The Revelation

by Lauren Rowe

  Josh looks at me and smirks wickedly and I shoot him a look that begs him for mercy.

  “I got the heart first,” Will says, oblivious to the nonverbal exchange happening between Josh and me. Will points to a prominent heart on his dragon’s chest. “My ex-girlfriend and I got matching hearts.”

  Josh’s face lights up at Will’s use of the word “ex-girlfriend.”

  Oh no. No. This can’t be happening.

  “Oh, so you got the heart with your girlfriend, did you?” Josh asks Will. “Who’s now your ex-girlfriend?”

  “Yeah, I was sure we’d be together forever. But then she slept with my best friend, so I had to get the dragon to camouflage it.”

  The smile on Josh’s face is positively merciless. “Hey, Kat. Did you catch that? Will’s got both a dragon tattoo and an ex-girlfriend tattoo.” Josh can barely contain his giddiness. “Imagine that.”

  My cheeks are on fire. Why, oh why, did I say all that stuff to Josh about prohibited tattoos? I was just being snarky. I had no idea what I was saying.

  “What’s so funny?” Will asks, looking confused. “Why do I feel like I’m missing the joke?”

  Oh, God, please, no. This can’t be happening. I cover my face with my hands.

  “Are you feeling like crawling into a hole about now, PG?” Josh asks.

  I nod from behind my hands and Josh hoots with laughter.

  “Well, Will,” Josh begins like he’s teaching a lesson to a grade-schooler. “Kat here’s got a very specific list of tattoos that she’s decided in her infinite wisdom are cliché and stupid and therefore tantamount to committing ‘social suicide,’ as she so colorfully puts it.”

  “And dragons and hearts are both on Kat’s list?” Will asks.

  “No, not hearts, surprisingly. Just dragon and girlfriend tattoos.” Josh chuckles happily. “Social suicide, both of them, Will, I’m sorry to inform you—but they’re simply not allowed. I guess you’ll have to get that shit lasered, huh?”

  “Oh, shit,” Will says. “Yeah, this is a catastrophe. I’ve got two prohibited tattoos? Damn that Stubborn Kat. She won’t do anything you want her to do and she thinks your tattoos are stupid.”

  I’m dying. I’m physically dying. “No, Will, I...” I begin, but I can’t speak. I’ve never been so frickin’ mortified in my life.

  “And guess what else is on Stubborn Kat’s list?” Josh continues, beaming.

  Will shrugs. “I dunno. Flowers? I’ve got flowers for my momma, too.”

  Josh shakes his head. “Nope. Flowers are allowed. Guess again. I’ll give you a hint: it’s on my ass.”

  The entire table erupts with laughter.

  “Well, I can’t blame Stubborn Kat for that one,” Will says.

  “Neither can I,” Reed says. “She probably took one look at your ass and added it to the list.”

  “Oh no,” Josh says, laughing. “That’s the best part. Stubborn Kat came up with this list before she’d seen a single one of my tattoos.”

  The table erupts again. Everyone but me is laughing so hard, they can’t breathe.

  “Before?” Will says. “Oh shit. And you hadn’t even told her about any of ’em?”

  Josh is laughing too hard to speak, so he simply shakes his head.

  I look at Henn, desperate for an ally, and he flashes me a sympathetic frownie-face. “Hang in there, Kitty Kat,” he says above the fray.

  Josh places his forehead down on the table, apparently spent from laughing so hard.

  “Hey, at least you’ve only got one tattoo on the prohibited list,” Will says. “I’m the loser with two.”

  I open my mouth to apologize profusely, but nothing comes out. This is the most embarrassing moment of my life.

  “Oh shit, hang on,” Josh says, trying to catch his breath from laughing. He raises his head from the table, and with great flourish, rolls up his sleeve to display the dragon tattoo on his beautiful, bulging bicep.

  The whole table loses it again.

  And I want to die. I truly want to die.

  “YOLO and a dragon,” Will says. “Tsk, tsk.”

  Josh wipes his eyes.

  “And she said all that shit before she knew any of your tattoos? Aw, come on someone must have told her. She was just fucking with you.” Will looks at me. “Please tell me you were just fucking with him, Stubborn Kat.”

  I shake my head, an apologetic look on my face. “I was just talking out my butt, being a total smart-ass.”

