by N. K. Love
“You’re not mad at me?” She whispers.
I shake my head and she relaxes into me, stroking my beard. Our bodies fuse together so naturally and when it happens, it feels like its life’s way of reassuring me that as long as Beth is a part of me, everything’s going to be fine.
“I’ve never felt that kind of rage before—when I thought you were telling me you’d been with another man. It was instant. A red rag to a bull. I wanted to rip somebody’s head off.”
“I would never have sex with somebody else—”
“Have sex? Beth, my brain couldn’t even get that far. It was the sole thought that you’d want somebody else.”
“Jax, that will never happen… and the same goes for you too!” She tugs playfully at my beard. “I sure as hell know I wasn’t your first, but I hope I’ll be your last.”
“Well, I have fucked a lot of women—”
“Niiiice, thanks for the visual—”
“—but, I’ve only ever made love to one.”
“Wow. From pig to prince in one sentence. You’re a class act, G” I move her hand up from my chin and kiss her palm. “Your brother liked my bracelet.”
“Did he, now?”
“Yeah, he recognised the jewellers work.” I know what’s coming. I just fucking know it… “He told me about the Carter’s symbol.” I shake my head repeatedly. “Jax, it’s an incredibly beautiful story… I’d love to hear you continue where he left off. Jonathan said he carried on the tradition with his wife—”
I take a moment, thinking about my father. Then, I find myself speaking my thoughts aloud.
“—because he is a hopeless romantic, just like our father… My brother used to say it was a shame I had no interest in even finding ‘the one’. He said that my attitude meant I’d given up on something that would change me for the better, forever. But still, I was convinced that he was wrong about me. I was so successful at what I did, why would I want to complicate shit by carving myself up and giving a piece away to somebody else? I was brought up in a loving home and I didn’t disregard that, I just thought that my path was destined for another direction. I didn’t want somebody to call my own and I definitely didn’t want anybody thinking they lay claim to me in the slightest, I thought that’d make me weak.”
“Didn’t you feel lonely, being surrounded by people that you kept at arm’s length?”
“No. I was content. The night Chloe was run over, when she died, like that—all I could do was watch her, whilst kneeling in a pool of her blood… I’d never felt so emotionally torn apart before—and I didn’t even love her, Beth. I remember thinking that it was yet more proof that I should be alone, because there’s no way I could’ve handled that happening to somebody I shared my life with… It sounds cowardly when I hear myself say it aloud now.”
Beth’s been stroking her fingers up and down my forearm, hypnotically. I think it’s the tap that keeps my words flowing. Her ability to delve into my innermost thoughts is a mystery. She brings things to the surface that I can’t even do myself.
At some point, I’ve mirrored her actions, dragging my fingers up and down her spine.
“Go on, please.” She whispers, as though she’s spellbound by my voice.
“When I met you, Beth… It was like a higher power was intervening, telling me that it’s okay to be vulnerable. I fell in love with you so easily and it killed me that I knew I would hurt you and that I wasn’t good enough for you. Before I opened up about Chloe and the Unit, I just knew that I had to claim you. Regardless of the outcome, by giving you that bracelet, you were going to be mine for the rest of your life—maybe even if you were with somebody else. I vowed to myself that I would love and protect you and fight for you, no matter what.”
“God, Jax. What you’ve done is so precious… To know just how much I mean to you, that you did this, weeks ago… It means everything to me. I just wish you’d told me.”
“I would have, when the time was right. I didn’t realise there’d be a chance that my motor mouth brother would beat me to it.”
With a smile stretching wide across her face, she leans up, wrapping our lips in a kiss filled of love. God, I love getting lost in her kisses.
“So, Mr Carter, are you telling me it was love at first sight?” She giggles, shaking her body against mine.
“If not, it was definitely love at first bite.” I suck in her bottom lip then bite down and drag it out between my teeth. “Remember?”
“The dance off? G, I’ll never forget… We’ve had so many fun times in such a short period. Just imagine what the future may hold for us…”
Beth
My phone starts ringing from the kitchen.
“I’d better get that.” I gently climb off his gorgeous body. “I’m expecting a few calls about the shop.” I jog out the room, into the kitchen and snatch up my phone off the side. “Hello, Miss Taylor speaking.”
“Rose.”
“Oh, hey, that was, I didn’t expect… Hold on.”
“I’m sorry. Are you with Joseph?”
“Yes, but it’s okay, hold on, I’ll just go out the back.” I shut the glass door behind me and step down onto the lawn. “I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”
“I set to it straight after we spoke last night. I have the information you wanted. Bethany, I didn’t ask any questions of you for a reason. But, I will tell you now, please be careful.”
“I will, I promise. Will you message me?”
“No, that’s not wise. You can recite it to me until you know it off by heart. Don’t write it down.”
