Minding Benji (Sweethearts of Jubilee Springs Book 5)

by Sandra E Sinclair

Stunned by her conduct, and the events of the last hour or so, Prudence’s hand rose slowly to cup her cheek, to preserve the warmth left by his kiss. This man was remarkable. Her behavior had been abominable, and he’d rewarded her with a kiss.

  She blinked back tears. Why had she allowed things to go so far with Steven Kelly when she wasn’t interested in him that way? Would she burn in hell for what she’d done? Austin was a good man, generous and kind, and she’d repaid him by being sinful and cruel. He’d done nothing to warrant such behavior from her.

  The door opened, and Minna and Jeffrey came in. Jeffrey looked far from pleased, and she didn’t blame him. He’d been made a party to her wrongdoings, and although she told Austin his family had nothing to do with what she chose to do, she couldn’t be sure he believed her.

  “We saw Austin leave,” Minna said, and put her arms around Prudence’s shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “No, I don’t think I am.”

  Minna’s kindness opened the floodgates to her tears and she wept into the other woman’s shoulder. Jeffrey came over and gave her his handkerchief.

  “Let me apologize for my brother, he can be a bit short when angered. Though I must say, you gave him good reason to be angry with you.”

  “That’s hardly helpful, Jeffrey. Can’t you see the poor girl is upset.”

  “I can see that, but I still can’t understand why she did it. To be honest, I didn’t know what we’d find coming back in here. You know Austin as well as I do. I felt sure, not hearing any bellowing from the room, that he must have killed her. I was afraid to look.”

  “Jeffrey, enough. The poor girl doesn’t need you saying those things now. We can talk about it later when tempers have cooled.”

  “No, Pastor Jeffrey is right.” Prudence raised her tear-stained face from Minna’s shoulders. She had to tell them something. She needed to make sense of it herself. “I don’t know why I did it. I used Mr. Kelly to get to Austin, and I was wrong. I feel so ashamed.” She hiccupped, and sniffled back tears. “I hope he can forgive me, because it will be a long time before I can forgive myself. Regardless of how desperate I felt, I never should have acted the way I did. It was out of character and cruel. I wouldn’t blame Austin if he wants nothing more to do with me.”

  “If he wanted that, you would know about it. My brother likes you. I’m sure of that. However, I would like to understand why you felt the need to treat him so poorly. I’d like to believe I’m a fair and pious man, but Austin is my baby brother. I’ve looked out for him his whole life. I will not have you or anyone else cause him harm. So, if you are to remain under my roof—I need to know why?”

  “And you deserve to know. I can’t really understand it myself. But he’s been so hot and cold with me. I got worried that he wouldn’t want anything to do with me, and send me back to New York. I can’t go back there, and I couldn’t think where I could go from here. I don’t have much money; and it took everything in me to apply to become a mail order bride to begin with. And that was when I only had my welfare to consider. I’m not on my own anymore. I have Benji to think of. Austin’s lack of commitment made me desperate…” Prudence sniffed some more and blew her nose.

  “Come with me, dear, let’s sit on the couch and get more comfortable.” Prudence let Minna lead her to the couch, and her knees gave way under her as Minna guided her onto the seat.

  She clasped Minna’s hands in her lap and continued, “You’ve both been so kind to me. I became afraid when I compared the kindness of strangers to my supposed friends and family. I’m struggling to think of it as real. My parents were murdered a year ago. It was only my brother and me. He left me with friends we’ve known our whole lives after we lost our home. Their treatment of me was far from friendly. The wife used me as cheap labor and the husband became inappropriate. I had to run away to save my virtue or live the rest of my life in shame.”

  Prudence broke down, her tears flowed like a river down her cheeks and into the handkerchief Jeffrey had given her. It was the first time she’d told anyone about Mr. Langton becoming too familiar with her. The fear and shame she’d felt just saying the words out loud made her feel violated, and exposed. She wanted to be violently ill, and swallowed back the bile stuck in her throat, making it impossible to breathe as she gasped for air.

