Scars and Songs

by Christine Zolendz

  “Thank you,” she said. I could feel the smile on her lips.

  I nuzzled my face against the back of her neck and between her shoulder blades. She arched her body into mine. “For what, saying you’re beautiful? Like you don’t hear that from every freaking guy that looks at you.”

  “No, not that. For saving my life tonight. You could have gotten killed, Shane. Don’t do anything like that for me again.”

  I softly placed my lips on the nape of her neck, and kissed her. “Shut up and go to sleep, Grace.”

  I didn’t think I’d ever get to sleep that night, with her in my arms, her body so close against me, and the terrifying thoughts that somewhere, there was someone trying to hurt her. However, when her body settled and her breaths evened out, my eyelids became too heavy and I drifted off to sleep. It was a dreamless night, but I kept waking to make sure she was still safe in my arms.

  Chapter 11

  Grace was poking me and giggling quietly to herself. I could see from behind my closed eyelids and the brightness that hit them, that it was daytime on the other side. She tried to slide herself out from my arms, but I only smiled and held her tighter. While she was trying to roll over and fling her legs onto the floor, I rolled my body on top of hers and started a full-fledged wrestling match. She finally pinned me down and flung herself off the bed and onto the floor laughing. So, I dove on top of her.

  There was a loud knock on my door and both of us bolted off the floor laughing like we were afraid of getting caught all over each other.

  Without another knock or anything, Ethan came barging in holding a steaming cup of coffee, “Hey, I got coffee and bagels inside!” His eyes looked back and forth between Grace and me. His face reddened and he looked down at the floor, “Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

  Yeah, right.

  “Ethan, you didn’t interrupt anything. We were just wrestling to get to the door first. There is absolutely nothing going on between Shane and me.” Her cheeks were stained crimson.

  What the hell? Absolutely nothing going on? She was rubbing that gorgeous ass of hers against my rock hard dick all fucking night and there’s nothing going on?

  Ethan shrugged, nodded his head and gave me a serious look. “Well, breakfast is inside anyway. Everybody is packing up now, so we should be heading out soon.” Not waiting for a response from either of us, he just turned his back and left the room, closing the door behind him.

  Her eyes caught mine, and I’m sure my emotions where screaming loud and clear at her. I was livid.

  “What’s that look for?” she asked.

  “Why do you do shit like that?” I said, pointing to the door Ethan just closed.

  “Like what?” Now she’s playing all innocent?

  “Pretend that you don’t give a shit about me. You’re the one that asked me to sleep in here last night. I get a lot of mixed signals from you, Grace.”

  I could see her mind scrambling for an excuse, wracking her brain for something to tell me so we couldn’t continue on this tense rollercoaster ride. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she tilted her head down and sighed, “Look, I was with someone for a long time. We had to go our separate ways, but I’m still in love with him. I don’t...want anybody else. So...this is weird for me. I’m sorry if I’m giving you any signals. I really don’t want to be with anyone but him.” Her eyes dropped to the floor, she couldn’t even fucking look at me.

  I call BULLSHIT!

  Nevertheless, she continued with her bullshit story, “Ever. Especially with anyone who would think I was only worth one night of their existence,” she whispered. She still looked down; cheeks blazing red.

  That was the reason, plain and simple. My, well, really mostly Shane’s, history of being a player. There was nothing I could do at the moment to prove that she was wrong. It was going to take me just being her friend and earning her trust to get her to understand me and let me in.

  So I let her walk out of my room. When she got into the hallway, I called after her, “Every fucking breath I take from now on will be solely to prove you wrong, Grace, every last one.”

  Grace strolled right into the bathroom and softly closed the door behind her, pretending she couldn’t hear me, ending our discussion.

  Frustrated, I stormed into the kitchen. Everybody was there; even Tucker’s asshat of a cousin, Blake, was there. Maybe a year ago, the real Shane would have thought that was cool, having Blake around. The real Shane and Blake were once tight. Of course, drug addicts stick together and party hard. Freaking junky.

  Bagels and a big Box of Joe littered the table and counters.

