“And whose fault is that?” Grant persisted. “She is the one who’s choosing to stay holed up in her room. No one is forcing her to stay up there. She’s free to come out and stop brooding anytime she chooses. It’s not like she’s under house arrest, as long as she’s not grounded.
“And just how often has she not being grounded this summer?” Lainie asked dryly. These days Kathleen seemed to spend far more time in trouble then she did out of it. The days she made it without facing some kind of consequence were unfortunately few and far between.
“That’s her choice too,” Grant replied. “We’re only expecting that she be respectful and responsible. That’s not too much to ask.”
Philosophically, Lainie agreed with him, but she also understood all too well what it was like to be suddenly facing limits and expectations that had not been always been there, or at least had not always been consistently enforced. To Grant, who’d lived in a family where the expectations had been there all his life, these were elementary concepts. He didn’t understand why Kathleen seemed to be struggling with them so much when he himself thought of them as second nature. Lainie, however, knew all about that impulse to buck the system and to remain fiercely independent. She couldn’t very well fault it in her daughter when she knew perfectly well exactly where her daughter had gotten that particular trait. “I’m not disagreeing with you,” Lainie told him. “I’m just saying maybe if she could have some fun she could be more open to all the changes.”
“Did you have something in mind?” Grant asked.
“Not really,” Lainie said. “Maybe I could take the girls to Denver and have a girl’s day out. I think it would do Kathleen good to see more of Colorado than Corbin’s Bend.”
“Are you sure that’s not rewarding her bad behavior?” Grant questioned.
“I don’t know,” Lainie told him honestly, “And frankly I don’t care. Nothing we’ve tried so far has worked, and I’m tired of seeing her mope. It can’t hurt to try.”
“I suppose it can’t,” Grant agreed, “and if it works it might just save our sanity.”
A few days later, Lainie found herself standing in the parking lot of an open air mall in Denver twisting a paper map this way and that trying to figure out how to navigate her way to the girls’ favorite stores. It was the perfect day for it with a glorious blue sky and temperatures that would have been considered spring-like in North Carolina.
So far, the day had been very pleasant. It was as if the cloud has lifted off of Kathleen the farther they had gotten from Corbin’s Bend. She’d actually engaged in conversation, real honest-to-goodness conversation. Granted, it had inevitably devolved into good-natured bickering with Natalie over music and celebrities and current trends, but it was so refreshingly normal that Lainie had wanted to cheer. She’d take typical adolescent bickering any day over the brooding and anger that had clouded their lives for weeks now. There had been one tense moment when a driver in a Volkswagen Bug had passed them on the road, and Natalie had slugged Kathleen in the arm, yelling, “Punch Bug!”
That particular road game had the potential to go wrong even on a good day. Lainie winced internally, hoping that Kathleen’s good humor was sufficient for her to see it in the playful way that Natalie meant it and that it wouldn’t lead to a tantrum and a meltdown. Miraculously, Kathleen had only rolled her eyes and shoved Natalie away, declaring, “You are such a nerd!”
Once, being called a name would have had Natalie shrinking back and blushing with embarrassment. Natalie had become far more confident over the last few weeks though. She grinned at Kathleen, puffing up her chest in an exaggerated manner. “Yep and proud of it!” Kathleen shoved her again, and Natalie dissolved into giggles. Lainie shook her head exasperatedly, but she loved every minute of it.
The good mood lasted through the first several shops and lunch in a restaurant tucked into a corner of the outdoor mall. It was in the middle of a large department store while they were browsing through the juniors section when things started to go drastically wrong. The girls were wandering around looking through the clothes, pulling out various pieces and putting them together, forming outfits and checking prices and sizes when Kathleen turned and asked Lainie when they would need to come shopping for school clothes.
Before Lainie could answer, Natalie had turned and looked at Kathleen askance. “What are you talking about?” she asked. “We won’t need new clothes for school this year, at least not these clothes. We have to wear uniforms.”
