Fallen Angel (The List #3)

by N. K. Love

  Beneath my jacket I can feel her playing with her bracelet. I want to fill that bracelet with past and future memories of us. I can only do that if she lets me. But one thing’s for sure now, I will not let her go without a fight.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Monday 4th May 2015

  11:39am

  Beth

  Turns out, snuggling up to Jax’s body warmth on the beach in the middle of Saturday night, was even more satisfying than the sex I was planning to cross off my Fuck It List. Yes—I’ve got it bad.

  What’s even more shocking is that neither of us made a move to act on the raging hard on planted between us for most of the time I was sat on his lap. The moment simply felt beautiful just the way it was; breathing each other in. Breath after breath my flutters of anxiety drifted away. Being replaced with utter contentment—a sacred feeling only Jax is capable of achieving within me.

  I’ve no idea how long we sat there but I didn’t want to leave Wills alone too long so when we got back, we both curled up in my bed and slept. Yes, we slept. No sex. Okay, so I couldn’t resist reaching around for a few strokes of the enormous erection pressing into my ass all night. But nothing more. I was respectful of Wills and Jax was respectful of that. Needless to say Miss Alter Ego went to sleep cussing.

  I woke up yesterday morning and stared straight at the incredible piece of jewellery wrapped around my wrist. My charm bracelet. Jax bought me a gift. Not only that but he went to the effort of printing out a photo of us to put inside the book charm. It’s amazing. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

  The bed was empty but there was a note from Jax propped against the lamp on the side; Angel, gone to get set up in the sports arena. Get some rest. Thank you for your smile, beach hugs and bedtime spooning. See you later. Your G x

  His writing is so masculine and sexy. I’ve already tucked that note away inside my case. I’m building up quite a collection of little Jax mementos already. This note can go beside the one he left me on the fridge that night.

  Since knowing about his business success, I’ve fantasized about him being suited and booted in conference rooms, running the show. Being ruthless and bossy. When I see his writing I imagine him in a suit and tie, signing important documents with an expensive pen.

  Stupid as it feels, it’s a motherfucking immense turn on. Maybe it’s something we can play out one day. Bad boy, invincible CEO versus sweet, semi-innocent knickerless secretary in a shortass skirt? I’d happily be his secretary if it meant getting bent over his luxurious desk and being thoroughly fucked between meetings.

  Which reminds me—a few hours away from here, there’s a sex tape of me and Jax! I’m so intrigued to see it. Come to think of it, I’m sure I remember thinking that I should’ve told him to press record that night. I’m so pleased he did it because that was an incredible night to capture.

  Yesterday’s events went well. My swimming was great and I banked the second highest amount of lengths for our team. Wills and I also did another hour on the treadmill. I kept looking out for the girl I sort of had a fight with—but thankfully I didn’t see her anywhere.

  Last night played out much the same as the Saturday night. I didn’t drink as much, mainly because I was more clued up on their tactics for the drinking games. We played a drinking version of spin the bottle where the bar staff mixed an assortment of alcoholic drinks ranging from pints to shots to crazy cocktails. They placed them in a circle on a big table and we took it in turns to spin the bottle and drink whichever glass it landed on.

  Once I’d had a few drinks and found my tipsy buzz, I was horny as hell and Jax knew it. He toyed with me, had me sit on his lap intentionally to tease me with his cock. He was so casual, chatting to everybody, laughing, when beneath my dress he was pressing into me deliciously.

  I had to hide my face behind my glass or pretend to be on my phone. When he slipped his fingers into me discreetly from behind, I all but came on the spot. How does Wills do it? How does she steal silent orgasms?

  I couldn’t handle a public orgasm. Miss Fierce on the other hand couldn’t care less. It was a battle of self-respect and thankfully Jax made the decision for me by growling in my ear: “You’re not going to come here. Your pleasure belongs to us, for my presence only.” Then he efficiently declared it was bedtime and we were out of there.

  Overall it was another fun night out with a group of friends I didn’t even know a few months ago.

  Wills didn’t drink her sexually starved self into another stupor, which meant she didn’t have to crawl into bed, she walked. This also meant that I didn’t have to linger around in case she started choking on her own vomit in her sleep.

  Once we’d made sure Wills was safely tucked up and sleeping—which didn’t take long—we raced upstairs to his room. No sooner had Jax’s head landed on the pillow, my desperate pussy landed on his incredibly well behaved cock, then his face and then his cock again.

  Today is the day of truth for our relationship and I’m nervous. We just need to get back to his house first.

  The event organisers completed the final tally and everybody gathered on the beach where they’d set up a stage. They announced the places in reverse order and as we’d been battling with one particular London team hard yesterday, we didn’t know the outcome. It all depended on whether we’d scored higher than them on the ongoing challenges, including the running and swimming.

