Justify My Thug

by Wahida Clark

  “Fuck you mean, ‘find out’? You was supposed to tell me!”

  “Faheem, why don’t you do what you do best, leave.”

  JAZ

  Faheem? Faheem is not a common name. I looked at the little boy and my mouth hit the floor. And recognizing Oni it was obvious that I was seeing exactly what Faheem was seeing.

  And before I knew it Faheem had his hands around her neck and was trying to choke her to death. Thank God we were in the hood, because instead of getting a whole bunch of white people screaming, the hood niggas simply gathered around and enjoyed the spectacle. The security guards came and managed to pull Faheem off of her. Little Faheem was crying while Kaeerah was holding on to me for dear life. She didn’t know what was going on. I was only praying that the mall cops wouldn’t try to play ‘captain save a ho’ because Faheem was seeing fire and I knew that he was packin’ a burner.

  “Nigga, if you don’t get your fuckin’ hands off of me,” Faheem threatened the rent-a-cop.

  Thank God the rent-a-cop was a little shook. He let Faheem go and turned his attention to Oni, “Ma’am, are you okay? Do you want to press charges?” The mall cop asked as two other ones ran over.

  Faheem was towering over her yelling, “Oni, how could you fuckin’ do this? What the fuck is the matter with you?” he spat.

  Like a bitch with some sense, she got the fuck away from a crazed Faheem and came over to where I was. “Here.” She handed me her business card. Then she looked at Faheem and said, “When you calm down, call me.”

  “Call you? Bitch … call you? Calm … down?” Faheem was starting to stutter, which meant that shit was getting ready to get ugly … again.

  Sure enough, no sooner than I thought it, he lunged for her ass again. She ducked, grabbed little Faheem and the bitch took off running. We both stood there looking at the little replica of Faheem. The same little boy who was the spittin’ image of our daughter. I was at a loss for words.

  FAHEEM

  I took off my NY fitted and wiped the sweat off my forehead. A big nigga like me was actually feeling dizzy. Niggas were gathered around me as if I was a circus animal or some shit. I started walking and the people parted as if I was Moses and they were the Red Sea. There was no doubt in my mind that lil’ man was my seed. My son. And here this bitch done robbed me of the most important years of his life. The years that I, the father, was supposed to do the molding and shaping. I should have snapped that bitch’s neck right there on the spot.

  Oni and I kicked it off and on back in Jersey. Mostly when me and Jaz were fighting. Those other broads were too jealous and would come at me with all the bullshit that a real hustler didn’t have the time or the patience for. They couldn’t grasp that I just needed a jump-off for the moment. Oni understood and accepted that Jaz was wifey and a dog would always find his way home. That’s the only reason I would always fuck with her. She knew her position and played it well.

  From looking at my son … damn did I just say that? My son? He looks to be the same age as Kaeerah. This shit is crazy. That means that her and Jaz must have gotten pregnant at the same time. But why would she keep it from me? Most chicks would use that as leverage. But she just ups and disappears. Oh, this bitch is going to pay for this shit.

  ONI

  I first spotted him and Jaz strolling through the food court. At first I was telling myself, that couldn’t be. I kept staring and following behind them. I was so focused on them that little Faheem took off running. When I finally realized that he was out of my sight, that’s when I slipped up and called out his name and I knew, right then and there I was busted.

  “Girl, what is the matter with you? Why are you crying? What happened? Are you and Faheem okay?” My mother Marie was obviously ready to call the police.

  “No, Ma. I mean, we are fine.” I made a feeble attempt to calm her down.

  “Then why are you crying?”

  “I just saw him.”

  “Saw who?”

  “Faheem’s father.”

  My mother was quiet. But I knew she was trying to find the right way to say, I told you so! So, I waited patiently.

  “Oni, I tried to tell you that one day whether it would be five, ten, fifteen years from now, a child always finds the way to their parents soul.”

  Here she goes with that tribal shit. I thought to myself.

