Lone Wolf

by Tessa Clarke

  But Jackson was dead. Images of Jackson, his limbs destroyed by a landmine, the life force draining out of him, flooded Leif’s thoughts and he lifted his muzzle and howled his despair at the night.

  He’d been keeping his grief in check, stomped down inside of him. He’d been handling it with women and booze. Until he met Delany and he’d let himself start to feel again.

  Delany. His mate.

  This was something that he and Jackson should be doing together.

  Delany was probably wondering why he hadn’t called. Why he’d been so short with her. He needed to call her. But he also needed run for a few more days. Run away from the sorrow and guilt that dogged him. Running was better than the women and the drinking. If he ran fast enough until his paws ached and his fur was soaked with dew and rain, perhaps he could outrun the memories. Then maybe he could go back to Delany a healed man.

  But today it seemed like Jackson waited around every corner, his silver fur lifting in the wind, and his amber eyes glowing.

  Leif picked up speed again and began his descent from the ridge. He would run for another day, then he would call Delany.

  Chapter Nine: Delany

  The four Pierce brothers, so alike, so devastatingly handsome, greeted her on the porch as if they’d been waiting a lifetime to meet her, as if she were a precious object to covet.

  Silas looked much like Wyatt, while Brett and James were slightly shorter and fairer, but they all had bodies to die for, and Delany’s thoughts couldn’t help but drift to thoughts of them all taking her, holding her at the peak of ecstasy. Her palms were damp as she accepted the mint julep that Silas proffered.

  Seven Winds Ranch was a sprawling, gargantuan affair with a collection of modern farm buildings and a large old ranch house built into a hillside overlooking the valley. The view was beautiful and Delany pictured herself rising each morning to take in the green pastures below. But no. This wasn’t where she belonged. Was it?

  Leif still hadn’t called or texted, and she’d checked her phone with increasing desperation between appointments at the satellite clinic. She tried calling him several times, but got no answer.

  Buddy skittered around the farmyard with Tipsy and a pack of other Australian cattle dogs, clearly quite at home.

  She, Wyatt, Silas, James, and Brett made small talk on the porch about her day, the size of their ranch, the number of cattle they ran, and the other farm products they produced. They were funny, and flirtatious, and Delany could tell they were kind and good-hearted. After several minutes, Silas excused himself to check on dinner and they all headed inside. Amazing smells came from the kitchen, and Wyatt offered to give her a tour of the farmhouse while James and Brett, clearly intent on giving her space, opted to help Silas in the kitchen.

  “It was built in 1902 and has been in the family all that time,” Wyatt said. He’d placed his hand comfortably in the small of her back while he steered her around from a sunlit study that could be her office, according to Wyatt, to a large functional laundry room, and then up the opulent wooden stairs to where bedrooms lined the hall.

  “We each sleep in one of these,” Wyatt said as they passed large, well-appointed bedrooms. “And this,” he said, opening a door at the very end of the hall, “is the master bedroom.”

  Delany entered the room and stared at the massive bed in the middle of it. It was a custom-made bed, bigger than a king-sized bed. The room was a gorgeous one with heavy cherry furniture, sumptuous white carpet, a fireplace, and a massive ensuite bathroom. She felt a slight shiver through her legs. If she were to accept Wyatt’s proposition, this was where she would sleep with four men. That’s if they were even all still interested in her after meeting her. She rubbed her wet palms on her jeans.

  She went across the room to look out the window at the rounded hills in the distance. When she turned back, Wyatt was right behind her, watching her in a heavy-lidded hungry sort of way. Delany’s heart leapt. One step and she’d be in his arms. She felt a warmth gathering in her core. Wyatt lifted his hands slightly as if to invite her in.

  She’d dressed carefully and styled her hair, just in case. In case she decided she liked them, in case she felt something.

  She forced a brilliant smile. “I guess we should get back down and check on dinner,” she said. “I’m starving.”