  Jeffrey rose and opened the windows. “I think I’ve heard enough, there’s no need to go on.”

  “No, I must. I have to tell you. I need to tell you because I feel so alone and confused. Austin was my lifeline. He saved me, or so I thought. I fell in love with his kindness. So, when Mrs. Millard told me I could come here and bring Benji with me, I knew he was the man for me. The one who could free me from my lonely, hellish life. Then when he rejected us, I realized it wasn’t him that sent for us. It had to be you, Pastor Jeffrey. You were the one who attempted to save us. I grew angry with Austin for making me love him, before I knew him, and on first sight. Then he broke my heart in the same instance. I wanted to be his wife, and make him pay at the same time. For hurting me like the other people in my life I trusted.”

  Revealing her innermost feelings made her feel weak, but she needed to go on and tell them everything. They deserved to know the truth of why she had acted as she did, when it went against every grain in her body. She had to tell them how she’d prayed for guidance and misused the signs in an evil way.

  “After that first night. I prayed for Austin to change his mind, and for a sign. I wanted him to want us, as much as I wanted him. So when I saw he was jealous of Mr. Kelly’s interest in me, I thought it a sign that I should play on his feelings and make him realize we could be a family. I used his jealous nature against him, but not in the way I should have, by assuring him my interest lay at his door and no other, convince him to honor his commitment. I misread the signs of Mr. Kelly’s affection, as my focus was on Austin. I was as surprised as everyone else at Mr. Kelly's forwardness. Before I could react, Austin was already there and pulling me away.”

  “My brother is very possessive.”

  “He’d warned me earlier he’d do something terrible if I didn’t tell Mr. Kelly to go away. He gave me two minutes to make my feelings known to him. But Austin still refused to give me an answer when I asked him if we were to be married. It left me twisted in knots and bitter, not knowing where my future lay. I had to think of securing a future for Benji too, so I made up my mind if Austin didn’t want me, I would not put off the advances of Mr. Kelly. I would make Austin prove he cared or follow the alternative. I let my insecurities get the better of me, and I’m sorry.”

  Prudence buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Minna hugged her and whispered comforting words, but there were no words in the world to ease her discomfort, knowing how poorly she’d behaved.

  “Well that’s quite the revelation. Thank you. Tell me, what did Austin say to you before he left?” Pastor Jeffrey asked, pressing a glass against her fingers. She moved her hands, but Minna had taken the short glass of sherry before she could so her husband could return to his seat in the armchair opposite.

  “Here, drink it.” Minna encouraged.

  Prudence took the glass and did as she was told. She took two sips and the glass was empty. Minna took it from her and rested it on the coffee table.

  “Now, tell us what Austin said.” Minna patted the hand Prudence placed on her lap.

  “He didn’t say much. I said more.” She gazed at the pastor, who nodded for her to continue. “I apologized and told him you and Minna had nothing to do with the way I acted. I’m not sure he believed me.”

  “He believed you,” Pastor Jeffrey said. “Go on, what else?”

  “He told me he couldn’t talk to me because he needed air. He was going away but would be back by Sunday and would speak to you in the morning.”

  “Anything else?” Minna asked, arching her brow.

  “Yes, he said he wanted to be able to trust me and that the wedding was still on.” Prudence didn’t understand the look that passed
between Pastor Jeffrey and his wife.

  “And can he trust you, Prudence? Can we trust you? Because I’m sorry to say I can’t have you under my roof if we can’t. We would have to find you somewhere else to stay.”

  “Oh, no, please! You can trust me. I’ve given Austin my word. I’d never renege on it. What happened today will never happen again.”

  “All right then, all is forgiven and forgotten.” He stood and straightened his pants. Then pausing, he looked at her. “Tell me, did my brother do anything to you physically?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

  “Oh, gracious me, no! He didn’t hurt me.” Prudence wondered if she should tell them about the kiss and decided she might as well, she’d told them everything else. “He did kiss me, though.”

  Her words hung in the room.