  “I told you that Georgia, Tennessee, Chicago … it didn’t matter where you went, he was going to find out about his son because you was dead wrong. Wrong for not allowing him to be a part of that boy’s life. You didn’t even give the man a choice. The choice to be a man. So now what? There’s nothing I can tell you. I knew this day was coming. What did he say?”

  “He didn’t say anything, mama. I gave him my number and left.”

  “What do you mean he didn’t say anything? You didn’t introduce him to his son?”

  “Mom, no. I left. I gotta go. Bye.” I hung up on her.

  I wasn’t expecting my mom to be sympathetic, so I don’t even know why I called her. She has always been Faheem’s number one cheerleader. I called four other people before I called her, but just my luck she was the only one who answered their phone.

  JAZ

  I didn’t want to believe this shit. This bitch had a son? I had to admit, I was a little jealous. She gave my man a son. Faheem has been trying to get me to give him a son ever since Kaeerah was a year old. But I wasn’t trying to have no more babies, especially not while I’m in school. Now look. And he looks just like his dad. I’m dying to know why she kept it from him. And of course Faheem is so angry he can’t even talk. So much for making it to the grand opening of his boy’s store. We came straight home and he’s been sitting in the backyard smoking blunts for hours. After I put Kaeerah to bed I went outside to join him.

  I sat down on his lap. “Are you ready to talk about this?”

  “Get her on the phone.”

  “What?” I was not expecting that response.

  “Get her on the phone.” He glared at me as if I wasn’t moving fast enough.

  I stood up, looked at my husband and went in the house to go get the business card that I had tucked under my jewelry box. I lifted the jewelry box up and studied the business card. She was CEO of some hotel chain. Oni Mason. This was the chick who would always be there for Faheem when we would break up. I never understood that shit. The bitch would sit and wait patiently. It seemed to me that having his baby would have been the trump card she needed. But instead she got ghost. I was not looking forward to seeing how this plot would unravel.

  I dialed the number that was scribbled on the back of the card and it went straight to voicemail. “Oni, this is Jaz. Faheem is trying to reach you. Call us back at this number.” I ended the call. She must have had the phone in her hand because she called right back.

  She said, “Hello. Jaz? Wait! Don’t give Faheem the phone. Take down my address, tell him to come by tomorrow. I can’t do this with him over the phone.”

  She gave me the address and I jotted it down. But I couldn’t resist. I had to make sure me and this sneaky bitch was on the same page. So I said, “I don’t know what type of slick shit or trick shit you on, but I’m letting you know up front, in case you even think about trying to fuck Faheem and bring us any drama. You don’t want to try me.”

  She must have thought about what I said because she was quiet for a while. “Jaz, you got him. You are the victorious one. Don’t allow little ole me make you feel insecure. I only gave birth to his son. You married him.”

  I had to laugh at that one. No this bitch didn’t go there. “Insecure? I’m not the one who sat around waiting for another bitch’s scraps to fall off the table. I’m not the one who went into hiding because you obviously thought he was going to reject you. Oh yeah, now that was real secure,” I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster, and then I hung up. When I turned around Faheem was standing in the doorway.

  “What was that all about? I just asked you to get her on the phone.
Not to add more drama to this shit then there already is.”

  “Well, if you didn’t want any more drama then you should have called her yourself,” I snapped.

  “Who the fuck you think you talking to, Jaz?” He glared at me and I shut the fuck up.

  I handed him her address. “She said come by tomorrow.”

  He glanced at the address. “Fuck that. I’m going by there tonight.” He was already headed downstairs for the kitchen.

  “Bullshit,” I spat. He looked at me as if I was crazy but I didn’t care. “If you’re going tonight I’m going with you,” I told him.

  “No you’re not. Wait up for me and I’ll see you when I get back.” He snatched his keys off the counter and I followed behind him.

  “Why can’t I go Faheem?” I spoke to his back.

  He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. “Tell me why you want to go, Jaz? What do you think is going to happen?” When he saw that I was at a loss for words he said, “Now who’s the one acting insecure? I said I’ll talk to you when I get back.”

