Sugar Pine Trail--A Small-Town Holiday Romance

by RaeAnne Thayne

  * * *

  SHE DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM. He was baring his heart to her, and she didn’t believe him.

  Jamie could see the doubt in those spectacular eyes after his stunning declaration.

  He hadn’t meant to tell her. The words had slipped out somehow. Still, they resonated with truth—at least to him. He loved Julia Winston. Yes, she was serious and studious and a bit reserved. Those were some of the things he loved about her. Everything was different with her. He was different.

  He might not deserve a woman as wonderful as Julia Winston, but he wanted to deserve her. He ached to be the man who could make her laugh and take her to new places, literally and figuratively. He wanted to embrace his feelings for her instead of running from them.

  How could he convince her?

  The irony didn’t escape him. He was finally willing to let a woman into his heart, and she couldn’t accept that this was different and beautiful and right.

  Usually he knew just what to say to a woman, but he felt completely out of his depths here. He had to say something, though. The silence was dragging on way too long.

  “It...took me a while to figure it out,” he began, the words sounding rusty and awkward. “I’ve never felt like this...depth of emotion for a woman before. I’ve never let myself feel it. Since Lisa’s death, I’ve been afraid. That’s a tough thing for a guy to admit to himself, let alone to someone else, but it’s true.”

  She gazed up at him and he thought maybe he was making progress, but she quickly looked down again.

  “I care about you, Julia. Somehow over the last few weeks when I thought I was doing something nice for you, I fell in love with your smile and your sweetness and the way you put your whole soul into everything you do. I don’t know how it happened, and I certainly never intended it, but it did. You make me happy.”

  She swallowed and lifted her eyes to his. He couldn’t read the expression there before she shielded her emotions.

  “Stop. I... That’s a lovely speech, and I appreciate the kind words, but...they’re not necessary. I know you are worried about hurting me. Put that out of your head. My heart was never involved.”

  Her words sliced through him like a machete, but she didn’t appear to notice.

  “I’m embarrassed you saw that stupid list,” she went on in an unnaturally chirpy voice, “but I’ll survive. I’m naive but I’m not stupid. You’re Jamie Caine. You flirt with everyone. Like every other woman in town, I had a crush on you, and it was fun to...to have you pay attention to me. To dance with you at the gala and kiss you and maybe flirt back a little, though I’m obviously not very good at it. You don’t have to lie and tell me your feelings were involved. I knew all along you weren’t serious.”

  Except he was. For once in his damn life, he was.

  He opened his mouth to tell her as much when the outside doorbell rang unexpectedly, making Julia jump as well as all three of the cats, who appeared to have been watching their interaction with interest from the back of the sofa.

  “I should get that,” Julia said.

  Now? He wanted to tell her to let the damn thing ring. They were in the middle of something here, possibly the most important conversation of his life. Whoever was at the door could freaking come back later, couldn’t they?

  Before he could say the words, Julia hurried from her room to answer the outside door.

  He heard her open the door, heard an exchange of conversation, then he heard a long, tense silence.

  Audrey Hepburn flattened her ears and hissed, and Empress arched her back, her tail curved menacingly. Wary at their unusual reaction, he moved out into the foyer, where he discovered Julia staring at the well-dressed couple who stood on the other side of the door.

  She had been upset by their conversation, he knew, but something told him her sudden paleness and the utter stillness of her muscles had nothing to do with him.

  He started to move up beside her, wanting to lend his support if she needed it, when he spied someone else on the porch. Wynona Emmett, Julia’s friend who worked for the county social services agency.

  Surprise flickered in her gaze. “Jamie. Hi.”

  She looked visibly upset as well, and he was filled with sudden foreboding. “Hey, Wyn. What’s going on?”

  She didn’t smile as she gestured to the couple. “This is Paul and Suzanne Bernard. Davy and Clint’s aunt and uncle. They’ve come for them.”

  * * *

  TEN MINUTES LATER, he wasn’t any more clear on what the hell was going on.

  “So you’re telling me these strangers can just walk in here, throw some papers around and take the boys away? How do we know they’re even who they say they are?”

  Julia hadn’t glanced at Jamie once since she let the couple into her house and they all sat down in the living room, but now she gave him her quelling librarian look.

  “Sorry,” Paul Bernard said stiffly. “Tell me again, what relationship are you to Julia Winston? I was under the impression she lived here alone.”

  “Jamie rents my upstairs apartment. He’s been a...good friend to me and to the boys.”

  He had been a hell of a lot more than that to her. He wanted to burst out with the words but knew this wasn’t the moment.

  “I care about all of them,” he said. “And I want to know why you think you can suddenly drop in and yank them out of a place where they’ve been happy. Where were you when those boys were living alone in a house without heat and eating peanut butter sandwiches for every meal?”