“Maybe you elementary kids do,” Kathleen replied, clearly unable to resist getting in a dig at her sister for being stuck in elementary school rather than moving on to middle school as she had expected, “but surely not in high school. We’re way too old for uniforms. We’re practically adults.”
“Shows what you know,” Natalie sniffed haughtily. “All the schools in Corbin’s Bend have uniforms, even the high school. Tell her, Mom.”
Lainie shifted uncomfortably. This was not going to go well. How could they have neglected to inform Kathleen of that little detail? They had lived in Corbin’s Bend for over a month now. Surely it had come up in conversation somewhere or the other kids had mentioned it. Natalie had clearly been informed, but just as clearly she had not thought to inform her sister. “Maybe we should talk about this at home,” Lainie said slowly. This was not a conversation she wanted to have in public, knowing full well it was likely to cause a meltdown of epic proportions.
Unfortunately, Lainie’s hesitation told Kathleen all she needed to know. “You have got to be kidding me!” she screeched. “No! I won’t do it! Do you hear me? I won’t do it, and you can’t make me!” She was shouting, wild-eyed and utterly furious, completely out of proportion with simply not wanting to wear uniforms. People around them were beginning to stop and stare. Lainie’s face began to burn. It was as though every eye in the store was on her and they were all judging her for her inability to control her child.
“Kathleen, please, just calm down,” she said quietly. “This isn’t the time or the place. We can talk about this at home.”
“Calm down! Don’t tell me to calm down. This is your fault. It’s bad enough you drag me all the way out here to live in some crazy cult. Now you’re trying to take away my identity too! I won’t do it!” Kathleen shouted. They were beginning to draw a crowd, and several of the spectators were clearly hanging on every word.
Lainie edged closer, wrapping an arm around Kathleen’s shoulders and trying to guide her out of the store. “School doesn’t start for a while yet. We can talk about this later.”
Kathleen snatched away. “I don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m not doing it, and I don’t care what anyone says. You can’t make me. Even if you let him beat me. I’ll run away first.”
For a moment, Lainie couldn’t speak, equal parts mortified, horrified, and enraged. Part of her fervently wished the floor would swallow her whole, and the other part could have cheerfully throttled her daughter. “Kathleen Elaina Taylor!” she hissed. “That. Is. Enough. Stop this nonsense. You’re being ridiculous. No one has ever beaten you in your life.”
“It’s not nonsense,” Kathleen insisted. “He beats you, doesn’t he?”
Incensed beyond all patience, Lainie grabbed Kathleen’s arm and yanked hard, dragging her toward the nearest exit. “Natalie, we’re leaving,” she called over her shoulder. Natalie hung the shirts she was looking at back on the rack and moved with alacrity. Her expression said she was as eager to get out of this embarrassing situation as Lainie was.
When they made it out of the store, Kathleen succeeded in twisting away from Lainie. “Get off me,” she snapped.
Lainie let her go, too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to continue attempting to manhandle her daughter. At fifteen, Kathleen was already several inches taller than Lainie and it was only the extreme nature of the situation that even led her to attempt it. “Go get in the car,” Lainie commanded.
“Mama,” N
atalie whined. “I wanted to keep looking. Can’t we just go to another store away from this one?”
“We’re going home,” Lainie told her.
“That’s not fair,” Natalie said stubbornly. “It’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything. Why should I have to stop just because she threw a fit?”
“Because I have had all I can take today,” Lainie replied in a tone that booked no contradiction. “I cannot deal with both of you right now. Get in the car, Natalie Anne.” Natalie threw her sister a withering look but subsided, following along without further comment.