  Wyatt’s expression didn’t falter. He smiled and nodded.

  He led her through the living room on the way back to the kitchen, and Delany paused in front of a picture of Wyatt, Silas, Brett, and James as very young men. They were wearing suits as if they were at their college graduation or some other important family event. Where was Leif? Surely he hadn’t already left for the military.

  “Silas has appetizers out,” Wyatt said. He stood over by the door, and there was a strange urgency in his tone.

  Delany nodded and started to make her way over to him, but not before she glimpsed another photo out of the corner of her eye. A picture of Leif and another man, who looked very much like him, arm in arm in suits against the same backdrop as his brothers had been standing. She flicked her eyes away quickly so Wyatt didn’t see.

  The dinner of fried chicken, creamy coleslaw, and corn bread was delicious and they talked about animal husbandry and some of Delany’s most hilarious clients. The four men impressed Delany with their knowledge of their own animals and their interest in her career. Brett cracked jokes, Silas kept refilling her plate, and James asked her questions about her family, her college days, and growing up in White Peaks. Wyatt seemed somehow to be the one in charge, although they all gave him plenty of good-natured pushback.

  They kept the conversation playful, but there was a hunger in their gazes and more than once she felt them undressing her with their eyes, which caused her to blush furiously and concentrate on her plate. They were mind-blowingly sexy and she liked them all a lot. She’d toyed with the idea of what it would mean to be their mate. But the more time she spent with them, the more she wanted Leif. Just Leif. Even if he never came back to her, this wasn’t where she belonged.

  She suppressed the tears that sprang to her eyes. Why hadn’t he called?

  They were eating strawberry and rhubarb pie when James turned serious. “How is Leif? Have you seen him lately?”

  “I saw him Saturday night. We went out on a… a date.” She decided she didn’t need to lie to them. “But I think I asked the wrong questions and I haven’t heard from him since.”

  The four brothers exchanged glances, and James gave her a careful smile. “He does that sometimes. It’s not anything you did. He hasn’t been the same since…”

  “Since Afghanistan,” Wyatt cut in sharply. “He needs to come home so we can support him.” He gave Delany a meaningful look as if to imply that they were the safer choices as mates.

  His brothers nodded, although James cast a look at the table, his lips pulled tight. Her heart felt squeezed. What was wrong with Leif? Was he even able to have a relationship? Who was that other man in the photo?

  James and Silas walked her to the door while Wyatt and Brett did the dishes. They didn’t try to convince her to stay the night, and wanted to ensure she got home before dark. “We’d love it if you come for dinner next week when you’re in the satellite clinic again,” James said.

  Delany hesitated. Wyatt and Brett were talking in low tones in the dining room, and she was sure she heard Wyatt say, “I’ll go check on him tomorrow.”

  Leif. Her worry for him that had built like a wave over the course of the evening seemed to break over her heart.

  “I had a lovely time,” she said. “Can I let you know?” She didn’t know what else to say.

  She drove out to White Raven Ranch under a canopy of stars, but only Andy and the dogs greeted her in the drive when she arrived. Andy’s face was as pinched as hers, and no lights glowed in the main farmhouse.

  Wig bounded all around her car hopefully, as if she might have Leif stowed in the back seat, but h
is movements turned mournful as no Leif emerged.

  “Have you heard from him?” Andy said.

  “No. How long has he been gone?” Delany said.

  Andy didn’t answer right away. “Five days,” he said finally.

  “Maybe he’s met someone else, and he’s spending time with her,” Delany said. The words twisted as they came out of her mouth, and Delany felt the prick of tears in her eyes.

  Andy shook his head. “No. He’s out running. I’m sure of it. I’ll give him a few more days. Then I’m mounting a search party.”

  Chapter Ten: Leif

  Leif stopped to inhale the air. He was almost home now, and the subtle smells of the black ridge of rock that gave his home its name invaded his senses.