  “Hey, there’s my partner in crime. You got a little hottie in that Bone Room of yours?” Blake fist bumped me with a coffee and bagel in his hand.

  Pounding his fist back, I said, “Hey, Blake. What’s new?”

  He sipped his coffee and swallowed, “Great shit. Tucker’s father has me in his firm now. I’ve been staying with Tuck for a few days until I get a place set up for myself.”

  “Great,” I said through clenched teeth. Didn’t he realize I didn’t even want to look at him, let alone talk to him? I pulled myself up to sit on the counter. There was no room around the table, since Tucker, Ethan, Conner, Alex, and Brayden sat in each seat.

  “Dickbag, where’s Grace?” Tucker cut in.

  I shrugged. “Bathroom maybe.”

  “Thanks for helping Grace last night,” Tucker smiled. “I plan to make my girl really fall in love with me this weekend, going to sweep her right off her feet.”

  “She’s not your girl, Tucker,” I said flatly.

  Everyone just sat back and watched our exchange, laughing. Even I laughed at Tucker’s stupidity and arrogance.

  Then Grace walked in. I could hear the audible gasp from Blake’s lips when he saw her, and saw how his whole body went rigid. I completely understood what the guy was going through, but it would be over my dead body before I would let that drug addict loser lay a finger on her.

  “Hey, there she is! Good afternoon, beautiful! It’s about time you got up!” Tucker called out, shoving a bagel in his mouth. I pulled myself up onto the countertop quietly and didn’t even lift my head when she walked in. Lea walked in behind her, patted me on the knee, and smiled. I wonder what Lea is thinking, is she encouraging me? I wish human women came with a book or even a little tiny pamphlet of instructions…just something to explain them to me.

  Grace nodded in Tucker’s direction, walked straight to the Box of Joe, and poured herself some coffee. I tossed her a packet of sweetener, and even though she kept her head down, I watched her bite her bottom lip and smile, knowing I remembered how she liked her coffee.

  Tucker jumped out of his seat, food falling all over the floor, cleared his throat and started barking out commands, “So, Grace, we are going to be taking your Jeep and Blake’s truck. As soon as you are ready, we can leave. I’ll drive your Jeep and you can just sit and enjoy the ride.”

  Stirring in the sweetener, Grace looked up towards Tucker with venom in her steel colored eyes. “I’m driving my Jeep, Tucker. And I have no clothes, since my bedroom somehow caught fire last night, so before I go on your little trip, I’d like to stop at a store to buy some clothes, so I don’t have to stay in Shane’s tee-shirt and boxers the whole time I’m there. When you guys are ready, you can leave, and I’ll be about an hour behind you. Just give me the address. I have a GPS, so I’ll be fine.”

  Curt. Cold. Hiding emotions. She was hiding from me.

  Lea stepped up, “No way…”

  Blake cut her off, “Well, that sounds like a plan then. If you’d like, I can stay behind and keep you company, and make sure nothing else happens.”

  Not a chance.

  Grace snapped her head in Blake’s direction; her eyes widened a bit, as she looked him over.

  Oh, hell no, why the hell was she looking at him like that?

  He stood leaning his back casually against the countertop watching her.
Grace stared back at him fixating on the asshat’s blue eyes.

  What. The. Hell?

  “Hi,” he said with his cheeks turning bright red. “I’m Blake, Tucker’s cousin.”

  Grace looked like she was having trouble breathing. My heart felt like it was ripping out of my chest. Why the HELL DID SHE LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT?

  Tucker shot up and leaned into the space between Blake and Grace, folding his arms. His face was tight and possessive. “Thanks, cuz, but I don’t want to be responsible for your brand new truck,” he said eyeing Blake. “Besides, Grace doesn’t even know you, so I don’t think she’d be that comfortable driving with you, since her feelings for her safety have been in question lately.”

  I acknowledge now, that it was all kinds of fucked up that I wanted to kiss Tucker at that moment. I didn’t though, then Tucker would get all Bad Bromance on me, yet I was grateful for his big lawyerish mouth then.

