by Lang, Alice
Instead, it would be his brother. As she pressed the ‘send’ button on her phone, she decided to go for the obvious good choice in front of her.
CHAPTER SEVEN
It all began the following day with Henry meeting her with her favorite double shot espresso and a dorky smile on his face. They walked together to the office and parted when Henry went to his own floor.
Over the course of the week, Sarah also visited Henry’s office too. Henry’s desk was a total chaos. There were so many piles of papers littering the surface that Sarah couldn’t even tell if there was a desk there or not. Some had coffee mug stain on them, and others had cookie crumbs. She knew that if Patrick saw this, he would flip the table over and ask Henry to rearrange them.
Sarah and Henry had lunch together and spend their break at the Starbucks shop near the office. Henry also walked her home after work, to make sure she got there safely. He was nothing short of the poster boy for the ‘perfect boyfriend.'
Their first weekend date was a simple dinner. Henry handled everything, searching for the best restaurant and making a reservation. Sometimes Sarah thought that Henry was doing too much and that she was taking him for granted.
Sometimes it felt as if the distance Henry wanted to lessen between them was actually widening. Sarah was even more reserved and formal than she’d been before. She was more open to Henry when they were only friends but now, she had to choose her words carefully and avoid any actions that she thought would made Henry think of her differently. She wanted to be the ‘perfect lady’ for Henry just as he was being the perfect man to her.
“You haven’t selected anything yet? Are you having trouble?” Sarah skimmed through the main course page for the fourth time and looked at the waitress who was patiently waiting for her order. Everything on the menu was pretty expensive. Even though she knew he could afford anything she wanted, she was a frugal girl and avoided the costly choices. Henry seemed to notice, so he gave her a smile and ordered her a pork chop. She wondered how he knew it was her favorite. Had he seen her eating one when she was having lunch alone?
“I know what you’re thinking. You don’t have to be so modest. It’s our date, and I don’t want you to feel so nervous about it.” Sarah tried to smile reassuringly. Sometimes she wondered what she had done to deserve such a nice person like Henry. These past few days had felt like a fairy tale. She was a princess, and Henry was her knight.
Still, Sarah felt something missing from their relationship. Perhaps it was because they were still getting to know each other. Or maybe she felt awkward because they were colleagues in the same office. It appeared that she was the only one who felt that way. Henry had transitioned from a good friend to boyfriend with amazing ease. It was her who still felt uncomfortable.
“Everyone at the office seems to really like you. How come some woman hasn’t already snapped you up?” Sarah asked casually over dinner. She felt she had been tiptoeing around the subject, hesitant to ask anything too direct. That was the way they were to each other before Henry asked her out. She shouldn’t distance herself from Henry more than this.
To Sarah’s surprise, Henry gave her a hearty laugh. “Sorry, I was thinking back about how it used to be the opposite.”
“Opposite?”
“You know, I wasn’t a really nice kid when I was little. Father and mother used to spoil me rotten. I was that kid who would stomp around the mall and yell for the toys I wanted until I got my way.”
Sarah thought back to the conversation she had with Jane. Jane mentioned how she often fought with Henry when they were little. She couldn’t imagine how that statement was true before. Now that she heard it straight from Henry’s mouth, the conversation clicked in place. “I hardly talked to other people outside my family. I threw tantrum everywhere and… wow thinking back I actually hate my younger self.”
“Well, you’re different now, thank goodness. You are much nicer, you know.” Sarah couldn’t imagine someone like Henry could be that bad as a kid. Henry only shook his head at the statement. He seemed to be in deep thought about it. Sarah started to wonder whether she was a magnet to unwanted topics since she seemed to start one every time she opened her mouth.
“You know what’s funny?” Henry finally said. “Patrick taught me that. How to be nice to people, I mean.” Henry caught Sarah by surprise again. Patrick was the person who changed Henry from a spoiled brat to a total gentleman? How was that even possible? Last time she checked, Patrick was a total insensitive jerk who couldn’t hold back his tongue for criticism and sarcasm.
“You don’t believe me; I can see it on your face!” Henry pointed out much to Sarah’s embarrassment. “Patrick wasn’t always like that you know? He was really similar to who I am right now… at least he once was.”
Jane’s words floated into her head again. She knew for a fact that their parent’s divorce had a huge impact on all the three siblings. She knew the bright smile Patrick once had vanished, replaced by the frown lines and rude remarks that she now faced every time she entered her office. But why did Henry have the opposite reaction to it?
“You asked me why I seldom date anyone. I’m also sure that you’ve thought the same about my brother.” Henry took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “It started when we were little. We had this illusion that our parents were perfect. We believed in the true love of our parents, how they really loved each other enough to actually have kids and raise us together. One day, we just… woke up from that illusion.”
“Your parents divorced,” Sarah finished off for Henry. Henry looked at her uneasily but continued with bitterness in his voice.
