Resolution (A Golden Beach Novel)

by Kim Loraine

  Pulling the passenger door open, Donovan stayed tight lipped as he settled and Alex started back to the firehouse.

  “Nothing definite yet, but I saw remnants of a box in the corner with scorch marks all up the walls.”

  “Like the others?” Alex’s chest clenched.

  Nodding, Donovan stared straight ahead. “It’s been two fucking years since the last one. Why is this guy starting up again? He’s already killed two firefighters.”

  Anger gripped Alex and held on, the burning tendrils of hatred beginning to take root. This asshole had killed his brother John, taken people’s homes, and ended the life of Tommy Klipper in his selfish acts of arson.

  “Mike will find him. Now that he’s the fire investigator, he won’t let anything go. It’ll stop.”

  Donovan clenched his jaw. “I fucking hope so.”

  By the time the crew pulled back into the garage, their shift had been done for over an hour. The C-shift crew waited to take over and as Alex changed and packed his bag, all he could think about was getting home to Lauren. Checking his phone before he started his truck, he frowned at the empty notifications. She hadn’t texted, hadn’t called. His mind raced, thoughts of Dean and his aggressive behavior making his chest constrict with worry. Dialing her number again, he cursed when all he got was voicemail.

  He tried to disguise the edge of panic in his voice as he left a message. “Hey, it’s me. I didn’t hear from you all shift and now I’m worried. Are you okay? Call me when you get this. I love you.”

  As he drove home, he willed her to be there, waiting for him, but the darkened window in her basement apartment shot his hopes to pieces. Pulling out his phone again, he called the only other place he could think to find her.

  “Thanks for calling The Oak Tree Cafe, can I help you?”

  He recognized Kayleen’s smoky rasp immediately. “Hey, Kayleen. It’s Alex. Is Lauren working today?”

  “I don’t think she’s scheduled today. Hang on, let me check.” The sounds of a busy kitchen and murmuring customers filled his ears as he waited for her response. “Alex? She’s not here. Sorry. Did you want to leave a message for her in case she pops by?”

  His gut clenched. Where the fuck was she? “No, thanks. I’ll just talk to her when she gets home.”

  After hanging up, he raked a hand through his hair and worked to push down the rising anxiety. He needed to chill the fuck out, but flashes of the day Roxie had left him hit him right between the eyes as he walked to his front door. This was how it had started. No contact, no warning, just an empty home and a silent cell phone.

  Stalking across the lawn, he rounded the corner of the house and knocked on Lauren’s door. No answer. Using his spare key, he let himself inside, just to check and make sure everything looked okay.

  The small space was neat and tidy, just like it always was. Her full sized bed was made perfectly, books stacked by size in a pile on her bedside table. Wandering the space, he inspected the bathroom, her closet, the kitchen, until he was sure she hadn’t left. He let out a soft huff as he sat on the chair at her desk. This was ridiculous behavior, he knew that, but there was a pain in his chest he couldn’t ease.

  Pressing his palms to his eyes, he took a few heavy breaths, working through his unreasonable fear. When he came back to himself, he glanced at the pile of paper placed on the desktop to his right. A ceramic garden gnome sat atop the stack, acting as a paperweight. Allowing himself just a brief moment, he took in the tangible proof of Lauren’s accomplishment.

  The moment he read the title, his skin began to crawl.

  Rae

  Sliding the gnome off the title page, he flipped to the next sheet of paper and, like he was witnessing a train wreck, kept reading.

  To Alex: I’d never have been able to write this beautiful story without you.

  White hot pain lanced his chest as he began reading words he’d written on Roxie’s birthday so many years ago.

  Chapter 23

  Lauren sat on the beach, her body shaking with a mixture of cold and adrenaline. Every time she thought about the baby her heart raced. Everything was spinning out of control when it came to her and Alex. What would this do to them? All she could think about was the multitude of lost pregnancies he’d been through with Roxie, the damage done to their marriage, the horrible end. Could he handle this? Shaking her head, she stood, stretching her aching limbs.

  As she walked back to her bicycle, she turned on her phone, hoping she hadn’t missed too much during the hours she’d spent wandering the boardwalk. Her heart sank like a stone as she saw missed calls and a voicemail from Alex.

  Holding the phone to her ear, she listened, wanting to let his warm voice fill her head. Instead, she was met with a slightly panicked tone that sent guilt shooting through her.

  “Hey, it’s me. I didn’t hear from you all shift and now I’m worried. Are you okay? Call me when you get this. I love you.”

  Instantly dialing his number, she waited as it rang and rang, until abruptly cutting off and transferring to his voicemail box. Hanging up before the beep, she shook her head as she chastised herself for turning off her phone. She needed to get home—to go to him. Knowing she had to tell him about the baby, she braced her heart for the potential pain if he reacted the way she feared he might.

  His truck sat in the driveway when she got home. A pulse of terror ran through her as she forced herself to breathe slowly and steadily. Wiping her sweaty palms on her pants, she walked up to his door. With shaking hands, she knocked, waiting for him to let her inside. She could have used her key, but she needed him to open the door and take this one step for her. Unfortunately, as she stood there in the cold, the door remained closed. Frowning, she walked around to her apartment, smiling when she saw the light glowing from the window to her kitchen. He was waiting.

