”

  “I’m weighing my options. I want Constance to be happy.”

  Maya nodded as if she had some clue as to where this conversation was going. She noticed her fingers clenched in fists and forcibly unrolled them. “If you wanted to buy a gift for Constance, and she told you Cleo’s was her favorite store, what would yo
u do?”

  He glared at her and nearly missed the driveway. “Is this some kind of test?”

  “Yes,” she said firmly. “Keep your eyes on the road and answer the question.”

  He studied the question for all of half a second and apparently deciding there was no trick to it, shrugged. “I’d probably buy her one of the kaleidoscopes.” He hit the garage door opener and waited for the door to lift. “Do I win the prize?”

  “Your mother-in-law ignored Constance’s preference and bought her the doll instead, a doll that reminded her of her dead baby brother. Now, who do you think is most likely to make Constance happy?”

  Pulling the car into the garage and turning it off, Axell slumped in the leather seat. “You,” he replied without hesitation. “You are most likely to make Constance happy.”

  He looked perfectly miserable as he said it.

  Sixteen

  We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?

  “It’s damp out here. Let’s get the baby inside.”

  Axell abruptly stepped out of the car and went around to the back door to unfasten the infant carrier.

  Maya swung out of the car more cautiously. Whatever had happened to the good old days of spending five days in the hospital, recuperating from childbirth? She still felt as if a train had run over her, and she hadn’t slept well in the damned hospital. She wasn’t in any condition for arguing with this domineering man who had decided — for whatever reason — to run her life. She’d known he’d spelled trouble that first day he’d walked into the shop. Virgos were like that.

  “I don’t suppose I get any explanations?” she asked as she dragged behind Axell into the echoing, empty designer house. He had Alexa. She wasn’t likely to let her daughter out of her sight.

  “You look like you need rest first. I’ll pick up the kids at school, and I have Dorothy coming in to look after them. You get some sleep before the kids decide to entertain you. We can talk tomorrow.”