  The woman, Suzanne, twisted her fingers together in her lap, her eyes filled with sorrow. “We had no idea. Mikaela said everything was going well, and we believed her. Whenever we would talk to her, she gave no indication that she had lost her job, that she’d been kicked out of her condo, that they were living in those deplorable conditions. We didn’t know.”

  “You’ve been out of the country,” Julia said, as if defending them for their negligence.

  “Yes. Paul’s company transferred him to Jakarta for the last six months, but all along we’ve been communicating with Kaela and the boys via Skype.”

  “How could you not know when the background on the video call changed?” Jamie demanded.

  “She said she moved the computer to another room. She said she was going through some things and needed space. I...we gave her a few weeks, and then she stopped answering any of our calls or emails. Finally I told Paul it didn’t matter what it took, I was coming here to find out what was going on. I was sick when I went to the address she had given us and saw that empty house.”

  “A neighbor told us the boys had been taken by social services,” Paul Bernard said. “We followed the trail to Mrs. Emmett, who verified our information and led us here.”

  “That’s great. I commend your concern. But they’re happy here with Julia. What gives you the right to just waltz in and take them?”

  “They still have the custody papers Mikaela gave them when she was deployed three years ago,” Wynona explained. “They’ve never been revoked. Besides that, they’re family. The boys know them and love them. They spent several months living with them when both parents were deployed, before their father was killed.”

  “You’re going to take them to Jakarta?” he asked.

  Suzanne Bernard shook her head. “No. That was always a temporary assignment. Paul has been transferred back to Southern California. We still have our place there, and we would like to take the boys home.”

  Julia made a small, involuntary movement, and he wanted desperately to gather her up and hold her close, to comfort and protect her. This was their home. She had given them love and care when they had nothing.

  She drew in a ragged breath and opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “I... The boys should be home any moment. They’ll be so happy to see you. I
’ll start packing their things.”

  All the life and color seemed to have seeped out of her, like a piece of cloth left out in the elements. She sounded like the stilted, stiff landlady who had shown him around his apartment when he first moved in, so very different from the vibrant, compassionate woman he had fallen in love with.

  “You can’t do this,” he said again to Wyn.

  She had always struck him as a smart woman, not afraid to go to the wall for the things she cared about. Hadn’t she even taken a bullet for Andie Montgomery Bailey a few summers before?

  “I don’t have a choice,” she said softly. “I’m sorry.”

  “We could wait until after the holidays,” Suzanne Bernard offered, her features distressed, as if she was only now beginning to comprehend the wrenching pain their sudden appearance would cause in Julia’s world. “It’s only a few more days.”

  Julia swallowed and shook her head. “No. I’m sure you’re anxious to be on your way.”

  Those words had just left her mouth when Jamie heard the thud of small boots scrambling up the steps and a moment later, the outside door burst open.

  “Last day of school! Last day of school!” Davy yelled.

  “Hey, Julia,” Clint called, “somebody’s here. There’s a couple strange cars in the driveway.”

  The boys came into the living room and stopped dead for about two seconds, then Davy let out another yell and launched himself straight at the woman.

  “Aunt Suzi!”

  She squeezed him tightly, tears spilling out. Paul Bernard rose and hugged Clint, and for a moment, it looked like one of the many reunions he would see on base from families who had been separated too long by circumstances beyond their control. Hugs, kisses, pats on the cheek and the arm, as if to make sure the other person was really there.

  The boys were thrilled to see their aunt and uncle. Happiness simply beamed out of all of them.

  Julia sat by herself, watching the celebration with a remote expression, but Jamie felt emotion choke his throat. It would rip out her heart to see the boys go. She had completely opened her life to them this past month, something that was so very difficult for her.

  “I should...pack their things,” she said again.

  “I can help,” he offered.

  “Jamie flies airplanes. We went on his plane two times, and it was so fun,” Davy was saying to his aunt. He hadn’t let go of her for a moment. She had been his maternal figure during a formative age, Jamie realized, and it was obvious the boy loved her like a mother.

  Julia moved stiffly into their room, and he followed her.

  “Jules,” he said softly, when they were away from the others.

  “Don’t talk to me,” she demanded fiercely, not looking at him. “Just go away. I don’t want your help.”

  “I’m not going to leave you to deal with this on your own.”

  “I don’t want your help,” she repeated.

  Apparently there was pain enough to go around tonight. He couldn’t force her to accept his love, but he would damn well make her take his help right now, when she was forced to go through this terrible loss.

  “Too bad,” he snapped. “I’m staying.”

  She gazed at him with a blank, shocked sort of look, then turned back and started pulling clothes out of the drawers. After a moment, he pulled the suitcases he had brought from Hope’s Crossing from under the bed and they both went to work.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  SHE COULDN’T BEAR THIS.

  How would she possibly find the strength to say goodbye to these sweet little boys who had completely changed her life?

  She had been so looking forward to Christmas morning with them, just a few days away. The anticipation, the joy, the excitement on their faces when they unwrapped the gifts she had so carefully bought and wrapped for them.

