The Chemical Wedding, by Christian Rosencreutz

by John Crowley

  Our dinner up at the high table was really excellent, and we asked the pages if it would be all right if we sent some choice bits down to friends and acquaintances below, and they made no objection, so everyone sent a little of this and that down by the waiters, whom they of course couldn’t see, so they didn’t know from whom it came. I decided then I’d take a plate down myself to one of them, but even before I’d got out of my chair one of the waiters took my elbow.

  “Just a friendly word of advice,” he murmured. “If one of the pages sees you doing that, the king’s going to learn about it, and the king’s not going to like it. Now, no one’s noticed but me, and I won’t tell, but in future you should have more regard for the honor of the Order.”

  “Oh. Yes. Thank you for the warning,” I said in some alarm, and sat back down. For a long time afterward I hardly moved. Pretty soon the drums began to beat, which we were getting very used to, and by now knew that it meant our young mistress was about to enter, so we got ready, and here she comes in on her throne with her usual attendants. One of her two pages preceded her with a tall golden goblet, and the other carried a parchment scroll. Having got down from her high seat with marvelous aplomb, she took the goblet from the page.

  “This goblet’s from the king,” she told us, “who gave it to me himself to bring to you, so pass it around in his honor.”

  On the lid of the goblet was a little golden figure of Lady Luck, very exquisitely made, holding a red pennant in her hand. Seeing that made me drink a little more cautiously; I had good reasons to know all about that lady’s fickleness. The young lady, I noticed, was wearing the same Golden Fleece with lion as we were, and I thought that perhaps she was president of our chapter.

  “Can you tell me, Lady,” I asked, “what the name of our Order is?”

  “Now’s not the time to talk about that, with the business of these prisoners unfinished,” she told me.

  At that she ordered the prisoners to be blindfolded. They probably thought that what we had suffered before as penance was really nothing compared to the high honors we were now getting, which perhaps gave them hope for themselves. Our mistress took a scroll from her page, and turning to the first group of prisoners, she read out from the first part of it:

  “First, you lords and gentlemen here. Confess that you believed much too quickly in false and lying books, and because of them believed you could get into this castle if you wanted to, even though you weren’t invited. Maybe it was in order to be seen and made much of here and then to go back home with your reputations increased, but once here you egged one another on to worse things, and so you deserve everything that’s coming to you.”

  They very humbly admitted all that and swore to it. Then she turned to address the rest.

  “You lot, however, know very well that you concocted fictions and lies, fooled others and cheated them, and offended the king’s dignity. You know what unholy meaningless diagrams you’ve been making use of in your screeds, not respecting even the Trinity itself but persistently deceiving people all over this land. We see now that you tried the same practices here, to ensnare our invited guests and trick the innocent. By all this it’s very clear that you’ve wallowed in every sin you could name, gluttony, fraud, theft, pride, all expressly against the commands of our king, whom you’ve mocked even among the common people. Therefore you should admit and confess that you’re a gang of cheaters and scoundrels who deserve to be cast out of the company of honest people and severely punished.”

  Some of the better artisans among the crowd were reluctant to admit to all that, but not only was the young mistress charging them with these capital crimes, but now all the other prisoners were also raging at them and yelling that it was all their fault, that they’d bedazzled and seduced them. So rather than get in worse trouble than they already were, they began to say, Well, all right, we’re guilty of those things, but it isn’t as bad as it seems. Because those others, the lords and gentlemen, had wanted so badly to get into the castle, and offered a lot of money to anyone who could help – so that’s all they’d done, they said, tried to use their skills and their arts to come up with something, and that’s how they’d ended up here in this pickle. They didn’t deserve any worse treatment than the lords just because those schemes and plans they offered didn’t work. “These gentlemen surely had the sense to see that if we knew how to get in, we wouldn’t sell the secret to them for a pittance and then climb over the walls ourselves to get in!” Sure, they said, their books of secrets sold well, but a man has to make a living, and this is what they had to sell. All they’d done was to take orders and follow them, as good servants should.

  All that pleading did them no good. “His Majesty has decided to punish you all, every one of you, although some more severely than others. It’s partly true what you say, and so the lords and gentlemen aren’t going to be let off, but you have every reason to prepare yourselves for death, you who pushed yourselves forward, and seduced others too, especially the most ignorant, who had no way to resist you. And you have polluted His Majesty’s realm with writings that can be shown to be false and baseless right out of their very own pages.”

  They began sobbing and crying aloud at that, flinging themselves on their faces before the young mistress, begging to be let off this once, all of which got them nowhere – I was amazed to see how resolute our lady was, when many of us were moved to tears by their plight, even though some of them had given us plenty of trouble and bother in the past. No, she just sent out her page, who soon returned with all the armed men who’d presided at the weights. Each one was told to take a prisoner and march him out into the garden. Somehow each one knew exactly which prisoner to go to. Those of us who had spent the night in our chairs were also invited to go, not tied up, and witness the judgment. So we got up, leaving everything on the table (except the goblet with the figure of Fortuna, which the lady gave to the pages to bring). We all climbed on the throne, which moved away as gently as though riding on air, right out the other door and into a great garden, where we got off.

