Little Rainbows

by Helena Stone

  She rounded a corner and faced the entrance to the pergola. It was as beautiful as it had been the first time she’d seen it. She glanced into the little house completely built from flowers and saw the small table, the ice bucket, two glasses and… “Jason.”

  A huge smile lit up his face. “Heather, beautiful, you’re back.”

  She couldn’t bring herself to take the last few steps. God he’s gorgeous.

  “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  She’d been staring and wasn’t sure for how long. “I’m fine. It’s just that I expected to see you when I arrived.” She felt silly now. She’d been worrying while he’d gone out of his way to create this romantic welcome back surprise for her. “Don’t mind me.” She was tempted to leave it there, but they had promised to be honest with each other. “I guess I’m more insecure than I thought I was.”

  She grimaced as Jason groaned.

  “Shit. I got it wrong again, didn’t I?”

  She shook her head. “No, Jason, this one is completely on me.”

  “No, you don’t get to claim this. I should have thought this through. I could have created this set-up and still have met you in the lobby.” He looked away for a second. “I wanted to meet you here. For it to be just the two of us.” He took the three steps still separating them and touched her face. “I wanted to welcome you back in private.” He moved his face closer to hers and softly kissed her mouth. “I didn’t want witnesses or bystanders for this moment. Just us, nobody else.”

  “Jason.” She touched his cheek, enjoying the soft sting of his stubble against her fingers. She glanced around and noticed the plates with bite-size treats, the candles and, as if there weren’t enough of them around, the flowers spread over the table. “It’s perfect. This is perfect.”

  “Come.” Taking her hand he pulled her into the flower-built structure. Sitting down, he lifted her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He touched her face, traced her lips, stroked through her hair and she lost herself in the sensations. She’d expected a stormy reunion, a rushed coming together of two people hungry for each other and only now realized she needed this sweet, slow reconnection so much more. The last remnants of tension left her. Resting her head against his chest she closed her eyes. She kept them shut as he lifted her chin and kissed her.

  “I can’t believe how close I came to ruining this.”

  His voice was soft, almost a whisper, but she recognized the remorse.

  “It wasn’t just you.”

  She’d been thinking about this during the drive from Dublin. It would have been easy to blame him and his pride for everything they’d put each other through. Easy, but not fair.

  “We rushed into this, Jason, both of us. We never stopped to think, never mind talk.”

  “I know, but I should have—”

  “No.” Maybe it was rude to interrupt him, but she wasn’t about to allow him to do this again. “You should have nothing. You didn’t force me to kiss you, or sleep with you or even to submit to you.”

  “But I knew you were only coming out of your mourning.”

  “Maybe. But how I deal with my past was, and is, my responsibility.”

  She watched as emotions swept across his face. She recognized worry, and a hint of anger followed by a tenderness so vivid she could almost feel it surround her. The determination finally settling on his face told her the discussion wasn’t finished by a long shot.

  “Listen.” They both said the word at the same time and burst out laughing. When she calmed down, Heather continued, “Just let me say one more thing then I will listen, I promise.”

  Jason nodded his head.

  “Everything I did—coming here, watching Hector and Amber, kissing you, sleeping with you, submitting to you… I did all those things because I wanted, needed to. Those were my decisions. Maybe I didn’t think all of them through as well as I should have. Maybe I should have known myself better and postponed watching a scene until I’d been here a while longer. But I didn’t and it was something I had to experience. I shouldn’t be involved in organizing your party if I can’t deal with what is such a big and essential part of it.”

  This was harder than she’d thought. She wasn’t quite sure how to say what she thought and felt, what words to use. “And I’m glad I did it, Jason.” She smiled when he frowned at her. “I needed that shock to my system to get me out of the rut I’d fallen into.

  She stared down and smiled when she noticed herself twisting her wedding ring around her finger. A glance at Jason told her he’d noticed her nervous tick. In an effort to distract both of them, she picked one of the flowers from the table and stroked the petals.

  “If it hadn’t been for the shock of seeing Hector and Amber, if I hadn’t gone through the pain that night”—she sighed—“and if it hadn’t been for you holding me through the aftermath, I don’t know if or when I would have started feeling and living again.”

  * * * *

  Confusion reigned supreme in Jason’s head. He looked at her face, trying to determine if it was his turn to speak yet, and felt some of the tension in his body dissolve when he saw her smile. He had to search for the words. This wasn’t the speech he’d been preparing in his head all day. He’d been ready to take responsibility, apologize again and promise to pay more attention to her from now on. He was ready for a talk about boundaries, limits and safe-words. They still needed to have that talk. Later.

  “Even if I accept I wasn’t responsible for your breakdown”—he saw her frown at the word ‘even’ but decided to ignore it—“it still leaves the fact I missed the signs. No matter what you say, I’ll always feel I should have paid more attention to you and should have seen it coming.”

  Heather opened her mouth and closed it again.

  “It’s okay, what do you want to say?”

  He could see her weigh her words before answering.

