Justify My Thug

by Wahida Clark

  “Oh, so now you ready to walk on your own?” the one who took my purse said as he grabbed my arm yanking the rest of the way.

  “Y’all better get the fuck off of me,” I threatened.

  “Jimil, let her go man.” They both turned me loose. The one named Deuce held out my Louie.

  “There’s your ride right there. Go ahead up the stairs. Nice doing business with you,” smartass Jimil said.

  “Fuck you.” I snatched my bag from him and headed for my ride in the sky. Each step I took weighed me down more than the previous one.

  TRAE

  I fixed my stare on the portrait of the waterfall in hopes of not losing my composure. I was refusing to believe that my marriage had evolved into this spectacle and just how off the chain Tasha had gotten. As far as Kyron was concerned, whatever happens happens. But at least nobody can say that I didn’t give the nigga ample warnings.

  TASHA

  I stepped onto the plane and the stewardess Maggie greeted me. “Mrs. Macklin, good to see you again. Let me take you to your seat. Mr. Macklin is waiting on you.”

  I didn’t say anything, even though she was still talking. I had completely blocked her out. I was focused on preparing myself for Mr. Macklin. He was seated, looking calm as ever, legs crossed as if he was posing for the cover of GQ magazine. He gave the appearance of not having a care in the world. Of course he had that smirk on his face that said, “I told you I would find your ass and drag you back home.” He motioned for me to sit down across from him.

  The captain made an announcement to buckle up and prepare for departure. Maggie came by and asked if we would like anything to drink before takeoff. Trae told her no.

  I sat there occasionally stealing glances at my husband. Of course, he did not take his gaze away from me and didn’t open his mouth during the whole time we were ascending up into the air. When the fasten seat belt sign turned off, I got up to go to the restroom. As soon as I closed the door I went to the toilet and threw up. I wasn’t sure if it was from fear, the flying or from the delicious slice of greasy pizza I had just gobbled down.

  I made it to the sink and checked out my surroundings. I loved this bathroom. It reminded me of an upscale nightclub. It had a plush, butter soft leather sofa, a marble vanity table and all of the amenities you could think of, except for toothbrushes and toothpaste. I hit the call button for Maggie. I hoped that there was some mouth utensils somewhere around. In the meantime I would just hang out in here as long as I could.

  I sat on the sofa, tilted my head back and closed my eyes. Once again my thoughts turned to Kyron. I was wondering if he was dead or alive. If he was dead what would I do? If he was still alive what would he do next?”

  The bathroom door flew open and instead of it being Maggie, in waltzed Trae. “What are you doing?” he asked me.

  “What did you do to him, Trae?”

  I swear he looked like he turned into the devil. The whites of his eyes turned red, his nose flared and his face was contorted. He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. “Come again?”

  “What did you do to him?”

  “Ask me about the next nigga again and I promise you, I’m gonna lace your jawpiece.”

  “Trae, I just asked you a simple question. You can’t give me a simple answer? What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?” My dumb ass obviously forgot who I was talking to and what he promised to do to me. Because the next thing you know he had punched me dead in the jaw, keeping his promise. My bottom lip started bleeding after I bit it and this nigga had the nerve to put his ear to my mouth. Yeah, this nigga has officially lost his muthafuckin’ mind.

  “Now what was it that you asked me?” When I didn’t answer he yelled, “Speak up! I can’t hear you.”

  TRAE

  After that little incident, all I heard from my wife was some sniffles. I didn’t want to hit her, but damn. How the fuck was she gonna ask me about the nigga who she was fuckin’ on the side? I admit, if she would have fucked any other nigga I’m sure I would have been able to deal a little bit better, but she fucked a nigga who was supposed to be like family. She really had me fucked up.

  “What do you want from me, Trae?” She asked through sniffles.

  “You want to ask me about the welfare of the next nigga?” I wasn’t ready to leave that shit alone. I was mad insulted.

  She shook her head no.

  “Good. Now that we got that out the way, clean off your lip, come out here and sit down and I’ll tell you what I want from you.”

