Balance (The Balance Series Book 1)

by Janelle Stalder

  The words hung in the air. I couldn’t muster up a response. My chest had never felt so tight, as I stared, unseeing, at the ceiling above me.

  “It looks like I’m going to have to make a trip after all.”

  It was obvious he wasn’t happy about this. I knew it was a mixture of his concern for his mother, and his reluctance to leave me. My silence wasn’t helping.

  “I’m sorry she’s not well. But I think this is good. It will be so nice for you to see her, and be back home for a bit,” I managed, keeping my tone light. I prayed he wouldn’t see through it. “Now you can get away, and when you come back you’ll have missed me and you won’t get sick of me as quickly.”

  “I don’t think I could ever get sick of you,” he replied, kissing the top of my head.

  “Regardless, you really do need to be there, especially if she’s sick and you can help. And I’m sure you’ve missed her. When will you be leaving?” I asked.

  “Tomorrow morning, Collin already booked a ticket for me,” he answered. My heart sank.

  “That was quick, but it’s better not to leave her too long.” I cringed, knowing he would have heard the crack in my voice. He lay still beneath me for a moment before speaking again.

  “I won’t be gone long,” he reassured me, stroking my hair.

  “I know,” I said quietly, hating myself for making this any harder on him.

  “Do you want to drive me to the airport in the morning?”

  I told him of course I would, who else would see him off? I forced myself to cheer up so he wouldn’t feel any worse, and suggested we go out for dinner as a goodbye meal before his trip. He got up to get dressed while I waited on the bed, soaking him as he moved about the room in the way only Caleb could. This would be the first time we were really apart, and I couldn’t deny that part of me was worried it would change things. His gaze found mine again and I smiled quickly, pushing my fears to the back of my mind.

  After dinner we headed back to my house. I went through the front door, naturally, while Caleb went through the upstairs window. Courtesy required me to have a brief conversation with my parents before proceeding to my bedroom.

  My feet dragged all the way up the stairs. I wasn’t looking forward to the next morning, but I knew he was doing the right thing. His mother needed him, and truth be told, I was fine without him.

  He was waiting on my bed when I entered the room.

  “What took you so long?” he asked, smiling.

  “Parental obligations,” I said, shutting the door.

  He waved me over, so I joined him on the bed, my stomach turning at the sense of loss lingering on the periphery of the space surrounding us. I didn’t want to say goodbye, and that was exactly what this felt like it.

  Caleb reached out, cupping my cheek gently as we stared into each other’s eyes. Slowly, he leaned in, dropping a gentle, savory kiss on my lips. I breathed out a sigh just as he swooped back in to take my mouth in a more passionate kiss. My hands gripped the front of his shirt, wanting nothing more than to never let go.

  His arms reached around to embrace my waist, sliding me across the bed until my whole body was molded against him. Our hands roamed frantically as our kiss became even more urgent. In a blink of an eye, both of our shirts were gone, our bodies skin to skin. His mouth left mine to explore my neck and ears. Sliding his hands down my shoulders and hips, he lifted me up and under him as he lay us back on the bed. His mouth found mine again.

  We were lost in each other, consumed by the intensity and fear we both felt, knowing we would soon be apart. I clung to him, praying our separation would only be a short one.

  The next morning was cloudy and damp, accurately reflecting my mood. We were up at six so we would make it to the airport in time for Caleb’s flight. I was to drive his car there, and then keep it while he was away. He drove to the airport, as I sat moping in the passenger seat. Even he couldn’t pretend to be happy this morning.

  The smell of the airport always made me feel anxious. It reminded me of airplanes, naturally, which I hated. We walked slowly down to the proper check-in desk, hand in hand. The sound of the wheels on Caleb’s bag rolling over the tiled floor was the only thing I could focus on. The rhythmic melody of it like a ticking clock, counting down our last moments together.