  He’d been to see Aquila. He spent a night outside the flying barn watching the bird watching him. The other birds, terrified by the arrival of a wolf, had huddled in the backs of their cages with hoots and screeches. But Aquila had seemed to know him and remained resolutely on his perch throughout the night by himself, not ceding ground to the furred stranger.

  Apart from their mates, eagles tended to be loners, spending much of their adult life by themselves. Three years ago, that would have seemed impossible to Leif. He was so used to life as part of a pack, with his brothers, in the military, with Jackson. He’d almost never been alone. But Aquila seemed okay with his status, and maybe, maybe, Leif could be too.

  He’d run his grief into the ground for now. He was sure it would resurface again some day, when he saw Delany walk down the aisle to him, when he first regarded the pups he wanted her to bear for him. When he did all of the things that he and his brother were supposed to have done together.

  But Jackson was gone, and he would have to learn to go on alone. He knew that Wyatt and his other brothers meant well. They were his brothers. But they weren’t his litter mates, like Jackson had been. They had each other, and they didn’t understand the depth of his grief, or that he couldn’t just substitute them for the brother he’d lost.

  But now he had Delany—at least he hoped he had her—and with her, he might just feel like it was okay to live.

  But first he needed to get home and find Delany and tell her about his brother. Jackson.

  Then he would ask her to be his wife. He picked up his speed as the black line of rock came into view and the sky grew pink with dawn.

  Chapter Eleven: Delany

  Two more days had passed without word from Leif, and Delany sat brooding in her office. Wyatt had called her every night to talk, and she had to admit he was pretty enjoyable to talk to. But he wasn’t Leif.

  “Shouldn’t we be looking for him?” she’d asked the previous night.

  “He’s a shifter,” Wyatt said. “And he’s on the wilder side of shifters. He does this. I checked on his place. He’s left everything in good hands. He even cleaned out his fridge like he was planning to be gone for a while. I think we have to give him his space.”

  “Andy said he was going to mount a search party.”

  “Andy doesn’t know Leif as well as I do,” Wyatt said. Then when Delany didn’t respond he sighed. “Look. We’re going to be done branding tomorrow. Then if you want, Brett, James, and I will go out and look for him. But if we went out every time Leif went missing, we’d never get anything done around here. Nine times out of ten he shows up drunk and with a new woman. Sorry, Delany. It’s just the truth.”

  The truth. Delany’s soul hurt just thinking about it.

  “We’re pack animals, Delany. He’ll never be whole without us.”

  Sam, Leif’s friend and the vet with whom she would be sharing the practice, popped his head in her door. He’d started a week ago and Barry had spent several days orienting him while Delany gave vaccinations, sutured wounds, and dealt with cases of pancreatitis, mange, fleas, and intestinal blockages. Sam was alarmingly handsome, and a few weeks ago, Delany would have been attracted to him. But now she had a few too many alarmingly handsome men in her life, and not the one she wanted.

  “I’m going to do an emergency C-section on a horse,” Sam said. “It’s Barry’s fortieth wedding anniversary, so he can’t come. You game to scrub in?”

  “Sure,” Delany said. At least it would get her mind off Leif.

  She and Buddy got into Sam’s pickup and they headed out in the direction of White Raven. But there were lots of ranches along the road, so Delany didn’t think much of it.

  “So how are you liking Raven Ridge?” Sam said.

  Delany considered. How to answer that? When she’d first met Leif, Raven Ridge had seemed like a magical place, a place where she had wanted to spend the rest of her life. But now she wasn’t sure.

  “I like it,” she said, aware that her tone was less than totally enthusiastic. Sam had grown up in Raven Ridge, and although he’d only been back for a few weeks, seemed right at home.

  “Well that’s a ringing endorsement,” Sam said. “Have you met any of the locals? I could introduce you around.”

  Delany stared out the window. “No. It’s okay. I’m fine.”

