by Cathryn Fox
We stay like that for a long time, both lost in our own thoughts, then my father finally breaks the quiet by saying, “I know there is nothing I can do or say to keep you from going back to California, but when you do, I need you to remember one thing.”
I stare at him, and wait for him to elaborate. Once again silence ticks on for an endless moment until I finally say, “I’m listening.”
“You can’t ever forget what’s in your nature, Pride. You can’t ever forget that sometimes you have to let your wolf rule. It’s the only way we can preserve our species.”
I give a savage shake of my head, wanting to leave that part of my life behind me. “I’m not an assassin. Not anymore.”
“I’m not suggesting you are.”
“I just want to be free and live a normal life. That’s why we all came here.”
“Look Pride, what I’m trying to say is that there are two sides of you. I know you want to live a normal life, that of a typical teenage girl, but you can’t ever forget the primal side of you. It’s what makes you who you are and it’s what keeps you alive.”
I think about that side of me, the brutal wolf that killed on command. My stomach sours and I turn my back. “Not anymore.”
“Don’t be so sure. When the time comes, your wolf will know a split second before you do what needs to be done. You need to listen to her.”
I spin back around and stare at him. When I realize what he’s suggesting, I ask, “Are you implying that I should kill all the PTF? Wouldn’t that simply confirm their theory that we’re monsters?”
“All I’m saying is you have to know when to let the animal side rule and when to let the human side take control.” His eyes cloud with something that resembles remorse and I wonder if that trace of regret is for things he’s lost or things he’s going to lose. “It’s important. For your future. And the future of the pack.”
While I don’t really know what he’s getting at, I do know that I’m not going to kill anyone. My hands are stained with enough blood as it is.
Exhausted, I turn back around, and when my glance lands on Logan, I stiffen, a gasp catching in my throat.
Exercising caution, he takes a step toward me. His face is drawn tight, his eyes feral. “You shouldn’t be out here.”
As he approaches, I take note of the quiet distrust in his eyes as he glares at my father—a reminder that my father once kept Logan caged in his underground prison. I understand the hatred and suspicion Logan feels toward the man who betrayed our trust, the trust of our kind, and in no way do I blame him for it.
While I chose to stand by my father, to get to know him, the choice wasn’t made because I trust him. I don’t. But everything in my gut tells me that he’s the key to my past, which is the key to my future, and that I have something very important to learn from him, something only a father can teach.
I don’t know what that something is, and it’s quite possible that I’m wrong, but I’m not about to miss out on an opportunity to learn. Knowledge isn’t only power, it’s the fundamental answer to surviving in this new world.
Unease moves over Logan’s face as he breathes deep, and I wonder if he’s catching traces of that same fetid odor that assaulted my senses earlier. A moment later something in the alpha’s expression changes, softens. He sucks in a sharp breath and it startles the nocturnal animals and sends them into hiding. Twigs snap and cut the silence as Logan and my father glare at one another.
“What?” I ask, my glance darting back and forth between the two.
Logan opens his mouth like he’s about to speak, then something passes between the two, some unspoken message, some level of understanding that leaves me confused.
When Logan closes his mouth, my father relaxes slightly and turns to me. “Get some sleep, Pride. Tomorrow night’s the full moon and we all need to be prepared.” With that he disappears inside the den, leaving Logan and me outside. Logan steps up to me and his steady hands rake my wet hair back off my face as he assesses me.
“Are you okay?”
I want to ask what just happened between him and my father but when he uses the soft pad of his thumb to swipe the rain from my face my words lodge in my throat. His gentle touch combined with the deep concern in his eyes has my stomach clenching and my heart pounding hard against my ribcage.
“Come on,” he whispers. I don’t budge as he stands over me, looking so big, so strong. So male. A shiver of awareness awakens my wolf and it’s all I can do to keep her leashed. “Your father is right. You need rest. We all do.”
I look past his shoulder and when I think about going back inside the cabin I feel a moment of panic. “I don’t want to go back in there.” I stop and look skyward. “I want to be out here. It feels less…”
I pause, looking for the right word, but Logan comes to my rescue and says, “Confining.”
“Yes, confining,” I agree, thinking about how astute he is and how well he can read me, even without a mental connection.
“Okay, come on.” He captures my hand in his and guides me to the den where he uses the wooden overhang to keep the rain from reaching us. With my back pressed against the exterior wall, he inches toward me and his close proximity pulls a shiver from deep within. Feeling suddenly breathless, I lick a raindrop from my lip as my glance moves over his face.
His eyes drop to my mouth and for a minute I think he’s going to kiss me. Goosebumps break out on my flesh when he grips the hem of my drenched sweatshirt. I don’t miss the hunger in his touch when he rubs the wet material between his fingers. It’s that raw ache of need in his eyes that has me remembering the gentle way he once explored every inch of me, the intimate way he cared for my body that night in the cave.
Intense blue eyes examine my face and he pushes against me, transferring warmth between our damp bodies.
“Take this off,” he says, his voice low, throaty as he pulls my sweater from my waist.