  I stood back and waited while he checked his bags and himself in. Afterward, we walked all the way to the other side where his terminal was, our silence a heavy blanket looming over us. We stopped outside the metal detectors, where I couldn’t go any further, and faced each other.

  “Well, this is it,” I said, trying to smile. “Be safe, and call me as soon as you can.”

  Caleb smiled down at me, his lips lifting ever so slightly, as he stroked my cheek before leaning in and kissing me in a long goodbye. Normally I wasn’t one for PDA, but I didn’t care at this point. I already missed him and he was still standing in front of me.

  “I will be back before you know it,” he said, straightening. I smiled and nodded. “I love you,” he said.

  “I love you too,” I replied, blinking back any tears threatening to ruin my strong façade. When I was alone I could crumple into the mess I felt inside. Now, I had to stay together for his sake. We embraced, kissing again, briefly this time, and then he strode over to the metal detectors to continue on by himself. I watched his graceful form walk away until he disappeared from sight, before heading back to the parking lot.

  I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach, which I knew was more than just the airport effect. Our kiss seemed so final, leaving me feeling edgy and restless. It was just my emotions running wild, because I was sad to see him leave, but I still felt like things were…off. Pushing these feelings back, I needed to focus on getting through my time away from him.

  It was going to be one long week.

  Caleb walked away, forcing himself not to look back as he did so. It was taking all his effort to leave Vivian, and he knew if he looked back now he would never be able to. He convinced himself there was nothing to worry about, and yet he couldn’t help but sense something was off. His feelings for her were still very new to him. He blamed the sense of dread he felt on how he was going to miss her.

  On the airplane he sat back and tried to relax, pushing aside any bad thoughts about Vivian. He had to concentrate on his mother, so he could fix things there and get back home as soon as he could. He didn’t trust his father to behave while he was gone, or Kellan for that matter.

  The flight didn’t last long, or at least it didn’t feel like it to Caleb, since time was something he barely noticed anymore. The attendant came over the intercom and announced their arrival, preparing everyone for the landing. Caleb walked off the plane and found his bag quickly before the rush of travellers descended on the baggage carousel.

  Collin was waiting for him in his red convertible as he walked out into the drizzly afternoon. He took a deep breath, and admitted to himself that it was nice to be home – he missed the green of Ireland; that scent of nature and rain.

  “What’s up, little brother?” Collin called out as he approached the car.

  “Hey,” Caleb replied, throwing his bags in the back seat. Only Collin would drive a convertible in this weather.

  “How was the flight?”

  “It was an airplane, it flew,” he replied indifferently, climbing into the passenger seat. “Are we going straight to the hospital?”

  “If you want, makes no difference to me. If you don’t mind though,” he said, “I probably won’t stay. Can you find another way back, or do you want to pick up your own car first?”

  Caleb thought about it, and decided his own car would be much better. He could drive a lot faster than a cabby could. He told Collin just to go home and he would grab his car before heading over to the hospital by himself.

  Caleb pulled up to the large building, feeling the same dreadful feeling he always felt when he came here. It looked so institutional and cold to him, he hated that his mother lived here.
However, he knew inside was cozy enough, and their gardens were a favourite of Nora’s. He walked in the front door and headed straight for the nurses’ station.

  “Caleb, how nice to see you,” the nurse sitting behind the desk said with a wide grin.

  “Nurse Ackerman, nice to see you,” he replied with a quick nod.

  “You got here fast. Your brother Collin was only in the other day,” she said, grabbing a visitor badge.

  “I took the first flight I could,” he explained, anxious to get on with it.

  “Aren’t you a wonderful son,” she said smiling to herself. “Nora is going to be so excited to see you.”

  Caleb gave her a tight smile as he waited patiently for her to finish. He hated the slow nature of most humans.

  “There you go,” she said, handing him what he need. “You’re all set. Nora is just inside the dining area playing the piano.”

  He thanked her and headed off in the right direction.

  As he walked in, he could hear the beautiful melody his mother played. She was extremely talented when it came to her music, one of the things that had first grabbed his father’s attention.