  I left her in the bathroom and went to sit down. I saw that Maggie had left a tray of beverages and snacks on the table next to us. I needed to clear my head so I sparked up what was left of my spliff, hit it a couple of times and put it out. My wife finally decided to join me. She took the seat across from me looking like she lost her best friend.

  I got right down to it. “Tasha, you know what I want. I don’t even have to tell you. Why the fuck you think I’m chasing you from coast to coast? Because I ain’t got shit else to do? I want my wife back. I want my family back together. If you are pregnant, I want to know who the baby belongs to. If it’s not mine, I want you to get rid of it and stop fuckin’ around like you ain’t got no damned sense. That’s what the fuck I want.”

  TASHA

  No this nigga did not hit me … again and turn around and give me this long ass list of demands of what he wants. “Trae, what about what I want? I wanted you to stop fucking that Asian bitch. I wanted you to not bring home an STD. I wanted you to never put your hands on me. I wanted you to not break my heart into itty bitty pieces … like you promised me you never would.” I had begun raising my voice.

  His suave ass took a sip of whatever was in his glass. I swear I wanted to scream, “Fuck you!”

  And while I’m at it, I am going to say, “Fuck all of you haters!” I’m sitting here thinking about how my life has turned into a DVD series of Maury’s first second and third seasons. Yeah, I’ve been fucked on the hood of a car by a certified thug nigga. And yeah, I have a fly ass, gangsta ass nut case for a husband. Yeah, I don’t know who I’m pregnant by and for real, at this point, I honestly don’t give a fuck. Why? Because my shit is still on point. I checked my Twitter account and all of these haters was on there tweetin’ about … you guessed it … ME! So fuck this next ho emailing my girl Wahida talking about I’m a chicken head, I’m this, I’m that. NO! What I am is full of Thug Matrimony, Every Thug Needs a Lady and me and my girls all have Thugs and we are the Women Who Love Them. So the next time you out in cyber space flappin’ ya gums, get it right. If you want a happy ending I suggest you go pick up a Harlequin romance. Wahida’s shit is for the big dawgs, the street thugs and the bitches.

  TRAE

  I’m sitting here sipping on a shot of Jack Daniel’s looking at and listening to my wife rant. I had to admit, that I must be fucked up in the head because I was more in love with her ass now than I was the day we met. This shit was making no kind of sense. And it was fucking me up because I didn’t want to forgive her. She was glowing and the thought of the baby not being mine … words can’t describe. I sat my beverage down and slid to the edge of the seat.

  “Baby, I never told you I was perfect. I can’t take none of that shit back. If I could, I swear on my cousin Shaheem’s grave that I would. I would take it all back in a heartbeat.”

  “Trae, please.” She sucked her teeth and gave me the hand.

  I did a double take and took the hand in my face in mine. I looked at this big ass rock on her finger and counted to four. Fuck ten. I couldn’t get that far. “Tasha, what is this?”

  “A ring, Trae.” Her voice was trembling.

  “I can see that. But it damned sure ain’t the one I put on your finger. What the fuck?”

  “Ain’t nothing, Trae. Nothing at all.” She turned away from me and tears began to flow down her cheeks. The devil was telling me to break her fuckin’ finger off. The angel said, “No. Don’t do that. Count all the way to ten this time.” And m
iraculously I managed to do so. It wasn’t easy. He then told me to simply take the ring off. The devil said, “Yeah, and flush that bitch down the toilet of the friendly skies.” I slid it off of her finger, went into the bathroom and flushed it.

  I came back and sat down. I started laughing. “You turned that nigga completely out, got his nose wide open. He actually proposed to you? Damn, girl. You really put it on the nigga. Just like you did to me. I ain’t gonna lie, I’m jealous as fuck. Wait. Wait. Hold up. I bet you know what did it. That pregnant pussy. That’s what took him over the edge. Oh, yeah. Ain’t no turning back after a nigga hit that pregnant pussy. Your shit will bring the strongest nigga to his knees. I should know, right? I mean look at my ass. I can’t turn back. I can’t let you go.” I was talking to myself more so than to Tasha.

  “Trae, shut up!” She screamed at me. I guess she didn’t want to hear what I was saying. “You started this shit, so now what?”