The soft pad of his thumb scrapes over my trembling skin and as his heat reaches out to me, his warm breath chases the chill from my body. My pulse pounds at the base of my neck and a deep primitive sound rises from the depths of my throat as my wolf reacts to his primal essence and animalistic scent.
“Logan,” I manage to push past my lips.
He inches back and I immediately miss his heat. But when he begins to peel his raincoat from his shoulders, I realize he has mistaken my shiver for something else.
He clears his throat, his lips hovering close but never touching mine. “You’re soaked and you need to get out of these clothes and into something dry.”
My hand touches his face. “Logan,” I begin, not really sure what I’m going to say. Not really sure what I’m asking of him, or even if I have the right to ask it.
His big palm closes over my hand, his eyes searching mine, seeking answers. “Pride,” he says and I don’t miss the emotions clouding his stormy blues when he continues with, “You know I love you. You know I’m going to fight to the death for you, don’t you?”
I instantly think about that night at the compound. When I found out about my father’s betrayal and took comfort in Stone’s arms.
“Logan…I…” A look passes between us and everything in his expression tells me he knows what I’m thinking, what I’ve done, and what I’m trying to say.
“Shh,” he whispers as he helps me from my sweater. “It’s okay.”
“I didn’t mean…” My words die on my lips as I stand before him with my body and heart exposed. Even though I’m still half dressed, I’ve never felt so naked. So vulnerable. “I never meant…”
He puts his coat over my shoulders and looks at me long and hard before saying, “It’s okay.”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. “You’re going to forgive me? Just like that?”
Logan sinks to the ground and pulls me down with him. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because sometimes love is about forgiveness, Pride.”
I swallow, the air between us cha
rging as his warm eyes move to my mouth, yet he still doesn’t kiss me. Instead he pulls me toward him until my head is settled on his chest. He holds me tight, and I think about how his hands are full of strength and power, yet capable of such gentleness when he touches me. I snuggle in closer, his body so achingly familiar to mine that I can’t help but take comfort in his warm strength.
We stay like that for a long time, and listen to the night sounds around us. Trees creak in the downpour, animals scurry about and I can almost feel the brush of wind when off in the distance a bird of prey takes flight.
My mind shifts to what my father said to me, and how he hopes that one day I can forgive him. Finally I break the quiet and say, “Logan.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t really know anything about forgiveness.”
“You will. Soon enough.”
There is an edge to his voice, one that has unease scraping along every vertebra in my spine. “What makes you say that?” I lean back until our eyes meet.
“Call it gut instinct,” he says but I get the sense that he might know something I don’t. With that he pulls me back until I’m once again snuggled against him. As he rakes his hands through my hair, I drag his scent into my lungs. The clean, earthy fragrance of his skin combined with the possessive way he holds me makes me feel so warm and safe. It also makes me think of the way he cared for Nova.
“Logan,” I begin again.
“Yeah?”
“Did Nova’s behavior seem a little strange to you?”
“How so?”
“I don’t know.” I pinch my lips together in thought and curl the hem of his t-shirt around my index finger. “I got this odd vibe from her. Like there was more going on than she was saying.”
“She’s just been through a lot.”
“I know but…” I pause, and struggle to choose the right words so I don’t come off sounding like a jealous mate.
While I work to formulate my thoughts, he says, “She’s not strong like you, Pride.”
I tilt my head to see him and don’t miss the unfettered pride in his eyes when they meet mine. My heart misses a beat and it takes effort to speak.
“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
He gives a slow, confident nod. “I’m sure,” he answers. “I’ve known her my whole life and I think she’s suffering from shock and trauma.”
I think about it for a moment longer and come to the conclusion that Logan must be right. Maybe, under these horrific circumstances, Nova’s behavior is completely normal. After all, I really don’t know what normal is in this outside world. And maybe there is nothing more going on than my wolf reacting to another fertile female.
I blink, straining to keep my eyes open, but my lids are so heavy, weighted from the strain of the day, that I can’t fight the pull of nature any longer. I close them and drift in and out of consciousness for hours, floating on some level between sleep and awake, until a flock of chirping birds pull me from my slumber. My lids flutter open as the brightness of a new day greets me.
The morning air is crisp, but I don’t feel the bite in the wind as Logan’s heat continues to wrap around me, protecting me from the harsh, mountain elements. I rub the sleep from my eyes and emotions pool in my heart as Logan stirs awake, his lips turning up at the corners when his glance lands on mine.
“Good morning,” he says. “Sleep okay?”
I nod and while I listen to the steady flow of his blood, my thoughts turn to his missing family, and I can’t help but worry about their safety. I also think about our safety, the future of our kind, and what I must do if I want us all to live normal lives.
My eyes meet his but from the way he looks at me I get the sense he already knows what I’m about to say. “You know I have to go back, don’t you?”
“I know.”
“You’re not going to try to stop me are you?”
“No.”
Deep inside my wolf bristles, because she knows this could very well be the most important fight of her life. While she’s courageous in the face of danger, she also knows how badly it could all end.
