It's Just Love, Not a Time Bomb

by Dawn Martens

  “I can’t do this. My own parents? My sister? My boyfriend?” I say shaking. “I’m leaving, and this time, I doubt I’ll ever be back! Family doesn’t do this shit! Even if you ‘thought’ they were over, she’s fucking pregnant! I had a right to know that shit!” I start to walk inside when I’m pulled back by my mother.

  “Sweetheart, we didn’t want to hurt you.”

  I pull out of her arms, pissed more now than I was. “Hurt me?” I laugh, unable contain it; it slips from my lips, shocking me and everyone standing around me. I won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry in front of them. Willing myself not to let out the tears I know are built up in my eyes, I suck it up and push them away. “You hurt me when you kept it from me, Mom. My own sister is carrying my boyfriend’s child! That is something I should have been told when I arrived back home, not hidden from me! This shouldn’t have been secret!” Shaking my head, I need to get out of here, away from them all. Lifting my head and looking directly toward my mom, I say, “You’re not my mother anymore! None of you are my family anymore. Don’t call, don’t anything. Enjoy having only one daughter because I’m gone. I don’t exist anymore, not to you,” I say, ignoring the pain shooting through my mother’s eyes. “I’ll be by later this week to get my things and some shit out of the basement that I want to take with me.” Then I run through the house and out the front door.

  I’m breaking apart. All that he told me was a lie, a fucking damn lie. When was I going to learn not to believe a bloody word that came out of his mouth? I loved him, that’s why. Love was love, and you would do anything for the one you love, including believing the shit that came out of their mouth. Why did I ever come back home?—to Liam? All he has brought me is hurt and betrayal. He doesn’t love me. He never did, because if he did, he never would have slept with Michelle. Not only that, he never would have continued doing it.

  I gave him another chance, a chance I shouldn’t have given him at all; once a cheater, always a damn cheater. I’m slapping myself on the inside as I make my way from my parent’s house. That was it. I’m not giving my family or Liam another chance to fuck me over. No more was I allowing them to hurt me the way they all just did again. It was final. No more will I be lied to from them. Liam can go to hell for all I care. He can have my bitch of a sister all to himself with that poor child they made together.

  Waiting on the curb for the cab that I called as I ran from my parent’s house, tears stream down my cheeks as I go over what happened moments ago. Why did my own sister have to sleep with the one man I loved? The one that supposedly loved me but couldn’t keep his dick in his pants? Liam doesn’t know what love is, and apparently neither do I.

  Stepping towards the cab as it pulls up, I hear the front door open and my name being called as I slide into the back seat. I knew it was Liam following me, but I couldn’t look at him. Wiping the wetness from my cheeks, I tell the driver to drive, telling him to take me to a cheap hotel, where I will stay until I can make arrangements. As we begin to turn out of my parent’s street, I turn around in my seat and look behind us. My heart breaks further at seeing Liam in the middle of the road on his knees, head down in obvious defeat. Did he think he could have us both, that neither of us would ever find out? What was he thinking?

  Pushing the pain away, I turn back around and let my tears fall as I look out the window on my side. I can’t stay here any longer; I need to get away from them all. I won’t be able to deal with it all if I stay. There is no reason at all now for me to be here anymore. I never should have come back in the first place; I should have learned my lesson the first time, but I’ve always been stubborn.

  Instead of running off and getting another stamp on my passport, I decide to pack up and go visit my friend, Hayley, in Calgary. Originally, after my second time in England, I was going to go there to help Hayley start up a new salon, but after being gone for so long, and getting all those messages I stupidly listened to from Liam, I decided to come home instead. There’s no place like home—isn’t that some bullshit.

  But this isn’t home—not anymore.

  The last week has been pure hell. After packing up and moving my shit, which was mostly clothing, out of my parents’ house and into the moving truck, I faced the basement, trying my hardest to ignore my parents fluttering around me, wanting to talk. I don’t understand their reasoning behind the shit that went down with Michelle and Liam. As I was cleaning out the last of my things from their home, and having it all shipped to Hayley’s place, I found boxes and boxes of things I wish I hadn’t.