  Will hits his forehead with his palm. “Truth is stranger than fiction, man. This is the best story, ever.”

  Josh nods. “I seriously couldn’t believe it. We were texting and I just stared at my screen, like ‘oh my fucking God, I’ve hit the mother lode.’”

  “Gosh darn it, Stubborn Kat,” Will says, putting on his cartoon voice. “She sniffs out your stupid tattoos and nails you to the wall with ’em.”

  “Kinda the way some cats curl up with dying people at a nursing home,” Reed says, and everyone laughs. “Why didn’t you just tell her, man?” Reed asks Josh.

  “No fucking way I was gonna tell her,” Josh says. “I figured I’d let her find out the good old fashioned way—by seeing my ass.” He winks and Reed and Will clink their glasses against Josh’s.

  “Atta boy,” Reed says.

  I’m peeking at the group from behind my hands, afraid to come out. My eyes drift to Henn again and he makes a face that tells me he feels my pain.

  “Hey, Stubborn Kat,” Josh says. “Why don’t you tell the group all of your amazing rules. Enlighten us. Amaze us with what a hip whippersnapper you are.”

  “I believe a hip whippersnapper’s actually called a ‘hippersnapper,’” Will says.

  Everyone at the table (except for me) laughs. I can’t stop hiding behind my hands. This is sheer pain right here.

  “Aw, come on, babe. ‘You don’t make The Rules, you just enforce ’em.’ Remember?”

  I shake my head. “There’s no way I’m making any declarations about what’s cool and what’s not in this crowd. Every man at this table could tattoo Bert and Ernie onto his forehead and make it look cool,” I say.

  Will picks up his napkin and rubs it forcefully against his forehead. “Well, I guess now would be the time to remove this makeup on my forehead and show you...”

  Everyone laughs, yet again.

  “You’re not gonna enlighten us about all The Rules for Being Cool, Stubborn Kat?” Josh asks.

  I shake my head.

  “She’s normally not so shy, I swear,” he says.

  “Come on, Stubborn Kat,” Will says. “What else is on the list? We’ve got dragons, YOLO, girlfriends that didn’t work out, and what? I’ve got two so far—I’m hoping to rack up some more points before the night is over.”

  I put my head on the table and bury my head with my arms. “Make it stop,” I mumble.

  Will laughs.

  “Come on, guys,” Henn says. “Make fun of me for a while, as usual. How ’bout I dance for you?”

  “Oh, yeah. Let’s make Henny dance—my favorite thing!” Reed says, suddenly giddy. He bangs on the table. “Dance puppet-boy, dance!”

  Henn grumbles.

  “We’ll definitely have to hit my club after dinner.”

  Everyone agrees.

  “But back to Kat’s list,” Will says. “Come on. What else is on it, Stubborn Kat? I bet I’ve got at least some of the stuff on the list, whatever it is.”

  Josh grabs my hand and kisses it. “You’re not gonna tell him?”

  I shake my head. “I’m never gonna say anything about anyone’s tattoos ever again, as long as I live.”

  Josh grins and looks at Will. “Barbed wire on your bicep—or a tribal band, unless you’re an Islander. Stubborn Kat was very specific about that. You got either of those, man?”

  “Fuck no. I agree with Stubborn Kat on both. And yet, right now, I wish so bad I had both so I could pull up my sleeve and see the look on her face.”

  E
veryone laughs at the thought, even me.

  “Me, too,” Josh says, squeezing my hand. “I never thought I’d be bummed not to have barbed wire.”

  “Hey, it’s never too late, Faraday,” Reed says, laughing. “We’re in Vegas, after all.”

  “There you go again, Reed,” Josh says. “Trying to get me inked with something stupid.” He sips his drink. “Well, lucky for me, I’m not gonna get drunk tonight, or I’d probably do it.”

  “No, you wouldn’t,” Henn says. “Barbed wire would be too stupid even for you, Josh.”

  “Bite your tongue,” Josh says. “There’s no such thing as a tattoo that’s ‘too stupid’ for Josh Faraday—not if you ply me with enough alcohol and double-dare me, anyway.”

  “Oh, we know, Mr. ‘Welcome to the Gun Show,’” Reed says.

  Josh, Henn, and Reed burst out laughing.

  “‘I double-dare you,’” Reed says, apparently re-enacting something—and all three guys laugh again, shaking their heads.