  Her heart leapt when Sam turned off to White Raven Ranch. Maybe Leif was home.

  But it was just Andy, Ryan, and the dogs who came to greet them when they pulled into the familiar place. Delany’s heart pounded painfully, but Andy shook his head faintly in response to her hopeful look.

  “She’s not doing very well,” Andy said, leading them to the horse who was struggling in labor.

  For the next hour, Delany handed Sam instruments and held the horse’s skin while Sam delivered a gorgeous brown foal and then sutured up the horse.

  Sam kept up a stream of cheerful chatter and Delany tried to contribute appropriately, but she was focused on the last times she’d been here with Leif. How happy she’d been.

  When they were finished and Andy was tending the foal, they packed up their equipment and headed over to a sink at the end of the barn to wash up.

  While they were at the sink, Sam leaned his head out to take a better look at the ranch. The chopper that had taken her so many fun places and contained so many great memories sat a few yards away.

  “This is a pretty amazing place.”

  Delany nodded. “Yep. The pastureland goes all the way to the base of the ridge.”

  “You’ve been here before?”

  “Leif and I were dating a bit, but not anymore.” Delany nearly choked on the last few words.

  Sam turned to regard her again. “Pity. He’s a great guy and you’d be just his type.”

  “Yeah, well it seems like everyone’s his type,” Delany said.

  Sam lowered his eyebrows and shook his head. “No. That’s not true.”

  Delany shrugged. “That’s what Wyatt and Barry told me. That Leif sleeps around a lot.”

  Sam blew a huff of air out of his nose. “He may have for a while after Jackson. But that’s it. That’s not Leif’s style at all.”

  “What do you mean after Jackson?”

  Sam squinted at her. “You know he’s a shifter, right?”

  Delany nodded.

  “Jackson was Leif’s litter mate. His brother. They were doing special ops landmine work in Afghanistan. The military uses wolf shifters for that all the time because they are even better at it than dogs. But there were so many of mines in one location that Jackson stepped on one while backing away from another one. He was blown up. Leif was right there. He carried his brother all the way back to the base, but it was too late. Leif’s been pretty messed up since. Understandably.” Sam’s tone was a bit sharp at this last as if she might not have been understanding.

  Her eyes flooded with tears. “I didn’t know,” she said. Why hadn’t Wyatt and the others told her? Why hadn’t Leif told her?

  “I didn’t tell her.” The voice was ragged, as if the owner hadn’t used it in a while, as if he’d been running.

  Delany whirled to see Leif standing a few yards away, completely naked, his bea
utiful body jaw-dropping, his jaw dark with the beginnings of a beard.

  Leif.

  He strode toward her with his hands outstretched. “I’m sorry Delany,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t tell you about Jackson myself. It was just too...” He paused, and choked up a bit. “Raw, still. I thought I was okay, but this finding a mate and falling in love thing, it was something we were supposed to do together. It brought back a lot of stuff. I had to go and run off some of my memories, to make myself whole again, or as whole as I can be. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I just don’t want to ever be without you again. Please, please say you forgive me and you’ll be with me.”

  Her heart felt like it might explode out of her chest. She tried to get it under control, to think rationally, but all she wanted right now was Leif. She nodded, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears, and he took her in his arms and kissed her, and for a few seconds, the world felt like perfection.

  He released her, keeping her hands in his, and they turned to see Sam watching them with a bemused smile. Sam extended his hand, apparently unperturbed by the fact that Leif was naked. Leif took his hand and they clapped each other on the shoulders.

  Sam’s eyes seemed a little misty too. “Good to see you home, buddy. Nice place you got here. We can catch up later. I’m going to go check on your new foal and then head home. You two look like you have some talking to do. Delany, I assume you don’t need a ride home.”

  “I’ll take her wherever she needs to go,” Leif said taking Delany’s hand again.

  After Sam had headed back into the barn, Leif turned to Delany. “I suppose I’d better get dressed,” he said.