Naughty Secrets

by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd

  After about an hour I returned, used my key to get in, and “found” her still struggling to untie herself. We made mad, passionate love. It was great.

  A fifty-eight-year-old woman wrote:

  I love to think about being totally controlled by my partner, yet knowing that it is a completely safe situation. One of the fantasies I love involves a “pleasure chamber” where my lover blindfolds me, cuffs my hands together, and attaches me to a hook in the ceiling, leaving my body totally available to him to play with. I told my long-distance boyfriend about it once, then thought no more about it.

  Much to my surprise, on one of my trips out to see him, my boyfriend made it come true. He has a room that used to be his daughter’s dance studio and is now seldom used. The walls are mirrored. Well, when I arrived I found that he had installed this hook in the ceiling with a large cushioned stool under it and silk scarves to restrain me with. It was really exciting. He suspended me and tantalized me with all manner of wonderful things from vibrators to feathers before releasing me so we could make love on the sofa. What an incredible experience that was!

  A sixty-two-year-old man wrote:

  For me: The idea of soft bondage—where I cannot move and she works my body to bring me up and down until I am absolutely begging for climax—makes me crazy. My partner doesn’t like to tie me down, so we pretend and I keep still as long as I can while she loves me. After a time I “have” to move. Being truly unable to move would be more intense.

  For her: Sometimes she likes me to hold her down and pin her hands back while I am on top or hold them at her side while I lick her. She says it makes her feel wanted. My fantasy is to tie her down, first on her back, then on her stomach, and give her pleasure until she passes out. Or—tie her to a sex swing and do the same.

  Here are a few letters from writers who have brought elements of control into their love life.

  A forty-five-year-old man wrote:

  Complete trust makes complete submission possible. We have done what some might consider fairly mild bondage—blindfolding, icing nipples (but never hot waxing). We’ve learned over the years that so much of the idea of control is tied to the place your head is, and to make that even better we carefully choose our tone of voice and language.

  A twenty-seven-year-old woman wrote:

  I have both controlled and been in control. I found that I don’t like being controlled nearly as well. I love being in control of a “sub,” someone I barely know.

  A fifty-two-year-old man wrote:

  We’ve played some domination games, complete with restraints (soft rope, scarves, handcuffs). Usually my wife is dominant. It’s only an occasional game with us.

  A thirty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I remember one night I spent with a friend. It was understood that there was no romantic interest between us, but there sure was a ton of chemistry. He was more than a little kinky, and I was more than a little curious.

  For eight hours I was tied up in more directions than I can possibly describe, while he entertained himself with an entire suitcase full of toys, ramming and jamming them in every orifice he could find. I lost count of how many times I came, but I know a whole lot of inhibitions went out the window that night as he taught me more about my body than I had ever imagined. I was also pleasantly amazed that he came four separate times. It was phenomenal, and all about fun and pleasure.

  A sixty-nine-year-old man wrote:

  Yes! Yes! I would love to try it with my wife. Before I was married I placed myself under the total control of a Mistress for a whole weekend.

  Unforgettable!

  A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:

  The best sex I ever had was the first time my wife blindfolded me and tied me to the bed. I lay waiting in anticipation for something to happen. Nothing did for several agonizing minutes.

  Then I heard her vibrator and her moans as she played with herself in front of my helpless body. She told me every detail of what she was doing and I was forced to just listen and imagine. This drove me wild, and I was harder than I have ever been before. It lasted for about ten minutes, but seemed like an eternity at the time.

  When I heard her moan as she climaxed and felt the bed shake I almost came all over myself without any touching. She lightly touched me, and put her come-soaked fingers in my mouth. She then sucked me slowly and lovingly for a long, long time, not letting me come.

  After she had me worked up into a frenzy, she used her hand and mouth on me at the same time, squeezing me tightly and going up and down very slowly. Right before I was ready to erupt, she slid her vibrator between my cheeks and rubbed it lightly across my anus, without penetrating. It was the first type of anal play that I had experienced, and I literally exploded, sending strong jets of semen everywhere. It was definitely the most powerful orgasm I had ever experienced.

  HAVE YOU EVER FANTASIZED ABOUT PAIN AS PLEASURE?

  As with other fantasies, pain is something that is usually left in the imagination. Of those who responded to my survey, 30% of the women and 43% of the men wrote that they had fantasized (or acted out) “pain as pleasure.” Most qualified their answers— only slight pain, meant not as torture, but as an enhancement to lovemaking. Some wanted to administer the pain, others wanted to receive it. A few were anxious to experience either one. Why? Who knows or cares? It’s just something that arouses some people. Here’s what some had to say.

  A twenty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I do not want to experience something that is very painful. Slight pain that is meant for pleasure is fine, but nothing harming. I would never go for the whips or anything like that. I have never experienced pain other than the slight pain during my first sexual experience but I think it might be exciting.