  “You’re a Neanderthal, Josh,” Henn says.

  Josh sips his drink happily. “I really am.”

  “I take it you’ve got a tattoo that says ‘Welcome to the Gun Show’?” Will asks, incredulous.

  Josh nods.

  “On your arms, presumably?”

  Josh nods again.

  “Oh shit. Horrible. That’s gotta be on Kat’s list, too, right? Please tell me it is. That’s gotta be double points.”

  Josh shakes his head. “Surprisingly, not on the list. Too horrible to even mention, I suppose. Right, Kat? Some tattoos are too stupid to make the list?”

  My face is hot. “Please make it stop,” I say.

  Josh squeezes my hand and kisses the side of my head. “All in good fun, baby,” he whispers to me. “This is how we show we like you.” He squeezes my hand again.

  “Well, dude, aren’t you gonna show me?” Will says.

  “Show him,” Reed says.

  Josh shrugs, unbuttons his shirt, and pulls it down off his shoulders, revealing his muscled, tattooed chest and the tops of his gorgeous arms—and the sight of him makes my crotch instantly start filling with blood.

  Josh bends his arms behind his head and flexes and everyone at the table bursts into laughter at the sight of the tattoos on the undersides of his biceps.

  “Welcome to... the Gun Show,” Reed says, pointing out Josh’s tattoos like he’s Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. “That was the night I learned Josh Faraday will do literally anything to get a laugh.”

  I’ve gone back into hiding behind my hands, partly because the sight of Josh baring his body in this restaurant is making me want to jump his bones and partly because I feel like I’m gonna barf.

  “Hell yeah, I will. Life’s too short. Hey, Kat. Are you gonna come out from hiding any time soon?” Josh asks. “Come on, babe, join the party. We’re all friends here. Nobody’s mad at you. It’s all in good fun. It’s just what friends do with friends—they torture them.”

  I slowly come out from under my arms like a turtle. “You guys, when I said all that stuff about prohibited tattoos and social suicide, I was just being a total and complete smart-ass. I just pulled that stuff out of thin air. I take it all back.”

  “Ha! Don’t backtrack now, PG. Go big or go home, babe.”

  “No, I was totally wrong. Please, God, just let me reverse time and take it all back.” I take a huge gulp of my martini.

  “Come on, Stubborn Kat,” Reed says. “Don’t let Josh bully you into backing down from your closely held beliefs. Stay true to yourself.”

  I shake my head. “He’s not bullying me. I don’t believe any of what I said.” I move my arm like I’m blessing them all. “You’re all supremely cool. Forget I ever said any of it.”

  “How the hell did you survive with four brothers, Kat?” Josh says, spearing a vegetable on his plate. “A little bit of teasing and you back down? I expected so much more from Stubborn Kat.”

  “You have four brothers?” Will asks.

  “And no sisters,” Josh adds.

  “Wow. That must have been fun growing up,” Will says.

  I nod. “Fun and hell, simultaneously—kind of like right now. Two older, two younger. They taught me to have a thick skin, for sure.”

  “The girl might as well have grown up in a frat house,” Josh says. “She’s an honorary dude. Well, usually. She’s definitely acting like a girl right now.” He takes a huge bite of food and grins.

  I smile thinly at him.

  Josh grabs my hand and kisses it again. “Well, young lady, let this be a lesson to you. I’m not only wise and powerful, I’m super cool, too—right down to my stupid tattoos.” He addresses the group. “See, the thing Kat doesn’t realize, is that it’s the ‘stupid’ tattoos that are the best ones. Because mistakes, big and small, are what teach us to learn and grow.”

  “Exactly,” Will says emphatically. “Even the stupid tattoos wind up being profound if you think about them like that.”

  “I was just being a smart-ass, Will. Please don’t be offended,” I offer.

  “I’m not offended at all,” Will says gently. “My dragon tattoo is kinda stupid—but the cool thing is that it’s camouflage for a huge mistake.” He smiles broadly at me. “That’s why I love it. Every time I look at the damned thing, I’m reminded I got my heart broken into a million pieces and came out the other side a dragon.” He takes a bite of his food.

  Josh throws up his hands, totally enthralled. “Now see, that’s what I’m talking about, bro. Every tattoo, even if it’s a mistake, is a reminder of who you were versus who you are now. A map of your evolution as a man.” He swigs his drink.