  When they announced London in second place our whole team went wild. Jax squeezed me so tight before going up on stage to collect the trophy and give a speech.

  I listened intently, admiring him. He looked so happy. I sometimes feel sad thinking about the life he’s left behind but when I see him so genuinely happy, it comforts me.

  After spraying the crowds with a huge bottle of champagne, Jax was ambushed with handshakes so we celebrated with a drink and made our way back to load up our bags onto the coach.

  The vibe on the coach is electric. Everybody is hyped up and proud of the team. There’s cases of beer doing the rounds but neither Jax nor I partake. We’ll be driving separately back to his later.

  2:25pm

  We make it back to Birmingham safely and a very merry crowd stumble off the coach to a convoy of taxi’s that Jax had organised. He went to the length of having everybody that was drinking hand in their car keys on the coach and then passed those to the gym security staff for everybody to collect tomorrow.

  I said goodbye to Wills, who wished me a heartfelt good luck. Being the legend of a best friend that she is, Wills is heading over to the letting agent now to collect my apartment keys for me.

  Yesterday she arranged to meet her dad over there today with my new things and my boxes from storage. They’re going to offload them into the apartment for me. My bed is also being delivered later on, so I just need the rest of my stuff from Jax’s and I’m all set.

  On top of that, my mom—true to her word—is going to visit tomorrow and help me unpack and get settled in. I’m just about managing to keep a lid on my excitement for now though. I still feel like this is the calm before the storm so I don’t want to get ahead of myself if the shit is about to hit the fan with me and Jax.

  4:30pm

  Jax

  Beth has taken all of her things out to her car—I guess she’s getting ready for a sharp exit. I’ve just learned that she’s found herself an apartment, which feels like she’s taken another step away from me.

  I’ve made us a coffee and after dancing around each other like nervous strangers, she’s finally come to sit on the sofa beside me.

  She looks pale and about as apprehensive as me. It doesn’t escape my notice, we’re sitting in the same place as we were when we had that all-important conversation, which led to our first time together. It’s incredible how fast things have moved since then.

  There’s nothing I can do to ease the situation other than to spill my guts and pray.

  Here goes.

  “Jax, before you start, I know you’ll be ho
nest with me and I know that this is hard for you, but please don’t gloss over anything. I want it all. In your eyes, this conversation is going to break us, but I still have hope that it could make us. This could be the final nail in the coffin to your past. If there’s any chance of that, I have to know it all. No sugar coating.”

  “I think it has the potential to break us. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it. No sugar coating?”

  “None. I need to know that at the end of this, there’s no more.”

  “Okay.” Fuck. I don’t know where to start. “Can I ask what you think I might be about to say? You must have had your theories.”

  Beth shuffles forward so that we’re closer and puts her hand on my leg.

  “I think you could be involved in drug dealing… You’ve told me before that you hurt people and that you do it as some sort of punishment or consequence. You’re rich. I think maybe you got involved in selling hard drugs a few years ago, your family found out and maybe disowned you unless you stopped. But you’re still involved somehow. Maybe when people owe you money, you go and collect—with your fists. I’ve seen you’ve got a balaclava. You have high security here in case anybody tracks you down for revenge or to take what you’ve got… Maybe… Well, that’s been the one theory that seems to tick more boxes than others.”

  I didn’t realise I’d left that many breadcrumbs. I mean, she’s way off track, but still.

  “Okay. How would that make you feel? If I did hurt people to get money?”

  “I guess it’d depend on the circumstances.”

  “Well, I’m not a drug dealer, Beth… Okay, I’m just going to start at the beginning. Okay. Fuck, this is difficult.”

  “Take your time. I’m here.”

  “Alright. A few years ago, I’d been sleeping with a girl on and off for about six months. To me it was a casual thing. Sex. Nothing more. But then she started getting clingy, finding reasons to come over to my place. One night, after we’d had sex, she went to the glass table and took a line of coke. I went ballistic at her for bringing drugs into my home. She broke down and said that she was in love with me and that when she wasn’t with me, she’d started taking drugs. I basically told her to get her shit and get in the car. I drove her back to hers. She was off her head. She was crying and begging me not to leave her. We weren’t even in a relationship Beth. She was a beautiful, lovely girl when I met her but without realising, the girl sitting in the car beside me was a shell. An empty, cracked shell of her former self and she one-hundred percent blamed me. She said that I’d lead her on and not made it clear that I didn’t want her as my girlfriend. She was right, I think. Maybe I hadn’t made it clear. I fucked around with so many girls it was easy to lose track back then… I’m sorry B, shall I go on?”