  Tamping down the butterflies in her stomach, she took a fortifying breath and opened the door.

  He sat in the middle of her bed, blue-green eyes trained on her.

  “Hey.” She worked to keep her voice light and easy. “What are you doing here?”

  “When were you going to tell me?” His tone was dead, empty of all emotion as he watched her.

  How could he know? She’d only found out this morning. “Alex, I—”

  “Was it all just for your fucking book? Did you like saving the poor, tragic, broken man?”

  Her heart dropped. “What are you talking about?” She suddenly knew the truth as she observed him turning the garden gnome paperweight over in his hands.

  “Don’t play innocent with me. You used my life for your goddamned book. How could you do that? You let me fall in love with you.” The pain in his eyes split her heart in two. “Don’t have anything to say? Fuck, Lauren. How long have you been reading my letters?”

  Her knees shook as she took a step toward him. “I . . . I found them—”

  Holding up a hand, he stood and paced the room, his expression growing darker. “Stop. I can’t. I can’t even look at you. I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Instead, all I see when I look at you is a selfish, manipulative, bitch. You used my grief to get what you wanted. Are you happy?”

  His words sliced through her. “Alex, you don’t understand.”

  Clenching his hands into fists, he crossed the room, walking toward her until he stood mere inches away. “You’re right. I don’t understand how someone could be such an amazing liar. You should take up acting. You’ve got the skills. I believed you when you said you loved me. I took you to meet my family. I asked you to move in with me. God, I was going to fucking propose after we’d been living together for a while. How could I have been so wrong?”

  He moved toward the door, and a wave of panic gripped her. If she let him leave now, she’d never get another chance to fix this. Step
ping in his way, she held her ground.

  “Lauren, move.” He bit the words out with venom in his tone.

  “No. You’ve had your say. It’s my turn.”

  “So help me, move or I’ll move you myself.”

  He wouldn’t hurt her. She knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. “No.”

  “Lauren, please. If you care about me at all, let me go.” The tremble in his voice made her ache.

  “Alex, I need to tell you why. And you need to listen.” Biting her lip, she resisted the urge to touch him. “I found the letters tucked away in the closet after I moved in. I didn’t know it was you and Roxie, not until her birthday, when you wrote her. I was going to delete the book, throw it in the trash . . . but you found it.”

  Jaw clenched, he crossed his arms over his chest. “So, you weren’t even going to tell me.” Nodding, he pursed his lips. “Like I said, selfish. Those memories are mine. Not yours. That information isn’t for you to know unless I decide to share it with you. I can accept you didn’t know what you were reading, but when you found out it was me, you should have told me. You chose to keep something huge from me, just because it would be hard, right?”

  Tears fell down her cheeks at the hatred in his voice. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “Well, you failed. You just fucking destroyed me. What’s worse is that you broke apart my armor first and then ran me through.”

  His hands rested on her shoulders and for a moment, she held out the ridiculous hope that he was going to pull her to him. Instead, he pushed her gently to the side and opened the door.

  “Find somewhere else to live by the end of the month. And unless it’s related to the apartment, don’t fucking talk to me.”

  The coldness of his words left her shaking as he closed the door behind her. The sobs came as she leaned against the wall, one hand covering her mouth, the other resting protectively over the growing life they’d made together.

  ~ ~ ~

  Two weeks later, Alex sat in his quiet house, listening for sounds from the woman downstairs. The woman he thought he’d known. Thought he loved. Each morning he heard her door open and close as she left for work. And in the evening, he turned on music to mask the sounds of her living her life without him. His only solace was the twenty-four hours he’d spend on shift at the station. Occasionally, as he was lying in bed drifting off to sleep, the sound of her murmured voice would seep into his awareness as she spoke on the phone. That was the worst of it. Hearing her sweet sounds and knowing the lies that sat heavy on her tongue.

  A knock on his front door sent his heart racing. As he looked through the peephole, his chest burned even as his body reacted with need for her. She stood outside his door, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. God, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, make her feel better. Except he couldn’t. She’d betrayed them.

  “Is this about the apartment? You can just text me, Lauren.”

  “Alex, I need to talk to you. Please. There’s something I need to tell you.”

  His hand hovered over the doorknob even as his brain screamed at him to stop. “No. Get the fuck off my stoop. I don’t want to see you, and I don’t want to talk to you. Get out of my life.”

  He watched as she hung her head and wiped a tear from her cheek. His eyes stung as tears of his own threatened to spill. After a minute, she left, walking away with one look back, her posture defeated.

  All he wanted to do was go get her, bring her back to him and make her love him. But he knew he couldn’t give her the chance to ruin him again. She held more of his heart than Roxie ever had. Roxie had broken him, but Lauren had shattered him.

  His phone beeped from its place on the charger, and as he stared down at the text from Lauren, a bitter taste filled his mouth.

  I’ll be gone tomorrow. I’m sorry.

