Naughty Secrets
Page 1
In Totally Private, Joan Elizabeth Lloyd invited readers to respond by mail or on-line to an unscientific, no-holds-barred survey about their sex lives—the for-real as well as the fantasized. How would you answer?
• What part of your partner’s body do you like most?
• What was the best sex you ever had?
• What was the worst sex you ever had?
• What do you wish your partner knew about making love with you?
• What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done during sex?
• Do you have a favorite position for lovemaking?
• How often do you and your partner play with toys?
• Have you ever played “pretend,” as doctor? Pirate? Prison guard or kidnapper?
• Have you ever fantasized about having sex in public?
• The one thing I’ve never told anyone about my sex life is…
Find out in…
NAUGHTY SECRETS
Also by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
Totally Private
52 Saturday Nights
Bedtime Stories for Lovers
Come Play With Me
If It Feels Good
Nice Couples Do
Midnight Butterfly
Velvet Whispers
The Love Flower
Black Satin
The Pleasures of Jessica Lynn
Slow Dancing
The Price of Pleasure
COPYRIGHT
This book is intended for use by adults who are informed and want to invigorate and maintain a great sexual relationship. The author is not medically trained, and the reader is reminded that following these guidelines and new ideas is voluntary and at the reader’s own discretion. The positions and methodology presented herein are safe and satisfying for most adult men and women, however, every individual is different and you should not undertake any position or technique that is not suitable to your physical condition. You should consult a health care professional with any questions. Certain acts described in this book are illegal in some states and you should be aware of the laws in your state.
Copyright © 2003 by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
All rights reserved.
Warner Books, Inc.,
Hachette Book Group
237 Park Avenue
New York, NY 10017
Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com.
First eBook Edition: February 2003
ISBN: 978-0-7595-2749-2
This book is dedicated to all of the wonderful people who spent their time filling out my questionnaire. I can’t thank them enough for all their hard work. I hope they enjoyed the effort, learned something about themselves and their sex lives, and maybe even found the courage to share some of it with their partner. Sex can get better and better as the years pass.
Ed and I are living proof.
CONTENTS
Copyright
Also by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
A Brief Introduction
one: YOUR NEIGHBORS’ SEX LIFE
two: MASTURBATION
three: LOVERS AND LOVEMAKING
four: ORAL AND ANAL SEX
five: TOYS AND GAMES
six: FANTASY AND REALITY
seven: AND LASTLY…
To the Reader
The Survey
Also Available From Warner Books by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd
A BRIEF INTRODUCTION
ABOUT THE SURVEY AND THE RESPONDENTS
Ever wanted to peek into your neighbors’ bedrooms? I think we’re all curious to see what “real people” do, how they make love. What games do they play? What toys do they play with? What fantasies do they have? Do they act them out?
Why do we want to know? Maybe for ideas— What are they doing that my partner and I can incorporate into our sex lives? Maybe out of curiosity— Mary and John always look so content. I wonder what they’re doing that leads them to grin at each other “that way.” Maybe to see whether we are unusual in what we do behind closed doors— Does anyone else enjoy being blindfolded? Playing doctor?
For many years I’ve been writing books on sex and relationships and running a Web site at JoanELloyd.com devoted to the frank interchange of ideas. Well, I finally got curious, too. So my last book, Totally Private, included a survey to see what “normal folks” were doing and how they were feeling.
I can hear you now— Normal folks? What the heck does that mean? Over the years I’ve been asked the same questions over and over again. One of the most common questions, although phrased differently in each letter, boils down to Am I normal? Well, let’s answer that once and for all. Here are ordinary men and women discussing what they do in the privacy of their bedroom.
When I first published the survey, both in Totally Private and on my Web site, I expected to get responses. I told myself that this was a totally unscientific survey since only a few brave souls would have the honesty and time to respond. Well, I still don’t see anything scientific about it, because the folks who filled out the survey had bought a book about sex or visited my sexually oriented Web site, but the number of responses floored me. Hundreds of people took their valuable time to fill out a survey and send it to me. Bravo to all of them, and I thank them all so much. These aren’t my neighbors, you say. Maybe that’s true, but they are someone’s neighbors.
Several people told me that they had copied the survey, keeping one copy and giving another to their partner. They each worked in private, then exchanged their answers as a step toward more open communication. Others found that filling out the survey helped them learn what had slipped away over the years that might be recaptured. If you’re interested in filling out the survey, for any of the above reasons or just for kicks and giggles, one is included at the end of this book.