  “You want your top lip to match your bottom?”

  She sat back and crossed her arms and shook her head.

  “Now back to your question. First things first baby girl. We gonna get the pregnancy test and that needle DNA thing. If you are not carrying my seed, we are getting an abortion.”

  TASHA

  “We are not getting an abortion, Trae and that’s my final answer. So where does that leave us?”

  “So, what are you telling me? You think I’ma just sit back and give you a free pass to ride off into the sunset with this nigga? I don’t think so.”

  “I’m not getting an abortion.”

  The next thing you know, this nigga snatched me up and started dragging me, to where I had no clue. That was until we came to a door and we were at the top of some stairs. Down below, I guess was where they kept the luggage and everything else. He dragged my ass down the steps. But when I saw the emergency exit, I panicked and started kicking and screaming. The closer we got to the emergency exit the more terrified I became.

  “Trae, stop! Why are you doing this?” I screamed.

  “You want to be with that nigga? Well, you can join him in hell. You think the Li Organization is going to kill you anyway, right? Well, I’ll do them a favor … and that’s my final answer.”

  He was trying to get the emergency door open but was having a hard time holding onto me and pushing the door open at the same time. I was frantically trying to break away from him. I couldn’t believe this nigga was about to throw me off a plane. When he started kicking on the emergency door, I pissed on myself.

  “Please, Trae don’t do this,” I begged. I had to get him out of the zone. It was now or never. “What if it’s our baby? What if it’s your baby?” He kept kicking. “Okay, okay, please. I’ll get the abortion. I’ll get the abortion. First thing in the morning I’ll get the abortion.” That did it. I got through. He stopped kicking at the door and looked down at me. “I’ll get it, baby. I’ll get it, I assured him.”

  The door at the top of the stairs opened and the pilot rushed down the stairs. “Mr. Macklin! Oh god … please. Calm down. Mr. Macklin, please … come back upstairs.”

  Trae dropped me to the floor I sat there trying to gain my composure as I watched him walk towards the steps.

  “I’ll get the fuckin’ abortion!” I screamed after him.

  Trae stopped, looked down at me, turned around, walked past the pilot and went up the stairs.

  I had never been so scared and so embarrassed in my whole life. The pilot and Maggie helped me up and practically carried me up the stairs. I had pissed on myself and there was nothing that they or I could do about that. I didn’t have any clothes and neither did anyone else. The pilot went to talk to Trae and Maggie took me to the ladies room. I told her thanks but wouldn’t let her in.

  “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

  “I’m sure, thanks.” I closed the bathroom door and locked it. I sat my pissy ass down on the plush butter soft sofa and didn’t come out until the plane landed.

  I was not about to lose my life over Kyron who was probably dead anyway. I was ready to get the abortion.

  TRAE

  I knocked on the bathroom door and when Tasha opened it, I handed her the pocketbook or whatever they called it. Of course I went all through it. Her ring was in there and I took her hand and placed it where it belonged. She was stiff as a zombie. Her hair was all messed up, the whole nine. Hell, if somebody tried to shove me off a plane, way up in the air, I guess I’d be a little shook too. I didn’t say anything.

  The limo took us to the house and it was a long quiet ride. Kaylin had called me several times. I guess it was to question me about Kyron. The nigga must have been alive. Good for him.

  TASHA

  When we pulled up to the house, Trae let me in and then he left. I went straight to the bathroom on the first floor, took off my pissy jeans, tossed them into the trash and jumped in the shower and cried.

  The only thing I had to look forward to was seeing my kids who I was anxious to see. I hadn’t seen them in a couple of weeks, however it seemed like months. I had meant to ask Trae if they were coming back from Florida this week, but after his little stunt I couldn’t even think straight. I took my time in the shower, and collected my thoughts. I could no longer lie to myself, Trae scared the shit out of me. The game was over. Our family was more important.

  I stepped out of the shower and dried off. I wrapped the towel around me and went upstairs. I heard a little peoples cough and it sounded like my baby, Caliph. That could only mean that my boys were home and Aunt Marva was most likely in the mother-in-law suite. I went into the kids’ bedroom and turned on the lamp.