  Chapter 14

  The cool of the night air washed over him, chilling Austin’s overly warm skin as he inhaled and exhaled. His fingers and lips still tingled from the memory of touching her, he had wanted to do more than kiss her cheek. The desire to crush her to him had been great.

  It was the scared innocent look in her eyes, and the way her body trembled to his touch that stopped him doing more. He scared her. The realization was like a punch in the stomach. It winded him. He’d had to get out of the room and away from her.

  He was angry, but he couldn’t be sure if the anger was directed at himself or her, for making him crazy. Prudence Fairchild awoke something primal in him, animalistic urges he struggled to control.

  He couldn’t decide if being married to her would be a blessing or a curse. But marry her he would and make the best of it. What happened after that would be in the hands of a force greater than him.

  Jeffrey had always told him there was no such thing as coincidence. “Coincidences are God’s plans. His design to set you on your path when you meet a fork in the road. A time for decision making and to use the gift of choice he blessed us with.” At the time Austin had thought what Jeffrey had said was hogwash. He wasn’t so sure anymore.

  The things that had been happening to him had to be more than just a string of coincidences. Beginning with the stupid clause in his uncle’s will, meeting Mrs. Millard and her mad science graphology, matching him with Prudence, and now having her and Benji in his life.

  What were their meaning for him?

  Just having them around had stirred a hornet’s nest of feelings buzzing around in his head and in his stomach. He hadn’t possessed one clear thought since they’d stepped into his life.

  What was more frightening was the speed at which it was all happening. In hours, his life had changed, and continued changing, but it felt like years. He felt as if he’d known Prudence his entire life and they were meant to be together. He’d fought it at first, as the feelings were new to him, but he couldn’t deny it any longer.

  He still felt aroused just thinking about her. That feeling soon changed, like a douse of cold water to the face. His thoughts shifted to Kelly hovering over her like a raggedy, balding vulture eyeing up its next full meal.

  He should have punched him in the nose.

  He was still dazed from not coming to blows with the other man, when it was all he could think about at the time. Maybe it was because Prudence had been standing so close. He would never want to hurt her, not even by accident. Or could it be Jeffrey had final rubbed off on him?

  Earlier, he’d been blind with feelings after he’d left Prudence at the house and marched down the street to his brother’s church, to collect his horse and confront Jeffrey.

  Playing cupid between Kelly and Prudence, right in front of him was unacceptable. Jeffrey knew him well enough to know he was only spouting empty words. He never meant half the things he’d said. He’d felt trapped by his situation, backed into a corner by the will and the lack of time to do anything about it. It was his own fault. He knew this day would come and had made no preparations for handling it when it did.

  Feeling sorry for himself came easily to him, and taking those feelings out on others, even easier. He had a finger for pointing blame but never tried to consider the finger pointing back at him, until now.

  Jeffrey had opened his eyes when he’d gone stomping into his church breathing fire. The look his older brother gave him had frozen him to the spot, and reduced him to a child. He didn’t have the will to go up against Jeffrey when his brother was angry with him too. Austin backed down and sat on a bench in the front row of the pews.

  “Do you want to tell me the meaning of you stomping your way into the Lord’s house—polluting this clean air with your negative feelings, when you only have yourself to blame for the way you’re feeling?” Jeffrey’s voice was soft, warning Austin if he dared to raise his voice in God’s house, Jeffrey would forget he was a pastor long enough to correct him.

  Jeffrey had removed his spectacles, cleaning the lenses with the corner of his vest. Austin whipped off his hat and watched, knowing if he defied his brother, those spectacles would end up in the pocket of that vest and the vest would then be removed and placed on a bench. He exhaled loudly, knowing Jeffrey couldn’t object to him breathing.

  “I didn’t come to fight with you. I just want to know why you felt the need to invite Kelly to dinner. You saw the way he looked at Prudence.”

  “And so did you. I didn’t hear you raise any objections or make any claims on her. You as good as gave him permission to step in your way and court her. So, I will hear no more of it from you. As for why I invited him, you heard my reasons. He took time out of his busy day to help me. It’s the least I could do.” Jeffrey replaced his spectacles, and Austin expelled a breath in relief.