  “Amen,” Will says. “The body is a living canvas. It’s all there: victory, failure, mistakes, lessons learned—all there for the world to see.”

  “You know what we should do?” Josh says to Will, slamming down his fork with sudden excitement. “We should both complete our lame-ass trifectas tonight. Together.”

  “Fuck yeah. Barbed wire, it is, baby,” Will says. They clink drinks.

  “Oh God, no, Will,” Carmen says, putting her hand on Will’s forearm. “Honey, no. Please.”

  Will laughs and takes another bite of his food. “Don’t worry, Car. I’ll just get it on my ass, like my boy here. A little barbed wire on my ass for you and no one else.” He laughs.

  “There you go,” Josh says, laughing. “Genius. It’s just skin, right?” He takes a bite of his steak.

  “Fuck yeah,” Will agrees. “I’m totally gonna do it. We’re all a pile of skin and bones sooner or later. That’s what gets me going every fucking day, knowing I’m running out of time.”

  “Amen,” Josh says. “Hey, maybe I’ll join you—add a little barbed wire to my dragon’s neck, maybe?”

  “Hey, great idea,” Will says. “I’ll totally add barbed wire to my dragon.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Reed says. “Will, stop listening to Josh Faraday of all people about tattoos. Listen to him about everything else, because the guy’s a fucking genius, just not about tattoos.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” Josh says. “I’m wise and powerful about all things, including tattoos.”

  “Don’t do it,” Reed says to Will.

  “Dude, Reed’s using reverse psychology on you,” Henn warns Will. “He’s being the puppet master.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m sincerely telling Will not to do it,” Reed says. “Although you should absolutely do it, Faraday. Add yet another stupid tattoo to your stupid collection.”

  “My collection isn’t stupid,” Josh says. “Didn’t you hear a damned thing Will and I were just saying? Even the stupid ones are profound, man. We’re living canvases, Reed. Duh. We’re artists and art, all at the same time.”

  “Yeah, Reed. We’re living canvases,” Will agrees with solemnity. “We’re artists and art, all at the same time. We’re living performance art and our tattoos are our way of flipping the bird to mortality.”

  “That’s r
ight,” Josh says emphatically. “Getting barbed wire would be like saying, ‘Mortality, fuck you. You might be gunning for me, but you’ll have to get through my barbed wire to get me, motherfucker. Raaaaah.’”

  Reed rolls his eyes.

  “So lemme get this straight, boss,” Henn says, pursing his lips like he’s considering something very serious. “You got YOLO stamped on your ass because you were flipping the bird to mortality?”

  Josh laughs. “Absolutely. Now, when the Grim Reaper comes for my ass, maybe he’ll see it and stop and say, ‘Never mind.’”

  Everyone laughs.

  Carmen leans into me. “Josh is hilarious,” she whispers.

  I nod and bite my lip. “He sure is.”

  Josh swigs his drink happily. Man, he’s having fun tonight.

  “Okay, okay, I cannot tell a lie,” Josh is saying. “I must admit, I wasn’t thinking deep and profound thoughts about my mortality when I got YOLO stamped on my ass. I wasn’t thinking much of anything, actually. I was just a twenty-year-old asswipe who thought he knew everything.”

  “Aw, don’t be too hard on yourself,” Reed says. “All twenty-year-old dudes are asswipes who think they know everything. I know I was.”

  “How old are you, Will?” I ask.

  “Twenty-three,” he replies. “And I don’t think I know everything.”

  “Well, I thought I knew everything when I was twenty-three,” Reed says, shaking his head. “Turns out I sure had a whole lot to learn between twenty and thirty.”

  “Ditto,” Henn agrees. “Jesus, has it really been ten years since Josh got his stupid YOLO tat? Oh my shit, we’re getting old.”

  “Remember when thirty sounded so old?” Reed says, looking wistful.

  Josh nods. “I never thought I’d make it to thirty.”

  “Really?” I ask, the hair on my arms standing up. “Doesn’t everyone think they’re gonna live to a hundred and three?”

  Josh shrugs and takes a bite of his food but doesn’t reply.

  I look at Josh for a long beat. When I opened my door to him last night and wordlessly took him into my arms, the look on his face was so vulnerable, it took my breath away—and, just now, that exact same expression flashed across his handsome face.