  Blake pushed himself off the counter and looked down at Tucker as if he was trying to scare him. Tension filled the air. Everyone in the kitchen had stopped talking and watched the exchange between them.

  Alex chuckling low in the corner was the only sound in the room.

  I toyed with the idea of letting them kill each other and get all the competition out of the way. Instead, I jumped off the counter and strolled past them as if nothing was going on. “Wow, this is like mating season at the zoo. Why don’t I go with Grace later after she picks up what she needs? After all, everyone knows there will never be anything between Grace and me. Ever.” I leveled my eyes at her and her cheeks flamed.

  Tucker backed off, but Blake was humming with angry energy. He charged towards me, but I sidestepped him and ignored the advance. I walked over to Grace and gently escorted her out of the kitchen and back down the hallway to my room, “You have a strong effect on people, don’t you?”

  She said nothing, just followed me into my room.

  Lea walked in right after us and shot Grace a wide-eyed look that expressed her concern about what had just happened. “What in the world was that about?”

  Grace grabbed at her hands and whispered, “Did you see the color of his eyes?”

  The freaking color of his eyes? What, drug addict blue?

  Grace glanced at me and moved closer to Lea so I wouldn’t hear, “He has the exact color that I’ve been looking for.”

  I heard anyway. What the hell was this about? Oh, hell I was going to be asking Lea later.

  “Are you effing serious? Are you positive?” She started pacing and dancing around.

  “What are you two whispering about? What have you been looking for?” Conner asked walking in.

  Neither of them answered. They just gawked at him as if they were waiting for him to leave. Well, I wasn’t leaving. This was my damn room, and I wanted to know what the hell was going on.

  Conner nodded at me, “Someone has got to talk to Tucker, he’s obsessed. And did you see him and Blake? Dude, I thought it was going to come to blows.”

  I didn’t bother to answer him. I just watched Grace. Her eyes locked on mine and a sadness spread across her features, like whatever was bothering her could hurt me.

  Then a small smiled appeared on her lips, but never reached her eyes. “I just think that everyone is a bit nervous and out of sorts because of what’s going on, that’s all. Everyone’s on edge, so we definitely should get out of the city and up to Tucker’s as soon as we can. It’ll make everyone relax and we won’t have to look over our shoulders for a while.” She watched me carefully looking lost and defeated.

  “Do you want me to stay here and drive up with you? It’s up to you, nobody should make the call for you,” I said.

  “That’s fine,” she answered. She gave Lea a smile, “I’ll just run to the store quickly. I promise I’ll be right behind you guys.”

  Conner and I left the girls to their girly talking and helped pack up the cars. My mind kept wandering back to the words Grace said to Lea when she thought I couldn’t hear. Did you see the color of his eyes? He has the exact color that I’ve been looking for. Look, I know some women have those stupid checklists with all the traits a perfect guy has to have, or a dumbass test Mr. Perfect has to pass to prove he is the real freaking Mr. Perfect. But if Grace’s only thing is the color of the jackasses eyes, then that’s just messed up and shallow. Besides, his eyes are blue like mine. Does the color of his hair, light shit brown, make him more attractive to her than my dark hair? What the hell is wrong with women?

  I watched Grace closely as everybody trudged through the snow and got in Blake’s grotesquely enormous black Cadillac Escalade. She couldn’t take her eyes off Blake. She kept twisting the hem of my tee shirt that she was still wearing like she was nervous or anticipating something big. It made me insane. She just met this guy. When she finds out what an ass he is and the bad crap he’s messed himself up with, she’s going to hate him. I hoped. I wanted to scream out that Blake used to be Shane’s dealer. I wanted to let her know what a junky, lowlife piece of trash he was. I wanted to, and I freaking should have, but I knew she’d fight me on it and I couldn’t stand the thought of us fighting anymore.

  Dressed in my leather jacket, tee shirt, boxers and a pair of Lea’s sneakers, we treaded through the snow across the avenue to a department store that was empty (thank God) because of the snowstorm. Grace didn’t even bother to try anything on. She just told me her size and asked me to help her grab as much crap as I could. Yeah, so I picked up some sexy underwear and low cut shirts. I made her laugh every time I brought something to the register that was revealing, yet she bought it all. Thirty minutes later, we were back at my apartment. That had to be some sort of women’s shopping record or something.