  This garden was not particularly remarkable, though it was appealing the way all the trees were planted in neat rows, and there was also an elaborate fountain carved with striking figures and inscriptions and symbols strange to me then, which if I am spared I will describe in a future book. A wooden scaffold stood there, hung with painted curtains; it had four stories, the first more splendid than the others and curtained with white taffeta, so that we couldn’t see who was in there. The second story was uncurtained, and empty, and the two above that were again curtained, in red and blue.7

  As soon as we reached this structure, our mistress bowed down deeply before it, which filled us with awe, as we could guess that the king and queen were probably inside. All of us did as she did, and then she led us up by a winding stair into the second-story gallery, where she sat and gathered the rest of us in order around her. Near me was that emperor whom I’d released before, and I won’t tell how this great man deferred to me, not only here but earlier at the table, because I wouldn’t want malicious gossips to go spreading the story. I’m sure it was because he could imagine what it would feel like to be down there among those to be judged, and not among the honored, where he was because of me.

  All at once there appeared among us that wonderful winged person who, dressed in all the stars, had first brought me my invitation to this castle, and whom I hadn’t seen since then! First she gave one piercing blast on that golden trumpet and then, in a very loud voice, pronounced sentence on the prisoners.

  “The king our gracious lord wishes with all his heart that every one of you assembled here had, in accordance with your invitations, shown yourselves qualified to attend his nuptials. Divine Providence, however, has decreed otherwise. The king, despite his own feelings of compassion, is not going to protest, and will execute the ancient laws of his kingdom. But so that his clemency can be known around the world, he, in consultation with his council and advisors, has modified the usual
sentences.

  “So the great lords here he freely dismisses, hoping you won’t take it badly that you can’t be present at the feast, but urging you to remember that God, whose ways cannot be comprehended, sometimes lays more upon great ones such as you than you can sustain. Don’t think less of your honor for having been rejected by our Order; everybody can’t do everything. Since the works of fakers and hucksters misled you, the king will soon send to each of you a catalogue of all writings known to be untrue, so you can tell good work from bad in future. Pretty soon too he’s going to go through his own library and make of all such writings a nice offering to Vulcan, and he suggests you do the same. Above all you are warned never, ever to try to get in here so thoughtlessly again, in case this excuse about ‘seducers’ isn’t allowed next time. Finally, since the estates of this land are as always in need, he hopes that you’ll make an offering of whatever you may have about you in the way of a gold chain, or anything of value, and so go safely home again.

  “Now. Those of you who could not outweigh the first, the third, or the fourth weight, you aren’t to be let off so easily. The king orders you to be stripped stark naked and be driven out.

  “You who were lighter than the second and fifth weights, besides being stripped shall be branded with marks indicating which weight you failed.”

  So the lady continued; those who were outweighed by the sixth or the seventh weight were dealt with more lightly, and so on, with every combination of weights a person failed getting a particular punishment – it’s too long to recount it all here8 – and those who had chosen of their own accord not to be weighed at all were allowed leave without any blame.

  “And finally,” she said. “Those confidence men and cheaters who couldn’t lift any weight whatever: they are condemned to die, by axe, noose, or drowning, as an example to all others.”

  With that our mistress broke her wand, and the other lady blew her trumpet and they turned to make deep reverence to whoever was behind those curtains.

  (Now I can’t resist telling the reader something about the number of the prisoners, and what weights they lifted or didn’t, because as each one came before us I wrote them down in my notebook. There were seven who lifted one weight; twenty-one people lifted two; thirty-five lifted three, and thirty-five also four; twenty-one again lifted five. Seven people lifted six, but only one made it to the seventh weight and couldn’t quite raise it, and he was the one I released. Of course there were many who lifted none, and a very few who outweighed them all. What’s amazing is that of those who lifted any weights, none lifted the same weights as any other – so that some who lifted three, lifted the third weight, the fourth weight, and the fifth weight, and some lifted the first, the second and the third, and so on. So among all 126 who weighed anything, not one was equal to any other! I’d like to give you all their names, with each man’s weight, but I’m not allowed yet; I hope someday to be able to, along with the interpretation of it all.)9

  Now the sentences had all been read, and the greater lords were satisfied with theirs, because with all the severity that had been threatened, they’d hardly dared to hope for such a mild one; so in relief they put up as much in gold chains, money, and other valuables as they were carrying, and solemnly got away. The king’s servants had been forbidden to make fun of them as they left, but some fellows just couldn’t hold it in, and actually it was funny the way they all packed off without a backward glance. Some called out that that catalogue be sent immediately after them, so they could get right to work on their books as His Majesty had asked. At the door, each was given an Oblivionis haustus, or Forget-about-it Drink, so he would afterwards remember nothing about the whole embarrassing business.

