Finding Elizabeth

by Faith Helm

  "Thank you, I would love some, " Claire said, as she smiled at his thoughtfulness.

  A few minutes later Daniel came in carrying a tray of hot cocoa and cookies. He sat beside her on the sofa and for the longest time they didn't talk, they just sit there in silence.

  Finally Daniel said, "Tell me about Adam."

  Thinking for a moment before she began Claire smiled, "He was a wonderful guy. We met when we were in junior high. His parents died in a house fire when he was just eleven. Luckily he was staying at a friends house that night. They had just won a baseball game and several of the boys wanted to have a sleepover. After the fire he moved in with his grandmother who lived across the street from me and my mom. At first he didn't like it. Of course he missed his parents, but he also missed his friends at his old school. But over that first summer Jen, Adam and I had so much fun. We were just like the three musketeers. We would play outside all day and when we thought we would die from the heat we would beg one of our parents to take us to the pool. We spent most every afternoon at our city swimming pool."

  "Once we even tried building a tree house, but we never could get it just right." Lifting the sleeve of her nightgown Claire showed Daniel a tiny scar, "This is from a small tree branch impaling me. After that we built a fort in the tall grass in the field behind my house. The three of us played baseball, well we tried to play. Adam would get frustrated and say, "I knew girls couldn't play baseball, when Jen or I would miss the ball. We all shared a couple of summer's like that, but as we got older our time together changed. We still had a lot of fun, but instead of playing games outside it was video games, roller skating and going to the movies," Claire smiled.

  With a look of pure bliss on her face from the welcome memories Claire continued, "I will never forget the first time Adam kissed me. It was the year I turned fourteen, he asked me to our school valentine's day dance. He was acting strange that night, and I thought it was because he wasn't used to wearing a starched shirt and a tie. He tugged on his tie so much, it was lopsided and the knot was no longer at his neck. We were standing out front of our school gymnasium waiting for my mother to pick us up, and he just reached over and quickly kissed me. After that things just seemed to fall into place. We dated throughout high school and then after graduation we both went to college at the University of Arkansas. I of course majored in history, but Adam majored in healthcare administration."

  "What kind of work did he do?" Daniel asked with interest.

  "Adam loved people, and maybe because he had been raised by his aging grandmother he chose to become a nursing home administrator. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of our seniors and he knew the best way to make a big difference was from the inside. After he graduated from college he applied for his administrators license and then he was hired by a nursing home in our hometown. The resident's of the home loved him, but I think he loved them more. He seemed so comfortable and happy when he was there. I volunteered at the home where he worked and found that I loved it too."

  More for herself than for Daniel, Claire continued, "We both lived in dorms the first two years of college. Our junior year we decided we would get a small apartment off campus. But our parents were not very happy about the thought of us living together before we were married. We tried to convince them, telling them we were going to be married after college. In the end we all drove to Eureka Springs where Adam and I got married in a small chapel. It was a nice wedding and I didn't regret marrying Adam, but it wasn't the wedding of my dreams. Not that I wanted a huge wedding, but something different. Maybe an outdoor wedding, with Jen by my side as my maid of honor."

  "Anyway, Adam and I moved into our apartment and we both graduated within two years. Adam went to work and I continued working part time toward my masters degree. For fun I would go on treasure hunts with Jen to auctions and estate sales. We would lovingly restore nice furniture, or paint and distress furniture that was beyond saving. I loved spending the time with Jen and it turned out to be a good part time job. I loved that I had no set work schedule and it allowed me the flexibility to work around my class schedule."

  Unsure if she should continue on and talk about the accident, Claire paused. She knew that Daniel wanted to understand her, and without talking about the accident and divulging what happened, she could not move forward. Claire had known that the time would come when she would need to talk about it for her own personal growth. Sure she had reflected on it many times, but it was just not something she talked about with others. Feeling the need to take a leap of faith she continued, "And then last summer, Adam and I were going to a fourth of July party at the lake. We had plans to meet Jen and her boyfriend. We were going to barbecue and watch the fireworks."

  Daniel quickly interrupted, "Claire, I don't want you to talk about this if you aren't ready. I know it's still painful for you and the last thing I want to do is cause you any pain."

  With a thoughtful smile Claire said, "It's okay, I need to talk about it. I have never spoken about that night with anyone. I want to be able to talk about it and I think it's an important step in my healing." So she continued, "We were in Adam's truck and we were heading toward the camp site. As we headed out of town, we stopped at a red light. We were talking happily about the barbecue. When the light turned green, Adam started to go, just as a drunk driver ran a red light and T-boned us on the driver's side. Adam's lifeless body was pinned in the truck for more than an hour while the jaws of life cut away the crumpled metal." With tears streaming down her face, Daniel grabbed Claire's hand and gently soothed her while she talked. "I was thrown from the truck and landed more than thirty feet away."