  A fifty-one-year-old man wrote:

  Maybe I’d like a good spanking followed by hot, hot sex. I’d like to be administering the whip, not striking the skin, just making it snap close to my lover’s ear.

  When I was young, I went to a cottage with my girlfriend; her older brother was there with his friends. I saw a decorative whip hanging on the wall over a fieldstone fireplace. While everyone was in the kitchen getting food ready, I took it down. There I was, alone in the great room, wielding that whip. I hadn’t noticed that every time it snapped, I moaned as if I was being struck. One of the brother’s friends was watching me with this look in his eyes that I didn’t understand at that time. Now I wish I had pursued it.

  A twenty-six-year-old woman wrote:

  I’ve never tried it but light slapping might be fun. I’d want to be the slappee, not the slapper. I guess I like being the center of attention.

  A thirty-one-year-old man wrote:

  I don’t fantasize about pain as pleasure for myself, but I have done some role playing where I spanked a naughty “schoolgirl” for neglecting her homework. It was really erotic and exciting.

  A fifty-eight-year-old woman wrote:

  Not real pain, but I have fantasized about being spanked (not hard) with a hand (no paddles or anything like that) while making love, or building up to it. I think I’d like the “bad little girl” thing like The Story of O, being restrained and letting him have his way with me. Perhaps just the quick slap on the ass while taking me from the back would be a turn-on. I really have to think more about this one.

  A twenty-two-year-old man wrote:

  I would love to have candle wax dripped over me, have proper nipple clamps attached to my body, be gagged and bound and whipped. I love my nipples being twisted—so I expect I’ll enjoy other tortures, too.

  A forty-two-year-old man wrote:

  I fantasize about pain during sex, especially on my nipples. I would love my wife to pinch them really hard or bite them before and during sex. I know it would get me erect, and produce explosive orgasms. She wouldn’t break the skin, but there would be bruises for days.

  One time she accidentally kneed me in the nuts. I almost threw up, it hurt so much, but afterward we had sex three tim
es in a four-hour period.

  A thirty-nine-year-old bisexual woman wrote:

  My fantasy sex begins with my refusal to undress or dress as per the wishes and instructions of my master or mistress. He/she strips me of my clothing and chains me between two trees, giving him or her complete access to my whole body. My master/mistress then blindfolds me so that I cannot see when and how my punishment is coming. He/she kisses and caresses me only to then use a slapper on the underside of my breasts. He/she whips my thighs and buttocks, then alternates between caressing gestures and using the slapper. He/she attaches nipple clamps, pinches, and whips on me, making me beg for release.

  A sixty-two-year-old man wrote:

  About as close as we come on this one is that my wife likes to have her hair pulled firmly during foreplay and more harshly just before climax. A tweak on the nipples pleasures her, too, first a lick, a suck, and then a quick jolt, building up toward climax. Even a gentle bite on her labia or harsh quick suck on her clit is pleasurable at times. Gentle pulls on pussy hair, just to the point of discomfort, are also good for her. None of this is required every time, just when we’re in the mood!

  A thirty-one-year-old man wrote:

  I like moderate pain—deep scratching, slapping, hair pulling, etc. As for acting out a real pain scene I think the outfits are so silly that I can’t see getting into B&D.

  A forty-seven-year-old man wrote:

  I have been tied up on a couple of occasions. The best happened years ago in Phoenix at a resort. My girlfriend and I were playing and she wanted to tie me up. I was game, so she placed me facedown on the bed, then tied my arms and legs—snugly, but not tight. Then she left the room!!!!

  She had been gone for about half an hour when I heard the key in the door. It wasn’t her. It was the maid, and she got an eyeful of my bare ass. I could swear I heard the whoosh of breath from her mouth in surprise. Seconds later my girlfriend came in and we both told the woman all was well, so she left. My girlfriend stood over the bed and acted ticked off at me for showing my ass to another woman. Slowly, making sure I knew exactly what she was going to do, she took the belt from my pants and began spanking me, hard. When she decided to make it a bit more personal, she spanked me with her hand.

  I was getting immensely turned on, and she was well aware of it. She couldn’t see my huge erection, of course, because I was facedown, but from my movements, bucking my hips so my cock rubbed against the bedspread with each smack, she knew it. The spanking continued, and I kept moving, rubbing against the satin. I ended up coming, spurting all over the covers.

  It wasn’t the end of it. She spanked me some more, then untied my hands and made me lick up some of my sperm. It was so degrading, yet so hot. I don’t think anything like this could have happened with a casual lover, but we were very close and it worked out well.

  She and I incorporated spanking into our lovemaking from that point on. It was me being spanked at first, generally over her knees. Later she agreed to be spanked and I warmed her bottom. She learned to enjoy it as much as I did.

  A twenty-seven-year-old woman wrote:

  Sometimes I like being spanked or having my nipples pinched or bitten a little. I haven’t been really into a lot of pain, though.