  Those who had chosen not to be weighed, and were allowed to go in peace because of their good sense, were warned not to come back again so weightless and unprepared; if they were to gain some wisdom in the meantime, though, they (and the others likewise) were welcome back.

  Meanwhile others were being stripped bare, but also not all given the same treatment, as some were made to wear little bells, and some were scourged out – there were so many different ways of doing it I can’t recount them all.

  Then came the last bunch, and the carrying out of their sentences. The soldiers hanged some of them. Some they beheaded. Some they forced to jump into deep water to drown. Others were done in by other means. It all took a long while. Really, I couldn’t help weeping to see it, not so much because these were so severely punished, which certainly they deserved, but just from thinking of human blindness and how we will always, always be meddling and prying into things that since Adam first sinned have been simply closed to us.

  The garden, which had been so full of people, was at last nearly empty, and except for the soldiers, not a man was left. We sat in silence for the space of five minutes. Then there came forth a beautiful unicorn, as white as snow, wearing a golden collar engraved with certain letters. He came and knelt down on both his forelegs before the great lion that surmounted the fountain in the middle of the garden, who had stood there so immobile that I’d assumed he was made of stone or brass, but who now lifted the sword he held in his paw and broke it in two. He dropped the two pieces into the fountain, where they seemed to sink away, and then he began to roar, and roared and roared until a white dove fluttered down bearing an olive branch in her bill, which the lion ate. He immediately grew calm, and the unicorn pranced back to where she’d come from.10

  Our lady led us down the winding stair from the gallery, and we too bowed toward the curtains. We were told to go to the fountain,11 and there wash our hands and faces, and just wait there awhile until the king had returned to his hall by a secret passage. Thereafter we were taken back to our hall again with pomp and circumstance, music and conversation.

  It was about four in the afternoon by now, and so that we could pass the time pleasantly, our lady assigned to each of us a page, who was not only well-dressed but very knowledgeable, in fact able to talk intelligently on so many topics that we had some reason to be abashed. The pages were ordered to act as our guides and give us each our tour of the castle – though only into designated parts – or otherwise entertain us.

  “Good-bye then,” she said to us. “I’ll see you all again at supper, and after that we’ll have the Hanging Up of the Weights. Be patient till tomorrow – in the morning you’ll be presented to the king!”

  So she departed, and we were left to our own devices. Some went to look at the many fine pictures displayed there, and copy them for themselves, and question their guides about the mysterious symbols in them. Others just wanted to go back to eating and drinking. For myself, I asked my page to guide me (and my good companion) around the castle, a tour I will be forever glad I was able to take. Besides the many wonderful antiquities, I was shown the royal tombs, where I learned more about our past kings than I could have in innumerable books. Nearby, an ever-living phoenix could be seen, a being about which I had once written a little study. (If that one ever catches on, I intend to publish further studies, of the lion, the eagle, the gryphon, the falcon, and similar beings, with illustrations, mottoes, etc.). I’m so sorry that my fellow guests passed up the opportunity to see these things, which by God’s grace – the only explanation I can think of – I myself was able to see.

  …and the unicorn pranced back to where she’d come from.

  I found my page was wonderfully useful on this tour, for these pages had the knack of leading whomever they were assigned to into just the places they’d most enjoy, and the keys to the places that I’d like to see had been given him beforehand. He invited any others to come along who wished to, but I suppose they thought all the important tombs would be in the churchyard and they could get there later and see what there was to see. Never mind: my companion and I sketched all these monuments and copied the inscriptions, and will gladly share them with all students.

  The other thing that my page showed us was the royal library. It was all still complete, befor
e the Reformation that had just been ordered by the king. I’ll say less about it because the whole catalogue of it is soon to be published, as promised. Right at the entry stands a huge book12 the like of which I’d never seen before – in it were shown all the pictures, rooms, portals, all the inscriptions and writings, the riddles and the mysteries, that could be seen in the whole castle. I have promised to lay out many of these, and I will, but now’s not the time; I need to grow wiser in the ways of the world first.

  In every book in the whole library, there was a portrait of its author. A lot of these books were among those which were going to be burnt, as I understood; and thus even the faces of their authors would be erased from the memory of righteous men.13

  We were about to set out to explore the treasures here when another page came running up to ours and had an urgent whispered exchange with him. Our page, whose face had gone absolutely white, gave him the keys he carried, and the new page ran off with them up a winding stair. We peppered our page with questions about what had happened.

  “The king has forbidden anyone to visit either the royal tombs or this library,” he said. “Please, I beg you, don’t tell anyone I let you into them. It would mean my life. I just swore to that other page that we hadn’t gone into either place.”14

  We stood trembling, what with the glories we’d seen and the danger we’d been in, but we kept our mouths shut and nobody apparently asked about it later. We’d spent three whole hours in those two places, and I’m not at all sorry.