  “How can you blame me? It was her job to correct him. You heard her, she said she was unattached. Was I supposed to make myself look the fool and say otherwise?”

  “Yes, if you thought otherwise. I doubt she’d have fought you on it had you laid claims on her. How would Steve know differently if you didn’t tell him? There’s nothing foolish about staking your claim on what’s yours.”

  “But she’s not mine. We’re not married yet.”

  “I apologize. I didn’t realize you’d paid for her to come here so she could be betrothed to another. Maybe there’s no more need for the Colorado Bridal Agency. The men of this town can simply come to you instead—seeing as you’re so generous. It would save them the cost of a stamp or a trip to Denver. I always thought I was the giving one. I stand corrected.” Jeffrey shook his head.

  “You know that’s not what I mean.” Austin rubbed at his eyes in frustration.

  “Do I, little brother, do I?” Jeffrey came and sat beside him, and slapped Austin’s thigh. “Look, I know you resent being made to get married. I like Prudence, I think she’ll be good for you. I know you like her too. As to why you’re trying to fight it, is beyond me. Another man in your shoes would be clicking his heels and screaming yeehaw all the way down the altar. Mail order brides are lotteries, you never know what your prize will be. You’ve struck gold and can’t see its value.”

  “I see it. I just don’t want to ruin it by turning into him. You know, our father.” Austin closed his eyes and stroked the back of his neck.

  “Our father wasn’t always the way you remember him. He was a good loving and caring man, until...” Jeffrey coughed, clearing his throat. “Circumstances changed him.”

  “I’m aware of those circumstances, Uncle Ed told me everything. He didn’t have to take his frustration out on me.”

  “He tried. He tried for a long time before giving you up.”

  “He didn’t try hard enough. It scares me to think I might be the same toward Benji. Him not being mine n’all. Uncle Ed said I was like our father. I don’t want to be like him. I want to be like you and Ed.”

  “And you are, more than you know.” Jeffrey threw his arm around Austin’s shoulders and rocked his brother to him, then released him.

  “I’ve never seen you and uncle Ed down at the whorehouse.”

  Jeffrey laug
hed. “There’s ten years between us. There are a lot of things about me you don’t know. I wasn’t always a pastor, as you like to remind me when stroking that scar on your face.” Jeffrey rubbed his hand over Austin’s jaw and winced when he fingered the scar on his brother’s chin. “I’m truly sorry about this. It never should have happened.”

  “I know you are.”

  Jeffrey stood. “You’re more like me than you give yourself credit. Now get out. I’m expecting company. We’ll talk more tonight.”

  Austin stood, replaced his hat and strode toward the door.

  “Austin,” Pastor Jeffrey called after him. Austin turned to face him. “I expect you to be on your best behavior.”

  “I will, once I’ve done what I should have done earlier.”

  Jeffrey’s brow creased. “Really, and what’s that?”

  “Claimed what’s mine.” With that, he left to go home, thinking this was the second time today he’d been chased out of a building. Dinner tonight would not be the third.

  The music and sounds coming from the saloon he used to frequent pulled him out of his reverie. He could hear the girls’ laughter from where he was. He shook his head, that was another life, one he was happy to put behind him.

  He dug in his heels and galloped the rest of the way.

  Another sleepless night left Austin feeling like a bear with a sore head. He didn’t bother shaving and scratched at the overnight growth. He was short with his men as he told them to go on ahead without him. He placed the ring he’d bought in Utah into his pants pocket and made his way to Jeffrey’s church, finding him out front sweeping the stoop.

  Jeffrey stopped sweeping when he saw him ride up. “Morning.”

  Austin dismounted. “Morning. Do I need to apologize?” Austin cocked his head and arched an eyebrow.

  “Not this time. Your actions were justified.” Jeffrey smiled, and Austin grinned back. “There is something I need to clear up with you about the relationship between Prudence and Benji. You said something last night that set me thinking that you don’t know Benji is her—”