  I followed him to the front door, speechless as I watched him jump into his Escalade and drive off to go do God knows what. I went and peeked at our daughter sleeping and then went into my bedroom. I needed to talk to my girls.

  The first person I decided to call was Kyra. The house phone kept ringing. I looked at my watch and wondered where in the hell could this girl be? I then dialed her cell and it said it was no longer in service. Damn. It hasn’t been that long since I spoke to her. Or has it? She could have at least called and gave me the new number. I dialed Tasha’s home number and cell. No answer. Those bitches must be out running the streets together.

  I dialed Angel at home and she picked up on the first ring. “Hello.”

  She sounded like shit. Like she needed someone to talk to. “It’s me, Jaz. What’s the matter with you?”

  “I know who it is. What’s up? Why you sounding like you lost your best friend?”

  “Well the shit must be contagious because you sound like you just lost yours. So spill your drama first. What’s going on? You and Kaylin alright?” I asked her.

  “Girl, I don’t know where to start. Have you spoken to Tasha yet?”

  “Oh God. Don’t tell me this has something to do with her.” Tasha’s ass stayed into something.

  “You don’t know the half of it,” Angel let out a huge sigh. The kind that says I don’t even want to talk about it right now. I was like damn, but I still needed to get my venting off because I was about to blow. “Well, I got hit with a bombshell today.”

  “What? What happened? Everybody okay?” Angel asked me.

  “You remember Faheem’s jump-off? That chick named Oni?”

  Angel snickered, “You mean your competition?”

  “Whatever. Well, we saw her today.”

  “Oh really? Where? In Georgia? Who she know down there? What she say to y’all? That girl knows she was crazy over her some Faheem.”

  “Well, she got her own little Faheem.”

  “You mean a nigga that look like Fa? Damn, she still ain’t over him, is she?” Angel apparently thought that was cute.

  “No, Angel. She got a little son named Faheem.”

  You could hear a pin drop. She must have been trying to digest what I had just told her.

  “I know you are not saying what I think you’re saying.”

  “You’re supposed to be the smart lawyer. What do you think I am saying?”

  “She got a son by Faheem? Faheem was creeping with that bitch? He brought her to Georgia? What?” From her short breaths I could tell that Angel was up and pacing back and forth. “Don’t have me guessing. What the fuck is up?”

  “Apparently she didn’t want Faheem to know she was pregnant, so she relocated down here, getting away. I thought the ho knew that we were already down here, but I think she was down here before us.”

  “Oh shit! She got a son and didn’t tell him?”

  “Nope.”

  “A son, Jaz? What did he do? What did he say?”

  “Nothing. He just tried to strangle her to death right there in the mall. Security had to pull him up off of her.”

  “Oh my God! Where is he now? What else happened?”

  “He just left to go see her.”

  “This time of night? That’s some bullshit, Jaz. You should have gone with him.”

  “Angel, you are not helping. I’m trying to be mature about this whole … situation.” I honestly didn’t know what to call it. But I did know that since I had wanted to go and Faheem stopped me, Angel’s last comment got under my skin. It was time to focus on her drama. “So what about you? Why are you so agitated?” I wanted to know what or who was crawling up her ass, hoping her drama wasn’t worse than mine.

  “Man, me and Kaylin is getting ready to go to war if we don’t come to an understanding.”

  “Well, damn. What happened? And how is Tasha involved?” This was going to be good. Tasha never let us down. “No, wait. Let’s get her on three way.” I wanted to be thoroughly entertained.

  “I just called up there. No one’s answering. Not even Kaylin.”

  “Kaylin? What is he doing in Cali?”

  “That’s what I was trying to tell you. Major drama. Since Tasha found out that Trae fucked that Asian bitch, she decided she’s gonna get some get-back by fucking Kyron. And guess what?”

  “Tasha fucked somebody else? She cheated on Trae?” I gasped and grabbed at my heart. “Angel, you lyin’. Tell me you’re lying. Kyron. Kyron? Why does that name sound familiar? Who is that?”

  “You heard us mention Kyron. Kyron is Kaylin’s brother. The one who was locked up.”