“Okay. Shoot.”
Chapter Twelve
Tuesday 2nd June 2015
1:34pm
I feel like a bitch for lying to Jax, but I intend to tell him the truth at some point—just not yet. Otherwise, he’ll interfere and this is something I need to do without his influence.
I pull up outside the high-rise apartment block, recognising it from the one I’d looked up on the internet this morning at work. Locking my car, I pull the handle to double check it and throw the strap of my handbag over my head. This area is dodgy to say the least. The first websites that showed up when I searched for it were newspaper articles, plastered with some horrendous crimes.
There’s two groups of teenagers hanging around either side of the car park and I obviously spark their interest, with my red hair and black suit. Maybe they spend so much time on the streets, they recognise when somebody new shows up.
The group of lads nearest where I’m heading are gathered around some outdoor community gym equipment. They’re taking it in turns to use the various frames and bars on offer.
A few months ago, they would’ve intimidated the shit out of me. Now though, I’m mentally stronger. Obviously they could overpower me if they really wanted, but Jax has shown me enough new self-defense moves, to have me feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin. Plus, I’ve got my rape alarm attached to a lanyard around my neck. Oh and I also grabbed a can of the red gel I carry when I’m locking the shop up by myself. You just spray it in somebody’s face to distract them and it stains them for days afterwards.
Unfazed, I head towards the door and find my first problem. The intercom system. There’s nobody else about so I can’t try and sneak in behind anybody. Surely these guys know how to gain unauthorised access… I bat away Miss Sensible, who’s anxiously reminding me that nobody knows where the hell I am—accept Jonathan.
“Try keeping your shoulders back.” What the fuck are you doing, Bethany?
“Excuse me?”
I walk closer to the group of four lads and aim my comments at the guy doing pull-ups. He drops off the bar and turns square to face me.
“Just saying, don’t be tempted to roll your shoulders forward. It’ll give you bad form and put strain on your shoulders.”
He looks in his mid-twenties.
“Is that right?” Looking me up and down, I can tell he’s wondering why the fuck I’d have the balls to
come over and offer workout advice to complete strangers. I’m wondering the same damn thing. He kisses his teeth and turns away from me, obviously offended. “And, what do you know?”
As I go to speak again the lad closest to me interrupts. He gets up from where he was perched on the back of a wooden bench. I’d say he’s the eldest of the group.
“The girl is right, Dee!” He flicks his cigarette away and although, like his friends, he denotes all the stereotypical traits of a thug, he has a kind smile. “How does a pretty girl like you know about form?”
“My man’s built like a brick shithouse and knows his stuff. I’ve picked up a thing or two.”
The lad, Dee, who was doing the pull ups, rolls his eyes and jumps back up on the bar to carry on—this time, I notice, with his shoulders back.
“So, you got any other tips for my boy over here?”
“Lead with your chest and to make it count, make sure you lock out your elbows at the end of each rep.”
Dee starts locking out his elbows and only manages another two, giving up with a grunt of frustration.
“Yeah, Dee. The girl called you out. You half-repping cheat.” They joke around and start rolling up a spliff. The older guy turns back to me. “Respect to you. Your man’s taught you well… So, you couldn’t get in, huh?”
He gestures over my shoulder, back towards the building.
“Nope. Have you got any tips for me?” I smile.
“No doubt. Come on.” He walks past me, heading towards the entrance. I follow his lead and watch as he presses the call button for one of the apartments. “Yo. It’s me.”
Without another word, the door buzzes to unlock itself and my knight in shining gold teeth and a hoody, holds the door open for me.
“Thank you.”
“No. Thank you. Seeing Dee get legit workout advice from a peng gyal like you… Well, it just about made my day.”
Remembering to look up ‘Peng’ on the internet later, I enter the building and jump a mile when the thick door slams, locking behind me. It’s dark and dreary. Miss Sensible makes another appearance to warn me again, but I didn’t come this far to just come this far. Putting one foot in front of the other, I make my way up the concrete stairwell, zigzagging my way up eleven floors.
Shortly after that, I find my destination. A tatty blue door, marked with ‘11D’ in brass plates, looms in front of me. I don’t know if my heart’s racing more because I’m anxious or because those steps were hard work. Crossing my fingers, I compose myself and knock on the door. This is serious business. I need to be absolutely believable if there’s any chance of making this worthwhile.
I soon hear footsteps and the sound of a crying baby.
“Who is it?”
“It’s WPC Smith. I’ve come to speak to a Miss Sarah Juke. Can you open up please?”
The sound of the baby mellows out. Then I hear a chain being taken off the door before being unlocked. As it’s cautiously opened, one wary brown, tired eye peers through the crack in the door.
“What’s happened?”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes—except for my daughter. What is it? What’s happened? Is it my sister?”