  They had brought color and light to her life. Bedtime stories and sloppy kisses and Christmas cookies. She didn’t know how she would possibly endure being once more alone.

  She picked through the clothes and toys in the room, choosing first the ones they had brought with them, then their favorites among the items Jamie had collected so very long ago. It seemed another lifetime ago, that Thanksgiving when they had first come to live with her.

  It was. She had been another person.

  Jamie worked beside her without saying anything beyond the occasional question about which toys to pack. She knew at some future date she might be grateful for his presence, for his solid strength and support. Right now she was too raw and broken.

  “Is that it?” he asked, when she paused to look around the room.

  “I don’t think we can fit anything more.”

  His features stony, he zipped the suitcases, then carried them out to the living room, where Wyn waited with the Bernards and the boys.

  She knew she was being a coward—putting off that inevitable, horrible moment when she had to paste a smile on her face and wave them off as they drove away—but she lingered in the room as dozens of memories paraded across her mind.

  On some level, the depth of her pain struck her as excessive. This was always going to be a temporary arrangement; she had known that from the beginning. Either their mother would be deemed well enough to care for them again or a more permanent placement would be found.

  Being with their family, an aunt and uncle who clearly loved them, was far preferable to going to yet another foster home. She accepted that, and, for their sakes, she tried to be unselfish and happy for them.

  But, oh, it hurt.

  She let out a sigh. Staying here was only prolonging the inevitable misery. Better to rip off the bandage and endure the stinging agony for a few moments, so that she could begin the process of healing.

  She forced herself to go out into the living room.

  “I think that’s everything. If there’s anything else you guys want, you can let me know, and I can send it on to you.”

  Though Julia tried to smile, Suzanne Bernard still gave her a worried look. “Are you sure you don’t want us to stay until after the holidays? We can change our flight.”

  She had the room for them here, but it would be so very awkward to have them all here and would, again, only prolong what she knew was coming. No. Better to be done.

  “It’s fine,” she lied. “The boys will love being in familiar surroundings for Christmas. Davy has told me all about your pool and how close the ocean is to your home. It sounds lovely.”

  “You’re not coming with us?” Davy looked thunderstruck, as if the reality of the situation had just occurred to him.

  She shook her head, fiercely trying not to cry in front of the boys.

  “Why not? I thought you liked us.” His plaintive cry drove another icy shard into her heart.

  She went to him and hugged him close, trying to memorize the warm, small weight of him. “I do, honey. I do. So much. But I can’t go with you. You’re going back to California with your aunt and uncle. I have to stay here and take care of the cats, plus I have my job at the library and my friends and this house.”

  His forehead furrowed as he tried to process this. Clint, she noted, looked as if he didn’t know how to feel. She could tell he was excited about going with his aunt and uncle, even as he didn’t want to leave her. She could only pray this was the last tumultuous change these poor children would have to endure for a long, long time.

  “Will you come visit us sometime?” the older boy asked. “Maybe Jamie can take you to California on his airplane. He goes there all the time.”

  She didn’t dare risk a glance at Jamie. He seemed increasingly remote, though she knew that was entirely her fault.

  “Maybe,” she answered.

  Somehow over the last few weeks when I thought I was doing something nice for you
, I fell in love with your smile and your sweetness and the way you put your whole soul into everything you do. I don’t know how it happened, and I certainly never intended it, but it did. You make me happy.

  His words from earlier echoed around and around in her head. She wanted so desperately to believe him, especially now when she needed something beautiful and hopeful to cling to.

  “We can also talk on Skype whenever you want.”

  Clint came over and wrapped his arms around her, too.

  “You won’t forget us, will you?” he asked in a small voice.

  The words from this sweet boy whose own mother had done exactly that completely shattered her.

  She choked back a sob. “No, darling. Never ever.”

  She grabbed him close and held on to both boys. She felt scoured raw. Still, she managed to maintain the tight hold on her emotions as the boys hugged her one last time, then returned to their aunt and uncle.

  “We should go,” Paul said to his wife. “We have to drive back to Boise and try to get the boys on our flight.”

  “Yes. Yes. Of course.”

  The next few moments were a flurry of activity as he carried the suitcases out to their rental car and the boys kept remembering certain toys and school papers they couldn’t leave behind.

  While she was gathering a few things, she saw them have a hurried conversation with Jamie, who nodded solemnly throughout before lifting them both up at once for a tight hug that made them giggle.

  Finally after a few more hugs, they were settled into the rental car. Paul and Suzanne offered their thanks one more time to Julia. She tried to be gracious, but inside she wanted everyone to leave—please, God—so she could fall apart.

  At the last moment, she remembered one more thing.

  “I’m sorry. Can you wait a moment?” she said to Suzanne Bernard in a low voice so the boys wouldn’t hear. “I had Christmas presents for them. They’re already wrapped and everything. I know you probably don’t have room for much, but would you...do you mind taking a few things you could give them from me?”

  “Of course not.” Suzanne hugged her again.