  “My babies. My babies are home.” I was so thankful to Trae for that as my eyes swelled with tears. I missed them so much. I didn’t know who to kiss first, but then, there was a fourth body. What the hell? I was a little scared to pull the comforter back. I counted the bodies again. “One. Two. Three … four.” I knew I wasn’t crazy.

  A little arm raised up and the voice said, “Move over, Caliph.”

  “Oh, my God!” I knew that voice. But how could it be? I went over to the bed and pulled the cover back. “Aisha! Aisha! Wake up baby! Oh my God!” I screamed, probably waking up the entire neighborhood. I forgot about my drama for the time being.

  My niece was back.

  EIGHTEEN

  NINA

  I stood there watching my man pack his bag. No. I didn’t want him to go to LA. Why? Because ever since I met this chick in the bathroom of a Dallas BBQ restaurant in New York, I noticed a slight change of attitude. Then when he started calling the number she stored in my phone and couldn’t get through, he got fed up. And now he was on his way.

  RICK

  I’m laughing to myself as I’m packing my bag. Nina’s standing here watching me acting like I ain’t never coming back. I told her I’m going to check on a few things and I’ll only be gone for a few days.

  It’s buggin’ me out because I had a change of heart. I told myself to let sleeping dogs lie. Don’t go back. Not even to visit. I was blessed to walk away once … alive. It was close though. I was blessed to walk away from Atlanta. I hated it down there. That’s two times I was blessed to walk away with a clean slate. However, I’m still a detective at heart and I’ve been one for almost seventeen years. I have learned to listen to my gut. But for whatever reason, this time is not a gut instinct. It’s more like a pulling or a nagging. I’m being pulled to LA and the harder I fight it the stronger it gets. Obviously Nina is feeling it but doesn’t know what it is, so she can only react by telling me not to go.

  FAHEEM

  Jaz was going through the house like a maniac, packing all hers and Kaeerah’s shit. She was pissing me off. “Jaz, where the fuck do you think you are going?”

  “Why should I believe you? You didn’t believe me. You kicked me out of the house remember? And all because of that bitch. So the only question that comes to my mind is, ‘Did you fuck her?’”

  “Jaz, dead that
. You know I ain’t fuck her and you know that I didn’t put you out because of her.”

  “I told you the bitch set me up and you didn’t believe me. What the fuck does that say about our relationship? No, better yet, how do you think I felt sitting out on the gotdamn grass while you scolded me like a child, Faheem? Me and you are better than that. You let that bullshit just come between us. Like I’m some fuckin’ hood-booger and not your soulmate. I’m not putting up with that shit. No. I’m out of here just like you said.”

  “No! You ain’t goin’ no fuckin’ where!” I yelled as I started going crazy, throwing her shit back in closets and dressers.

  Kaeerah, our little Jaz came into the bedroom. “Why are y’all fighting?”

  Me and Jaz looked at each other.

  “Y’all don’t love each other anymore?” she asked in her innocent voice. This pierced through my heart. I walked over, and picked her up. I looked into her little eyes and explained. “Because daddy made a big mistake. I messed up and now your mother is mad at me and wants to move out. I love your mother very much and I don’t want her to move out. I want for all of us to stay here. Tell your mother to stay here.”

  “Mom, don’t be mad at daddy because he’s sorry. And don’t leave. We don’t want you to leave. We all belong here.” My daughter came over to where I was and began to help me unpack Jaz’s stuff.

  JAZ

  Oh he’s good. That was a very low and dirty little trick to get our daughter in on this shit. If it wasn’t for Kaeerah, I swear to God, I would have left my husband for good. She came into our bedroom at the right time. I meant it. I was out. They unpacked all of my stuff while I sat outside on the front porch trying to cool off. When they finished Faheem came outside to join me.

  “When this crisis is over with your son, I am out of here.”

  “Jaz, I’ll be man enough to admit that as soon as that shit went down, I tripped. So you mean to tell me that you’re going to hold that against me? Because of that one mistake you’re going to leave me?”