“Uh… yeah,” I responded, feeling like a total idiot. “Can I put my hands down now?”
The spotlight went off, but it was too late, the damage was already done. I was pretty certain my retinas were fried.
“Jesus Christ, Emmy. What the hell are you doin’ out here?”
“Luke? Is that you?”
Yep, I was right. Totally blind.
“I can’t see shit! Was it really necessary to rob me of the gift of sight for the rest of my life?”
I could hear him chuckle. The asshole actually chuckled! “You’ll be okay. Just give your eyes a minute to adjust. Now, you gonna answer my question or not?”
Seeing as I’d already had a long day and was in desperate need of a bottle of wine before I locked my keys in my car, it went without saying that my patience was now non-existent. “I’m dancing a fucking jig, Luke. What the hell does it look like I’m doing?”
“It looks like you’re breaking into a car.”
“Seriously? If I was gonna break into a car, you think I’d pick this piece of crap? This is my car. I locked myself out.” I turned away and went back to my MacGyver impersonation.
“Why didn’t you just call someone to help?”
“My phone’s in the car,” I mumbled under my breath. The last thing I needed was to give him more of a reason to laugh at me. I already wanted to beat the shit out of him for laughing in the first place. Adding assault charges to my night was not something I needed.
“What was that?”
“My phone is in the car! There, happy now?”
Luke threw his head back and roared with laughter.
“I’m so glad I could give you a chuckle, asshole. What are you doing here anyway?”
“Mrs. Gillman across the street called and reported seeing someone trying to steal a car,” he replied when he was finally able to quit laughing long enough to speak.
I threw my hands in the air. “Oh come on! Mrs. Gillman can’t see anything. The woman’s been blind since the Nixon administration. You know this.”
Luke raised his hands palm side up. “Just doin’ my job, Emmy.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “Well since you’re here, can you at least help me pop the lock so I can get home? I’m friggin exhausted.”
He walked over to me, and my body immediately responded to his closeness. My breathing sped up slightly and goose bumps spread across my skin. I wanted to contribute the flutter low in my belly to hunger pains but I knew it was lust.
Stupid friggin’ hormones!
Everything about him made my skin tingle. I hated myself for still being affected by him. “I’m a cop, not a criminal, Emmy. I don’t have a damn clue how to pick this lock.” I dropped my head onto the roof of the car and started banging it lightly. “Come on now, we don’t want to add a concussion to the list tonight. I’ll take you home.”
“What about my car?” I asked as he dragged me over to his cruiser.
“I’ll have a locksmith here in the morning, don’t worry about it. I don’t think you’re really at risk of someone stealing that thing.”
I jerked my arm out of his grasp and turned on him. “Hey, that car might be a piece of shit, but it’s my piece of shit. You’re not allowed to talk about it, only I am.”
He looked at me like I’d just grown a horn from my forehead. “You realize you’re making absolutely no sense right now, don’t you?”
I rubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes. “I’m deliriously tired at the moment,” I groaned.
He started pulling me toward his car again. “Let’s get you home then.” We got into the cruiser and he slowly pulled out of the parking lot. “Where to?” I gave him directions to my house then rested my head against the cool glass of the window.
I was just dozing off when he started talking again. “I’m sorry about your Grams, Emmy. I know how much you loved her.”
That dreaded pain settled back into my chest. “Thank you,” I whispered. I could tell he was struggling with making small talk, but I was just too tired to strike up conversation.
“So did you get your degree in psychology like you always talked about?”
And the hits just keep on coming.
“No. Some… stuff happened. And with Grams getting sick and me having to take over the diner, I just never got the chance to finish it.”
“Jesus,” he whispered more to himself than to me. “I didn’t know. God, I’m so sorry.”
It was hard enough having to share a space with him without the buffer of our friends. I couldn’t take his pity as well. “It’s in the past. No reason to dwell on it now.”
I blame it on my exhaustion, but the next words out of my mouth just bubbled up of their own accord. “You really never read a single email I sent, did you?” I don’t know what possessed me to ask him that. I already knew the answer, and I knew it would kill to have him reaffirm my assumption. “You know what, don’t answer that. I really don’t want to know.” I went back to staring out the window; watching him fidget uncomfortably in his seat was just too much for me. How much pain did a person’s heart have to go through before it finally shattered into pieces? He pulled into my driveway and just as I reached for the door handle, he spoke.
“I couldn’t, Emmy.” He said it so quietly I could barely hear him.
“Luke, don’t—”
“I knew if I heard your voice or read any of your emails, I wouldn’t be able to let you go.” There was no holding back the tears when he said that. I ducked my head in my hands and just let them fall silently as he continued. “Back then, I thought I was doing what was best for you… Emmy, please look at me.” He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I’d give anything to take away the pain I caused you. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” He leaned in closer to me as he whispered “Please, just let me fix this. Let me fix us.”
I parted my lips on an inhale and that was all the invitation he needed. Before I knew what was happening, Luke had unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled me into his lap. The instant his lips met mine I was lost. This wasn’t a slow build-up type of kiss. The need inside both of us had clawed its way to the surface, and we were kissing each other like our lives depended on it. The feel of his hands on me was intoxicating. When he slid his hand under my shirt, along the waistband of my shorts, an uncontrollable chill went through my whole body.