  “Oh snap.” I needed some popcorn and a drink right about now. Angel was not lying when she said, ‘major drama’. “So how does everyone seem to know that she fucked Kyron? How did she let her business get in the streets?”

  “Kaylin’s sister caught them.”

  “Shit, the one who don’t like her because she snagged Trae?”

  “Exactly.”

  This plot was definitely thickening.

  “And that ain’t all,” Angel continued.

  But at this point you could have stuck a fork in me because I was done. So I decided to crack a joke. “What else could there be? She pregnant?” I found myself laughing at my own joke. But Angel wasn’t. I almost choked on my own spit. “Angel? Don’t fuckin’ play like that. Tell me you’re lying.”

  “I wish I could.”

  At that moment, I saw that my own situation wasn’t half as bad. “Angel, please don’t tell me that Tasha is pregnant by some other nigga.” My heart sank to my feet. I had so many questions. I didn’t know where to start. What has my girl gotten herself into? “What is Trae saying? How did this happen? Kaylin let this go on? What the fuck was Tasha thinking?” I wouldn’t let Angel get a word in. But I needed to hear the answers to my questions from the horse’s mouth. “Let me see if I can get Tasha on a three way call,” I told her and started dialing Tasha’s cell before Angel could respond. As soon as it started ringing, I clicked Angel in.

  “H-e-llo.” The amount of strain in her voice made me know that shit was ugly, but what she told me floored me for the second time tonight.

  “Tasha, it’s me. I got Angel on the other line. We are worried about you. What the hell is going on? You or Kyra never answer the phone. Where y’all at? And why haven’t I heard from either one of y’all?”

  “I just got a call from Aisha. She said something about Kyra being dead.” Tasha told us.

  “What?” Me and Angel shrieked at the same time.

  “Tasha what the fuck are you talking about?” Angel was on it. She and Kyra are first cousins.

  Tasha started crying. “I kind of believe it because I haven’t heard from Kyra in a while and that ain’t like her. Marvin has been layin’ low so we figured he and Kyra ran off some—”

  “Tasha, Kyra would have told us if she was going away,” Angel scre
amed at Tasha, cutting her off. “Why don’t you know where she is? Especially if you hadn’t heard from her in awhile, that didn’t raise a red flag? And why didn’t you call me?”

  “Angel, I’m not in the mood for your bullshit. You could have just as easily picked up the phone and called me. Just like you, I had no control over the girl calling. And you know I’ve been back and forth to New York dealing with my own drama. The number Aisha called from, we called back but no one is answering. Trae has been trying to get through on his phone. He has numbers of folks that Marvin was running with. I’m telling y’all, it’s some shiesty shit going on, we just don’t know what. Marvin was back getting high, so it ain’t no telling. I just know that Aisha told me that she thinks her mom is dead and for me to come and get her. Then somebody took the phone from her.”

  ONI

  I put little Faheem to bed, went to my den and poured me a shot of Henny. I was both restless and tired. Hearing Jaz’s voice over the phone was like déjà vu. I hated how she always reminded me of how I wished that I was in her shoes. I hated that she was the one that he always went home to. And this time would be no different. Well, there would be a difference. If he wants to be a part of his son’s life then he would have to be a part of mine.

  Seeing Faheem released so many suppressed emotions. Emotions that I had buried away very deep and never planned on digging up. I know I was wrong for not telling him about his son. But I knew that one day he would find him and it would hurt him. And I wanted him to hurt, too. I looked forward to the day when he would feel the same hurt that he left me with over and over. I poured another shot.

  My doorbell rang and I decided to ignore it. It most likely was one of my brothers, but I was not in the mood for any company. I simply reclined back onto my favorite easy chair and closed my eyes. The bell rang again but I didn’t care. I allowed the Hennessey to make me feel warm and fuzzy. The bell rang again and again and then my phone rang. I glanced over at the caller ID. It was them. When Jaz called me earlier I didn’t know if it was from her cell phone, their house phone or his phone. I didn’t want to know. What do they want this time? I answered it and she didn’t even give me a chance to say hello.