  “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

  She looked at the flower in her hands and his gaze followed hers. She’d torn off all the petals.

  “You just didn’t know me well enough to pick up on whatever signals there may have been.” She hesitated. “Chances are you still don’t.”

  He thought about it. Part of him wanted to jump on her words, abdicate responsibility and stop feeling guilty at last. But it wasn’t as simple as she made it sound. “It’s part of what a Dom’s supposed to do, Heather—is supposed to be able to do.”

  “No.” She was emphatic. “You’re a Dom, not a mind reader or clairvoyant.”

  She stopped talking again and looked at his face, as if it could tell her what she should and shouldn’t say.

  “Even with Darren, even after years together, there were times when he didn’t read me quite right.”

  She whispered those last words. Jason had no idea what the confession might have cost her and had no intention of asking. He put his hand in her hair and kissed her, slow and deep. His lips tasted hers, caressing them, no hurry, no demands, just soft contact.

  “Okay.” He broke the kiss because he needed to talk before they took things any further. “We’ll leave that in the past, where it belongs. I’ll never feel good about what happened, no matter what you say, but I’ll try not to beat myself up over it anymore.” He treasured her grateful smile. “But we do need to talk about where we go from here and how we go about it. I’m not risking a repeat.”

  “Fair enough.” She relaxed on his lap as she spoke. “What do you want to know?”

  Typical. As she relaxed he could feel himself tensing. So much depended on her answer to his next question.

  “You submitted to me—because you wanted to or because you had to?”

  “Both, I think.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean”—a shy smile appeared on her face, making her look a lot younger than her thirty-eight years—“that my instinct was to submit to you from the moment I walked into your office.”

  She looked into his face
and he recognized the exact moment she decided to just tell it all.

  “It started small, with the need to lower my eyes. But it got stronger every time we were together. Whenever your voice changed in a certain way, my gaze would go down and it wasn’t long before I had to force my knees to stay straight.” She looked down, as if to underscore everything she’d said. “The urge to get down on my knees and present myself was strong, Jason.”

  “But you didn’t?”

  “No, I didn’t, because I wasn’t your sub. I don’t kneel for anyone except the man I’ve agreed to submit to.” Her gaze drifted away toward the garden outside the pergola where darkness had settled. “I’ve never submitted to anyone besides Darren.”

  It blew him away. Heat raced through his veins. He felt triumphant, proud and humbled all at the same time. Heather, this amazing, strong and independent woman, had never submitted to anyone except her husband but had felt the need with him and had done so on their last night together.

  “And what do you want to happen now?”

  He had to force himself to breathe. He wasn’t sure what answer he wanted. He longed for her submission. He’d come to accept the need over the past twenty-four hours. But he still wasn’t convinced throwing themselves straight into the deep end of the dynamic would do either of them any favors.

  “I want to explore this with you.” Heather’s gaze flew up to his and she looked into his eyes. Now they were reaching the crux of it. “But I think I need to take it slow, like a natural progression.”

  He could tell she wanted to look away and had to force herself to continue looking him in the eye.

  She continued. “I don’t want contracts or checklists or anything formal.”

  “Heather.” He looked away. “You know better than that.”

  “It’s too formal, too much like a commitment, a permanent arrangement.”

  Something in her voice forced him to look back at her.

  “I trust you, Jason. I know you’d never harm me.”

  He couldn’t help himself and laughed an anything but happy laugh. “I’m glad one of us does.”

  He regretted the laugh and the words as soon as they left his mouth. Whatever the intention behind his little joke had been, it wasn’t the hurt-filled look on her face now.

  “You didn’t hurt me when I submitted to you. Why do you think you’ll do so next time?” She sounded exasperated. “Why can’t we explore this together? Feel our way into it? See if it works before getting all formal about it?”

  “Because,” he suppressed the fear and frustration he felt, “I’m just not sure I trust myself enough.” It was painful to admit but true. No matter what Hector had said, regardless of Heather’s words he wasn’t convinced he had the instincts for anything that didn’t involve strict boundaries.

  “But I do.”

  Her words were soft and sliced their way through his anger, lessened his fear and filled his heart with something he didn’t want to explore right now. He sighed.

  “What are your safe words? I know about black.”

  His mind flew back to the moment that had been haunting him for days and he heard it again, the desperation in her voice as she had thrown the word at him, “black, black, black.” The word was etched into his brain.

  “What about when you’re not sure about what I’m doing?”

  Her smile was filled with relief. “Gray.”

  Black and gray, they could work with those. “And what about when everything is good?”

  “It used to be ‘white’.”

  “Used to be?”

  Heather smiled and nodded her head. “Yes. Black, gray and white. It’s a natural progression. Similar to the traditional one but personalized.”

  “But now you don’t want ‘white’ anymore?”

  He thought he understood. Of course she didn’t want a constant reminder of her times with Darren while she submitted to him.

  “No.” Her eyes lifted and shone with something he couldn’t name.

  “No, my word will be ‘rainbows’.”