The few brain cells I had left were screaming at me to stop. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but when Luke trailed his lips down my neck and along my collar bone, all rational thought escaped me. I let out a low moan from deep in my throat. Grabbing a hold on his silky black hair, I yanked his mouth to mine and dove back into that kiss. “God, I’ve missed you so much, baby girl,” he said against my lips. I’d missed him too… so damn much. “I never should have left you the way I did.”
At his words, memories of the last night I saw him came rushing back to me with the impact of a car smashing into a wall. Allison down on her knees. Luke telling her how perfect she was. It was like a bucket of ice water being poured over me. I pulled back and scrambled across the seat for my door. “Emmy, wait.” Luke grabbed me by my waist and hauled me back into him, chest to back.
“Please… Luke I—I can’t do this. This was a mistake.” I was pulling against him with all my strength but it was pointless. The guy had more muscle than I originally thought. I knew this as a fact seeing as I just had my hands on almost every part of his body. I could still feel the heat from where his fingers stroked over bare skin.
“I’m sorry. Emmy, I’m sorry. Please just stop fighting for a second, okay? Just let me talk to you.” His quietly spoken plea and the desperation in his voice caused the fight to drain out of me. I slumped back into his chest and waited to hear what he had to say next, preparing myself for another blow. “I got carried away. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, and I apologize. But I’m not going to let you run away from me every time things get difficult. I promise I wo
n’t do anything to make you uncomfortable, but you’ve got to promise to quit running.”
Sucking in some much needed air, I nodded my head. “Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay?” When I heard the surprise in his voice, I knew he expected me to argue with him.
“Yeah. I said okay. I’ll quit running, but you can’t touch me like this, Luke.” I waved my hands in the direction of where his arms were wrapped around me. “You can’t act like it hasn’t been eight years since we’ve seen each other. I don’t like how familiar this feels.”
I felt him nod against my hair as he slowly removed his arms from around me, and I turned to look at him. “All right, I can do that. But I need you to understand one thing.”
I wasn’t sure I could handle much else but I was just too curious. “What?”
“I came back because I had to. I’ve regretted leaving you for eight years, and I had to come back and see if there was any chance you could forgive me.”
I wanted to melt back into him when he said that. But for my own self-preservation, I couldn’t. “I can’t promise you anything, Luke. I don’t know if you and I can ever get to where we were before.”
He ran his fingers lightly down my cheek. “I’ve got to try, Emmy. Losing you was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve at least got to try to earn your forgiveness.”
I grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled his hand away. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I climbed out and made my way to my front door on wobbly legs. There was no way I was getting any sleep tonight.
When I climbed out of bed the next morning, my car was parked in the driveway with a note stuck to the windshield.
Emmy,
I’m not giving up. I’ll find a way to earn your trust again.
P.S. This car really is a piece of shit
ALWAYS,
Luke.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe things were beginning to work themselves out after all.
CHAPTER 15
The next few days were a whirlwind for me. I saw Luke a few times. He tried his best to be a perfect gentleman, but that didn’t stop me from thinking really dirty, inappropriate thoughts about him. Thoughts that I knew I couldn’t share with anyone. Reminding myself of how badly Luke hurt me wasn’t enough to get the mental pictures out of my head. I was terrified and exhilarated all at the same time. I knew allowing Luke back in could potentially bring my already shaky world down around me. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.
With everything that was going on in my head, it was a wonder I didn’t forget what day it was. When I went into my kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, I noticed the date circled on the calendar. Seeing that helped to ground me a little. With an ache deep inside, I dragged myself through my morning routine and headed out the door. I did what I do every year on this day and stopped off at the florist before making my way to my destination.
The walk up that hill was as sad as it always was. What I wouldn’t give to never have to do this. I pulled the dead flowers out of the holder and replaced them with the new ones. Then I took a seat on the fresh cut grass and brushed the dirt off of the grave marker in front of me.
***
When I pulled up in my driveway, I was emotionally drained and just wanted to crawl back into bed. Brett and Lizzy were sitting on my front porch when I walked up. “You two on Emmy-watch this year?” I asked trying to keep it light even though I was numb inside.
“Don’t think of it like that,” Brett replied as he pulled me into a hug.
“We just want to be here for you. That’s all.” Lizzy took my keys and unlocked my door for me. “How you doing?”
“I’m alright. I just hate this day. I wish I could sleep through it every year.”
“We’re all here for you, honey,” Brett replied as he moved over to one of my cabinets.
“I know. And I can’t begin to tell y’all how much I appreciate it.”
Lizzy came and sat down in front of me at the kitchen table. “You know Savannah would be here if she could get off work.”
“I know.” I loved Savannah so much, but part of me was kind of glad she wasn’t here. Our bond was so strong that it would have just been the two of us hugging and blubbering all day long. At least with Lizzy and Brett, I stood a chance of stepping out of my sorrows for a little while.
“What’s your poison today, love?” Brett asked. “I’m just gonna Irish your coffee up a little bit.”