The ride home was stonily silent. The girls both pulled out music and earbuds and pointedly ignored each other. All of the earlier fun and teasing had evaporated, replaced by a tension thick enough to be nearly smothering. Eventually Lainie’s fury and embarrassment began to subside. She began to worry and stew about Kathleen’s unhappiness. Was it really fair of them to force her to live somewhere where she was clearly miserable? The tantrum was over the top, but it was clearly fueled by an anger that had been building for a long time. Maybe this move and the changes in their lifestyle were just too much for Kathleen. It had been hard enough for her, and she wasn’t a teenager. She should have been clearer with Kathleen about school and uniforms and all of the changes. Springing them on her out of the blue wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right to assume that just because Natalie knew and had adapted that Kathleen would as well. She should’ve talked it over with both of them before they ever moved. They should’ve done a far better job of preparing the girls. Granted, it would’ve been hard to prepare them for something she did not fully understand herself, but she should’ve made more of an effort. When it came down to it, this whole mess was her fault. Hers and Grant’s, But mostly hers. She dealt with adolescent tantrums on a daily basis and had for years. She should’ve seen this coming.
By the time they made it home, Lainie was completely convinced that the entire disaster was her fault. She was just as entirely convinced that Grant did not need to know. He would blow it all out of proportion and come down on Kathleen. That would just make Kathleen angrier and lead to another shouting match, which wouldn’t improve things that all. It was better that they just let it go and put it all behind them. He didn’t need to know everything. She’d been handling the girls in my household for years. Surely this wasn’t any different.
Except that they had a rule about honesty, and Julie had insisted that communication was an integral part of this kind of relationship. If she didn’t tell him, was she hiding things? Was that not being honest? This was between her and Kathleen though. It didn’t have anything to do with her relationship with Grant. That was what those rules were talking about, wasn’t it?
Lainie resolutely ignored the niggling doubt settling into the pit of her stomach and concentrated on unpacking the things they had gotten from Denver. The girls had grabbed their individual bags and headed up to their rooms, still seething and ignoring one another. She hadn’t heard a peep out of them other than the duel slamming doors that have accompanied them shutting each other – and her – out. She hoped they would work it out of their systems. Sometimes their fights could go on for days, and Lainie wasn’t sure she had the energy to continue to referee.
When Grant came home from work, she had already put away all of her purchases and was searching through the refrigerator trying to decide what to cook for dinner. “I’m home!” Grant called. “Where is everybody?”
“In here,” Lainie replied. Changing tactics, Lainie closed the refrigerator and took down a cookbook, taking a seat at the table to look through it in hopes of finding something that sounded appealing to make. Grant came in and tipped up her face to kiss her.
“How was Denver?” he asked.
“It was fine,” she said noncommittally.
“Did the girls have a good time?” Grant asked.
“Yep,” Lainie said. After all, they’d had a wonderful time that morning. So things had taken a bad turn. That didn’t mean the whole day was bad. The girls had had a good time, in the beginning.
“Great, you didn’t let them buy out the whole store, did you?” he teased.
“Of course not,” Lainie said. “We had to leave at least a few things for the other customers.” She managed a small smile. It was an old joke, years old, and one he asked nearly every time they went shopping. At least when he was around to know they went shopping. There had been years when he hadn’t had much of an idea what they were doing. The familiar teasing was a comfort, a welcome reminder that a lot of good had come from this move, even if Kathleen hated it. Lainie turned back to the cookbooks and flipped through a few more pages. “How hungry are you?” she asked Grant.
“I could eat, but I’m not starving,” Grant replied. “Why?”
“I was thinking of making veggie lasagna, but that takes a while. Are you up for that?” she wondered.
“That’s fine.” Grant said. “I can go shower and let the girls show me what they got today. Whose turn is it to help with dinner?”
“It’s Natalie’s,” Lainie replied. “Can you ask her to come down?”
“Sure,” Grant said, heading upstairs.
Humming to herself, Lainie began pulling out ingredients, – zucchini, peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, noodles – and gathering them on the counter. Hearing footsteps on the stairs, she called out, “Nat?”
“No, it’s me,” Grant replied from behind her. Surprised, Lainie turned to him. He was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, looking distinctly foreboding. “What happened in Denver?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Lainie said. “I told you it was fine.” Even as the words left her mouth, her stomach sank a little, knotting with dread and anxiety.