  Taking a deep breath to steady herself Claire continued, "Daniel, I was almost seven months pregnant with my first child, a son." Daniel quickly pulled her in and hugged her, but his thoughts were interrupted when she pulled away and continued. "I was in a coma for three days. When I woke up in the hospital, I knew the instant that I saw my mom and Jen. Adam and our baby were gone."

  "I was so distraught that I began trying to get up, ripping at the various tubes that were there to help me. The doctors put me into an induced coma for almost a week to give me time to heal. My lungs were bruised, and I had several broken ribs. I was battered and bruised from head to toe. While I was in a coma, the doctors performed a c-section to remove my baby."

  "When I finally woke up I was mad at the world. I had missed the funeral of my beloved husband and son. I felt anger toward the man who had done this, and guilt toward myself. Maybe if I would have been wearing a seat belt the baby would have survived. I began to question what kind of mother I would have been. I was supposed to protect my baby, and I had failed miserably. I spent the next several months going back and forth between beating myself up and hating the drunk driver. I needed to make sure the man responsible for taking my family and my dreams of a happy life paid for his ignorance."

  "Oh Claire, I had no idea about the baby. I'm sorry all of that happened to you. But you shouldn't blame yourself. There is no way you could have known there would be an accident. I'm happy you feel comfortable enough to share this with me. You know you can talk to me anytime you need to," Daniel said as he lovingly stroked her hair.

  Looking up they saw Jen walking into the kitchen, "How long have you two been awake?"

  Claire quickly wiped her tears, "I didn't realize the sun had even come up, we have been up most of the night."

  After Jen started the coffee, she came and sat across from them in one of the cozy chairs. Looking up at Claire for the first time, "Oh my god, are you ok? Why are you crying?"

  "I was just talking about Adam and the baby, but for the first time in months, I think I'm going to be fine," Claire said with a hopeful smile.

  Daniel stood, "I think I will get more wood to start another fire," and with that he walked out the door.

  "Claire if you need me to stay I will. I don't want to leave you," Jen said as she went to hug her best friend.

  Claire gently
pulled away, "You have worried over me and taken care of me long enough. It's time for both of us to make a life for ourselves. Besides, you promised you would come and visit often, and I am definitely holding you to that promise."

  ***

  Chapter Thirteen

  Over the next few days Claire was confined to her bed. Every time she tried to get up Janet and Daniel were right there taking care of her. Daniel and Steve continued bringing up things from the basement and Claire waited anxiously for Daniels account of the items they had found.

  It wouldn't be long before she would be able to put weight on her ankle. The first thing she would do is go look through the items to see what could be used in the store and more importantly, for any information on Elizabeth. She hadn't known about the Van Whites for long, but she felt a connection and she longed for any information she could find about the family.

  Nervously Daniel walked into the room, "Claire, I was wondering if it would be okay if I stay in one of the upstairs rooms? My apartment is being renovated and I can't stay there for a while," Daniel lied.

  Knowing he wasn't telling the truth, Claire smiled, "Yes, of course. There are plenty of rooms, just take your pick." She knew his apartment wasn't being renovated, he just wanted to be nearby to take care of her. Claire thought it was sweet of him to be so protective. And if she were being honest with herself, she liked having him around. Things seemed so easy between them, like it had been with Adam.

  Something had shifted in Claire the night she had spent talking to Daniel. Maybe it was their growing relationship, or that she had finally confided in someone about the accident, and the death of Adam and their baby. Or even that she had shared with someone about the guilt she felt. She could feel the constant thoughts of Adam and the accident slipping away and thoughts of her future emerging.

  As Daniel left the room, Claire reached for Elizabeth's journal. She knew she shouldn't be reading it, but she felt like something was driving her to find out the truth.

  May 27, 1886

  Dear Diary,

  My days in isolation have proven to be long and daunting. How I regret my decision to stay, but alas there is nothing I can do. I have begged Annie to help me steal away, but father has vowed to remain home for the duration of my confinement.

  I was disgusted as he said, "After the bastard is born, I shall have it sent far away." I fear that father means it, although I am unsure where he would intend to send such a beautiful gift. But I fear he plans to harm the innocent thing. Father has already taken so much from me. I will not let him take my child. I shall kill him with my bare hands before I let such a thing happen.