This book is filled with real letters from real people. Do they make love the same way you do? Some do, but many don’t. You’ll find some of their answers off-putting— No way I’d ever be interested in doing what that person did. But still… some of the answers will intrigue you. Hmm. I never thought of that. I’d kinda like to try it. Great; that’s part of the reason I wrote the book. But how do you discuss something new and maybe a bit unusual with your partner?
In my first book, Nice Couples Do, I introduced a technique called Bookmarking, and it will work wonderfully with Naughty Secrets as well. If you find an idea anywhere in the book that curls your toes, slip a bookmark in that page and give the book to your partner. Then leave him or her alone to read and react in private. One of two things can happen. One: He or she may be titillated by the idea. Fabulous! You two have begun a communication that can make your desire come true.
The other: He or she may not be turned on by the activity you’ve marked. That’s fine, too. Hopefully he or she will realize the risk you’ve taken by placing the bookmark in the first place. You’ve risked your partner’s censure in order to improve your sex life. Bravo! So, partner, take the same risk. Move the bookmark to something that lights your own fire instead, then return the book. That way you two have begun a dialogue that can lead to some very interesting exchanges and some spicier sex.
Okay, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Who answered the survey? Almost exactly half of those who responded were men, and they ranged in age from twenty-one to seventy-eight. The women ranged from nineteen to sixty-two. About half were permanently partnered.
I asked folks to respond with straight or gay, and I do apologize for limiting answers that way. I was taken to task by a few people who said they were bisexual. Thanks for setting me straight. I truly believe that heterosexuality is at one end of a continuum and homosexuality at the other. Many people fall somewhere in between, primarily straight but enjoying an occasional same-sex relati
onship or primarily gay with some heterosexual relationships as well. So where it’s relevant to the answer, I’ve noted their bisexuality. Sadly, I didn’t get any responses from anyone who identified him- or herself as a homosexual.
Are all the stories they told me true? Who knows? Some of them might be touched with a bit of wishful thinking, but let’s just take everyone at their word. Also, lots of people used explicit language. I didn’t want to change too much and spoil the sense of what they wrote. Occasionally I softened the words a bit and edited the contents, but most of the stories are as the writers penned them.
One last note. No idea is included in only one section. Some of the best sex ever involved fantasies, oral or anal sex, as did some of the worst, the most unusual… well, you get the idea. So skip around and merely ignore letters and/or sections that don’t interest you. Play and have some fun.
Okay, let’s get to it. How do those who filled out the survey think about sex, about their partner, about themselves? Let’s learn all their Naughty Secrets.
one
YOUR NEIGHBORS’ SEX LIFE
The First Time, the Best, the Worst,
the Most Embarrassing, the Most Wonderful
TELL ME ABOUT THE FIRST TIME YOU MADE LOVE
Ever wonder whether your neighbors’ first times were similar to yours? Or whether they matched those romantic encounters in romance novels? You know the ones—he knows just what to do and she experiences a small stab of pain followed by an intense orgasm. Then they fall in love and she vows never to forget that wonderful night they spent together. Oh, and she’s not left with any mess.
Well, I can tell you mine didn’t. As a matter of fact, I don’t actually remember my first time. My then-boyfriend—later husband and ex-husband—and I petted and approached actual intercourse more and more closely with each encounter. Although I don’t remember the specific evening, we eventually just did it. It obviously didn’t feel like crossing any big hurdle, since that particular evening, probably spent in the front seat of a 1954 Ford, doesn’t stand out in my mind. As for the quick stab of pain, I assume my membrane was torn long before that night from bike riding, or roller skating and falling, or just from general wear and tear. For whatever reason, I had neither hymen nor pain.
But that’s just me. Let’s peek in on the neighbors and see what their first times were like. Surprisingly, a lot of people couldn’t remember what their first time was like, either, and a lot of people who responded didn’t think their first time was a big deal at all.
A twenty-two-year-old woman wrote:
I don’t really remember it, which is odd because it wasn’t even four years ago. It was planned out. We had talked and he hads bought condoms. We ended up not waiting until “the night,” which was a good thing because I got my period that day. I do remember it didn’t hurt like I thought it would, but it wasn’t exactly ecstasy either.
A thirty-year-old woman wrote:
To be honest with you I don’t remember my first time. It was in my early twenties, I think, but I don’t recall the details.
A forty-one-year-old woman wrote:
My parents were out of town and I had pretty much decided I wanted to lose my virginity soon. I was sixteen and a younger girlfriend and I had made our way to a nearby town for the evening. We met up with a couple of guys she knew and they took us to a basement apartment. My friend left with one of the guys and I found myself alone with the other fellow, whom I didn’t even know. We started making out and I let him go all the way. It was a little painful but a bit stimulating, too, although I didn’t have an orgasm. I got up and left after he fell asleep.