“I’m going to leave after the full moon tonight.”
I take a moment to strategize, to put together a plan of action. As I think about how to bait the monsters, the cruel predators who need to be stopped from killing innocent wolves, Logan’s voice pulses around me and pulls me back.
“Just so you know, I’m coming with you.”
“So am I.”
I turn to see Nova standing by the open cabin door, but when my glance clashes with hers, and I see black bleakness glittering beneath her pale blue eyes, darkness churns inside me and I swallow uneasily.
If we’re all backtracking in a bold attempt to bait the hunters, why then, do I get the feeling that I’m the one walking into a trap?
4
Fortunately, the night of the full moon passes us by without incident. Thanks to Logan and all he taught me about survival, I am now better able to control my wolf when she’s at her most vulnerable.
Late last evening and well into early morning, the seven of us all kept a careful watch over each other while we chased game through the mountains, sating our primal hunger and satisfying our wolves until the next lunar pull.
As the sun slowly creeps over the mountain peaks to light the new day, I silently rise up from my sleeping position on the hard wood floor, and scurry backward until my shoulders are pressed against the cold cabin wall. A familiar chill that I can’t seem to shake moves through me as the spruce boards chafing my back suck the heat from my bones.
I wrap my arms around myself and pull the stale cabin air into my constricted lungs. I scan the room and try not to feel so confined after a blissful night of running in the wide open mountain space.
I blink against the thin veil of light slicing the dark cabin, and peruse my contented pack. In a mass of arms and legs, their bodies are snuggled together as they sleep in the small den, collapsed in a heap of exhaustion after a long, hard night. Deep inside my wolf howls in delight as she appraises her new family, elated to finally be free from the master’s prison. When I think of my master and his control over the old compound, however, a shiver runs through me, because I never, ever want to feel powerless like that again.
But then a darker thought hits, one that reminds me Logan’s missing family might not be so lucky. I swallow, and my heart pounds a little faster in my chest when I think about going back, to fight this long overdue battle with the PTF.
I’m not naïve enough to believe it’s going to be an easy fight, or that I’ll walk away unscathed. In fact, I understand that I might not walk away at all. But I can’t let that debilitate me. Others are counting on me, and I’ve come too far to back down now.
“Hey.”
The sound of Stone’s voice inside my head, greeting me with such warmth and emotion, draws my attention. Looking rumpled and sleepy, his dark hair is a tangled mess as he sits up and shimmies backward until he’s pressed against the wall beside me. With my senses tuned, I take in the tousled state of the powerful alpha inching closer.
There is something about his familiar scent and disheveled appearance that reminds me of when he was a pup, and all the times we used to play together in the nursery. Then my brain fast forwards to the present, and the kiss we recently shared in his cell.
He stretches his long, muscular legs out, and my skin tingles in awareness as this boy—my true mate—shifts even closer until our thighs are scraping. The gentle familiarity of his touch doesn’t feel wrong, but it doesn’t feel right either. At least not after the intimacies I shared with Logan.
“Hey,” I finally say back as I think about the secret he kept from me for so long. But I now know he kept me in the dark about our bond, about our true destiny, because he was simply trying to protect me.
I angle my head and his eyes are warm when they meet mine, and for a minute I feel like I can’t breathe. So much has happened between us, so many truths have been
revealed, ones that have me wondering what could have been—what very well might have been—under different circumstances. But I know now is not the time to be thinking about connections and mates, not when we’re about to face the biggest fight of our lives.
“Stone.”
“Yeah?”
My mind rewinds to what Nova told us the first night we arrived. “Did the name Lewis Lake sound familiar to you?”
His brow furrows and he rubs his chin. After a long thoughtful moment, he slides me a look and gives a slow shake of his head. “No. Why?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug one shoulder and feel his warm knuckles brush against my hand. I swallow as he reaches out to me both physically and emotionally, and I have to force myself to keep my mind on the current crisis. “I have this strange feeling that I’ve heard it before. I just can’t quite figure out why.”
He looks down, like he’s searching his memory. Then I feel him move deeper into my thoughts before I can stop him. When he exhales a long slow breath, I know he’s tapped into my private worries.
“I don’t trust her either, Pride,” he says. We both shoot a glance toward Nova, who looks completely content snuggled up next to her pack’s alpha.
“You don’t?” I hurry out, a chill scurrying up my spine. When his glance darts back to mine, the distrust I see in his eyes mirrors my own, giving credence to my concerns about Nova’s motives. “I thought it was only me who felt that way.”
I take a moment to consider Logan, and can’t discount the fact that he knows Nova better than Stone and I do. But can he be so caught up in his own grief, his own worry for his pack’s safety, that he’s failing to see beneath her surface? Or am I really making an issue out of nothing at all? My wolf merely threatened by another female?
“Logan doesn’t think I have anything to worry about.”
At the mention of Logan’s name, Stone’s eyes darken to a deadly shade of black and his nostrils flare. He rakes his hair from his face, only for it to fall forward again.