“Jane went with dad. I don’t know why but she chose to. Before I knew it, it was me, Patrick and mom. We never thought this would happen, you know. Sure, we heard them fight before but… we always thought it would pass just like before. But one-day dad just walked away. I didn’t even know why he did it until recently. Maybe I was too young, maybe I wasn’t paying much attention. I never really cared about what happened to others back then; I was a spoiled brat remember?” Sarah couldn’t imagine the pain of a broken family. It made her realize how lucky she was to live in a happy family. Her family rarely argued, and the only big disagreement was about her career choice.
“So, we never saw our dad again. Patrick took it harder than the rest of us. I don’t know why but since the day dad left, he just… shut down. I thought he was bitter about it, the divorce. It was a long time before I saw a change in him. Patrick was trying to keep what dad left behind together. He would be the one who walked me to school and picked me up. He became my homework tutor instead of dad. He started to work a part-time job when he could so that it would lessen the burden from Mom. He started scouting for universities that accepted scholarships. To top off that, he worked his ass off to get that scholarship. He talked to me less. He even talked to mom less.”
Sarah was silent as she remembered the happy child in the picture and how he had morphed into the sullen man of today. She imagined little Patrick struggling as he transformed himself from the middle child of a happy family and slowly the father of the family.
“Seeing him being like that kinda kicked me in the head. Patrick was just trying too hard, and there I was, thinking about nothing but myself. I started to think that I must do something for him, or he was going to exhaust himself to death. And from then, I became more self-conscious about what I did. I started to think about others just as I thought about Patrick. That was a huge change in my life.” Henry rubbed his head sheepishly. “I realized what a brat I was and then I started to think back what Patrick used to be. I followed his example and improved myself.”
“That was… a very good choice.” Sarah couldn’t believe that Patrick’s struggle was the factor that changed Henry so much. She couldn’t believe Patrick had done so much for his brother either. He didn’t seem to be that close to Henry from Sarah’s perspective.
“Thank you… though I wouldn’t say the same for Patrick.
He changed so much. He never trusted anyone around him again, not even me. He wouldn’t let me do anything, not even the smallest task for him. He would keep everything to himself, do everything himself. The reason I even graduated was because he tutored me.” Sarah sucked her breath in when law school was mentioned. She could still remember all her bad days as if they had occurred yesterday. She studied on her own with some help from her friend. Henry was lucky to have someone as smart as Patrick as his tutor.
“I totally know how you feel about law school,” she offered her sympathy with Henry about the horrible experience in Law School. She was once a bad student too. Thinking about it gave her goose bumps as she remembered the heavy textbooks she carried around daily.
“Patrick did everything on his own though. He went to class alone, studied alone, and did everything alone. And came out on top. He finished his first case alone.” Henry finished his story. “Patrick won’t trust anyone. That’s why he’s alone. I think that’s the reason we both are very hesitant in finding someone. We don’t want to end up like our parents. We both know that love is fragile, that even our parents, people who loved each other for so long and had a family together, could fall out of it.”
“And you think that I am the right choice?” The words slipped out so carelessly. It was the question that Sarah also asked herself too. Was Henry the right choice for her? Was she really ready to be in a relationship? She knew that Henry was a great friend. She knew that Henry was a nice person who would make a nice boyfriend. Somehow, those were probably the thought that Henry’s parents went through too. Perhaps that was how they got together at first, seeing each other as nice people who would enjoy their company. Just how long would that last?
“That was what I’m trying to find out.” His thoughts were so simple. Henry was afraid of the unknown just as much as Patrick, but he still had the courage to face that fear.
“Even if what lies in the end might not be what you expected? Even if you and I just… won’t work out?”
“If it didn’t work out… then we aren’t just meant to be. I will accept it.”
“Henry!”
Their conversation was interrupted by someone calling Henry’s name. They turned in the same direction to see Patrick in jeans and a polo shirt, running towards them, a worried look on his face.
“Whoa Pat, calm down. What’s going on and why are you here?” Henry looked alarmed, which was normal. No one was used to seeing Patrick this way.
“I just walked past your apartment. There are police pooling around, and I don’t know why. I think you should go back and check.” The chair’s loud screech stung Sarah’s ears as Henry stood up abruptly. He looked at Patrick and then at Sarah.
“Oh god. I really should get back.” He clasped his hands over Sarah and looked at her apologetically, “Sarah…I’m so so sorry for this. I just need to make sure that they didn’t break into my condo by mistake.”
Sarah shook her head in understanding, “It’s okay. Be sure to let me know that everything is alright.”
Henry nodded and left the money on the table for the check. Glancing back at Patrick for the last time, Henry asked Patrick to walk Sarah back to her home, just to be sure she was safe.
Henry gave her hand another quick squeeze before he left the restaurant with spurs on his heels. Patrick watched him leave, the worried mask on his face disappearing the moment he was gone. Sarah looked at Patrick, scrutinized him like a suspect on trial. Patrick could feel her glare upon him which made him flinched unconsciously. He whipped his head back at her in an instant.
“What?”
Sarah placed her chin on her hand and squinted her eyes. After working with him for a while, she started to know how he thought and now that Henry just gave her the last piece of information, she could read Patrick like an open book.
She decided that she would confront him. She had promised Patrick that she would surprise him after all.