“Please may I come in, Miss Juke? We need to speak in private.” Fuck, my hearts pounding, but I’m managing to keep my cool.
Opening the door wider, a timid looking woman appears, nursing her baby beneath her shirt. She looks just how Jonathan had described on the phone. I walk in, she closes the door behind me and I follow her through into a small, dingy sitting room, where there’s a two-seater sofa and an armchair. Although the place doesn’t get much natural light, I can see that it’s well kept.
Sarah doesn’t sit, so neither do I.
“Is it… my sister?”
“No, it’s about a previous acquaintance of yours, a Mr Fahim Samara.”
I watch as the colour immediately drains from her face. I’ve got to play this right or risk completely fucking it up.
“I… I… How did you… Is he dead?”
“No, no. It’s not that. Miss Juke, do you want to sit down with the child?”
“It’s okay.” Sarah gently unlatches the baby, who’s drifted off to sleep and cradles her closely. Carrying her to the moses basket behind the sofa, she places her down, covering her with a blanket. “Where is he? Do you have him?”
“No, he isn’t in custody. I was hoping you’d be able to shed some light into his whereabouts. I’ve been assigned the case as part of a campaign to locate potential criminals on the run.”
Sarah takes a seat on the edge of the sofa, softly rocking the moses basket with her hand.
“Why come to me? I told you everything I knew at the time. You promised me that the case was closed and I wouldn’t be needed unless he showed up.”
“It’s been a couple of years now, Miss Juke, has Fahim been in contact with you? Do you have any information that you think may help us track him down?”
Sarah continues shaking her head adamantly, in protest the whole time.
“No, no, nothing. I have a new life now. I doubt he’d be able to find me now even if he tried.”
This isn’t going well. I need to tempt her in.
“Your daughter is beautiful. How old is she?”
“Fifteen weeks. Her and her father are my life now. I’m trying to leave my past behind me and make a better life for our daughter.”
“If you could tell me about what happened, perhaps I could give you some money, to help out with your daughter? It can’t be easy…”
I take out the envelope from my bag and she can see that it’s stuffed with a bundle of cash.
“I don’t deserve that. I honestly have nothing to say that would help you. When that man you warned me about came to my house, I knew it was time to move on. I cut all ties. I had nothing to lose.”
I put the envelope in her hand.
“Go on.”
“Fahim was a strong minded man, but always more of follower. He’d gotten in with a bad crowd and started taking drugs. That made him weak—a wannabe. We’d argued about him stealing cars to sell for drug money. A few weeks before that girl got run over, he’d come to take me out for the day. He pulled up onto the drive in a car that obviously wasn’t his. I went mad at him and told him to leave. I said don’t come back until you’re ready to be a real man. Well, that bastard never came back.” Rolling her eyes, she shrugs. “He made his choice, end of story.”
“So do you think he did it?”
“Honestly? Yeah, I do. All the evidence points straight to Fahim. Christ, the car in the accident was the one he’d showed up at my house in… He never was the sharpest tool in the box. Looks like he’s as lousy a criminal as he was a boyfriend.”
“Well, he can’t be that lousy, he’s managed to evade us for so long… So, you mentioned a man coming to see you?”
“Yeah. After the last time I was interviewed, an officer came to warn me about some guy that wanted to get to Fahim before the police did. They told me to be careful and not to talk to him. They described him to me. But, when he turned up here, I only needed to look in his eyes to know he was the one. They said he was the twisted type to kill you slowly and watch you suffer, you know, sadistic.”
“Did he speak to you?”
“He tried to, but I shut the door in their faces. The scary looking one went away and the smart looking guy tried to reason with me. I knew Fahim owed people money and I didn’t want them looking to me to pay his debts. Before those men had even pulled out of the street, I was on the phone to my local council asking for an emergency exchange. It took them a couple weeks, but I said good riddance to that place and haven’t looked back since... Well, until now, that is.”
God, she seems so sincere. Part of me is hoping she’ll trip up and prove she’s lying. But, her mannerisms and what she’s saying, it just feels so genuine.
“Okay. So, Mr Samara hasn’t tried to contact you at all? Not via family or mutual friends? Social media?�
�
“Nothing, thankfully. I’m sorry, but I do think you’re looking for a needle in a haystack.”
“Maybe.” The baby starts to stir, kicking away at her crocheted blanket. I lower my voice. “Thank you for your time.”
“Are you sure about this money? It’s very kind of you.”
“It’s yours… Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out. All the best, Miss Juke.”
8:04pm
“Hey, beautiful. Good day at work?”
Jax shuts the door behind me and I walk away, but he comes up behind me, wrapping his arms over my shoulders, nuzzling his mouth into my neck. He smells lush. Don’t get dickstracted Beth. Tell him.