A forty-seven-year-old woman wrote:
He just did it. It didn’t really hurt, it was just boring.
A forty-one-year-old man wrote:
All I can remember is that I was really scared.
A twenty-five-year-old woman wrote:
The fist time I had sex I was in the eighth grade and the guy was in high school. We’d planned the night for a week and I’d managed to get my parents out of the house for a few hours. His penis was small and he didn’t play with me or anything. I didn’t really feel much: no pain or pleasure. I had been so anxious to finally have sex only to be completely disappointed.
A thirty-four-year-old woman wrote:
My first time was nothing spectacular. It wasn’t fun, wasn’t bad, didn’t hurt, and needless to say I didn’t orgasm. It was very much a disappointment. I remember thinking, Is this what all the fuss is about?
A thirty-year-old man wrote:
It happened on the beach in North Carolina when I was fourteen. We had a clumsy, disastrous screw in an abandoned house. All I can say for the experience is that I lost my virginity. That’s about it.
A twenty-two-year-old man wrote:
I was nineteen and, although I had been trying to get laid for years, I was still a virgin. I hadn’t done anything past kissing, and felt really left out.
I met this girl who was very experienced and, after going out for a few weeks, we decided to give it a try. She just lay there and let me do everything, which, for a very inexperienced young man, was a bit daunting.
It was not what I’d expected at all. It felt like masturbating inside someone, not sex. I eventually realized that was how she liked sex: me doing everything while she just lay there. We broke up a year or so later after quite a boring sex life.
A forty-five-year-old man wrote:
I had been dating a girl in a college class with me for a few weeks, and we were at her apartment having some wine and cheese with crackers, just talking. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed.
I wasn’t trying to get laid, but when she took her clothes off and then undressed me, well, I thought, here I go! Unfortunately the wine didn’t help me when it came to trying to delay my orgasm so I came almost immediately. I pretended that nothing had happened and continued to stroke her even though I just felt like lying still. Soon my erection faded, and I fell out. I admitted to her that I couldn’t hold out. I’m sure it was not a memorable fuck for her.
A fifty-four-year-old man wrote:
My first time was with a prostitute when I was eighteen and drunk. It was sex but not all that rewarding.
A twenty-five-year-old woman wrote:
My first time was several years back when my then-boyfriend reserved a hotel room. We got to the room, and we just lay on the bed kissing and caressing.
I wasn’t too sure that I actually wanted to go all the way, but as things got hotter I couldn’t resist. It wasn’t quite what I expected, mainly because he kept missing my opening and pushing in the wrong areas. Granted, I wasn’t 100 percent sure what to do, either, but I knew it felt wrong.
He finally found the right spot, and once he was inside I liked the feeling of it. It didn’t hurt like I thought it might and I didn’t scream out in pain like people had said I would.
After it was over, however, I thought, Is that it? That wasn’t as amazing as people said it should be. I worried that there was something wrong with me, but now I know better.
A thirty-one-year-old man wrote:
My first time was as a sophomore in high school with a freshman girl whom I had been dating for about six months. We were at her house while her parents were out of town, drinking some of their wine. It was what I consider the typical bumbling attempt at intimacy that most teenagers call sex.
These next answers are from folks who found their first experience really awful.
A twenty-two-year-old woman wrote:
I was with a complete jerk who was more worried about getting his rocks off than being easy with me. He sat me on top of him, placed his arms under mine with his hands on my shoulders and jerked me down, forcing his penis into me. I bled for a week.
A fifty-six-year-old man wrote:
My first time for intercourse was with my first wife, and it was so bad that it probably was an indication of why we should never have gotten married!
A twenty-three-year-old woman wrote:
My first time was with a guy whom I had dated for a few months and I think I did it just to do it. I had no idea what an orgasm was or that it could be pleasing. In fact I cried because it hurt, and went home feeling dirty and ashamed. I remember thinking that I was never going to do it again. I couldn’t believe that people do such crazy things for sex, because it really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
A twenty-six-year-old woman wrote:
It was horrible. After he was done he got up, pulled up his pants, looked at me, and left. He told all of our friends that “we had sex” but never spoke to me again.
A seventy-seven-year-old man wrote:
My first time was while I was in the army in World War II. It was an older woman, a prostitute. Although she was kind and tried everything, I never came. It took me a long time to recover from that.
A thirty-two-year-old woman wrote:
Basically the guy was a jerk who tried to get me drunk at a college frat party many years ago. We kissed, he grabbed my tits a couple of times, then went straight for my crotch. He rubbed it for a minute, took me to his room. I was young and stupid and I just lay there while he did his thing.