“You think I’m going to believe that lie?”
CHAPTER EIGHT
In the end, the pork chop never came. Sarah canceled their orders and grabbed a coffee before heading back home with Patrick in tow. Surprisingly, Patrick did not refute her allegation. He couldn’t really, since he knew that she knew he had lied. Actually, he hadn’t spoken a word since then. He just followed her silently like a good shadow bodyguard.
Sarah also stayed quiet, mostly because she didn’t know what to say. Yes, Patrick had interrupted her date. True, she didn’t know why. But instead of feeling angry at him for prying into her personal affair, she felt nothing.
When they had gotten close to her building, she couldn’t stand the silence anymore. She turned and said, “You know; Henry told me a thing or two about how you took care of him when you guys were little. You seemed like a very good big brother.” Patrick just looked at her, and then stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. She’s never seen him at a loss of words to this extent. “But I don’t think that lying to your brother is a good move from someone like you.”
It was conspicuous of Patrick to lie. Why would he? He’s a man who never pulled a punch, always told it just like it was no matter who he hurt and what was at stake.
“Patrick, look at me.” She waited until his eyes were finally meeting hers. “Why did you lie to Henry?”
Even as Sarah asked him the question, Patrick remained silent. Not a single word or even a gesture for her to read. It looked as if Patrick shut down the working function of his brain, and all he could do was stand there. It remained like that a long time before Sarah finally turned away.
Either he had no idea how to excuse himself, which never happened unless that person he was arguing with was Jane or he was still thinking about how to say it. Whatever the reason, Sarah gave up trying to get a word out of him and continued to walk to her apartment.
The sky was getting dark as the soft rumbling sound of the thunder rolled across the town. People started to head back into their shelter. Sarah reached her apartment in time to get away from the rain that started to drizzle down lightly. The moment she got to the room; the drizzle turned into a heavy shower with strong wind. The rattling sound of rain hitting the window was a good indicator that Patrick wasn’t going anywhere at that moment. And she didn’t have the heart to toss him out in the rain.
“Well, now I’m stuck with you. Better behave Greenburg, you’re on my turf now.” She couldn’t help but smirk and then felt bad when the expression on Patrick’s face reminded Sarah of a kicked puppy. The rain didn’t look like it would stop anytime soon either. Until then, he was stuck inside Sarah’s home.
Sarah was thankful that she cleared most of her stuff away and had given her small living area a thorough cleaning. She was wasn’t in the mood for a lecture on organization if Patrick ever decided to speak again anytime soon. He was always scolding her whenever she misplaced things in their office. She took off her coat and went straight to the kitchen for a drink.
“Want anything? No alcohol though. I’m keeping it for my bad days.”
“I was trying to help him.” Sarah stopped when she heard Patrick’s voice. It was the first time that he spoken since the restaurant, and his voice was quiet and soft, a tone Sarah had never heard from him before. She said nothing, didn’t even move a muscle. She only stood where she was and stayed silent.
“I know that you two wouldn’t work out. Not because you are bad or that Henry’s bad. I just know that you two wouldn’t go far or even if you two did, it would end up in heartbreak. At least for Henry anyway.” Sarah knew she should feel offended, after all, how could Patrick know anything about their relationship. Every part of her brain screamed for her to shout back something to him, or throw something perhaps. However, her heart knew that what he said was partially true. Sarah knew that deep down she still felt that Henry was more of a friend than an actual boyfriend. She still felt the pang of the uncomfortable formality of their first date. Sarah wished it was different, but nothing could change what
was true.
“You don’t know that. You don’t know me, Patrick” It was the only thing Sarah could think of responding back.
“I think you underestimate my ability to judge people, Sarah. I might not have been fond of you the first time we met, but I think I know you enough to tell you aren’t as emotionally involved in your relationship as he is. You like him, but not the same way that he likes you.”
“But…” she sputtered. “Was it worth a lie, that big scene at the restaurant? Don’t you think a simple conversation would have made more sense? Besides, can’t he figure it out on his own or at least let us figure it on our own? Henry’s a grown man, Patrick. I know how much you love him, but not like this.”
“Trust me I know that now, I’m an imbecile when it comes to emotions.” Patrick knew what he had done. He was very aware of the consequence he might need to face after this. He didn’t know if he could look at Henry ever again. “I guess that’s what I did all my life, let people down. Especially, people who are important to me.”
Sarah was confused; she didn’t understand what he meant. She turned to face him. Patrick wasn’t the same man she knew at that moment. The person in front of her right now was a little boy from Henry’s story. A vulnerable child stuck in the body of a man. It was the first time she had seen the layer beneath the cold and composed armor that Patrick wore. He looked forborne, lost. Sad. His hands were fidgeting which was unusual. He couldn’t meet her eyes.
“You don’t mean that,” she said, but Patrick was shaking his head in dismay.
“I know you probably heard about our parents from Henry. He’s the kind that likes to share stories.” Patrick sucked in a deep breath before letting out a huge sigh. “But you heard it from his point of view. I will tell you mine.”