That actually got a laugh out of me. “Bourbon will work just fine.”
“That’s my girl.” He gave me a little wink as he doctored up my coffee. It was just what I needed.
We sat in my kitchen drinking coffee—mine spiked with a healthy dose of booze—talking about nothing in particular, but I could tell by the expression on Brett’s face that he had something on his mind. “What’s up, Brett?”
“Huh? Nothing…” I couldn’t stand it that everyone felt the need to walk on eggshells around me when this day rolled around. I was hurting, but I wasn’t so fragile that I’d break.
I reached over and placed my hand over his. “Just tell me. I know something’s bothering you.”
He released a sigh before answering. “Are you planning on telling him?”
I knew exactly who he was talking about. I ran my hands through my hair trying to figure out what I should do. “I don’t know,” I said, releasing a huff of air. “Y’all tell me what to do. I’m tired of making these decisions.”
Lizzy looked at me sympathetically which was almost just as bad a pity. “You know we can’t do that. You have to decide if you want him to know now that he’s back, or not.”
I rubbed my aching temples and took the coward’s way out… avoidance. “Can we not talk about this? I’m not trying to be a bitch, but I just can’t handle this today.”
I laid my head on the table in front of me as Brett rubbed my hair. “I’m sorry I brought it up. You aren’t being a bitch for not wanting to discuss this today of all days.”
I looked back up at him and saw the regret written on his face. “Don’t be sorry, Brett. I’m the one that made you tell me what you were thinking.”
“I still shouldn’t have.”
I couldn’t let him beat himself up for speaking his mind. “Stop. I’m not upset, I promise.” He smiled at me, and I could see the relief. “So what’s the plan for tonight?” On this day every year, my friends always made plans for the evening. Whether we went out or stayed in, we did something and we did it together. They were all there and all worked to keep my mind off of things. The only difference is that, this year, Luke would be joining us. I didn’t want him to think we were intentionally leaving him out. It would have just led to him asking questions I didn’t have answers for. To make sure things didn’t get too awkward, I also invited Trevor to join us as well.
“Three words,” Lizzy said with excitement. “Daryl, Rick, Zombies!”
I couldn’t contain my squeal. I went totally girly and started jumping up and down. “The Walking Dead marathon?!”
“Ding, ding, ding.”
“YAY!” Good friends and a marathon of my favorite show were going to make for a good night.
***
“Oh!” came the collective gasp from the crowd.
“Jesus, I didn’t know this show was so graphic,” Luke said as we watched a scene where a particularly large zombie started ripping into a screaming woman’s intestines.
“I know, it’s great isn’t it?” I replied excitedly.
“How have I never seen this show?” That question came from Trevor who was sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees, absolutely captivated by what was happening on the screen.
“The only answer is that you’re a total loser,” Lizzy said with a smirk to Trevor. I noticed the two of them flirting subtly all night long. It was mainly small things like throwing playful insults at each other like two eight year olds, but it was still fun to watch.
I was sitting betw
een Luke and Jeremy on the couch, thoroughly enjoying the evening. “Andrea’s kinda hot,” Luke said to me with a grin. I punched him in the arm and let out a laugh.
“Yeah, if you consider a woman with a toxic va-jay-jay hot,” Savannah said seriously. I had to hand it to her and Brett, the two of them were working pretty hard at being polite to Luke. It helped make this day even easier.
“Toxic va-jay-jay?” he asked in confusion.
“Yeah,” I said. “You saw how Shane went nutso because Lori and Rick had to kill him?”
“Yeah…”
“And now Andrea is banging the Governor and he’s clearly off his rocker?”
“Uh huh…”
“And now Rick’s seeing the ghost of his wife everywhere he turns? You see a pattern?”
“Not really.”
“Well, Savannah and I have this theory. Lori screwed both Rick and Shane, and Andrea screwed Shane and the Governor. Savannah and I think that all three went crazy from toxic va-jay-jay poisoning.”
“Huh,” he said, giving it some thought. “Strangely, that makes perfect sense.”
“Told ya.” I smiled up at him then caught a glimpse of Savannah staring at our exchange from the corner of my eye.
“I don’t give a shit,” Trevor stated seriously. “I’d rather go crazy from having sex than getting my intestines ripped out by some dude with no lips.” His eyes were still glued to the TV.
“That’s not surprising.” Luke rolled his eyes at Trevor as he nudged my shoulder. “I think some of those women you’ve been with already caused brain rot.”
Trevor threw a beer cap at Luke’s head. “Don’t hate just because you haven’t gotten any in years.”
Luke’s spine instantly stiffened, and I let out a small gasp at Trevor’s statement. It seemed like everyone except Trevor went on red alert at his comment. All conversation came to a halt and every person’s eyes were on me and Luke. “What? What’d I say?” Poor Trevor was totally clueless.
I gave him a polite smile and responded “Nothing. It’s all good.” I stood from the couch and made my way to the kitchen. “I’m getting another beer. Anybody need a refill?” I didn’t wait around for anyone to respond, just booked it to the kitchen.
Picking up the Pieces Page 8