  Pausing just inside the doorway, he watched her small, delicate frame bent over the black and ivory keys, as she swayed in sync with her tune. He didn’t want to disturb her just yet, but one of the other patients saw him and called out a greeting across the room. Caleb waved back at him, and watched as his mother turned with her face lit up.

  He walked over smiling. “Hello, Mother,” he said as he approached.

  “Oh, Caleb,” she said, standing up and throwing her arms around his chest. Her head barely reached his shoulders. He hugged her back, making a mental note of how thin she felt. “I didn’t know you were coming.” She leaned back, smiling up at him.

  “Collin called and told me you haven’t been sleeping. He thought I should come by and make sure you’re okay,” he explained letting her go so she could stand back from him. He saw the same dark circles under her eyes that Collin had described.

  She waved her hand in dismissal. “Collin is overreacting, just like these doctors around here. Look at me,” she said twirling around. “I’m perfectly fine.”

  Caleb just grunted and suggested they sit down to eat something. “Why don’t you get us a table and some food, while I go find your doctor quickly?”

  She nodded, walking off. Caleb found a nurse in the hallway and asked where he could find the doctor. She pointed him toward his office, so Caleb hurried off, not wanting to keep his mother waiting too long.

  The doctor was in his office, hunched over a paper on his desk. He knocked and waited for him to look up.

  “Ah, Caleb,” he said putting the paper aside, and taking off his glasses. He got up and walked around to shake Caleb’s hand. “I heard you were here. How are you?”

  “I’m good thank you, a little jetlagged, but I’ve been worse.” They both sat down, the doctor back behind the desk and Caleb in one of the big leather chairs that sat in front of it.

  “Have you been to see Nora already?” the doctor asked.

  “I briefly saw her now, but I wanted to come and speak to you as well, and find out what’s really going on. Of course in her opinion she is perfectly fine, but I’d like to hear your take on things.”

  “Yes, well your mother hates to have you worry,” he chuckled. “She is aggravating the situation I’m afraid. She is in desperate need of some rest, but refuses to. She has a fever that is progressively getting worse, because her body is too weak to fight it off. I’m at an impasse with her. She won’t accept any drugs to help her with either problem,” he explained, distressed.

  “Collin wasn’t clear about what brought this about. Can you clarify that for me?” Caleb asked, feeling a twinge of familiarity in the pit of his stomach. Everything sounded suspiciously like Vivian’s case. He had found it odd that Collin wouldn’t elaborate on the cause of their mother’s condition over the phone, and now Caleb was pretty sure he knew why.

  “As I explained to your brother, it was really out of the blue. She went to bed perfectly fine one night, and then as the night progressed she began to develop a fever, and markings began to appear on certain parts of her body. When she woke up she acted perfectly fine, except for the distressing fact that she now refuses to sleep. I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years, Caleb,” he expressed, sitting back in his chair.

  Pretending to think about it with a look of confusion, he fought back the searing anger shooting through his body. His hands gripped the arms of the chair to keep him from sprinting from the room and destroying something. Standing, Caleb told him he would go speak to his mother.

  “Maybe you can convince her to take something to help her sleep?” the doctor suggested. Caleb promised him he would try.

  He knew, as he walked back to the dining hall, that whatever had scared Vivian in her dreams was now haunting his mother, or something similar. The identical symptoms could not be just a coincidence. His father’s words by the pool suddenly made sense now.

  Caleb had walked out of the apartment building to see his father sitting with Vivian. He’d immediately panicked, knowing his father was probably up to no good. Caleb hadn’t been home very often, but each time that he was, his father had always been conveniently absent. His sudden appearance hadn’t sat well with him.

  He had sped up his pace in order to reach them faster, but his father had seen him coming and was already approaching him.

  “Father,” Caleb had greeted him as they met.

  “Caleb,” he’d responded, nodding his head. “I haven’t seen you around lately, have you permanently become a mortal on me?” he’d asked with a smug grin.