  Beth nods her head, urging me to continue. So for the first time ever, I utterly submerge myself back into that soul destroying memory to share that night with somebody else. I’ve replayed it over and over in my head countless times before but never for the purpose of sharing it with somebody else. People know what happened but certainly not the intimate details.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Friday 20th January 2012

  10:56pm

  “Look, I’m sorry you thought you meant more to me than just sex. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear. I don’t want a relationship with you, with anybody. I don’t have time for that in my life.”

  I pull into her street and park across the road from her house.

  “So you don’t feel anything for me? I don’t understand. You can be so tender when we’re together. You make my body feel so good, like no other man has before. I do love you, so how can you say that you just had me coming back for sex? When we made love—are you saying that was just sex for you?”

  “It wasn’t even that, Clo. It was fucking. That’s what I do. I work hard and I fuck harder. That’s what I’m about.”

  There’s no point beating around the bush here. I don’t like to see her cry but she needs to know that there’s no chance of us ever being in a relationship.

  She reaches into her handbag for a tissue then pulls out a small square envelope and throws it at me.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s the reason you’re going to stay with me and stop sleeping around. It’s the reason you’re going to let me move in with you and let me love you the way that I want to.”

  Is this what love does to you? I’ve just told her I only ever wanted to fuck her but she’s still degrading herself, saying she wants me. For fucks sake, I need to get this shit under control fast.

  I open the envelope as she wipes her face.

  “A scan picture?”

  “Yes. You heartless bastard. It’s a picture of my baby, our baby. Now try and tell me that you don’t want anything to do with me.”

  “Clo, an hour ago you were snorting coke up your fucking nose and now you’re sitting here telling me you’re pregnant?”

  I check the hospital details on the scan and confirm it’s hers.

  “Yeah well, I’m going to stop all that. It’s early days so, if I stop now, a friend of mine said it won’t hurt the baby. But I can only do that with your support Joe. I need you.” She takes my hand and places it over her stomach. “We both need you.”

  I yank my hand away, stuff the picture back in the envelope and throw it on the dashboard.

  “If you think you love me and you want to be with me, why would you be fucking other people?”

  “What? I haven’t. There’s only been you.”

  “You’re lying.”

  I despise liars.

  “No I’m not. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  “Clo, you’re still missing the point. You can fuck whomever you like, it wouldn’t matter to me because you’re not mine and I’m certainly not yours. I don’t want you. I never have and I never will.”

  Fresh tears fall from her pasty, guilt ridden face.

  “I’ll go to the papers. I’ll tell them I’m carrying Joseph Carter’s unborn child and that he isn’t going to take responsibility.”

  “You can spin that bullshit to whichever reporter’s stupid enough to give you the time of day. But the fact still remains that I know you’re lying and I know that that baby isn’t mine. So I think we’re done here.”

  “But I love you.”

  “No you don’t, Clo. You’re delusional. You don’t even know me. Look, I never set out to hurt you.”

  “I do fucking love you. I want to be with you Joe. I need you, please.”

  She reaches for my hands but I throw them up in surrender and shake my head.

  “It’s never going to happen. Just go, Clo. Take care, yeah.”

  “Take care? Take fucking care?” She flicks the top off the large ring she’s wearing on her middle finger and snorts the coke out of the concealed pot inside. “Fine. You’ll never see me again.”

  I look at her with a newfound disgust. She’s carrying a child inside of her and pumping that shit through her bloodstream.

  I’ll make sure to get some of my people to find her the right help through one of my charities, but I can’t have her in my life. She’s a loose cannon. I can’t have anything more to do with her, not personally. She’s a live wire, which makes her unpredictable, which makes her a liability that I cannot afford.

  “Goodbye then.”

  She shakes her head seemingly in disgust at me, then scrambles to get out of the car and onto the pavement. Bending down to look back at me, I think she’s going to say goodbye but she just slams the door. She looks at me through the window as a lone tear streams down her mascara stained cheek.

  Was I careless? Is it my fault that she’s standing, crying on the pavement, freshly fucked, pregnant and on drugs?

  This time my feelings of disgust are pointed at me too.

  A new wave of tears begin to fall down her face. She suddenly looks so lost and vulnerable. I should get her back in the car and deal with this now.

  I
press the button to pull the window down.

  “Clo.”

  Instead of coming back to the car, she clutches her handbag tighter to her chest and scurries into the road without so much as looking back at me.

  She doesn’t say goodbye. She hates me.

  I watch her walk away into the night and the answer to my questions falls unequivocally into place. Yes, this is completely my fault.

  The next thing I see is Chloe’s body catapulted into the air. It’s as quick as a flash but seems to play out in slow motion. Next, I see the driver. Just for a second as his old black estate car goes flying past. Chloe’s body lands in a heap with a thud, a few meters away from my car.