  Opening the first box, I found baby pictures of myself, being held not by my mom, but by another woman—a woman that looks like she just gave birth. My mother is standing beside her, smiling with tears in her eyes at the camera, and they look alike. Confused, I set the picture aside. I know that is me in that picture, because I’ve seen tons of baby pictures of myself. Who is this woman? She looks...she looks a lot like me. Well, she looks like the me who used to not have crazy hair. Plus, she looks somewhat like my mom and my aunt.

  I continue searching through the first box, coming across a small treasure box. Inside it is what floors me. There are birth documents, a contract, and pictures—tons of pictures, some that don’t make sense. I throw the papers, scattering them to the floor, and push myself away. I hear footsteps coming down the basement stairs.

  “Alix?” Mom says hesitantly. She comes close to where I’m sitting on the floor, her face draining of all color. “You found them?”

  I nod. “Why did you never tell me?” I whisper out.

  “We didn’t think you ever needed to know. You were my baby, no matter what.” My mom, or whoever she really is, looks like she is about to burst at the seams with tears.

  “Who is that woman, and why is she in all those pictures until I was six? And why don’t I remember her?” I ask, shaking and not sure if I really want an answer.

  Mom sits down beside me, picking up the mess I just made. “She’s your birth mother, Amber. She was my sister, mine and Marie’s baby sister. She came to live with us when she finished high school. We welcomed her into our home, and she helped us out with Michelle while we worked.”

  I stare at the pile of pictures in her hands, feeling as if my whole life has been nothing but one God damned lie.

  “Your father and I at the time were trying to have another child, but after Michelle, I just couldn’t seem to be able to conceive. We tried different things, different tests, but it all came back to me and my eggs.” Mom takes a breath before going on. “Amber wanted to help, and since she’s my sister, she said she would be our surrogate. At first, your father said no, that we didn’t need to have any more children, but after me begging, he gave in. You were the result of that. I was so damn thankful to her every damn day for the gift she gave us,” Mom says, a tear leaking out. “Just after your sixth birthday, she got into a bad car accident and died on impact. We had always planned to tell you about this, but once she died, we didn’t see the need for it anymore.”

  “So that’s why Michelle hates me?” I ask her bitterly. “Because, technically, I’m her half-sister?”

  Mom grimaces. “We always wanted to make sure you never felt left out of this family, just because you weren’t my biological daughter, but I’m thinking I went overboard with that. I let you be free, be who you wanted, thinking it would be for the best for you. I didn’t ever want you to feel different or like you didn’t belong.”

  “No, Mom, or should I say Auntie Tanya, it wasn’t. You treated me like a princess, almost literally at times. Looking back, I see how you treated Michelle, and you treated her like your ‘actual’ daughter, being stricter with her on things. It’s your fault she hates me,” I say standing up. “What I don’t get is if she knew about this mess, why didn’t she ever use it when we fought? She hated me enough. She could have at any time said something.” I dust the dirt from my pants. I need to get away from this place; all it does is bring me down.

  Mo
m stands up, getting close to me with tears streaming down her face. “Michelle does love you, Alix. That’s why she never said anything. And you are my daughter. Amber was just a surrogate.” I know she is hurting right now, but I can’t stand to be near her. She has always lied to me. My whole life has been a lie.

  I scoff. “Bullshit! Loves me? She shows her love by sleeping with the man I was going to marry? Having a child with him? That’s not love. At this point, I don’t even know what love is.” I snatch the pictures and papers from her hands and put them in the box they came from. I pick it up. “I’m taking this. I want to learn more about my mother.”

  My mom takes the blow like I figured she would and starts sobbing. Was that wrong of me? Probably, but at this point, I don’t care. I am done caring about their feelings, since they obviously have never given a shit about mine. I storm past her, up the stairs, and out of her life.

  As I start to walk out of the front door, my dad’s voice calls to me. I stiffen as he gets closer to me. “Alix, please don’t leave, not like this,” Dad pleads with me.