  “I’ve been staying with Vivian,” Caleb responded calmly. He hadn’t wanted to give his father the satisfaction of provoking him.

  “Yes, and I’m happy to see she is feeling much better. I heard she wasn’t feeling so hot,” he’d said. Caleb growled under his breath. “Well,” Dermot continued quickly. “I don’t want to keep you from her.”

  It had been as Caleb began to walk away that he’d heard his father call out.

  “Give your mother my best.”

  He’d ignored him, promising himself he wouldn’t be goaded into saying anything else.

  Now as Caleb walked towards his mother he realized that there had been no way for his father to know of his intentions to leave at that point. Caleb himself hadn’t even heard Collin’s message yet. This just reaffirmed his suspicion that his father’s hand was in this.

  In all the years that Caleb had done his father’s dirty work, he had never thought twice about it. No matter what his father had asked of him, he never felt a twinge of remorse or regret. Now that he was on the receiving end of his treachery, he saw what a monster the man could really be.

  He needed to be put in his place, Caleb thought darkly.

  “Caleb,” his mother called out, waving him down. Caleb walked over, taking the seat across from her. There were two plates of roast beef and scalloped potatoes already waiting. Thankfully the food was decent here, unlike most hospitals and institutions.

  “Did you get a chance to speak with the doctor?” she asked, ignoring her food as she watched him.

  “I did,” he responded taking a bite of his meat. It was a little dry, but edible. “Eat some food, Mother,” he said, nodding to her plate.

  She smiled, picking up her fork and eating a tiny mouthful of potatoes.

  “I’m concerned about what he had to tell me. You haven’t slept in a long time, Mother, and obviously you must realize how dangerous this is for your health.”

  “Caleb, I’m fine. Perhaps I just don’t feel the need to sleep anymore. Who says one has to sleep?” she tried to argue with a tiny laugh.

  “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say. Everyone needs their sleep. What is it that is keeping you from it?” He watched his mother hesitate. “Listen, I realize what you went through was horrible,
but nothing can hurt you. You are hurting yourself more by not sleeping,” he pointed out. Reaching across the table, Caleb gave his mother’s hand a gentle squeeze.

  She looked up and smiled softly. “I don’t want to see him again,” she said quietly.

  “See who?” Caleb asked.

  “The monster, in the dream. I don’t want him to come back.” She sipped at her water, and pushed the potatoes around her plate absentmindedly.

  Caleb’s heart picked up its pace. He had never gotten Vivian to explain to him what had happened in her dream. Now he could figure out exactly who his father was using in this evil web he had been weaving. “What did this monster look like?”

  “He was so tall,” she shuddered.

  A pang of guilt hit him from making her talk about it, but he needed to know what he was up against.

  “His skin was red, and hot. There were huge horns that came from his head...” she continued to describe him.

  The ringing in Caleb’s ears made it difficult for him to hear the rest. He knew exactly who Dermot had sent to plague these two women, and it made him want to vomit. The depth of his father’s cruelty surprised even Caleb, especially since Dermot knew how much both of these people meant to him.

  Disgusted, Caleb told his mother she could stop, and changed the subject. “I’m going to give you some tea that will help you rest. It is nothing to be afraid of, but you must take it. I will make sure you don’t have these dreams anymore,” he reassured her.

  “It was him, wasn’t it?” she asked quietly, casting her eyes downward at her lap, food permanently forgotten. “Even now, after so many years, he insists on torturing me. Tricking me into bearing more of his evil creatures wasn’t enough for him.”

  She glanced up at him, and Caleb watched as his mother’s blank stare returned to her face. This was her way of retreating to the place she went to in her mind, when she wanted to escape the realities of this life. Another pang of guilt hit him, knowing what sadness his simple existence gave her. It was nothing personal. She had never blamed any of the three boys personally for being what they were. They all knew that regardless of the love she felt for them, she still wished she had never borne them.