  I have tried to find things to occupy my mind during my confinement as I fear I might go mad. I have begun working on items for my darling child. I have already sewn a beautiful baby quilt from scraps that Annie found. I am now working on a darling dress with embroidery along the front. Annie just chuckled and said, "that will look fine, if you have a son."

  To be honest, I had never considered that I would have a son. Since the moment I learned of my condition, I just knew it was a precious daughter. I have been thinking over baby names and I have decided that I shall name her Emma Olivia. She will be named after the beautiful girl at Miss Baker's School and of course after my dear mother.

  I chuckle now thinking back at the life I had in Boston. I had thought it was terrible that I was made to go to finishing school and that I could not spend time with Thomas. I would give anything to return to that life if it meant mother was here, and I was not being held against my will.

  Elizabeth

  May 28, 1886

  Dear Diary,

  I remember as a child how Andrew and I would lay on the grass and stare up at the clouds. As we looked at them, it was as if animals just appeared. Childhood was such a magical time. I had a mother and father who loved me and my brother Andrew to play with. We had a beautiful home in Boston with all the comforts one could hope for. I had dreamt of a life of beauty and magic. A life filled with Love and children and family.

  Now as I lay here in my prison, I wish I could set eyes on the outside. To be able to stare up at the clouds, or watch the stars twinkling brightly. I know mother's English garden is beginning to bloom. What I wouldn't give to be able to set eyes upon the beauty that we created.

  But sadly my chamber has no windows. To anyone looking at our home my prison would look to be the most beautiful spot in the house because of all the colorful panes that surround it. When the sunlight shines in the colors reflect off of the walls. It is marvelous, I try to look at the reflections on the wall, and pick out animals, but it just is not the same. But at night when the moon is bright, and the room is dark, I find it quite frightening.

  I try to find comfort in thinking of my child and our future. I think of my mother and of Andrew and William, and of course, I am always thinking of Thomas.

  Elizabeth

  June 16, 1886

  Dear Diary,

  I am in such a state. I do not know how to convey the severity of my situation. The night I last wrote father came to my room. I knew immediately that something was amiss as he had been staying away. As he entered my chamber my heart began to pound. I knew he had been drinking, and I was sure he was going to harm me.

  To my horror he took liberties with me. He said that I was a soiled dove and since I had fallen from graces, it should not matter that he was my father. I begged and pleaded for him to stop. I nearly heaved at the stench of his hot, rancid breath on my neck. As I tried to push him away, he became crazed, and began beating me.

  After he left the room Annie came rushing in to care for me. She kept crying and saying, "my poor baby, it is going to be alright. Annie is going to take care of it." I am not sure what she meant, but I do hope she plans to alert the authorities.

  I feared for the life of my darling child, and all I could do was pray that God would see fit to protect the innocent thing.

  My thoughts turned to mother as I now know what she had endured. Oh how I wish my dear sweet mother was here. I would think that she would have killed father for what he has done.

  Elizabeth

  July 14, 1886

  Dear Diary,

  As my wounds continue to heal, I can only lie here in my bed and reflect on the past. As I yearn for a future with my darling baby and my Thomas. The child has grown quite active. I try to envision her tiny little face. Will she look like me or will she look like Thomas?

  Annie continues to visit each day as she brings me my meals. Today she has brought word of my darling William. He wrote me a letter that she said she would mail to me. I suppose he thinks I have gone away. I cried when I read it, he is such a sweet and gentle soul. I fear that with mother, Andrew and I gone and with only fathers negative influence that William will lose his sweet nature.

  As I was thinking of William the other day and our time in the attic, I began to wonder, could it be possible that there is another way out of this room? So I began to search the wall panels. I could not find any secret passage, but I did find that one of the small wall panels in the back of the room can be raised. It is not a large space, and sadly it does not lead me to my freedom.

  As Annie continues to visit, she brings me treasured items of mother's that I hide away in my secret compartment. Sadly, should I ever have the chance to escape I will have to part with some of mother's things.

  Elizabeth

  Finally on the fourth day after her accident Claire was able to put enough weight on her ankle to walk without the aid of her crutches.

  She carefully walked down the hall to the staging room, which because of the size Claire supposed had once been a ballroom. When she opened the door, she was shocked. There were so many boxes and pieces of furniture that had all been neatly organized.

  Claire had not hadn't expected to find this much stuff. Each box had been carefully labeled with the contents, and notes added about where each item was found. It was far more than she ever expected. As she suspected
, the items from the basement were mostly utility items from around the home. Opening the first box she spotted some old bake ware, a 1940's coffee pot, a couple of old rolling pins and more mismatched utensils than she cared to count. As she continued looking through the other boxes she found much of the same. It looked like most of it would be good for the store.