“So what’s this that Natalie is telling me about Kathleen having a meltdown about uniforms? Because she seems pretty upset for nothing to have happened.”
“Okay, so Kathleen got upset and had a little meltdown,” Lainie admitted. “I’d forgotten to tell her that the schools here require uniforms. Natalie sprung it on her in the middle of the store, and she didn’t take it well.”
“Didn’t take it well?” Grant echoed. “What exactly happened, and I mean exactly, don’t you dare try to sugarcoat it or leave anything out. I will ask Natalie if I have to.”
“You’ll do what?” Lainie said, outraged. “Nice, Grant, pitting my own child against me. I’m not a suspect to be interrogated. I’ll thank you to leave your heavy-handed tactics at work.”
“I wouldn’t need to ask Natalie if you had just been honest with me from the beginning,” Grant pointed out. “If you had told me the whole story when I asked how the day went instead of trying to brush over everything, we wouldn’t be here right now.”
“No, you’d be having a shouting match with Kathleen again,” Lainie shot back. “I knew you’d fly off the handle and get all on her case again. We had a good morning before all this happened. I just didn’t want to make anything worse.”
“And what happened to being honest with each other?” Grant pressed. “Does that mean nothing to you? Do our rules mean nothing to you?”
Not really. Frankly, she hadn’t thought a great deal about those rules since they wrote them on the paper. There hadn’t been any reason to. In her opinion, the whole exercise was useless. She wasn’t a child who needed the classroom rules posted on the wall to remember how to behave. As far as she was concerned, that paper was nothing more than a way to appease Grant. He hadn’t seemed to be particularly worried about them either. Other than that one afternoon when she had lost her temper and insulted him and then felt so horribly guilty about it, he hadn’t mentioned the rules either. How was she supposed to know he’d suddenly take them seriously?
Nevertheless, she knew better than to say that right now. He was already angry and questioning the whole domestic discipline thing that he was so stuck on wasn’t likely to improve things any. Sure, Julie had said communication was important, and Lainie had no doubt they should probably discuss thei
r different views one day, but this was clearly not the time and place.
“Of course not, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “I was trying not to make things worse.”
“And hiding things from me and letting Kathleen get away with behaving this way is the way to do that?” he questioned.
Lainie sighed. “Probably not in the long run,” she admitted, “but I just couldn’t handle another outburst today. Can’t you understand that?”
“I can,” Grant replied. “If you had just explained that to me instead of trying to hide things and do an end run around me, then we could’ve worked something out together. As it is, you didn’t give me, or us, that opportunity. Instead of working with me like my partner, you opted to brush over it, like a child trying to hide misbehavior from a parent.”
“I am not a child,” Lainie snapped, “and you are not my father.”
“I know that!” Grant shot back. “You’re my wife, dammit. You’re the one who insists on making me the bad guy. I’m trying to help. I want us to work together not against each other.”
Lainie winced. Put that way it sounded really awful. She sighed. “I was just trying to keep the peace.”
“That’s what got us here,” Grant said quietly. “I spent too many years just trying to keep the peace instead of stepping up and doing what I really needed to do. When we moved here, I swore I wasn’t going to do that anymore.” He crossed over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Will that keep?” he asked, gesturing toward the various ingredients scattered over the counter.
Lainie looked around. The oven was preheating, but otherwise there was nothing pressing. “I suppose so,” she said hesitantly. “Why?”
In answer, he guided her gently out of the kitchen and through the living room toward the office. The moment Lainie realized his intent, she balked. “Wait a minute, we don’t need to go there. I told you. I didn’t mean it that way.”
Grant nodded. “I understand your intentions weren’t malicious. You weren’t trying to go behind my back necessarily. You were just trying not to rock the boat. I get that, but you still chose not to be honest with me. That’s not acceptable, and it never will be.”
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