  “Rainbows?”

  “Yes. They’ve been everywhere since I arrived here. They’ve been floating over the Atlantic. There were thousands of little rainbows at the blowhole when you took me there. I see them every time I look out of my window.” She touched his cheek. “Because I took them as a positive sign when I first arrived here. Because seeing them makes me happy, just as coming to The Blowhole has brought so much unexpected happiness.”

  His heart lifted. Her decision had nothing to do with Darren. Rainbows would be their word. “Rainbows. I like the idea. I want to give you all the rainbows.”

  It was time to make the decision. He wanted this. He wanted her submission. He longed to see her on her knees, waiting for his command, offering herself up to him. He felt no need to take things to the extreme. If he kept a close eye, checked on her state of mind, they might be able to explore where this would take them without the formalities. For now.

  “Okay. We’ll take baby steps as we figure it out. If you promise to use your safe words as soon as you think you need them.”

  Her nod, combined with the smile spreading across her face, reassured him and he continued.

  “We’ll take our time while we discover each other’s comfort zones. We’ll pretend we’re both novices, experiencing new sensations for the first time.”

  Maybe it would be better that way. If he knew all her limits, it would be too tempting to just rush in and discover how far he might be able to push her. This way both of them would have the time and opportunity to discover what worked between them and what didn’t. He nodded his head, confirming his decision both to himself and to Heather.

  “But first, we eat.” It had to be his imagination, but he could have sworn he noticed a load falling off her and was certain she felt lighter on his lap. “And, we’ll have a general talk about likes and dislikes while we do so.”

  She turned to face him. He waited and kept his gaze on hers as she moved her mouth toward his. He felt rather than heard the words when their lips met.

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Heather tried to empty her mind but couldn’t stop the thoughts buzzing through her head. It had been so long. She took a deep breath in on a count of four, held it and let it out again, on another count of four. She wanted to look around, see if he was in the bedroom with her but forced her eyes closed instead. Deep breath in, hold, slow breath out.

  Her mind drifted back to her reunion with Jason. She’d stayed in his lap after their talk and they’d fed each other small bites of the treats he’d welcomed her with while talking. Initially the conversation had been innocent, but it had quickly turned more heated.

  When they’d eaten all but the last crumbs, Jason’s voice had started to change, growing deeper. His words combined with the lower pitch of his voice had made her legs weak and her heart speed up.

  “When you submit to me tonight, it won’t be an accident. I’ll demand it because that is who I am and what I do. You will give it to me because you need to.”

  “Yes.”

  His words had left her breathless, even before he’d started torturing her with slow strokes, small bites and soft kisses. The touches had woken up nerve endings all over her body. Just when she thought she couldn’t keep herself from begging for more, he’d brought her here, to his bedroom, and had told her to strip and kneel.

  She wanted this and yet it was so strange to find herself on her knees, completely naked, waiting for a man she’d been in lust with twenty years ago, a man who wasn’t Darren.

  Another deep breath.

  It felt strange and yet it was completely natural. She’d listened to his instructions and done exactly as she’d been told. She’d stripped and put all her clothes away before walking to the center of his bedroom and kneeling. Her arse rested on her feet, her hands were on her thighs her head bowed. It felt like coming home after a long journey. Her body remembered this, as did h
er muscles. Even her breathing was just as she recalled, wanting to speed up unless she paid attention and kept it under control.

  How long had she been waiting? Seconds, minutes, longer? The need to say his name grew stronger. Deep breath in, hold, slow breath out. Relax the shoulders, allow instinct to take over, shut the mind off and concentrate on your body.

  She felt, rather than heard, him move behind her. She wanted to look up, open her eyes and watch him as he approached her. Instead, she kept her eyes closed and forced herself to concentrate on her breathing.

  “So beautiful.”

  His hand on her head was like a benediction. His voice a blessing.

  “Tonight you’re mine.”

  His voice rushed through her body, claiming her. She could feel herself yielding. It was a process she was consciously aware of. Her muscles relaxed, her deep breathing became automatic, her nipples tensed and heat flowed into her vagina.

  She kept her eyes closed as he slowly walked around her. His hand, still on her head, keeping her grounded.

  “Lift your chin.”

  His voice was soft and full of command. She heard the words and lifted her head toward the sound.

  “Open those beautiful eyes for me.”

  She was reluctant to leave the darkness but couldn’t refuse his wish. He stood in front of her, his black jeans accentuating his powerful legs. She drank all of him in. His bare chest, muscled and covered with a light dusting of nearly black hair, his neck, his mouth and his brown eyes, large and filled with a stormy light, staring straight into hers.

  “No. Don’t look down. Keep looking into my eyes.”

  She hadn’t been aware of the urge to lower her gaze again until he mentioned not doing so. She kept her eyes open and felt herself falling into his.

  His hand tightened in her hair, pulling her head, stretching her neck, keeping her captive between his hand and his stare.

  “That’s my girl. Give it to me. I want it all.”