  “You disgust me, every one of you do. I’ve been lied to my whole life about who my real mother is, and then you were all keeping this shit with Michelle and Liam a secret. I don’t want to be a part of this fucked up family any longer,” I ground out, hand on the door knob. I don’t bother to turn around to look at him.

  “Alix, please listen.”

  I ignore the pain in my chest as I open the front door and walk out.

  Maybe fun, carefree Alix no longer exists. Seems like when I’m her, my life turns to shit.

  Sitting at the diner with Shaun, I’m enjoying my meal when I hear it.

  “Jordan?” My shoulders sigh in defeat. Shit! I throw my hand up, feeling fed up with her always being wherever the hell I am. Why me? Couldn’t she go bother one of her other fuck friends? I pull my ball cap down over my eyes, hoping she will just go away, but I can feel her stare as she walks to my table.

  “Yeah?” I say, not looking at her. I don’t need to lift my head to know that Shaun is sitting there looking amused.

  “Um, I was thinking we should talk,” Renee says, hands on her hips.

  “Look Renee, no. I’ve already said all I needed to say to you. I really don’t care what you have to say to me,” I say to her, hoping like hell she takes the hint and walks away. I throw my napkin on my plate—no way can I eat now. My brother and I have one night a week we get together after work for guy time, and she just had to ruin it.

  I don’t bother to look at her, just stare at Shaun, who is smirking. Asshole has had his fair share of crazy bitches, and by the looks of him, he’s enjoying me squirm with my own brand of crazy standing by our table. He runs his fingers through his hair and leans back in his seat, enjoying the rest of the crazy show.

  “I didn’t want to do this here. I wanted to talk privately, but since you’re giving me no choice...” she trails off. I look at her, seeing her searching through her purse. “I’m pregnant,” she says, putting an ultrasound picture and doctor files on the table by my plate. I look at her, and she looks wounded. Fuck!

  “Fuck me!” Shaun mutters.

  Fuck me is right. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I pound my fist down on the table. I take a look at the shit she just put down, and I feel the blood rushing out of me. I pale. “No.”

  “I know you said we were over, and I’m sorry. I was such a bitch about the whole thing with John, but I figured you should know at least, and decide what you need to do.” This chick is whacked if she thinks I believe this child is mine. Who knows who all she was fucking behind my back?

  “How do you know this isn’t John’s kid, huh, or some other sorry fuck you screwed?” John was probably one of many.

  “I promise you, Jordan, I’ve always used protection. This child is yours.” When she says that, I laugh my ass off. Really. “It’s not funny, Jordan.” She looks as frustrated as I feel.

  “I know for a fact that I used protection every single time with you.” And I did. I don’t trust women after some of the crazy shit that I’ve seen happen to my brother. I also always check for breakage when it’s over, wanting to be extra cautious, especially since another crazy chick came out of the woodwork trying to say Shaun was the father of her kid just last year. Of course, the boy wasn’t Shaun’s, but man, gotta be extremely careful these days.

  “I know, but condoms aren’t one hundred percent, you know? And according to the doctor, I’m about fourteen weeks along, which means I would have conceived when we were on our trip to Hawaii,” she says softly. I tap my fingers anxiously on the table, feeling the urge to bolt.

  “I want a DNA test. Make it happen. I know they can do that shit before the baby is born, and if this child is mine, I will be there for this child, but not you—never you,” I tell her. She needs to know right now, baby or not, we are done. She sealed our fate the minute she went out and fucked around behind my back.

  She nods her head yes. “Okay. I really am sorry, Jordan,” she says then turns around and walks out of the diner.

  “Told you that woman was a bitch. Trying to trap you now.” Shaun digs back into his food like my world wasn’t just turned upside down.

  Scrubbing my hands over my face, I get up and throw some cash on the table. “I gotta go. Need some time to process this fucking mess. Later, bro,” I say to Shaun as I walk out to my truck. The whole drive home, I feel like a jerk for the way I reacted, but damn! What did she expect me to say?

  My phone rings while I’m unlocking my front door. “Yeah?”