  Grace started throwing everything she bought into a backpack she also purchased at the store, when her phone started ringing. She ran into the bathroom with it immediately. Feeling a little jilted, I sat on the couch and flipped on the television. Every station I turned to had news on about the blizzard that was about to hit the city. It looked like it was going to be a bad one too. There was already a decent amount of snow on the ground and the weather center was saying the storm hadn’t even hit us yet.

  My phone alerted me to a text message.

  Conner: Blake and Tucker are dicks

  Shane: Y?

  Conner: They r in car placing bets who can bag Grace first

  Shane: Serious?

  Conner: Up to $1000

  Conner: Lea is showing Grace now

  Shane: Showing?

  Conner: Lea got whole convo on video

  Shane: I have to see it

  Conner: Sending you two videos we just sent Grace

  Conner: Alex and Ethan are throwing crap at them as we drive

  My phone alerted me to a new multimedia message. A video. Lea had recorded some of the conversation in Blake’s truck. The conversation was between Tucker and Blake placing bets on who would bag Grace first. They were fighting and shoving each other in the front seat as Blake drove through the snow.

  It was pretty damn comical.

  The next multimedia message wasn’t. Before I saw anything, I heard Grace playing her guitar. The camera phone scanned across the studio from Grace to me. My expression was complete and utter awe, and I was on my knees. The camera focused in on my face and tears welled in my eyes. Conner had recorded the night of the auditions, when Grace played to me the very first time. I clicked the phone shut instantly. I didn’t want to watch the expression on my face when I was falling in love with her, not now, not when I’d never know if she’d ever be mine. And this is what she’s in the fucking bathroom watching right now, Blake and Tucker placing bets on her and me falling on my God damn knees in front of her.

  Kill me now.

  I banged on the bathroom door. I needed to see her face; I needed to see what the fuck was going on in her head.

  Grace flung the door open with red teary eyes.

  “Aww, Grace. Are you okay?” I asked raisin
g my hand to reach out for her.

  “I’m fine, but I really have to go now. I’ve wasted way too much time and waited too damn long.”

  Waited too long? Wasted too much time? What the hell was she talking about now? It’s been like forty-five minutes.

  She squeezed my hand as she walked past me, grabbed her backpack from her bedroom and jingled her keys. “I am so ready for this to be over,” she said.

  But the tears still poured down her face.

  Chapter 12

  I brushed off the snow that had collected on the front and back windshields of Grace’s Jeep, amazed how this city sparkled under the foot of snow that accumulated over the past few days. The news said that the snowstorm would reach us in about an hour, and that no one should be driving in the city unless it was an emergency.

  Grace flung the driver’s side door open and threw herself in the Jeep like a mad woman. Yeah, I think getting away from Carl Sumpton was definitely an emergency.

  I opened the passenger side door and knocked my boots on the side of the well, spraying snow all over.

  She glared at me. “Hurry up, just get in, I want to get out on the road ahead of this storm if we can.”

  I rolled my eyes. “We could just stay here, Grace. We don’t have to go to Tucker’s. I promise, I’ll keep you safe.”

  “Shane, I’m going. If you want to stay, then stay.”

  Grace shivered, turned on the heat and defrost, and tried to blow some warmth into her hands. She plugged in her GPS system and keyed in our destination. Outside, the snow fell faster.

  I pulled my door closed and the bang echoed through the silence of the night. She stomped on the gas before I could even get my seatbelt on.

  She pulled the Jeep over the snowdrifts in four-wheel drive; the wind howled against the car. “Looks like the angels are having one hell of a pillow fight,” she laughed nervously.

  “Pillow fight,” I whispered. I cringed inside myself. Why did humans believe that angels had pillow fights? Why did they even think that they acknowledged humans any longer? This earth had long been forgotten about. I was once one of their kind, and even I was forgotten about.