  Breath coming in short gasps, he struggled to control his shaking hands as he gripped the phone tightly. If he didn’t do anything, she’d be gone. Was that what he truly wanted? Stalking down the hall, he went into his bedroom, searching for what? He wasn’t sure.

  His body itched with the need to go after her, but as he walked around the bed he caught sight of the photo of him with Roxie. All consuming grief took hold; he’d lost Roxie, and now, even his past with her was tainted. Lauren took that from him and made it into something cheapened by a happily ever after. That was something he could have forgiven her for. But the choice to lie, to pretend she didn’t know his most intimate hopes and fears throughout the last decade, was unforgivable.

  Instead of handling his heartbreak like an adult, he turned to his old standby. The tequila burned a trail down his throat as he numbed the pain as quickly as possible.

  He woke with a sour taste in his mouth, heavy limbs, and a pounding head. Stumbling to the kitchen in search of water to ease his parched throat, panic gripped him when he heard the rumble of a truck as it started in his driveway. She was making good on her promise. She was leaving.

  Racing to the door, he ripped it open and stepped into the cold December morning. All he saw was her getting into the small moving van, and Dean sitting behind the wheel. The man reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her.

  “Fuck.” Alex’s curse came out as a pained whisper at the sight. So, she’d been with Dean all along. She’d never truly broken it off. Of course. It made sense now why Dean was always hanging around, always so angry about her choices. She’d been with both of them at the same time. But then, she’d been using Alex for her book, he’d been research. “Goddammit. I’m a fucking idiot.”

  Nausea clutched his stomach as his knees gave out and he sat down hard on the porch. How had he been so easily fooled? Had he really been such an easy target, so afraid of being alone that he’d not seen this coming? Pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, he tried to breathe through the crushing weight on his chest, to calm the erratic beating of his heart, and to will away the sick feeling in his gut that had nothing to do with his hangover.

  He should have left her alone and now he was paying with his heart.

  Chapter 24

  “Tell me again why you’re living with your former fiancé?” Chassity accented the word former with gusto, obviously trying to remind Lauren that this was a bad idea. If the tone of her voice didn’t relay her feelings, the look on her face certainly did. Sometimes Lauren hated video calls.

  “I had to get out of the house. Alex didn’t want me around . . . and I couldn’t wait any longer.”

  She rubbed the small swell of her belly, feeling a mixture of sorrow and elation. She couldn’t hide it even if she wanted to . . . not anymore.

  “Why?”

  Heaving a heavy sigh, Lauren stood. “I’m going to show you something, but you can’t tell Mother. Promise?”

  Watching her sister bite her lip and furrow her perfectly shaped brows, a flutter of nerves took hold.

  “Okay. Promise.”

  As Lauren stood and backed away, her round baby bump came into frame.

  “Holy fucking shit. What the hell, Lo? You’re fucking pregnant.”

  “I’m aware. Thanks.”

  “Wait, is that why you’re with Dean? He’s the father?”

  Shaking her head, Lauren sighed. “No. Alex is.”

  A stormy look crossed Chassity’s features. “That asshole kicked you out? Oh, my God. I’m going to come down there and kick his firefighting ass. And then I think I’ll get Sully to do it again for good measure.”

  “He doesn’t know about the baby. I tried to tell him, but he was so hurt about the letters . . .”

  “Haven’t you tried again?”

  A tear spilled down Lauren’s cheek before she could stop it. “I can’t. It hurts so much to even think about him.”

  “Does Dean know you’re knocked up?”


  Nodding, she offered a watery smile. “It’s not like I can hide it. He’s been so great, letting me stay in the guest room, and really, just being the friend I need.”

  “So, he’s not . . . pissed you fucked Alex and got pregnant?” The disbelief in Chassity’s tone made Lauren’s gut clench.

  “I don’t know. But either way, I can’t change what happened. I’m just doing my best.”

  “Lo, you’ve got to tell Alex.”

  “I will. When he’s calmed down and willing to talk. I’m not due for another four months. This little girl and I have got time.”

  “It’s a girl?” Chassity’s face lit up like a kid at Christmas. “You want me to come out for a visit? It’s almost Valentine’s Day. We could do our usual girl’s day. Pedicures, brunch, shopping. But this time, I get to buy my niece some awesome clothes.”

  Laughing, Lauren shook her head. “No. I’m so busy with work right now. I’m trying to save up for a down payment on a little house for us. I can’t stay here with Dean forever.”

  “You could always come home.”

  “I can’t take Alex’s daughter away from him. He’s going to know about her soon. It would kill him not to be in her life.”

  The sound of a door opening and closing had Chassity glancing over her shoulder. “Shit, Mother’s home. I’d better go. I don’t want your secret getting out over here before you’re ready. Call me anytime, Lo.”

  She heard her mother call Chassity’s name before the screen went black and the conversation was cut off. This baby would be just another in a series of disappointing mistakes if her mother had anything to say about it. She needed to wait until her little one was here, safe and sound, before breaking the news to the rest of the family.

  A warm hand massaged her shoulder, surprising her as she stared at her computer screen.