  “Son, want to go and grab a few beers at the bar?” Dad asks.

  I check the time on my phone. “Yeah, I’ll meet you there in a bit.” I sure as hell could use a drink. Today has been a nightmare. I still can’t wrap my head around it. Renee pregnant, fuck!

  Locking my house back up, I head back to my truck.

  I walk into the bar and spot Dad and a few guys from work sitting around, drinking at a table toward the back. “Hey, Jordan,” everyone calls out. This is one of those towns where nothing ever changes; same people been coming here and sitting in the same seats for years. I am sick of the same tired ass routine day after day.

  Dad hands me over a beer and stares at me. “Something wrong, son?” he asks.

  Sighing, I take a swig of my beer and set it down on the table. “Yeah, shit with Renee just got worse. Apparently she’s pregnant,” I tell him, picking at the label on the bottle.

  “What did I tell you about wrapping that shit up?” Dad says, voice low, not wanting anyone to hear. A worry line creases across his forehead. He has aged a lot since Mom passed, and his heart attack really did a number on him. If anything happened to him, I don’t know what I would do.

  “Yeah, I did. She’s claiming condoms aren’t one hundred percent,” I say, taking another drink. I’m ready to chug three or four beers to make me forget.

  He shakes his head at me. “DNA test. We already know she has cheated, so don’t get roped into anything until you know for sure.” He pats me on the shoulder.

  “Yeah, I know. I already told her I wanted a test done. I ain’t taking her word for it.”

  “She’s trying to pin you down, just like Marnie did, getting knocked up with Shaun’s kid,” Dad says around his beer as he takes a sip.

  “It’s not going to happen, Dad. I’m not that fuckin’ stupid. I’m also not Shaun,” I growl.

  Dad taps the table. “Drink up. You need it.”

  “Agree there,” I mumble, taking a long hard drink from my beer, enjoying the bitter taste hitting the back of my throat. “What if she really is pregnant with my child, Dad?”

  “You deal with it, son. Man up and be there for the kid. Don’t become stupid like Shaun did and actually try to be together for the kid.” I wish I could have found a good woman like my mom. She and Dad loved each other more than anything. I miss her so much. I wish she were here now; she’d know exactly what to do or say to see me through this shi
t. Dad tries, but his talks just don’t hold the same punch Mom’s did.

  It only takes me a few hours to get to Calgary, but it still took me almost a week of organizing to get here. After hiring a shipping company to get my things from my parent’s house, I finally make it here.

  I ended up buying a new car during the week of hell. Well, actually, it’s not brand new. It’s a little used, but I got a good deal for it, so whatever. I got myself a dark grey 2011 Chevy Malibu and even got into an argument with the salesman. The asshole thought I was a stupid woman, and was trying to make me pay a higher price than the car was worth. I looked that shit up before going to the dealership; I was not paying the full price, or anything near it. So I decided to piss him off, letting him think I really was a stupid woman. I said it was brown. He said grey. Neither one of us were letting up, so another salesman ended up taking over my sale, which made me giggle that I could get someone so pissed off over a car color. After all, the car really is grey.

  I stop for gas at Costco and text Hayley. Made it! I’ll be to your place in about twenty.

  My phone chimes with a text message not even a second later. Epic! Waiting for you! Can’t wait.

  I end up actually getting to her condo ten minutes later, and I take the elevator to her floor. When the doors open, I step out and get swept up in a hug.

  “Oh my God! You’re here! YAY!” Hayley says excitedly, jumping up and down while hugging me tight in her arms. “I’ve missed you! Ever since you had to switch middle schools, life has not been the same since you tried burning the bathroom down. I have missed the excitement that is completely you!” I laugh again, looking at my friend; the bitch looks great. She looks exactly the same as she did in middle school, only taller.

  Of course she would bring that up. At least I didn’t purposely try to light it on fire, it just happened. I chuckle. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have had to transfer if that bitch Elle hadn’t gone and ratted me out. No one knew who did it, but somehow that bitch did,” I say, remembering the smirk Elle gave me as I was called out of class by the principal.