  My fantasy is a scenario in which I’ve been spanked or taken roughly. Kind of a mock-rape thing, where I don’t have any say, and he spanks me and fucks me any way he wants. He also makes me pleasure and suck him.

  A forty-three-year-old woman wrote:

  We’ve played hard enough that my husband has put bruises on my ass because I kept on telling him harder, harder, and harder. I just love to have my ass spanked good and hard. I love being the bad girl who deserves to be spanked and fucked up the ass as only a bad girl deserves.

  A twenty-seven-year-old man wrote:

  We have bitten, choked, and scratched each other. She loves to twist my nipples until I scream in agony. It makes my cock harder and longer, too.

  A forty-year-old man wrote:

  I enjoy enough pain to be uncomfortable, but not excruciating. I like it when she bites my abdomen, pokes my navel, or squeezes my balls when she is excited. I like to hear her wince or whimper whenever I thrust my well-lubricated cock into her anus. Quickly her whimpers of pain turn to moans of pleasure.

  A forty-eight-year-old man wrote:

  My nipples are always the surest way to excite me, and I love having them played with—the rougher the better—before and during sex. Before sex it’s the surest way to get me erect, and during sex it is the fastest way to bring me off. If she does it right I’ll be tender for a week, which is fantastic.

  A twenty-five-year-old man wrote:

  I enjoy pain during sex. I love to be bitten on the neck hard enough to slightly break the skin. And I like my nipples to be bitten also—hard but not too hard. My wife and I have learned exactly what works best.

  A forty-five-year-old man wrote:

  My wife and I have played games like this enough that I introduced the concept of a safe word to her. We don’t do control that often in a way that I think a safe word would be needed, but we are both more comfortable knowing it’s there. I gave her an erotic spanking hard enough one time that I thought she might use a safe word but she didn’t. She later described that as a memorable encounter. And it was great knowing that I could do what I wanted and that she would stop me if it got too bad.

  She doesn’t ask to be controlled or spanked, but when I take the initiative and dominate her, her responses tell me she gets pleasure from this. Interesting part is, she has never openly admitted this. One of my goals is to encourage her to discuss it.

  A “safe word” is an uncommon word—say, marshmallow —that, when used by either player in a pain or control situation, means stop now, no questions asked. It frees both partners. The one who is controlling the situation, the dominant or top, can do whatever he or she wants, knowing the partner will use the safe word whenever things stop being pleasurable. The one who is controlled, the submissive or bottom, can scream, “No, don’t!” knowing that nothing will stop unless the safe word is used. It’s a wonderfully freeing feeling just submitting to the wishes of a partner.

  As with everything else, it’s wonderful for some and a turnoff for others. It’s fabulous to have so many choices, isn’t it?

  HAVE YOU EVER HAD HOMOSEXUAL FANTASIES?

  Iasked folks to tell me whether, if they were straight, they’d ever had homosexual fantasies and, if gay, if they’d ever had straight ones. Of those who responded, 46% of the men and 33% of the women said, often in capital letters, that No, they hadn’t had any such. Straight women were more apt to have homosexual fantasies, maybe because men find them so scary. Here’s what some of your neighbors had to say.

  A twenty-one-year-old woman wrote:

  I am straight and I have thoughts about sex with my best girlfriend, but don’t know that I would ever act upon that fantasy. I would like to see what it would be like to pleasure her and have her do the same to me. I’m really curious to know whether it is different—better—with a woman since, presumably, she knows pretty much what another woman wants.

  A forty-seven-year-old man wrote:

  I don’t think I have homosexual tendencies, although I have a little secret, the one thing I never told anyone about. I engaged in a foursome once and I have mentioned to people how it was boy–girl. I will admit to you that the girls did convince us guys to give each other head. I licked his cock and he licked mine. I couldn’t come, but he came in my mouth and I swallowed it. I was never so embarrassed, and later literally shook at the behavior. We never talked about it again.

  A thirty-two-year-old man wrote:

  I have had homosexual fantasies, but they always seem better as fantasies. So when I actually see guys naked, it does absolutely nothing for me.

  A thirty-six-year-old woman wrote:

  I wonder what it would be like to touch another woman’s body— her breasts, her hair, her butt, her pussy. I also
wonder what it would be like to have my face between her legs or sixty-nine with her. I wonder how different, if at all, receiving oral sex would be for a woman versus a man. Please understand that I can’t imagine ever actually doing this.

  A nineteen-year-old woman wrote:

  I do dream about being with another woman, but I believe if I were ever to act it out it would ruin the fantasy. Besides, I am too old to be experimenting with stuff like that now. And of course it would require cheating on my husband, which I would never do.

  A twenty-two-year-old man wrote:

  I do have homosexual fantasies, although I don’t think I could ever carry one out, partly because I’ve not met a man I fancied at all yet. My most vivid fantasy is being forced to have a man fuck my mouth.

  A sixty-year-old man wrote: